Monday, June 24, 2013

It Takes a Church To Raise a Boy

It's been quite a busy few weeks around here as summer approaches.  The month of June takes on a whole new identity when one of your kids is about to graduate from high school.  I mean look at that time warp!

From Little Lamb Preschool to High School
Of course, we've already launched one son out of the nest and that was excruciating to say the least, but getting the second one ready has also been emotional.  A little easier because we know what to expect.  But not so easy (tender) because we know what to expect.  Independence.  Ouch.

I'm hoping you'll indulge me today as I deal with my own processing/celebrating/grieving of this rite of passage for my son Ben.  Ben-Ben.  Benny Ben.  B Ben.  Ben-JAM-in.  Benny B.  A little hint for you at this point, you should know that we refer to our kids by many names.  One is boring.  Gotta keep 'em guessing.

As if graduation on Friday, June 21st wasn't enough - the whole weekend was filled with opportunities to let go.  The day after he left for the summer.  His birthday was the day after that.  We had lots to squeeze in.

You've heard the saying, "It takes a village to raise a child".  Our village is The Church. Not one church, mind you, but The Church, as in the compliation of many believers in Jesus Christ no matter where they choose to worship.  That's what is so cool about The Church.  When it comes to our village - I can't even count how many 'churches' are represented.  Surely this is what God intended.  Our village is very important to us and they deserve to be congratulated as well.

I'm overwhelmingly aware and grateful for the countless hours and memories each one has expended helping us raise our boy Ben.  For teaching him in school, church and youth group, for coaching him, for coming to his sporting events, for giving him opportunities to grow and serve, for praying for him, for believing in him.  We are so blessed by who he is and who he is becoming.   
 It takes A Church to turn out a kid like this.

Here's a little pictorial journey of these last weeks.

First, we needed to buy the boy a suit so he could go to the JR/SR at Faith Heritage
He doubledated with his best buddy, Josh.  Looks like they matched each other.  They didn't.  Well they did, but both of their dates wore pink.
This is Emily.  These two have been friends since they were little.  They looked great!

Next we had 2 parties in 6 days.  Phew.  I'm grateful to family and friends who have celebrated with us, helped me host and plan the parties (by baking, bringing goodies, setting up and cleaning up), and checked up on and praying for me as the big day approached.  The Church.


the first party was here in our backyard

nacho bar


Our backyard was filled with new friends who dig our boy

another great use for the hammock stand
Then we had a party up in Syracuse in hopes that more would come if they didn't have to travel far
It worked.  They came!  It was perfect.
This party had a theme "Ben is a Smart Cookie" (Thanks to pinterest for the idea!)



My sister Renee made this amazing cake.  Great artwork!  And it was delicious too
 

Not pictured would be final exams, a 2nd prom, Senior Trip to Hershey Park and an awards ceremony where Ben received the Gold Academic Award (given to students who have higher than a 95 average).  I told you he's a smart cookie!

Then we couldn't stop it.  Graduation night came.  Nothing can really prepare you for seeing your kid in this getup while listening to Pomp and Circumstance.  Happened with Drew.  Happened with Ben.  Waterworks.

The Maine Endwell Class of 2013
Ben seemed to be in the million dollar seat (front row) and got his picture in the paper several times. 

she's happy because soon she gets the house to herself!
We were so thankful to our family for making the trip down and watching him cross the stage.  It really is a big deal!  Drew was on hand as well, but had to go to work before the ceremony was over.  Otherwise he would be pictured here too.

Grandma Burtis
Grandma DeFrancis (That's one tall drink of water!)
Grandpa Burtis and Mrs. Nancy
Uncle Tim, Aunt Chris, Theo and Alex
and what better way to top off the evening but at Sweet Frog!

After a short sleep and no time to process the emotions piling up, we got in the van and drove up to Schroon Lake, NY where Ben will spend his summer here....on Word of Life Island...a Very Special Island...my happy place....

Ben will be driving these boats back and forth across the lake all summer

cabin life.  It was kind of icky.  Don't tell him I said that.

  Of course, we are sad to see him go, but what better place to be at?  I mean you've got to think of your options.  Would we rather he stay home to just hang out with friends, watch tv and play video games?  Or serve the Lord, meet interesting people and witness lives being changed for Christ?  Hopefully his too! Yes, there's no question this is God's will for all of us and we are grateful Ben can spend 8 weeks soaking it up.

