We've Got an Announcement!

Godly. Funny. Cute. In that order. It's what we told our teenage kids should be priority characteristics in what they look for in a date (mate). I remember the day I got a phone call from my beloved firstborn son, Drew (19 at the time), calling from Word of Life Bible Institute.

"Mom, I want you to pray about something.  I've met this girl."
I responded, "Oh really. Has she got the three things?" 
"Yes."
"Are they in the right order?"
"I'm not sure yet."
"Let's talk when you know."
"Ok, but I really want you to pray about this, Mom. I want to do the right thing."

Yes, I certainly would pray.

Not too much later, another call: "Mom, she's got all three and they are in the right order."
Deep breath. Not sure at what age I expected this to happen, the first 'outsider' penetrating our family circle, but I'm sure my first thought was, "Already? But you're so little!".

When he asked us to observe them for a weekend and let him know if we thought they were ready for dating, my jaw dropped. It's that invitation you hope will happen, but you're not really sure your kid will indulge it and trust you with that kind of input. He was 19 after all. I certainly didn't approach dating like that - at any age. Let's not go there.

I probably should confess that I'm fiercely protective of my kids as any mom is, but I have a powerful, soft spot for these boys of mine due to the strong mother/son connection we share and protecting them from girls has been my full-time job since they turned out so darn cute! Well, let's be honest, I've made a career of it.  I think God is ok with that.

Soon the weekend arrived.  Drew was bringing a girl home to meet Mom and Dad! I wasn't sure if I was quite prepared for this, to see him with a girl he obviously had developed strong feelings for that I hadn't met yet. Perhaps I was still nursing the fantasy that he'd let Scott and I choose for him.  Still I knew (mostly because Scott kept telling me) I needed to suck it up and not just be accommodating, but to embrace this as a very important event in my son's life. I can do this.

Honestly, I was ok until the day they arrived. Turns out I was cranky and short with the rest of the family as the time got closer. Deep down I realized that I was fearful and nervous because I didn't know how Drew would treat me while he was trying to impress a girl. The right response was to put all my insecurities and fears behind me and act like the grown up. Bottom line I had to make a decision that this wasn't about me.

Here they are that very weekend.

It's clear from the picture how cute she is and soon we learned that she's fun, too. We liked her right away and I appreciated her sharing her testimony with me while helping me do the dishes. Approved. I mean she obviously was wise (she was attending WOLBI) and she had good taste (she liked my son).

I admit it took me a little while, maybe a few months, to be able to get the words 'Drew' and 'girlfriend' out in the same sentence but eventually I could.  Don't judge me. Remember he is my beloved firstborn and this is the first dating we've experienced. Baby steps for mommy.

We've never had any reservations about Brittany, no not one. But some months into this, as I was muddling through my complex feelings about this relationship and the long term effects it could have on our family dynamic, God gently whispered to me.

He said something like this, "Why isn't Brittany in your gifts journal?"*
"Um, she isn't?"
"No."
"Of course she is.  I'm thankful for her."
"She's not in there.  Look for yourself."
"Um. Oh."
"What if Brittany is my gift to you?  The answer to your prayers?  What if she is the daughter-in-law you've prayed for?"

Talk about take my breath away. I could only muster one response. Tears. Lots of them. I hadn't considered God's kindness expressed that way. What if Brittany wasn't just for Drew, but she was for me, too, and the rest of us? I got out my pen.

Changed perspective. Joy. Fear gone.

Fast forward about two years.  I'd like to describe their relationship and the intentional, mature way they have both approached it, but I think I'd rather you hear it straight from Brittany. She writes a blog too, and THIS is what she wrote just last week. (Go to her blog here). Seriously, please take a few minutes to read it (and share with any young men and women you know). I hope it inspires you to have high standards/expectations for your kids in every part of their lives, especially relationships. Take special note of #6 and #8. They are my personal favorites!

I'll pause so you can read it.

See what I mean?  Good stuff. We could not be prouder of both of these kids.

Which brings us to this summer.  The boy wants to buy a ring.  Hot flash!  For weeks our days have been chock full of scheming.  Looking at rings, brainstorming how he should propose, what we like in weddings, etc.  He hasn't wanted to talk about anything else.

He's worked two jobs and saved all his money then one day he brought the beautiful ring home. When I saw that huge, perfectly straight toothed smile I can never resist, I gulped. It's real. This is going to happen. My heart was so....happy.  Like giddy.  Like I-can't-wait-til-he-asks-her happy.  Kind of surprised me to tell you the truth.

The feelings I feared of wanting to hold on to him and not give him to another female or a future independent of us simply were not there. (Now I'm not saying there aren't going to be some tears shed in the near future and some ripping of the heart strings, but as for this day, just peace.)

You see, something I've learned about God during my parenting years is that He ALWAYS prepares me and equips me with what I need, or changes me to be able enter the next phase when the time comes.  Always.  Never beforehand.  This is probably why we panic when we imagine future events with our kids and say to other moms, "I'll never be able to handle that!".

I remember many overwhelming mommy emotions and meltdowns like when:

• Drew, my first baby, went to kindergarten
• Ally, my last, went to kindergarten ending my parenting preschoolers phase
• each one left elementary school
• Drew went to high school much further from home
• I encouraged my boys at 16 years old to spend their summer away from home working at WOL (what on earth?)
• Drew graduated high school and left us to go to college

Heartwrenching, I know. But survivable. Bittersweet turned mostly sweet because we trust God with our kids. We trust that He has a plan for their lives that is likely better and bigger than ours.

We've been praying for years that God would provide each of our kids with a partner who loves God first and loves our child next - a lot - the way we all want to be loved. We dream that they will together pursue God and His purposes for their marriage/family.  Brittany loves our son and is passionately pursuing God privately and publicly. That's what we asked for and that's what we got! Godly. Funny. Cute. She's all 3 - in the right order and that is a gift not lost on us.

Ok, enough talk from me. Tuesday, July 30 our little guy got engaged. See for yourself below.

See what I mean about the smile?

She said YES!

Then he asked her for his first kiss that he waited 21 years for.  She said yes to that too. 

Ok, ok, let's not get carried away :)

It's a happy time here at our home. We are so grateful to God for many, many things. We are looking forward to a wedding next summer and welcoming a daugher-in-law into our family.  I think the word 'fiancee' is going to come out pretty easily.

This might be my favorite.  That's a lot of love.

*Just a few months previous to that day I had begun a journal of gifts, things that made me happy, things I was thankful for, inspired by the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp