So I've had this thing on my mind for awhile now. We are living in a culture that preaches tolerance. Dictionary definition: " fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward those whose opinions, practices, race, religion, nationality, etc., differ from one's own". I get that and I think it's important to respect those who are different from us. We don't all have to agree on everything to get along.
No, I'm thinking of tolerance in the area of sin and repentance. Whoa - not very popular words I know, but stay with me. While at a women's conference last month the speaker made this remark, "I'm worried that we are losing the word repentance from our vocabulary." Dictionary definition: "deep sorrow, compunction, or contrition for a past sin, wrongdoing, or the like; regret for a past action". She continued, "When we lose the word repentance, we also lose the word revival".
Then in reference to her own past sins, regret thereof which led to her willful repentance and the subsequent gift from God of forgiveness said, "Don't take away my repentance!".
I know, right? As a woman who has committed and continues to commit her fair share of sins, I totally get this. I have a significant need for forgiveness. That forgiveness comes only as a result of repentance. If I don't own my own stuff and admit it to God in a regretful attitude I miss something huge.
Check out what God's Word says on the subject. The context is that Paul had written a letter to the church in Corinth pointing out their sins, urging them to deal with them before God. As you can imagine, the letter had an effect on their attitudes. Let's look in:
"Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it - I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while - yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us (ones who point out the sin). Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done." 2 Cor. 7:8-11 (all italics and bold mine)
Feeling sorrowful or regretful over sin is a gift - not a method for shame. God is never about shaming us. In fact, that is the devil's handiwork. He always wants us to feel ashamed so that we will hide and cower in that paralyzed, lowly condition unable to do anything of significance for God and His Kingdom.
No, God is nothing like that. He is kind and good. Yes, of course He deals with our sin. This is because He is holy and has called us to be holy as well (1 Pet. 1:16). He wants us to grow a desire to be even holier.
He also is for us. He wants what's best for us - and knows exactly what that is. He doesn't want us to remain in a state of sinful or lesser living. No...He wants us to add things to our faith (2 Pet. 1:5-8), to pursue growth and maturity (2 Pet. 3:18), to believe how He sees us in His eyes (Jer. 31:3; Eph. 1:7,8). We can't do any of those things if we try to pretend our sin doesn't exist.
I for one am well aware of my tendency to sin. I don't trust myself to walk out of my house any given day without having spent a sufficient amount of time in prayer and Bible reading, seeking the Holy Spirit's filling and control.
So why is this on my mind today? As we continue to raise older children, different areas of their development still require parental training. We're mostly past the stage of teaching them to share and put others first. I didn't think that day would ever come! Our three are now entering adulthood one by one and as they live in our home less and less, we won't be there to guide them. Alas, but we can try to prepare them.
As I'm sure you know, we are all living in a world that says, "Don't feel bad about what you've done or what you do. It will all work out. There are no rules. No higher standard. Do what makes you feel good. You can do whatever you want." Blah Blah Blah Seriously low expectations.
It would be unrealistic to think that our kids are not capable of making really bad decisions or giving in to the temptations of the flesh. If my kids are anything like their mother in this area (God forbid), they will. Then what?
Yes, we have finally arrived at the point of this post. Then what? What do we do when we sin against God and perhaps others as well as ourselves? Usually when the realization of our sin capacity hits, there is shame. There is a feeling of heaviness and regret. We quickly try to figure out how to make it stop.
I don't know about you, but whenever I have seen my kids go through this and witness the hot tears of regret on their broken faces, I can't stand it and want to make it end as quickly as possible. To rescue them. Of course this is a natural, loving, comforting response but what if it's not the best one....at least not yet. Parents, we must step back and not interfere with the work of the Holy Spirit in our kids' lives. Or ours for that matter.
We are supposed to feel heavy and regretful over our sin. That's what the Bible calls godly sorrow. It does something in us. Just the other day, my daughter came home from school and said she felt terrible. She spoke about someone behind their back and thinks the girl overheard her. (I have certainly been there. Yuck!) Truthfully, inside I cheered! I was glad she felt badly. I wanted her to recognize that this is the Holy Spirit at work in her. I told her this rotten feeling was really a gift. Then we discussed confession of regret to God and to the offended and how that was the best way to feel better.
We must train our minds to be counter cultural in this. Repentance is a good thing. We can't remove or downplay someone's consequences or talk them into feeling better without giving them the opportunity to make it right with God.
