In Memory of a Woman Who's Legacy Needs to be Remembered

Recently I was informed by some who claim to love me that I am a "strong woman". It came in conjunction with an accusation of being somewhat "intimidating". Naturally, I bristled at these descriptions. Though encouraged to "take it as a compliment, it's not a bad thing", I beat myself up a bit and decided I probably need to work on my approachability, maybe back off some, get in the backseat, simmer down.

Then Barbara Bush's time on earth ended and I've been listening intently to different memories of her by many different voices. Strong Woman, Force of Nature, The Enforcer. Yes! She makes those titles look admirable and worth emulating especially when we see the fruit of her life. She was also gracious, lovely, and so funny. These traits can reside together.  Not every woman can pull this off and some give women a bad name, but Mrs. Bush was a woman of faith and I believe that was her real strength. The more I hear, the more I dig her. A good reminder for me that no one should back down from opportunities to influence because each one is God-appointed and weighty.

Below is a repost of a blog I wrote in the Fall of 2016 after a very special day. Nothing like being in the same room with someone you would love to meet and then getting your opportunity. Now that she is in heaven and getting lots of media exposure, I'm reminded anew of her amazing legacy and inspirational wisdom. Every woman can benefit from her life and choices, her character and class, a gift to all of us.

Mrs. Barbara Bush, once First Lady of the United States of America, was in the audience of a play we attended, to watch her daughter-in-law perform. We had a heads up that she would be there but didn't think access would be so easy.

Oh how I hate to stalk, but well, there she was. So beautiful. I asked if we could talk to her. She said, "Of course" and motioned us closer.

It went like this:

"Your husband is the first President I voted for."
She smiled warmly and thanked me.

"I read your memoir. It is still the biggest book I've ever read." (I shared one of my favorite stories from it here.)

BB: She confirmed the story and said, "You're a reader."
  
"Yes ma'am. I also read your son's book about your husband and absolutely loved it."

BB: "It's a love story, you know."

"I know! I was hooked from the first page. I believe there is no one alive today who is more qualified to be President than your husband. He's an amazing man."

BB: "He is still a wonderful man. He couldn't be here today. But he is the most kind and gracious person I know - and that's after 60 years of marriage!" I think she slapped her knee and laughed. (She told a cute story about President Bush here.)

"I'm sorry he wasn't re-elected. He should have been."

BB: "Oh, don't cry over spilt milk. It wasn't meant to be. We've had a very good life."
Mrs. Bush deflected compliments humbly.  What a refreshing response. 

Eventually (because we may or may not have been monopolizing this dear lady), Scott and I thanked her for her family's service to our country and asked for a picture. She not only agreed, but her people got up from their seats for us and took our phones at her direction to take the shot.

What a gracious, beautiful soul. She was much tinier and frail than I expected, but absolutely stunning with her BIG white Texas hair. What a thrill for us.

Who could have imagined meeting a First Lady in a small theater in New Hampshire? Later when I had time to reflect on the exchange, I wish I had also said:

"I know for a man to achieve such greatness, his wife has a lot to do with it. Thank you for all the sacrifices and contributions you also made."

"Thank you for being an excellent, honorable role model for women. You're one of the best. These days, someone like you is hard to find."

"Who are you going to vote for in November?"

Ah, I kid. I wouldn't have.

Just a PS for my kids who may be reading....THIS is another reason why you must READ books. All kinds! Especially biographies of greats. Remember, how I told you reading makes you an interesting conversationalist? See how it comes in handy when you least expect it?

Listen to your Mama.

It's Not Over Yet

It's no secret that birthdays make me nostalgic and emotional and eager to celebrate. Imagine what is happening in my head and heart as my little girl, my baby, approaches her 20th birthday next week.

I'm sure all moms experience this. The memories of their childhood rush in. The cute, the irresistible, the happy, the good, the bad, the ugly.

Since my three children will be in their 20's as of next week, I sort of feel like I'm on the other side so I want to talk to the young moms today. (Older women, I'll get to you at the end.) You don't need me to tell you that the days go quickly or to appreciate them while they're little. I know this is not particularly helpful and can make you feel guilty. Not today.

Instead maybe you need someone to address the issue of how to survive the hard days. Maybe you're worried about what kind of adult your strong willed child will turn out to be. Maybe you're afraid everything you try will backfire. Maybe you wonder if you're ruining your child. Maybe you cry yourself to sleep some nights because it feels like you're failing.

I've wondered all those things. I worried about each one. I've cried those tears.

There were days my husband came home to, "I don't know which one of us is going to survive this." In defeat, I lamented, "When she leaves our house she will surely say, 'I could never please that woman.'"

And after some tumultuous teenage years, I feared she wouldn't be able to get out of here fast enough and wondered (and doubted if I'm honest) if when she became an adult we would be good friends.

