Random Ramblings of an Emotional, Maybe A Little Crazy Woman

Hey there!  It's Saturday night and tomorrow is a big day.  It's the start of the week I've been waiting for all summer and also the week I've been dreading.

My recent high school graduate and second son, Ben has been working at camp for seven weeks.  I haven't seen him in four.  This is his last week. Yippppeeee! He's coming home! (Even if it is for just two short weeks until he heads back up for college.)  Gotta be grateful for what we're given.

Meanwhile, I get the silly pleasure of staying at the Word of Life Campground in a cabin with some fun friends for the first part of the week and then alone for a few days until I bring home my 'package' on Saturday.

But alas, it's also the week I've dreaded because it marks the last week my favorite firstborn, Drew is home for the summer. He leaves Friday to head back to school.  For his final year of college.  Then he's getting married next summer. No more living at home in June, July and August. Or ever. Waaaaaa! Sorry, I'll be ok.

Talk about conflicted!  I want to go up to this wonderful place to pick up this little guy that I've missed very much.

But I also want to be home for this guy's last week.  Especially since all he wants to do is talk about wedding stuff....with me!  I don't want to miss any of that.

Naturally, he's making me feel guilty about leaving.  "Sure, go ahead. Don't worry about me. Ben's your favorite anyway."

Do all kids do that?

Which begs the question, "What kind of mother leaves the last week her son is home for the summer?  Who won't be home to see him pack his car and leave? He'll be gone when I get back. Summer over. Waaaaaa.

But I miss Ben-Ben who has been gone so long. Who I haven't seen in FOUR weeks (did I mention that already?) Sniff.  He's actually glad I'm coming to keep him company when he's not working, bring him food (real food as he put it) and he's ready to come home!!

What kind of mother doesn't respond to that?

Choosing between your children s-t-i-n-k-s. Plain and simple.

And I haven't even mentioned these two.  They are really laying it on thick.  "Don't go! We'll be bored without you. Sure, just leave us and go on off with your friends. Who cares about us stuck at home? Don't worry, we'll try not to starve." 

Do all husbands do that?

I've never been much for guilt trips. Neither taking them or giving them. (Well,  maybe I've given a few.) I grew up in an Italian Catholic extended family. I get guilt trips. They can be effective. But they are rarely fun. I don't dig them.

But I do feel bad and a little guilty.  I want to live up to everyone's expectations for me. I don't want my kids to be disappointed or feel like I've chosen one over the other.  And I really don't like leaving Scott for that many days.  I miss him.

So what's a wife and mother to do?!?  Stay home?  Go?  Hide under a rock?  Flip a coin?  Have someone else decide?  Eat something chocolate and hope for the best?

I've made up my mind.  I just have to go. Word of Life is more than just a happy place for me. It's the place where I surrendered my heart and life to Jesus for the last time so many years ago.  Being there stirs up so many meaningful, grateful emotions and I love reliving them when I can.

I.Love.It.There. I stare up at the "Adirondack blue" sky (as my friend Linda calls it).  I marvel at the tall pines.  I breathe the mountain air.

When the soul is thirsty, this is the place to go.

I meet with God there. I read a lot. I journal. I pray. I sit and listen. I hear great Bible teaching. I am refreshed and renewed.

You see, it's more like a spiritual retreat and I think a wise woman knows when she needs one and gets her body, mind and soul there when the opportunity arises.

So I'm off first thing....stay tuned for my Adirondack Adventures.

And don't worry about the ones I'm leaving home.  God's got plans for them too - ones that I won't be able to interfere with from so far away.  Even though I am leaving a to-do list.  Ssssshhhh.