Remember the verses above? Godly sorrow leads to repentance, which drives us back to God. It's a very important action where we turn ourselves around 180 degrees and resolve not to walk in that direction (sin) anymore. In essence, we pledge, "I'm going toward God, going to live His way." The Message version translates the above passage this way:
"You let the distress bring you to God, not drive you from Him. The result was all gain, no loss. Distress that drives us to God does that. It turns us around. It gets us back in the way of salvation. We never regret that kind of pain. But those who let distress drive them away from God are full of regrets, end up on a deathbed of regrets.
And now, isn't it wonderful all the ways in which this distress has goaded you closer to God? You're more alive, more concerned, more sensitive, more reverent, more human, more passionate, more responsible. Looked at from any angle, you've come out of this with purity of heart. And this is what I was hoping for in the first place when I wrote the letter. My primary concern was not for the one who did the wrong or even the one wronged, but for you - that you would realize and act upon the deep, deep ties between us before God." 2 Cor. 7:8-13
You read that too fast. Go back and read it again. I'll wait. Amazing, isn't it?
That's the heart of God. If we want to raise extraordinary kids, we can't raise them in an ordinary fashion, like everyone else does. We have to put Romans 12:2 into practice:
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and perfect will."
Let's teach them God's wisdom for making decisions in every area of their lives. Let's warn them of natural consequences to sin. Of course, this is going to require us to know God's instructions for a well-lived life that are jam-packed in the Bible for ourselves first.
No, we can't make their decisions for them or force our beliefs upon them but we can show them that if they don't choose to repent, they will always be a slave to their flesh AND that they will likely continue in the same poor decision making pattern often resulting in even worse consequences. We don't want our loved ones to settle for that so we have to lovingly speak up. I've
even been known to pray that God will not let Scott, me or our kids get
away with even the littlest of sins lest they grow. That we will be miserable until
we stop. I can only speak for myself when I say, He answers that prayer.
When
they do choose sin, let's not skip the matter of repentance in the
pursuit of peace or blessing, trying to make the ugly disappear or justify it (perhaps in the name of tolerance?). Even when their choice looks like one
that will eventually turn good, we need to honestly point them to God
because consequences often still appear.
It is certainly true that "in all things God works for the good of those who love Him." (Rom. 8:28), but recently I heard a twist on how we normally interpret this verse. The phrase those who love Him (and the promise made to them) is referring to a select group of people - those who are surrendered to God. Meaning, those who have come to a place of praying something like this, "God, I realize I am not God and I now want to do things your way for all of my life." (Kind of looks like repentance, doesn't it?).
There are lots of folks in the world who love God but are not surrendered followers. They will not benefit from the promise. We have no business speaking that promise to anyone, not ourselves or our kids if we/they are not in that surrendered place.
Instead, let's embrace surrender. What a wonderful, safe and blessed place it is. If you're reading this and thinking, "too late - you have no idea what's going on in my life and how bad it is", I have good news - it's never too late!
Here's one more thing I know about God. And when I say I know, I mean I know from experience that when we come to God with our mess and tell Him we're sorry with the intent to turn from the behavior with His help, He rushes toward us.
I don't know how He does it, but every time I come in that low broken place it's like He says, "Ok good, now that you see that the way I see it and we both agree it's got to go...let's move on."
Then the Holy Spirit swoops in with the amazing gift of forgiveness, peace and a clean slate for 1 John 1:9 tells us, "if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." AND purify us from all unrighteousness!? Oh if we only had time to follow that glorious rabbit trail today! It is yet another promise that can be ours.
In light of all we've discussed here, I can't leave verse 10 unmentioned, "If we claim we have not sinned, we make Him out to be a liar and His Word has no place in our lives."
That makes the heart of this mother shudder. Don't take away my repentance either! I need it because I need God and my own personal revival that comes no other way. That staggering verse gives me the courage to tell my kids (and myself) the truth about sin, giving it its proper name.
Don't be fooled into thinking they are too old now and don't want to listen. I'm willing to take that risk because my parents had to do it for me and I'm forever grateful. The next generation of our kids need someone who loves them, is totally committed to them, and is ultimately for them to tell them the truth without fear. What if they listen and repent, shifting their own direction never returning to that sin path? It will be worth it.
Perhaps we all need a few people in our lives that we give permission to walk around in our soul. Ones who we can be honest with even when we are in a bad place. Ones that won't take away our repentance either even in the name of compassion but rather, encourage us to deal with it and run to God. Because without it, we don't get to live in the newness Christ died to purchase for us.
Oh one last thing, check this out:
After His resurrection, Jesus appeared to many and said, "This is what is written: The Christ will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day, and repentance and forgiveness of sins will be preached in His Name to all the nations, beginning at Jerusalem." (Luke 24:47)
We need to be diligent to remember that if we fail to connect our regular repentance and forgiveness to Christ's work on the cross, then YIKES - we may have missed the whole point.
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