The young pastor spoke about the demands of life and actually preached his whole sermon while walking on a treadmill. At one point, he turned it off to drive home the point that we have to stop sometimes. The silence spoke volumes about listening because we had so quickly grown accustomed to the background noise of the treadmill.
He showed from the Bible how Jesus was always in demand (and interrupted) and how He was always with people and always with His Father. Good lessons on how to navigate the 2013 culture of busyness.
I especially loved this: "People who make the biggest impact/influence are those who are accessible. Wherever you are, be all there. Invest in the richness of relationships."
Jesus was all about relationships. He was never about religion. I paused to reflect on the rich relationships in my life. Many of which were in the row beside me. Truly, what makes them rich is time spent together. Listening and learning about another over time.
I don't say 'I hate' much, but one thing I've always hated is having a calendar so full that I am forced to say no to or indefinitely delay invitations from others who want to spend time with me. Margin is a wonderful thing and important to carve into our lives so that we can say yes to some of these impromptu opportunities.
I remember once we tried to get together with some long time friends for dinner. Because of their schedules and ours, we had to book it over two months out. It kind of made me sick. I don't want to be that busy.
Scott and I have tried to be firm through the years regarding our family schedule/routine in a few ways regarding margin and relationships.
1. That we eat together as a family as many times a week as possible (at least 5, give or take) - even if it means waiting until 7:00 or 8:00 to do it. We wanted to sit and hear about what was going on in their lives with enough time for everyone to be heard.
2. Guarding weekends (or part of weekends) by not allowing the kids to book up our limited time together with sleepovers and endless running back and forth to be with friends. They are with their friends all week and we missed them. Weekends were/are Burtis time.
We believed and still believe that being at home, just us five, doing nothing in particular is of more value than than constant outside activity and influence. When they'd say, "What are we doing this weekend?" (and they always did), we'd reply, "just hanging out at home."
It wasn't always appreciated and was often accompanied by eye rolling and under the breath murmuring, 'that's boring', but we were exercising some intentional parenting and forward thinking.
Here's what brought it about. We wondered if we were so constantly busy and on the run, is that the kind of lifestyle we would pass on to our kids? What if they modeled their adult lives after what they'd seen us do and they wouldn't be able to find time for us to spend with our grandkids or have their families over for a leisurely dinner because they were so booked up? I shudder at the thought.
Before you think we were ogres, know that we said yes to plenty. They certainly slept over at their friends' homes and had sleepovers at our houses enough times. And we had weekends where we found ourselves running to and fro like crazy people. We didn't get it right all the time but as a rule, we purposed to strike a balance that leaned heavier on family time.
One of my favorite parenting verses is found in the book of Deuteronomy.
"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise." 6:5-7
To be diligent in teaching God's faithfulness and how to live wisely to our children, we have to be with them for large blocks of time, especially as they get older. In the house, while we're walking, when we're lying around, in the morning. As I look back on our 24/7-kids-under-18-still-living-at-home parenting season that is almost over (waaaaa) - and miss my sons who are off to college - this is what rises to the top as what matters most. The time spent with them. It is a gift.
Again, let me reiterate, time with their friends and others is certainly important and has some value in their upbringing and we are grateful for all of that, but nothing can replace the time they will spend with their parents who should be their greatest influence and with siblings. The family unit as God designed. Which brings me back to yesterday's sermon quote:
"People who make the biggest impact/influence are those who are accessible. Wherever you are, be all there. Invest in the richness of relationships."
It's always about choices. I write this today to encourage you younger parents. You are in charge. Not your kids. And certainly not this anti-rest, anti-God, anti-family culture we live in. Be confident in your decisions about what you think is best for your family and don't be bullied out of it. Kids don't know what's best for them. You do. Live with the future in mind, while living fully in the moment, and take the time to pass down the things that are important to you and to God.
Be all there when you're at home. (I confess, since facebook and texting arrived, this is a major challenge for me.) Be your kids' biggest influence because you are the most accessible to them. The richness of those relationships are the best in life.
It can be done. You can do it.
The real purpose for visiting Drew and his fiancee Brittany yesterday was so that my mom, his grandma, could spend some time with the lovebirds. I was most grateful that the kids carved out the time from their busy college schedules to just be with us. It was a gift.
1 comment:
Yes! yes! yes! love you friend! so.....dinner????? Joni
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