We left him Saturday night.  Sunday he turned 18 which means now he can drive after 9pm.  We didn't get to have cake.  I hope he'll be alright.  Maybe we'll have some for him.  And then again in August when he comes home.  Yes, that will make all of us feel better. 

Thanks for coming with me on this little memory trip.  If you made it all the way to the end, you're probably part of our village....and we love you!

Saturday, June 15, 2013

What Are You Waiting For?

Months have passed.  We are still waiting.  Have you been waiting for something for a long time too?  If yes,  you know how I feel today.  Forgive me if this post turns out to be kind of raw, somewhat vulnerable, maybe a little too honest.  Instead of saving my thoughts until this season is over or resolved, I'm writing from the middle of it because I think that's when we need the most company on the journey.  Of course, we love hearing stories from the victory side, but what do we do when we simply can't see through the fog?

One of my favorite things about the Christian walk, my ongoing relationship with Jesus, is those moments when the Holy Spirit speaks to me.  It's never in a voice I can hear with my ears, but it is undoubtedly Him speaking in a way I can sense in my heart and mind.  I especially love when it happens at a time I'm not really expecting it. Take last Sunday for example.

I was sitting in church listening to the announcements and anticipating the quiet moments when the offering is taken.  Naturally, because I'm in the middle of a wait, I'm preoccupied with my need for God to show up, show Himself and what His plan for our family is.  It's never far from my mind.  I'm often praying at random times, continually surrendering to the One I've given my heart and life to, desperately seeking a glimpse of Him and what He's doing on our behalf behind the scenes.  This, I believe, is the perfect backdrop to 'hearing' Him when you might least expect.

It went kind of like this.

God: "You've walked through difficult seasons before and I've been with you."
Me: "I know."
God: "Have I ever left you?"
Me: "No."
God: "Did I meet all your needs during and after?"
Me: "Yes, of course."
God: "Good things came from each one."
Me: "Um."
God: "I know you like lists.  How about making a list of the times you've waited?"
I smiled, because He knows how He's made me and He's ok with it.  (Take that, you Type-A haters!  haha)
 Me: "A list!  Yes!  Great idea!"

I looked back in my memory, not for the good times I can be thankful for (though that is a good practice too).  Rather, I considered the hard times.  Those seasons that I thought would never end.  When I feared that what I lost (and perceived) was losing would never be restored. When I couldn't see through the clouds and fog.  Seasons of despair, desperation, even doubt.

I took out the bulletin and started my list backwards.  Here are a few:
  • disappointing God, my parents and myself
  • long-term consequence for sin during teenage wandering
  • disillusionment when first let down by Christians in the workplace
  • singleness
  • multiple miscarriages
  • church trauma
  • financial lack/leaning on others
  • Scott working 2 jobs including 3rd shift and a paper route while I was home with 3 kids under age 5
  • raising a strong willed child

As I considered each of these seasons, I realized several things.
  1. They were hard.  There was pain.  I cried a lot.
  2.  During each one, I wondered if this was "the new normal", if I was doomed to live this way forever.
  3. I had a choice.  Trust God was in the driver's seat even if I brought it on myself OR try to take matters in my own hands and fix it.
But that's not all.  God knew that when I made the list, I would not remember only the pain, but now that I'm on the other side, I would see the good that resulted.  Like this:
  1. Each one did end.  Hallelujah! 
  2. God was with me during all of them.
  3. He always provided for our needs.
  4. We matured through each. Our hearts healed.  Our faith deepened. 
  5. There was something good waiting for us when it was over. 
  6. We had a story about God's faithfulness to tell to anyone going through something similar. 
I began to feel encouraged and hopeful.  God is so good and cares when we are hurting.
For the next few days, my mind kept coming back to this list.  It was up close and personal evidence of God's presence and control over my life.  When I sense doubt creeping in and despair knocking on the door of my heart, I must look back on these past times of waiting and realize there is a much bigger picture that I can't see.  I take comfort in the fact that I'm not alone.  Not only did most of the heroes of the Bible wait on God, so do all my friends at one time or another.

Can you relate?  Is there something you are enduring that you fear will never end? Well, you aren't alone either.  I'm right with you.  It's in these times that we need to do what David did in Psalm 42.  He starts out telling God how much he needs Him. I feel the same. 
"As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God."