What do you do when you're tired of the fight? When nothing seems to work. When you're sick of giving the same lecture(s). When you wonder if anything will stick. When you've prayed all the prayers you can think of.

You phone a friend. You get very real and throw pride out the window. You confess. You cry if you need to. You ask advice. You receive support and prayers.

I know I am one of the lucky ones. We raised our kids in a large church where I had many friends. Some were peers, in the same stage of life. Some were a little further down the road, having raised their kids. All were an integral part of my survival. And Ally's too, I suppose.

I can't stress enough how much I needed someone to say:
"Keep going. It will sink in. Don't give up. You can do this."
When one who understands your family dynamic and has freedom to speak truth, defending the child says, "It's not easy living with the Brothers Wonderful."

Not to mention the friends who were especially hopeful:
 "Don't worry. She'll be a leader one day." (This, of course, is the nice way of referring to bossy. Don't ask me how I know or who she takes after.)
"She's a good kid. A really good kid and will be an amazing adult."

You see, sometimes when you're in the war you simply don't see it.
Until one day you do.

And you fall to your knees in praise because you know God came through.
That picture. Her words under it. Blows my mind.

At some point, one friend challenged me to give thanks in advance. Before I see the end product. Faith prayers that went (and continue) something like this:

"Father, I know you are writing the story of my child's life. You love her more than I do. You have a plan for her life. Your Word says you will finish the work you started (in her).* So even though I can't see it, I thank you now that you will do a beautiful work in her one day. Amen."

I now believe them to be pivotal and powerful.

Tuesday she will be 20 and she's amazing.
Or should I say God has done something amazing and beautiful in a young woman's life.
So many prayers spoken, begged at times. Now answered. Glorious!

The difficult, arguing, not always fun to be with child has been transformed. She's sweet, thoughtful, caring, funny and a delight to be with. Most importantly, her heart is soft. She apologizes, seeks reconciliation quickly, and is teachable. She constantly asks her parents for advice (praise hands).

She remembers her church-infused childhood with both fondness and some regret.
She has the best self-depracating sense of humor of anyone you've met.
She loves God and His Word and wants His plan for her life.
She senses a call to ministry, willing for it to be anything God decides.
She's leaving the details and timing in His hands.
She hopes for an upright, Christian husband to assist in ministry and share the gift of children and responsibility of raising the next generation up in the faith.

Scott and I marvel. God is and was in control the whole time. Changed lives are His specialty. He's always been doing something good even though we couldn't see it at all times. My friends say, "I'm not surprised. I knew it would happen. Of course she's awesome."

Which is why I implore you to cozy up next to older parents. The ones who see your kids' potentials when you're buried in the messy today. Those who will hold your hand, dry your tears, pray you through, affirm your efforts, and send you back in the battle, reminded, better equipped and fortified.

Here I'd like to name names, but I think you know who you are. Thank you. Thank you so much. Check out the fruit - I believe a good portion will be credited to you.

Lastly, to those of you who are ahead in the race. Look behind you and when you find an exasperated parent, approach with kindness and understanding, then walk with them. If I believe anything about God's will appropriated to individuals, I believe He has made His purpose clear for women.

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Titus 2

He knows we are all connected and what we need. I just love Him so much for including these words in the Bible.

P.S. He's not only doing a work in your childrens' lives that will one day be revealed, but He is doing it in yours too. He changed this mother. She's not so naggy, suspicious and easily irritated. Oh, but she can still deliver an on-the-spot lecture like a champ!

So chin up and put your trust and hope in Him. 

If no one has told you lately - let me - you have a special kid who has many gifts to offer the world and that kid has a great mom.

*Phil. 1:6 "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."

An Opportunity to Say Thank You

For our days off this week we left town for a quick overnight. Our new friend who I wrote about a few weeks ago is in a play in Lincoln, New Hampshire. She invited us to come and I didn't want to miss it. So Scott and I took a Sunday drive through New York and Vermont. We are surrounded by mountains, people.

Since the play didnt start until 2pm, sightseeing was on the agenda first thing. Cannon Mountain our destination.  See that tiny spot way up there in the sky? Yes indeedy, we went there. 4,100 feet. Have I ever mentioned I don't really like heights? Yeah, I don't. But I do want to see splendor, so up we went.

I'd like you to imagine we hiked all the way up, but I think we all know better than that. Why would we want to risk sweating or worse, injury when a perfectly awesome tram runs to the top every fifteen minutes?

 

Yes, I have mittens on (so glad they were still in the pockets from last winter). We woke up to frost on the car and it was 39 degrees at the top of the mountain.  I liked it.

 

 New Hampshire, you don't disappoint.

 

Scott learned from a fellow passenger that we could see New Hampshire, Maine, Canada, Vermont and New York from where we stood. And it was glorious.

 

I was quite taken with the sight of the tops of the trees. The tops of the trees that tower over us. I couldn't help but draw the parallel that from God's viewpoint, what is huge and scary to me is small and manageable to Him. Everything.

