For Love Of Words: A Letter To My Son

Dear Drew,

Tomorrow is the day that you will graduate from college. I write with tears in my eyes. I bet you’re not surprised. Not sad tears like when you graduated from high school. I couldn’t believe the era of you living at home day in and day out, me being the first person you saw every morning and the last every night was about to end. I wasn’t sure I was going to make it and be able to really let you go but with God’s help, we’ve both come a long way in four years.

No, this time I feel more happy than sad. More proud of you than worried for me. More like celebrating, not grieving.

I have so much I want to say to you on this very important day of your life. You have lived up to and far exceeded my expectations for you. You say that you were held to a higher standard than your brother and sister and I will now concede you probably were.

Being the first child has its positives and negatives. Dad and I learned how to parent with you as our #1 guinea pig. I hope you aren’t emotionally scarred from it.

Since Preschool, you’ve been a joy to your teachers. I know because they told me and every report card for 13 years read, 'pleasure to have in class'. Remember when Mr. Amankwah said to me, “I thank God for Drew!” in his signature accent? I thank God for you too.

Academically you have always proven to be a hard worker. Mrs. Baker, your 5^th grade teacher had no concerns about us putting you into the more challenging Faith Heritage. When you were in 7^th grade, Mr. Cathcart told me, “This kid is a machine. Any work I dish out, he kicks it right back.” Work ethic. Yes, one of the virtues we valued highly in your upbringing. You have it.

Some can have a work ethic but a bad attitude as well. Not you. I always brag that you are the only person I know who never complains. About anything. I don’t know how you do it, but I know you do and I hope to be more like you in that area someday. You live Philippians 2:14, “Do everything without complaining”. I’ve always appreciated how you would do anything I asked of you. I could not have moved and unpacked our entire household just a few years ago without your help. No push back, no arguing, no trying to get out of it. You’ve never required me to check up and see if you’ve followed through on something. I can always count on you.

You began to spread your wings when you worked your first summer on Word of Life Island at 16 years old. It wasn’t easy letting you go for nine whole weeks away from home. As I lived through your daily absence and missed you, well-meaning friends would say, “I don’t know how you do it. I could never be separated from one of my kids for that long. I love mine too much and would miss them too much.”

It made me want to punch them in the face! And scream, “You think I don’t love Drew? You think I don’t wake up every morning missing him and try not to look in his empty room every night? You think I don’t set the table for 4 every night and think, ‘who’s bright idea was this?’?”

That first summer, as usual we camped at Charleston Lake with many of our friends. We hiked to the same rock and took our individual family pictures. In anticipation or dread, I drew a picture of you on a piece of paper and held it up for ours. Eventually I stopped taking pictures that weekend because I couldn’t bear your face not being in them. In fact, probably that same night after we prayed over and began dinner as a group, I snuck off to our camper because I couldn’t hold back my tears any longer. Everyone else’s family was intact. We were missing one.

Ben, ever-sensitive, followed me. He wanted to know what was wrong. No one likes to see their mother cry. I said, “I miss Drew. It’s not the same without him here.” He hugged me and said he missed you too. (Maybe that was when he started substituting “you” with your name in every song,“Waiting here for Drew….with our hands, lifted high…It's Drew we adore...”. I know it makes you laugh too.)

When Dad asked about my dinnertime meltdown, he reminded me that we were parenting with a purpose. On purpose. Of course it would be easier to keep you under our wings for as long as possible. Parenting isn’t for wimps. We were letting you go so you could begin your independence. Begin becoming a man. We gave you to God that summer and the ones that followed knowing He could and quite possibly might want do great things in you without our constant presence and possible interference (probably mine). We knew you would grow in ways that you necessarily wouldn’t if you were home goofing off with your friends all summer. Instead, we intentionally submerged you into weeks of Bible teaching, discipleship, service and leadership training. We’ve never regretted it. I imagine you haven’t either.

Next came high school graduation. You know I began grieving yours the year before your big day. I remember sitting in church and FHS chapel watching the videos of graduates morphing from baby to senior pictures while a heart wrenching song played. Who dreams this up? It’s torture for moms. Where did our little ones go? I couldn’t imagine your picture being up there in less than a year.

As we celebrated and lived to the hilt every first and last of your senior year, I watched you experience difficult situations, rejection, disappointments, being overlooked and some heart breaks without ever slipping into self-absorption or entitlement issues. How counter cultural!

That spring I traveled with my girlfriends to Toronto for a Beth Moore Conference. I didn’t know when I got there that God’s message to me that weekend would be about you.

The Scripture passage was Isaiah 43:18, 19:

“Forget the former things;

Do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the desert

And streams in the wasteland.”

