Women

I'm a little surprised to discover that we are ten days into November and I have not written a word about Thanksgiving. I am well aware that it is holiday time! Oh yes I am. If there was any doubt, keep reading. These friends made an appearance November 1st.

And the first tree went up too.  Now don't get offended.  There's nothing Christmasy about this tree (except that it is a tree with lights on it). You can clearly see that it is decorated in all brown (ornaments, ribbon and garland compliments of Hobby Lobby).  Not a Christmas color.  A Fall color.  It screams Thanksgiving!

Here's my favorite room in the house all set for November. Even though we are not eating the main meal here this year, I will still enjoy it for the month.

Scott has been preaching the last few weeks about gratitude. It's always good to put that in the front seat in November. I keep a daily list year-round of things I'm thankful for, what brings me joy each day, and even things I don't want that I'm trusting God will use for my good like many of you do. Doing this kind of feels like Thanksgiving everyday, without the turkey and pumpkin pie.

When I think about what I'm thankful for, women a little further down the road than me and their wisdom always rises to the top of my list.  I am very blessed to have many older women willing to take an interest in me and pour their experiences and advice into my life.

As a woman I have always been well acquainted with my inadequacies and insecurities.  Because of that, I have always been hungry for the advice of women I admire figuring if I want to turn out like them, I need to get close enough to ask how and listen.

I'll share a little secret with you - it always pays off. I have received more than this blog has the space to record.

I wonder if I would ever have opened my home to entertain without women showing me how to do it by teaching me in their homes.

I doubt I could be enjoying a 24 year long marriage without the stories of experienced women describing the sometimes too funny to get rattled over God-given differences between husbands and wives.

I'm sure I could not have raised these three kids if I didn't have older women to listen to my doubts, fears and sometimes panic reassuring me, "You can do this. Here's what worked for me. Here's what didn't." 

I never could have led women's ministries for all the years I have if they weren't there to notice me, affirm my gifts and abilities, and show me how best to use them.

Just the other day I met one of these irreplaceable ladies for lunch. Whenever I'm with her, I come away energized, ready to plunge deeper into the life I've been given with renewed resolve, and wanting to be like her when I grow up.

As always, she inquired about everything that pertains to me. Then she reviewed items discussed during our last visit and asked about progress (i.e. accountability). She promised her continued prayers for my family. She encouraged me to trust God with everything.  Then she said something she hasn't said before. "We all need a kick in the pants once in a while. I promise I'll give you one when you need it."

I didn't laugh, but I did smile because I felt the love behind it and appreciate this so much. She wouldn't be the first. I remember many a kick in the pants from my own mother. Unfortunately, for awhile I was not a very good student.

Then there's the older woman in our little church who watched an unbelieving boyfriend of mine walk the aisle and pledge faith. She warned me to wait for the fruit. I didn't and a number of consequences happened. Talk about regret.

Still another calmed down my overactive emotions when I wanted to let a leadership team member go who regularly got on my nerves. I listened and humbled myself. No regret.

It can be easy to come alongside and be a cheerleader. To encourage and affirm. They like us when we are always positive, but what if the young women in our lives are not making the best decisions? What if they are heading down roads we know they will later regret?  Do we have a responsibility to speak that?  Not everything they want to pursue is good for them or for the body of Christ that is looking on. (Don't forget as a Christian all of our decisions affect others.)

It's tricky because we are living in a culture of tolerance. Everything's good. Nothing is "wrong". If she's enthusiastic, we don't want to be the wet blanket. If there isn't a black and white directive in Scripture we back down even though our advice is consistent with what the Bible teaches.

Sometimes a little I-care-enough-about-you-to-interfere can stop or at least slow down a possible train wreck. Consider 1 Corinthians 6:12 "Everything is permissible for me - but not everything is beneficial..."

Maybe it's a sign of getting older, but I just can't do it. I'm not into false flattery and I can't give politically correct advice when asked.

Recently a sweet young woman I love asked how I thought she should handle a situation she was facing.  Having experience from the other side of it, I knew my response wasn't going to be what she was expecting but I wanted her to consider her perspective was not the only one. When I shared what I thought she should do, she said that she never in a million years imagined me saying that. She was expecting the opposite (me taking her side). And that she hadn't thought of it that way. And that it made sense.

Sensing I had her best interest at heart (this is key), she slowed down, deciding to wait it out and pray. (Bonus - it gave value to the pain of my experience.)

I think we older girls owe the young'ns the honesty of confidently saying, "Maybe that's not the best idea or have you considered the consequences?" Surely we have benefitted from that at some point or another whether we took the advice or ignored it. If we don't, who will?

If you are a young woman, I can't encourage you enough to find an older woman you respect, who has the fruit of godliness and wisdom displayed in her life, and ask her for input. Over and over again in the Bible, both Old and New Testaments, we are advised to live wisely and seek Godly counsel and warned about what results if we don't - foolishness.