 

 And the little trees. So cute! We mused that all the trees should  have white lights on them.

We hiked around the rim for better views. The path was lined with evergreens.

 

 It unmistakeably smelled like Christmas. My heart was so happy.

 

 It was a beautiful day in so many ways. Our girl here is not just a terrific tour guide and finder of the best food for us, but she's a wonderful actress. I even cried a little when her character died. What a treat to spend more time with her while she's nearby.

Speaking of heights, this is the Quechee Gorge in Vermont. We stopped for a quick look on our way home. We were at street level here. Yikes!

That's a lot of height. I was a little queasy to tell the truth.

 Oh one other little thing happened. I almost forgot to mention it. At the theater, we were privileged to meet an amazing woman whose family we've admired from afar for years. No, it's not Betty White or Mrs. Claus. Yes, a few of my friends guessed this.

Mrs. Barbara Bush, once First Lady of the United States of America, was in the audience to watch her daughter-in-law perform. We had a heads up that she would be there but didn't think access would be so easy.

Oh how I hate to stalk, but well, there she was. So beautiful. I asked if we could talk to her. She said, "Of course" and motioned us closer.

It went like this:

"Your husband is the first President I voted for."
She smiled warmly and thanked me.

"I read your memoir. It is still the biggest book I've ever read." (I shared one of my favorite stories from it here.)

BB: She confirmed the story and said, "You're a reader."
 
"Yes ma'am. I also read your son's book about your husband and absolutely loved it."

BB: "It's a love story, you know."

"I know! I was hooked from the first page. I believe there is no one alive today who is more qualified to be President than your husband. He's an amazing man."

BB: "He is still a wonderful man. He couldn't be here today. But he is the most kind and gracious person I know - and that's after 60 years of marriage!" I think she slapped her knee and laughed. (She told a cute story about President Bush here.)

"I'm sorry he wasn't re-elected. He should have been."

BB: "Oh, don't cry over spilt milk. It wasn't meant to be. We've had a very good life."
Mrs. Bush deflected compliments humbly.  What a refreshing response.

Eventually (because we may or may not have been monopolizing this dear lady), Scott and I thanked her for her family's service to our country and asked for a picture. She not only agreed, but her people got up from their seats for us and took our phones at her direction to take the shot.

What a gracious, beautiful soul. She was much tinier and frail than I expected, but absolutely stunning with her BIG white Texas hair. What a thrill for us.

Who could have magined meeting a First Lady in a small theater in New Hampshire? Later when I had time to reflect on the exhange, I wish I had also said:

"I know for a man to achieve such greatness, his wife has a lot to do with it. Thank you for all the sacrifices and contributions you also made."

"Thank you for being an excellent, honorable role model for women. You're one of the best. These days, someone like you is hard to find."

"Who are you going to vote for in November?"

Ah, I kid. I wouldn't have.

Just a PS for my kids who may be reading....THIS is another reason why you must READ books. All kinds! Especially biographies of greats. Remember, how I told you reading makes you an interesting conversationalist? See how it comes in handy when you least expect it?

Listen to your Mama.

A Lake Pleasant Miracle

Oh it's starting to happen. Glorious Fall coming up next.

 

And now that the summer season of Camp has ended, we go back to a 5 day, 40 hour work week, which means these happy campers can get outside and enjoy some of the beauty that surrounds us here. Especially before it's dark at 4:30pm. You know that's coming too.

Another highlight of my week was meeting a new friend who was just here for a few weeks to work. I could tell she was someone I wanted to get to know better, so suggested we get together off hours. Because the weather is so gorgeous, it just had to happen outside.

I have wanted to try paddle boarding but admit am not too confident in my skill level. I mean, that's a serious balancing act. This young'n assured me I could do it.

Ahem. Sometimes there is no place for pride. You've got to just go with it and hope that as a 48 year old wife of 26 years, mother of three and grandmother of one, you don't make too much a fool of yourself.

 I can't believe it either. It's not that easy to stand up from your knees with a paddle in your hands. But check it off my list - I've done it! I didn't fall off once. It was a Lake Pleasant Miracle. And it was super fun.

After paddling out a ways, we sat down and talked for a long time. It's so good to hear others' stories. We need to marvel at how God works individually and lovingly in all of His childrens' lives. We need to tell our own stories for the same reason.

No wonder the Bible tells us to encourage each other. Life is hard and we often need someone to remind us to keep going. Life is also beautiful and it's good to rejoice together.

This darling young lady is the first dancer/singer living in New York City I've met. She has an amazing self-awareness and heart that loves Jesus. Hard worker. Dreamer. Obedient. Kind. Funny. She really had an impact here because she intentionally made many friendships in a very short amount of time. A lesson to me for sure. Be generous with your time and pay attention to those around you. It makes others feel so valued. This is one of the many reasons why I love spending time with younger women. I learn so much and am inspired to live better. To shave off some of my comforts and be brave.