God tenderly showed me through this promise in His Word that I was going to be ok and able to let you go for real. He wanted me to not dwell on your passing childhood, but rather celebrate the future. To look ahead to the new thing he was going to do in our family. It would be something that didn’t require your daily presence with us. That is sad. But He replaced the sadness with the hope and excitement that this promise was also for you, Drew. He was going to do something new in your life and it would be good and it wouldn’t require our daily presence. He shifted my focus away from being about me and what I was losing and pointed it toward you and what lay ahead for you.

Change is hard but change can be good. You spent two years and three summers at Word of Life. I am still amazed at God’s kindness to write Word of Life into your story as He has mine. There the Bible foundation Dad and I began laying in your life was built upon. You were given knowledge, discipleship, healthy friendships, leadership, basketball trophies, mission trips, provision (scholarships), and so much more.

Next you transferred to BBC. It cracks me up when I think that Dad and I used to bring our youth group teens to TLC every summer when we were first married. Who could’ve predicted our firstborn would graduate from that very college? God could. What a tremendous blessing to have you just one hour away from home these last two years.

Dad and I have thanked God in our bed on many a night for the times you came home with theology on your mind that you wanted to talk to Dad about as you formed your own Biblical worldview.

We’ve watched you juggle jobs both on and off campus with your classes and RA responsibilities in an effort to provide for yourself when we couldn’t help as much as we wanted to. Work ethic. Without entitlement. Or complaining. You have learned delayed gratification and are wise with your finances. You will benefit from this your entire life in so many areas. It’s pretty impressive that you’ve saved money while being a full time student.

When Dad and I were going through a dark season, you prayed for us. You came home often because you felt “the family needed to be together”. This is a demonstration of your kindness and compassion.

I always joke that you are your father’s clone. This is not a bad thing. In fact, it is a great thing. Except for your obsession with ESPN and lack of obsession for Christmas and holidays and that you’ve gotten kind of sassy recently. Still, I’m grateful for all you’ve picked up from Dad.

You have always said yes to opportunities to share your testimony or lead a Bible study or speak from your heart to a group of important women as you did recently. Sometimes you even go a little long - proof that you are a Burtis!

You have conducted your relationships with integrity and godliness. You’ve set a high bar for Ben and Ally who follow behind you but I think it’s a Biblical one. Thank you for that.

Grandma Burtis has called you ‘perfect baby’ since you were born and we have agreed with her. But we know that no one is perfect. We all continue to sin despite our best efforts. Dad and I have prayed that in spite of what a good son and solid young man you’ve grown into, that you would realize your own sin nature and know what to do when you find yourself in a heap of mess – especially if it is of your own doing. Because you probably will if you haven’t already.

You must run toward God in humble confession and repentance as quickly as possible. He will always receive you as your loving Father. He will wipe your slate clean again and again through His amazing grace. Don’t let the enemy ever trick you into believing He won’t.

We know that you know the secret to leading a successful life in God’s economy is to major on your spiritual life, your relationship with Jesus, and let everything else flow out of that.

The verse we selected for the senior page in your high school yearbook still fits.

“How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word.” Psalm 119:9

And may I add to that some verses for you to consider adding for pursuing a blessed life?

Psalm 1:1-3:

“Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked

Or stand in the way of sinners

Or sit in the seat of mockers.

But his delight is in the law of the Lord,

And on his law he meditates day and night.

He is like a tree planted by streams of water,

Which yields its fruit in season

And whose leaf does not wither.

Whatever he does prospers.”

As you go forward in your next stage of life, know that Dad and I are behind you, praying for you, cheering you on like we always have and like God, we say to you…

“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”

It is no secret, Drew that you have been a great source of joy to Dad and me. I’m always accused of having a favorite child – you! I answer, “He’s not the favorite, just the first.” Our love for you is endless and the buttons on our shirts are popping off this weekend as we watch you cross that stage for the last time. What an incredible, hard-earned accomplishment - a four year college degree with high honor, the gift of higher education with the intent to use it for ministry. Never forget that it is God who has given you these gifts and has been sowing all these seeds into your life from the beginning.

Mark 4:20, “But those (seeds) that were sown on the good soil are the ones who hear the word and accept it and bear fruit, thirtyfold, and sixtyfold and a hundredfold.”

May you return a hundredfold life to Him.

You are ready. You have grown into a mature and wise young man who makes his parents very proud. We are so excited for your future! Now go after what God has prepared and planned in advance for your life knowing how greatly you are loved by us and by Him. Remember too that we are always here for you if you need anything.

And don’t forget to visit your parents as often as you can. I can only go so long without seeing that smile in person.