Whenever I'm feeling particularly self-important or unwilling to listen  to someone who is for me, this verse comes to mind.

"Do not be like the horse or mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they (God's instructions) will not come to you."  Psalm 32:9

Isn't that the main thing anyway? That God's instructions will come to us. Another reason why we need each other. So grateful.

Burtis Kids Busted

They say one of the problems with social media is that we tend to only share only the good stuff of our lives.  What we are proud of.  Our finest moments and achievements.  Well, not today.  

In case I've painted a picture of our family for you that is always favorable, today you will see what I really deal with behind the scenes.  

The sass.  

The sarcasm.  

The relentless attack and accusations on my parental love and committment to these children I carried and sustained in my very body.  

How dare they?  

I believe they deserve this post today. 

It all started after my oldest son (formerly known as my beloved firstborn) apparently read my blog yesterday (likely the first time).  

I innocently and lovingly shared some Halloween photos of Drew, Ben and Ally when they were little and much cuter.  If you missed it, you'll need to read the last portion.  You can quickly catch up here.  

(In case this is hard to follow, the writer's name appears at the top of their contribution.  I am in blue.)

Note the time these shenanigans started.

Note: it's morning now.








Well, aren't they adorable with all their intellectual humor?

Can't you imagine them high 5-ing each other?
I mean seriously, who do these people think they are? 

What can we learn from this?

1.  Don't get your kids ipods - ever.
2.  Never compliment or brag about them to anyone.
3.  No matter how fair you try to raise them - they always think someone else is the favorite.

At least Ron, Renee and I don't do this to our mother.
Nor do Scott, Tim and Johanna subject their parents to this disrespect and ungratefulness.

Lastly, don't even get me started on the spelling and grammatical errors up there.

A Powerful Statement

So one thing my husband Scott and I have in common is that we are sermon junkies.  We love a great message from the Bible delivered by a gifted communicator.  On the top of our list is Andy Stanley.  I've quoted him many times here.

We try to listen to everything he teaches because it is always relevant and always truthful and almost always somehow exactly what we need to hear at the moment we hear it.  God works in cool ways like that (which is another reason why we need to have a steady diet of His Word coming into our lives often).

Saturday we had yet another wonderful opportunity to travel about an hour one way to Ally's last volleyball tournament. Instead of settling into my seat and like always putting my MercyMe soaked playlist on the radio that he patiently endures, I spoke Scott's love language instead when I said, "Do you have Andy's new series on your ipod?"  Every once in a while I'm a good wife.

He wasted no time cuing it up. 

Scott drove, I knitted a sock and our souls were fed.  All the way there and all the way back.

In The Meantime is a sermon series for those of us who find ourselves in a hard, undesirable situation(s) that we can do nothing about.  Absolutely nothing.  We are simply at its mercy.  What are we to do?  He had my attention.

One of the last things said right before we pulled into our driveway made me put down the knitting needles and scramble for a piece of paper and pen because I knew it was one of those powerful statements that I would revisit for a long time.  We backed it up and listened to it three or four more times.

You have no idea what or who hangs in the balance of your decision to remain faithful when everything around you says 'be faithless'.  And you won't ever know if you don't see this through and trust God to be faithful to you and His promises, accomplishing His purpose through it.

Neither did the Apostle Paul who while in prison decided to best use his time to write letters to churches. He had no idea those letters would become part of the New Testament that would ultimately be for our benefit. 

See what I mean?  And that's just one thought - there was so much more.

The truth is, Scott and I are not the only people I know going through adversity, affliction, difficulty, God's silence, God's uncooperation, etc.  Almost everyone is in some way or another.  That's why I had to share this with you today.  I can never keep anything this good to myself.

Don't quit before you find out what or who hangs in the balance of your faithfulness.  And if you are in an 'In the Meantime' situation, download or watch these messages.  You won't waste a minute of your time and who knows, you might get just the push you need to get to the finish line with your faith intact.  And even with joy!  I think I did.

You may even become a sermon junkie too.  Trust me, it's not such a bad thing.  

Click here to listen

It's Not On You

So have you seen the commercial on tv where a person turns into a diva/monster of some kind because they are 'not themselves when their hungry' and the solution to bring them back to normal is to give them a Snickers bar?  Yeah, it's funny.

Last week when the weather sort of turned cooler, I switched my outdoor workout back indoors.  (Hello again Jillian, I did not miss you all summer.)  Because the sun is shining today and it's warm out again, I grabbed my charged up ipod and headed outside.  It was then I realized what my Snickers bar is.

You see thanks to my tech-savvy family members, this ipod is loaded with all my favorite groups and songs that powerfully point my attention to how awesome God is, how much He loves me and the fact that He has a plan for my life.  It wasn't long before my spirits were up and I was feeling hopeful and content - back to myself again.