Just like the scene in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, we were so engrossed, we didn't notice where we ended up - a little too close to the shore - on the other side of the lake. Ooops! The wind had picked up by then too making the water choppy, challenging the balance issue. Had I been alone I may have whimpered and tried to figure out how someone, you know who, could come get me but I had to suck it up and be tough. I'm glad I did. Another life lesson - you don't know what you've got in you until you're put to the test.

I made her dinner after our adventure. Our conversation just kept going and going. What a gift! Yup, I knew I would benefit from spending time with her and I certainly did.

In other news, we got this young lady all tucked into her dorm room for 2nd year. If you can zoom in, notice the blanket under her arm. She has slept with this very one for 19 1/2 years and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
 

Today Scott and I are in the middle of our first two days off in a row together since the beginning of June. Feels good.

I can't seem to sleep any later though. But you know what's great about dark early mornings?

Candlelight devotions. Try it sometime, you'll see.



 

Girls Just Want To Have Fun

Hey there! Well, week one of Camp is in the books. Tomorrow our first guests leave and we have five hours to prepare for twice as many.

Something special happens when good friends and family are here as guests. So enjoyed the snippets of time we got to spend with these folks (not everyone pictured). Grown up time. Just what my heart needed.

We had the best ice cream, salted caramel cookies and cream. Makes you want to visit, doesn't it? Please do.

The highlight of this week for me happened on a little island in the middle of Lake Pleasant. Tapawingo is an all girls camp and one of the arms of the CAMP-of-the-WOODS ministry. I've never been to an all girls camp. Having seen what I missed, I certainly wish I had when I was littler.

This adorable young woman's name is Miss Joy. Joy is the Director of Tapawingo. She eats, drinks and breathes girls ministry and lets God use her gifts in so many ways. It's obvious why she is so respected and appreciated. I love every minute I spend with her.

 

Before we launched into summer season, I asked Joy if she would give my Front Desk girls a tour of the Island and her ministry so we could better answer questions that always come to us. 

She happily agreed and arranged a boat for us, and off we went. This is our friend Paul, the Boat Captain/Marina Supervisosr. He puts up with a lot of our year-round shenanigans. And adds some of his own.
















Scott and Ben came too, and we all fell in love. It's the most adorable place! Much smaller than Word of Life Island, but no less wonderful. 

This is the chapel. Isn't it awesome?  

We love how you can see water from everywhere. They do so many fun things like archery, water sports and campfires. Not to mention sleepovers and hikes.

 

I hope you can see that hand made cross near the swimming area.

 

On a side note, Ben and I almost went paddleboarding the other day, but Scott wasn't sure I could do it. This aqua bike might be more my speed. 

An Arts and Crafts cabin! I wonder if anyone would notice me coming over on my day off and hanging out in here? 

Next is this cute dining hall.You should hear all the singing while they wait for their supper. These girls are having constant fun, just like Cyndi Lauper told us. 

A few months ago Joy invited me to come over and speak to the girls this first week during their Vespers service. No way could I turn that down. This was Monday night.

Since I usually speak to women's group, I wasn't really sure how to bring it to a 8-19 year old level. So I prayed and asked God what He'd like me to say.

I decided to talk to them as I would to my soon-to-be-here granddaughter. If I had to tell her the most important thing I know, what would it be? (If you're wondering why I didn't insert my daughter Ally into that equation, trust me, she has heard all of my words.)

As it happens, as I am reading through the Bible, I recently came upon a certain king in the book of 2 Chronicles 34. 

Josiah. I knew right then this was for the Tapawingo girls.

Heard of him?

Josiah was eight years old when he began to reign, and he reigned thirty-one years in Jerusalem. ² And he did what was right in the eyes of the Lord, and walked in the ways of David his father; and he did not turn aside to the right hand or to the left.

Later in the chapter and a little later in his life, while still very young, the long lost and possibly forgotten Book of the Law (aka book of Moses) was found. When they brought it to the king and he realized what it was, Josiah ripped his clothes in lament (a demonstration of being aware of his own sin in the presence of a holy God). Read on:

²⁹ Then the king sent and gathered together all the elders of Judah and Jerusalem. ³⁰ And the king went up to the house of the Lord, with all the men of Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem and the priests and the Levites, all the people both great and small. And he read in their hearing all the words of the Book of the Covenant that had been found in the house of the Lord. ³¹ And the king stood in his place and made a covenant before the Lord, to walk after the Lord and to keep his commandments and his testimonies and his statutes, with all his heart and all his soul, to perform the words of the covenant that were written in this book. ³² Then he made all who were present in Jerusalem and in Benjamin join in it. And the inhabitants of Jerusalem did according to the covenant of God, the God of their fathers. ³³ And Josiah took away all the abominations from all the territory that belonged to the people of Israel and made all who were present in Israel serve the Lord their God. All his days they did not turn away from following the Lord, the God of their fathers.