He tells God all about his pain, the tears he's cried day and night.  I'm living there. He remembers the good old days when he was living in a season of blessing. I like remembering those too.
But then he changes direction and talks to himself.

"Why so downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope (expectation) in God,
for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.
My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember You."

I love how David is trying to change his own attitude, talking himself out of being discouraged.  We have the power to do the same.  Surely, this is how God was leading me from the pew not even a week ago.  Remember.  Go back in history both from the Bible and your own experiences.  Even if you don't get a big kick out of making lists, I bet you were mentally forming your own when you read mine.  Admit it.  I dare you to write it down.  What are the difficult seasons you have made it through?  How did God show Himself faithful?  Recognize that He is the same and He will come through again.  

I take comfort in these words from Psalm 71:
What an amazing promise!  And to think, some people think the Bible is a book of ancient writings not relevant for today.  I don't think so.  Of course we are going to experience times of trouble, loss, pain. We aren't in heaven yet.  As we mature in our faith, we must learn to look at these times as having equal value to us as when life is smooth, uninterrupted and peaceful.   That's so hard, I know.  But just remember, we've been warned.  And we've been given promises from God as we go through them.  He will be with us.  He will take care of us.  He will bring good out of it for us and for His glory.  Can that be enough for us?

Easy to say, I realize, but sometimes hard to live out on the pavement of real life.  I'm with you.  This particular wait has been what seems like the hardest and longest.  Come to think of it, each one is just that at the time, isn't it?

As we continue in our wait, I admit to feeling like we are in the dark.  We don't know what God is doing beyond what our eyes can see.  We can't see the future, how this will end or what's next for us.  We are simply lovingly invited to trust Him.  You can imagine how welcome these verses are when I feel like the darkness may be hiding me from God.

"...even the darkness will not be dark to You;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to You."*

One year when I read through the Bible, I circled the word light every time I saw it.  I was quite overwhelmed with the result.  All through the Old and New Testaments we see that God is connected to light.  There is no darkness in Him.  Despite what I'm feeling, I can rest in the fact that He sees me and no matter how dark the situtation seems, it is in the light to Him.  Yes. That's something I can hold on to as we wait.  

Does that encourage you?  I hope so.  No matter what you're waiting for today, take all these promises as from God to you.  Let's talk ourselves right into a deeper faith.  We've seen Him work in the past, for others and for us.  We have no reason to believe He won't come through now and in our future.  We can trust, too, that it will end.  It.will.end.

Can I ask you a favor?  If you see me down and discouraged because our wait keeps lingering, would you remind me of these things? 

*Psalm 139:12

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Really Thankful Today....

Today I'm thinking about prayer.  Prayer words. Not just the me and God alone kind of prayer - which I love - but this:  As I continue jotting items in my gifts journal, one seems to show up frequently...."________ is praying for me/us."

You see, I've heard the following phrases repeatedly lately from many, many different people. "I'm praying for you" and especially, "We haven't stopped praying for you". Sometimes I'm even surprised by who says it.  It's humbling and delightful.

They may rapidly be becoming my most favorite words. I've certainly heard them before, but I wonder if I've simply said thanks, failing to slow down and appreciate the depth therein.  As I find myself in this needy state for an extended period of time, they've come to mean so much more.

I've given this encouragement to others (many of you) both when asked to pray and when God has put it on my mind.  But if I'm honest, sometimes I pray once, maybe twice and then go right on about my life and may not necessarily continue in prayer  - until the answer comes.

This is probably why the words "We haven't stopped" are the ones that really stand out today.  Being on the receiving end for such a long period now, I will correct this. I see more now in living color how much it matters to know.

If I let my mind wander a bit and picture the face of each one who I know is regularly lifting our family before the Lord in prayer, I cry.  It's so beautiful.  An amazing gift of commitment and encouragement.

Is there any more wonderful way to show love and support to one another than bringing someone into your intimate conversations with the Father?

So I'd just like to thank those of you who have prayed for us once or for those of you who continue to pray.  We want you to know that God is answering your prayers.  We are encouraged.  He is near.  He is providing.  We aren't out yet, but we are blessed.

Thank you for going the distance with us, for us.  You are yet another reason why we love 'the church'.  I'm thanking God for you today!

Now how can I pray for you?  Message me.  I mean it.  :)