As song after familiar song played, other things came to mind too.  Things that are taking up residence in my thinking from the content I'm studying in the Bible right now.  

Specifically this simple 4 word phrase:  It's Not On You

Check this out:  "As spiritual people, we tend to tie our hopelessness to our belief that God has somehow let us down or refused to come through.  Job's raw confession -

What strength do I have that I should continue to hope? What is my future, 

that I should be patient? Is my strength that of stone, or my flesh 

made of bronze?  Since I cannot help myself, the hope for success 

has been banished from me.  Job 6:11-13 

conveys that he felt hopeless because he could not help himself."*

Well I certainly know what that feels like.  Strength gone.  Patience gone.  All hope of success as depending on me, banished.  You too?  

We live in a culture that celebrates problem solvers, leaders who are firmly in charge seemingly able to control everything, and a well-planned lives.  Have you ever heard this, "God helps those who help themselves"?  Yeah, that's not in the Bible.

Consequently, when we can't get there ourselves or are tired of waiting for rescue, hopelessness can settle in.  The truth is, we don't have to go there.  Just like He was for Job, God is our help.  God is our strength.  He is the One who is holding the world in place.  He is the One ultimately in control.  It was never meant to be on us.

What is the weight of the world you're trying to lug around?  It was easy for me to come up with a few boulders.  I'll spare you the gory details this time.

One of the songs that came on next was a new favorite by MercyMe.  Not shocking for those of you who know me well.  Certain people have actually accused me of having nothing else on that ipod.  Psh.  There's only 120 MercyMe songs on there - plenty of room for others.

Unless you've bought their most recent cd, you probably haven't heard this one.  If you'd like to listen to it (and I highly recommend you do) click here.

Check out these lyrics.

I don't have to know you
To know that you will go through hard times
It's just part of life
Don't let that moment blind you
And don't let it define you
Take heart, that's not who you are

Our God is able, more than capable
To be faithful to the end
He'll finish what He started

Remember you're forgiven
So there's no need to give in
To the lie that you're disqualified

No matter what you've done
Grace comes like a flood
There's hope to carry on
He'll finish what He started
No matter what you face
His mercy will not change
He's with you all the way
He'll finish what He started

This work He started in you now
He's faithful to complete it
The promise was sealed when He cried out
It is finished

He'll finish what He started

I know what you're thinking and I couldn't agree more - you should go out today and buy this cd or at least click on the link and listen to it yourself.  

Here's the thing.  The day you decided to follow Jesus through faith in His death and resurrection, God started a good work in you.  And no matter what He will complete it. 

It's not on you to figure out all the details.  Your job and mine is simply this -  believe it.

Guess what happens when we do?  We're blessed.

Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said 

to her will be accomplished!  Luke 1:45

What has the Lord promised?  Straight from the Apostle Paul's pen:  "....He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."  Phil. 1:6  He'll finish what He started!

Yeah, this song and the Bible truth it underscores beats a Snickers bar any day. 

Oh and I believe this finally settles which Bible verse I will print beside Ally's picture in her last high school yearbook. 

  

*Beth Moore in Children of the Day

How Are You Doing?

Hey there!  How are you?  I'm coming down off the high of having my college boy home for the weekend.  It wasn't a scheduled visit, which made it all the sweeter.

I had just told Scott that these last five years of my boys being away I have not had to endure the stretch between Labor Day and Thanksgiving without a visit.  This year I knew I would have to and wasn't looking forward to it.  Twelve weeks is a long time and would be a record for me and Ben.  Not one I wanted to set.

I can always tell when I'm at my missing kids limit and need a fix (usually between 5-6 weeks).  In fact, last Monday I was facetiming Ben and may or may not have whined, "Hey, why won't you come home for a visit?"  Not missing a beat, he responded, "Because you didn't give me a car."  Oh yeah.

The next day I went to Bible study where a new friend who also has a son at the same school approached saying, "We are going up to get our son for the weekend and yours is welcome to ride along."  Yee--ha!  I couldn't wait to get home and make plans.

On the way, I had two thoughts.

1.  Good things happen at Bible study.  (Go to Bible study!)

2.  Sometimes God gives us something we want even when we don't ask Him for it.  Just because He loves us.  I was feeling the love.

So we had a glorious weekend enjoying our son's company.  This picture a sweet friend of mine took captures one of my favorite moments even though he was probably making fun of me for something.  I washed up all his laundry, made him some yummy food but could not seem to convince him to read to me or let me read to him any of our collection of Fall scholastic books collected over the years.  I only asked for that one little thing.  Sheesh.

The older I get, the more I'm learning about myself and my patterns.  While truly grateful for the last few days and every chance I'm with my older kids, I still tend to experience some letdown when one of them leaves again.  That's where I found myself today.  Usually it doesn't last too long but long enough for others close to me to notice if you know what I mean.