Pretty impressive for a young boy/man. I asked the 8-9 year olds if they could imagine any boy in their class becoming the President of the United States. They looked at each other and squealed, "Ewwwww! No way!". I mean, think about it. Know any outstanding 8 year olds?

Then I shared what I believe to be the most important thing a young woman who is a believer in Jesus Christ should make a priority in her life. Reading the Bible everyday. What a privilege to testify to a new generation of young women the power of God's Word, and more important, its Author. 

I told them The Bible is full of exciting stories about God, Jesus, the Spirit and us. That everything they need to know for life and godliness is written in that book (2 Peter 1:3). From my own experience, I assured these girls that most every question they have for God is already answered in His Book. Why wouldn't we read an amazing ancient document that He has preserved for us? I told them how God convinced me many years ago that He wants to spend time with me daily and how it's become my most favorite time of day. I hope they accept the challenge to make room in their lives to sit, read and be amazed.

These energetic, giggly girls were amazing listeners. The counselors and staff lead them in amazing ways. They could not possibly leave here without knowing how deeply loved they are. I'm so happy to have been a part of it for just one night.

Because they are girls growing up in a social media world, they were more than happy to oblige me with a group picture for you.

Scott got his turn this week too, and Ben has also been asked to speak here later this summer. My list of gifts just keeps growing and growing.

Wonder what next week will hold? Stay tuned....

A Tribute to my Friend

I've been known to say out loud that I love a great funeral. The kind where the deceased lived a full life, faithful to the Lord for as long as they knew Him. Obedient. A blessing to everyone they come in contact with. An inspiration to anyone who happens to get a glimpse of their life.

I realized something last week. Typically those are the funerals of someone I only knew from a distance or heard of or wish I had known. Not someone close. Not someone who walked into my life and took up residence in my heart.

I had to say goodbye to someone like that last week. She would never approve of me giving an entire blogpost in her memory but I must. Maybe because of it joy will replace the sadness many of us feel at her death or the death of someone else close.

Liliya came into my life many years ago. She was a sweet, quiet young single woman who attended the same church as I did. She came to Bible studies in my home. She joined me in women's ministry. I often pointed her out to my daughter as a role model. She dressed fashionably but always with the most tasteful modesty. She didn't need a man to "complete" her. She was so content in her singleness and it only added to her extreme devotion to her true Love and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Eventually, because we are sermon junkies, we took many a road trip to various women's conferences together. She was the best travelling companion. She always took care of all the details. She got the tickets, arranged the hotels, mapped the route and drove. Yeah, you could say she liked being in control. Don't we all?

She was also tremendously devoted to her family. Liliya lived with her parents and two brothers. She took responsibility and cared for them in every way. Most decisions she made about herself ran through the filter of how it served them first. She was closest to her younger sister and her sweet family. She loved being an aunt to Luba's children. She went out of her way and above normal expectations to bless them. It cost her something. It cost her everything, she devoted her life to serving them be causes of her devotion to Jesus and she wouldn't have done it any other way.

At the funeral, someone said she spent very little on herself, giving the rest to her family and anyone she knew of who was in need. I can testify to this firsthand.

When we moved away from Syracuse four years ago, I wouldn't have imagined that my friendship with Liliya would be one of the sustaining, life-giving relationships God would use to bless, comfort and encourage me to trust Him through a very long, difficult season.

I mean, we were friends and I knew I'd miss her, but I didn't expect her to rise up to be one of my closest confidantes.  It began when I just happened to run into her in Pittsburgh at a Women of Faith Conference. I was there with my new people. At that point, the ground under my feet was shaky and I didn't know what the future looked like for our family but I did know it didn't look good. I felt vulnerable and weak but needed to follow through on leading this trip.

During the first session I got a text from Liliya. "Are you here in Pittsburgh?" Her darling sister, my Facebook friend saw that I was there and told Liliya. "Let's meet for lunch." Have you ever been in a situation where seeing a familiar face caused you to melt into a puddle on the spot?

We made eye contact and she hugged me. She immediately knew I wasn't myself and asked what was wrong. Because I've always known her to be safe, I spilled it all. It was messy. Not every person can handle another's messiness.

After I brought her up to speed and told her how my husband's character was being attacked, wrongfully accused of uncharacteristic behavior and how we were both being deliberately misrepresented to our new people, she looked me square in the eye and said, "That's not our Scott." And I wept. "Our Scott". God sent Liliya to me that day as someone who was familiar yet on the outside enough to speak life-giving affirmations I desperately needed. She went on to tell me all the things she knew to be true about Scott and his ministry.

Here's the thing, the enemy can mess with us sometimes. If we aren't careful and don't have people around us to tell us they are lies, we can believe his accusations especially when they come from those we thought we could trust and eventually fall into despair.

She wiped my tears, prayed with me and sent me back with promise of continued prayers.

