And The Five Became Three

*I've been asked to give a tissue alert if a post might be a tear jerker.  Since my 

keyboard is soaked, consider yourself warned*

I've noticed there is a common question that all parents eventually ask. I won't attempt answer it because I have no idea, but here it is: "Where did the time go"?

I'm right here asking.  Again.  Three years ago our firstborn flew out of the nest and yesterday our second son Ben did.  This is hard.  I thought maybe it would get easier with the second one because I know what to expect and how I will feel, but the reality is that it doesn't because I know what to expect and I know how I will feel.

This is what's been happening at our house this week.  He's packing up.

As if it's not hard enough, both of my sons have wanted me in the room while they're doing it. Talk about torture the mommy!  But, in truth, it makes me happy that they want me there and it gives me the opportunity to be sure they pack the most important things. We wouldn't want him to forget his home.

So I woke up yesterday morning and did what I always do; grab a cup of coffee and my Bible and sit in my favorite chair to start the day with Jesus.  As I prayed for the day ahead, I remembered the verses God gave me when Drew was a senior.

"Remember not the former things,

nor consider the things of old.

Behold, I am doing a new thing;

now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?" Isa. 43:18,19

 

Yes, God was going to do a new thing in Drew's life - college away from home - and a new thing in our family that didn't require Drew's daily presence. (sniff sniff)

Believe it or not, the verses really helped me cope and get excited about a new beginning for Drew and for the four of us who were left behind.  And three years later, I can tell you it was good.  It is still good.

As I journalled my feelings about Ben and the amazing gift from God of raising him for the last eighteen years, I was overcome with gratitude.  I mean this kid was a rotten baby, crying for the first three years (good thing he was cute), but there's more - he was delivered by c-section three weeks early because the cord was around his neck three times and had a knot in it.  He's our miracle baby.  And thankfully at three years old he settled into becoming the sweetest little boy and kindest young man til present day.  He's made us proud (in a good way) and brought us so much joy.  We.will.miss.him.

I opened my Bible to the verses for the day (according to my reading plan) and found this:

"There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next.  In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged.  Quite the contrary- we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit."  

Romans 5:3-5 The Message

Coincidence that I would read this on this very day?  I don't think so. It took my breath away. God speaks through His Word.  He is so good.  Yesterday He exchanged a perfectly good 3-year-old promise for this new one.  They accurately describe where Scott and I are at this moment.  We could feel shortchanged (where did the years go?) or we can choose to be alert for whatever God will do with us next in spite of the troubles we know very intimately at present....and in the process recognize all the good things God is already doing and giving to us.  It's true!  We can't round up enough containers to hold all the blessings (specifically raising and launching Ben) God generously is pouring into our lives.....Today.

Deep breath.  It was time to wake everybody up and begin the day I'd been dreading.  I went into his room, kissed his sleeping cheek.  When would I wake him this way again?  Waterworks!! I got out quick.  Soon we packed the van and began the second longest drive of the past eighteen years.  (The ride home alone is  excruciatingly longer.)

This was my view for about 3 and 1/2 hours.

 We arrived at the most wonderful place on earth and got him settled into his dorm and top bunk.

We tried to say goodbye without crying (his request), but how do you tell a son all that's in your heart without croaking?  Turns out neither of us can. Scott was even a wreck.  I enjoyed the company.

We hugged, kissed, prayed and sent him off gulping as we watched this scene.

You just have to push through and drive away.  We were silent for about three hours on the way  home. There are no words.  Scott eventually said, "I don't like our kids leaving us.  I like them around every day. This was harder than with Drew."  I said in my typical compassionate way, "You're nuts!  It was just as hard."  Maybe harder because now both of our beloved sons are on their way to their own God-given destiny, without us.

But, as I looked into all my jars of blessings, one stood out - Word of Life itself.  There is no better place in my opinion for Ben to be and I can't wait to see what God will teach him and how he will grow.  That is good stuff.

We raced home to be there for our baby and watch her first varsity volleyball game.  Then before tucking her in for the night, the night before she would start the 11th grade, for the 16th year in a row I read the My First Day at School book.

Yes, I know it's about a boy who is heading to Kindergarten, but a tradition is a tradition and miracle of miracles in my fragile state I did not cry through it, needing Scott to rescue me, as I have the last three years or so.

Today we woke up to a new day.  A happy day. We still miss our boys, but they are safe in God's care and Scott & I get this girl all to ourselves for the next two years with no older brothers to interfere.  God is doing a new thing and we are expectant for what it will be because it will be good. His Word says so.