Additionally, I was a little disappointed that something I was hoping and praying for over the weekend did not happen. Then I woke up this morning to find cloudy skies and when rolled together all this threatened to put me in a grumpy mood.  It so ticks me off when the weather can affect me that way. 

Because this ain't my first rodeo, I know I quickly have to fight the temptation to let this kind of discouragement take me completely over.  If I don't a new, meaner battle emerges - doubt.

As I sat down for quiet time this morning with the Lord, right away I remembered something I heard just last night when I was kind of bored and catching up on some blogs I enjoy.  The author said this and it has been on my mind ever since.

"I'm doing as good as God is making Himself known to me.  I'm a happy girl even if I'm going through a difficult time if God is revealing Himself to me through His Word and through my circumstances and through how He wants to show Himself to me.  I'm the happiest when I read the Scriptures and they seem to come alive to me."

This brought a question to my mind:  How good am I doing?  People ask all the time. What warrants me to respond, "I'm doing good."?  

Is it mood?  Is it circumstance?  Am I good when things are going my way?  When I'm in good health?  When my kids are obedient to me and to the Lord?  When my husband is showing me love in ways I like him to?  When all the bills are paid?  Does it have anything to do with the weather (God forbid)?

What makes me (doing) good?  

You see, had you asked me that question this morning and I felt safe enough to be completely honest, I might have answered, "I'm kind of bummed I won't see Ben for another six weeks." OR "I'm a little sad because I miss Drew and Brittany and they aren't coming home for the holidays." (See how quickly I slide down that slope.)  OR  "I'm disappointed because something I really wanted didn't happen as I hoped."  OR Would I go the other way and say "I'm great" because I want to be positive even though it's really me being phony?

Can I just say here how much it drives me nuts that the high of a great gift or blessing from God can sometimes fade into a longing for the next thing in no time at all?  That quote up there wakes me up and really challenges me in an exciting way.   

I am adopting that measuring stick.  Why?  

Because as I think about it, God IS revealing Himself to me through His Word.  Often.  The Scriptures ARE coming alive when I read them.  Most days I get up from my red chair encouraged and motivated, even happy.  From here on out, that will be enough.

Secondly, I do see Him at work in the lives of others even when I can't see what He's doing in mine (this is why we have to tell each other what God is up to!).  He is revealing Himself to me this way too.  It doesn't make me jealous or feel neglected, it gives me hope.

The truth is if I use that measure - I'm doing as good as God is revealing Himself to me - based on those things - then I am doing good!

What a better way to look at things. That's something solid to stand on, rather than my feelings for any given day.

But wait, that was the easy part.  Did you notice the other phrase that stood out to me as well 'even when I'm going through something difficult'? That is the struggle, isn't it?  I know it is for me.  And here's my frustration, this isn't new news.  I already know all this and you probably do too.  The problem comes when I fail to dwell on it and allow the day's concerns to take over.  Even when....

So much of being an overcomer is mind over matter.  It's what we choose to think about and dwell on in our minds.  No wonder we are encouraged by Paul in Philippians 4:8:

 "Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, 

whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

This is why I have to shift my thinking.  Even though I'm going through something difficult and have been for two solid years now, can I say I'm good?  Today 'these things' means to me that in spite of all that's going on or not going on in my life, as long as I can see God in His Word, I'm going to be just fine because it's here that all is right in the world.

Does that make you uncomfortable, cause you to bristle?  Could it be that God hasn't revealed Himself to you in a while?  Therefore you aren't honestly 'doing good'?  

If you've read this far, you know the solution.  Now it's just a matter of doing it.  We need to slow down, sit down, get out our Bibles and invite God to show off.  He does it so well.  Don't wait another minute.

My son was just telling me that he doesn't understand how his roommates can be so messy.  When he asks them, the answer is that they don't have enough time to put their laundry and other piles away (which drives my neat freak crazy).  He said, "Mom, we all have the same amount of time in a day.  How can they say they don't have enough?  They have hours to sit on their phones and computers every night.  I tell them to quit making excuses and just take a few minutes and do it."

Same goes for us, girlfriends.  It doesn't take hours of Bible study to experience God.  If you are new to this, start out small.  Five minutes if that's all you have.  Increase the time as you go.

But if you've been walking with the Lord a long time and find yourself dwelling on the negative and being discouraged much of the time, don't struggle any more.  You need to be in His Word.  I mean really reading it getting to know the God who loves you.  That's the whole goal of the Bible.  The only way those pages come alive to us is if we read them. 

As God begins to reveal Himself to you and you remember to dwell on it through your day, you'll find yourself when asked saying, "I'm good!  Even though things are tough, I'm happy because God is alive and showing Himself to me!".