We didn't know then that I was walking into a dark, difficult season that would last three years.

Throughout those years, Liliya didn't forget me. Frequently she would send me articles she had read, devotions she thought would lift me up, and messages of love to remind me who God is and how He feels about me.

She would invite me to more women's conferences. I would gratefully decline but would never say the reason was that the expense wasn't in our new much smaller budget. She would insist that she had a "free ticket" and that the hotel was "already paid for". Generous. Kind. Caring. Unselfish.

I would argue that she should invite someone who would be better company. She would insist my company blessed her. What? I didn't believe her.

But here's this one thing about Liliya that is usually ugly in most, but somehow beautiful in her - she's bossy. And stubborn. 

She showed up at my house and picked me up, not taking no for an answer. She would say things like, "God wants you here." "God has a message for you."

One trip in particular, after I got over the guilt of going as her guest once again, I looked forward to one speaker who I'd never heard in person before but had read many of his books. I was so broken and empty but knew God would use him to speak to me. And he did.

From the moment Max Lucado took the stage until he stepped off, I cried buckets in my seat. Liliya didn't say a word. She didn't look at me. She just slipped her arm around my shoulders and kept it there the whole time until I was done and encouraged.

What a gift. God does send us help when we need it. Of course, the 'help' needs to be willing to go out on a limb and be used, even if it cost them something. That's my Liliya.

Never assuming. Always obedient. I croaked those two stories to her when she was lying on her death bed a few months ago. She said, "I was just doing what Jesus asked me to do." Oh to live so plugged in to what Jesus is requiring.

She cheered me on continually and believed with me that God was doing something in my life that would result in goodness. She constantly reminded me that it was a season and wouldn't last forever.  We prayed together that we would marvel at how amazingly He would complete that chapter. 

Neither of us could have imagined that my hard season would end as her worst would start. For many months, we believed she was beating her cancer. So much so that she wouldn't tell her family or anyone else of her diagnosis - she was so sure God would heal it. I was too. 

Almost simultaneously, I stepped into the fulfillment of God's promises to me as her health began diminishing and it became clear that God was not going to heal her in this life, but would grant her ultimate healing. 

We talked of our mutual sadness, mine being much greater than hers. She was completely at peace with His decision. She was eager to say goodbye to the sufferings of this world and step into paradise. She had her eye on the prize - the face of her sweet Jesus. In all that time, she wanted to hear every detail of God's blessing toward us. There was not a hint of jealousy or question of why the good was falling on me and not her. 

In her controlling, bossy, yet beautiful way she made final arrangements for the care of her family. Her only fears were that of losing control of her mind and somehow dishonoring Christ in her last days. For much longer than any of us advised, she resisted pain medications, choosing to suffer physical pain rather than risk sinning. Courageous. 

In our last conversations, I asked her to give me something for this blog. I told her she had a distinct advantage and opportunity to tell the rest of us what her regrets are and what she knows now that we don't yet know. It took her a few days, but when she finally agreed, this is what she said. "All I know is that God is faithful. He is so good and I wished I obeyed Him better. I wish I didn't work so much. (She worked two and three jobs to care for her family's needs.) I wish I had spent more time with people. I wish I had served others better. My advice is to work less and live more. Make people more important than work."

During her last month, every time I spoke with her she would ask me to pray that God would take her. She was ready to go. As I said at her funeral a few days ago, I think her fearlessness of death is startling because she is so young. Most of us want to cling to this life and what we know. Not Liliya, she knew what she was living for. Who she was living for and that eternity with Him would be far greater than "how bad it's getting down here".

Assurance. She knew her Bible. She knew the Lord. She taught us how to live and how to die. My life is richer because of her influence. I'm going to miss Liliya but find myself smiling whenever I picture her in her new home. I imagine her mischievous grin, lightness in her feet, dancing probably. She has her gaze fixed on her One True Love. 

Come to think of it, I'm a little jealous. 

"For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For if you do all these things, you will never fail, and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." 2 Peter 1:5-8, 10,11

"And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son. He who has the Son has life; He who does not have the Son of God does not have life." 1 John 3:11,12

The Best News For Every Woman

I've mentioned a few times here that I love reading the Gospels in readiness for Easter. I never, ever get tired of how Jesus treated and spoke to women. I know there are some out there who resist church because somewhere along the way they believed the lie that God is harsh, impossible to please and elevates males over females. Perhaps because they've been treated by men as less than.

Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, back in Bible times, many men believed that too and disrespected women as such. But then. Jesus.

I picked up a new book a few weeks ago because, well, look at that cover. 

I finished it yesterday. The last chapter blew me away. I can't possibly keep it to myself and it's why I write today. Here is some of it:

"In an ancient world, where many disregarded the testimony of women, Jesus' high regard for them bordered on scandalous. (Oh, don't you love that word?!) Remember, God saw fit that the first eyes to behold the risen Jesus were those of a woman - all during an era where a woman's testimony had no credibility in a court of law.

Women, therefore, were the first evangelists.

The only way a man can discover how to treat a woman is by looking at how Jesus interacted with them. Your Lord was the defender of women.

He stepped in to save a broken, scandalized woman from the murderous plot of a group of self-righteous men. He lifted the weight of her shame, writing a new destiny for her in the dirt.

He saw value in an "unclean" Samaritan woman who was disregarded, despised, and viewed as damaged goods.

He honored a prostitute in the house of a Pharisee.

He healed a pariah woman whose flow of blood excommunicated her.

He exalted a woman who anointed Him for burial by commissioning her story to be rehearsed wherever the gospel message was heard.

He never talked down to a woman, but made them heroes in His parables.

And that for which Jesus came to die was a woman...His woman, the very bride of Christ.

Put simply, your Lord is in the business of loving, honoring and defending women. And God chose the womb of a woman to enter this world.

Whether you are a woman or a man, Jesus Christ is the greatest lover in the universe. And He wishes to love, defend, honor, and cherish you."

I mean, wow.  Obviously I recommend this book. I recommend Jesus.

Please allow me to take a minute and address the few brave men who read this blog (including my sons). I hope you follow Jesus' example in how you treat all the women in your life. All of them. No matter what.

As for all you girlfriends, if you haven't yet, I hope you will accept the above quote as complete truth - and receive it like it is for you. Read the Bible and see for yourself. It's all in there. You will find no greater love on Earth than what God the Father and Jesus His Son feel for you. So much that Jesus came, suffered, died and rose again so that you can know it.

Makes Easter take on a deeper significance, doesn't it? He loves you so, so much. Don't minimize or forget it.


 
Quotes from The Day I Met Jesus by Frank Viola and Mary DeMuth pgs.183-185
(bold and parenthesis mine)

What Women With Time Can Do For Each Other

I know I've written this here before but I am so grateful for the older women in my life. The ones who regularly make room in their busy schedules (do you know anyone who is not busy?) to care about someone else, namely me.

They unselfishly provide a safe place to unload what's in my mind. To say my thoughts out loud. It's a liberating thing to give cooped up, anxious, untamed thoughts some volume. To release them from the prison of my head into the light of someone else's keen(er) perception.

I've learned a few things in the process.  

Often anxious thoughts lose power when exposed to someone who is objective. Their giant size suddenly shrinks.

Fears can sound silly and/or unreasonable once out in the open for someone else to evaluate.

A fresh perspective can breathe new air into predetermined (usually false) conclusions.

Sharing dreams that seem too complex and impossible to attempt can be the beginning of an energy and compulsion to look doubt in the face and simply try. 

Recently I met with two longtime friends one after the other on what became an emotionally fulfilling day. These are the women who invite me to speak freely without fear of condemnation. They generously invest their lives into mine.

I felt more sorry for the first one because she got the lion's share of all my erratic thoughts spilled out on her. I even thought the more I rambled that I must sound like a crazy person.

Surprisingly, she didn't seem even slightly fazed by it. She received all of them as if she came with catcher's mitt on, crouched and ready. (Come to think of it, this isn't her first rodeo with me.) Still, as I babbled and would interrupt myself with, "Am I crazy?", she'd chuckle and say, "When you talk long enough, you always answer your own questions."

Well that's a relief. Not just the part about her not finding me crazy. But the new thought not unlike what the Good Witch said to Dorothy before she headed back home from Oz: "You had it in you all the time."

We prayed together for each other before I left her with a new dose of confidence. I also exhaled thanks to God, recognizing how freely she gives the gift of her time. These days I fear most women have filled their calendars to capacity and wouldn't be able to squeeze in the amount of time it takes to care for another woman's soul. I also walked away a bit lighter, as if I'd lost a few pounds. It felt good.

I moved on to my second friend for lunch. When sharing a meal, we usually congratulate ourselves for the healthy menu items we order. Not this day. She was fiesty and fun and started with, "I really feel like a greasy burger and fries." I was feeling it too. So we indulged. We caught up on the details of our lives. We laughed and poked fun at ourselves. We even thought up some adventures to share together with our husbands in the new year.

Lucky for her she didn't have the burden of receiving any tears from me because my breakfast friend already picked up that tab. Instead, she pulled up where the other left off and propelled me forward. She dared me to dream into the future, looking my fears in the face and moving toward them. I left her with a new spring in my step and something I haven't felt in a while - courage and another gift of time.

Sometimes a person will drive this many miles (one way) to get her needs met. I declared it a Soul Care day. Friends, do you schedule time to care for your soul? Are you aware when you are fully depleted or just a little low and need someone else to listen, carry your load, remind you of what you already know, hug and pray for you, then send you back into your world?

Back in October, I was trying to be a supportive, non-interfering mother/mother-in-law to our newly married kids. When they said they weren't coming hom for Thanksgiving but would spend it with college friends, I said, "Great idea! That will be fun!" and meant it.

Then they announced they weren't going to make the 9 hour drive to our house and 4 1/2 hours further east to Brittany's parents for Christmas and I gulped. Oh. That.

For weeks I tried to cope in silence. (Well, except to Scott, of course.) After awhile I simply couldn't imagine the first Christmas with empty seats at our table. I missed these two. I wanted to see and touch them. This was the longest separation I've ever spent from my son and I was in withdrawal.

With inspiration from one of my ladies who is lovingly bold and honest with everyone, I called a skype meeting. It went something like this, "I know you two have decided not to come home for Christmas but I just want you to know we want you here. We love you. We miss you. We think that if you are going to make it so far from home that you need regular visits with your family. You need to come here and get loved up so we can send you back out in the game."

Because they are awesome, without hesitation they began making travel plans. Yup, they fell for it and came home. It was wonderful. They admitted that after six months on their own in a new, unfamiliar place, they needed a recharge.

Don't we all? It's rough out there. Life is hard. People are mean. Unwelcome surprises invade. We wear ourselves thin even when our busyness is happy. Have you ever had someone patch you back up with the Word of God and prayer then send you back into your world? Have you ever given another that gift?

Of course the solution is that we need to spend time with God, inviting Him to revive us regularly. One of the ways He does this is through His children, people who have time to tend to our weary souls.

On the drive home from my Soul Care Day, one texted me and told me to read from a book we both had, something that made her think of me. A chapter that reinforced what we spoke about. It also included affirmation based on her observation.

The next morning, I awoke to a message from the other one filled with her afterthoughts of our time together. She recounted what we discussed, typed out a passage from the Bible that reminded her of me and then charged me once again to 'go' with her love and prayers supporting me all the way.

Time. Not just in person, but in prayer and follow-up communication. I love that. I honestly can't think of a greater gift. I am the happy recipient of it and treasure each encounter. As nutty as our conversations can be (when I'm doing the talking), they never turn me away but always make time to listen and invest.

I often recount a passage from a book I read years ago as a young wife and mother. Angela Thomas writes,

"Do you have someone to run beside? Do you have a woman in your life who causes you to pick up the pace? Look around and see who is beside you. Who are you pacing yourself with? Do you have a soul mate beside you or someone you need to distance yourself from? Are you being held back in the pack of 'slow runners' when your soul longs to pull away from the herd and quicken the pace?"

She goes on to describe a friendship. "I remember disconnecting myself long enough to think, Who am I listening to? Why am I letting someone who is not passionate about Jesus speak into my life? I finally woke up that day and realized that this friendship was not healthy for me. This woman could be in my life, but I would not give her permission to walk around in my soul."

Here are some further questions she asks:

Who has permission to walk around in your life and give counsel?

Do those friendships hinder your walk with the Lord, or do they spur you on toward greater godliness? Do they make you run fast or just make you tired?

What steps can you take today to move toward healthy friendships?

Do you have a kindred friend in your world? (A safe friend who isn't swayed by your behavior - impressed with you when you're up or disappointed with you when you stumble. One you can be real with.)

Do you treasure that friendship and nurture it? (notice the action in 'nurture')

What can you do to bless her? Do you remember that she is God's gift to your soul?

I guess today I'm writing to both sides of this issue. As women who are running hard after Jesus we need to have positive, walking around-in-our-souls kinds of friends. We also need to be that same kind of friend to someone else.

We must try not to lean heavily toward either end - always being the one someone comes to for advice - never seeking any for ourselves or just being a taker. We need both.

Again, this is why I love God who always has the best ideas. "...The older women should train the younger women." (Titus 2:4) Naturally this means the younger women must be teachable.

Be teachable. Then teach.
Keep learning. Don't keep it to yourself.
Not rocket science.

I pray today that you have this kind of friend (many even!) and that you are extending yourself and your experiences to be this kind of friend to someone else.

I have some younger women friends too. Ones who've sought me and ones I  pursue. They are fun. They keep me from becoming unhip too soon. They are alive and captivating. I learn a lot from them. They add purpose to my life. They make me want to keep up pace. You can't give what you don't already possess. They remind me to be authentic. They can spot a phony a mile away. I need them as much as I need the ones who are a little further down the road.

Don't have either or are your current friendships just taking up space? Good news!! You are just a prayer away.

Ask God for her, someone to run beside who propels you forward.
Then ask God to let you be her, to give you a woman to be that friend to.

Don't be afraid. Be open to the possibilties. Humble yourself if you must. Trust me, this is where great joy is found. Why? Because...

this my dear friends, is Biblical living for women. Let's make the time this requires and get at it.

PS. I know some brave men read this blog. If you've made it all the way to the end today, I think it's safe to say the same applies for male friendships. (See Titus 2:1, 2) Make yours count.

Quotes from Tender Mercies for a Mother's Soul