So here's what's on my mind today: Sunday's sermon. I really enjoyed it. Gave me a lot to think about and some principles to apply to daily life - always a great combination. The pastor was talking about rumors and gossip. He was preaching from Nehemiah, specifically when the Israelites were back in Jerusalem rebuilding the wall surrounding the city. It was no easy task and they exprienced opposition. Some of it came by way of gossip. (See Neh. 6)
As a woman who certainly likes to communicate often, I know how easy it is to fall right into this habit and you probably do too. Or maybe you and I can occasionally sidestep the temptation to engage in gossip, but we have been known to listen in on some...and even worse believe it without question. Ouch.
Here's what's involved in a rumor:
1. A source is never clearly declared.
2. It's usually exaggerated and inaccurate even though it may start with limited truth.
3. It leads to deep personal hurt.
Sound familiar? If you've been gossiped about, you know how deep that hurt cuts. I know this is not rocket science, but it certainly made me sit up taller and listen. Exaggerated and inaccurate though it may have started with limited truth. Think about that for a minute. How much of the truth do we require before sharing our bits of information on to others? Did we check with the person we're speaking of to see if it's true - or are we just passing it along?
In this new age of social media and blogging, dangerous territory is being treaded upon. We use our freedom of speech to say whatever we want about anyone we want and rarely check our sources. Oh do be careful what you believe friends.
The pastor gave this advice on how to deal with rumors spoken to you.
Rumor Rules - questions to ask yourself or if you're really bold, ask the person who's speaking it to you.
T - Is it true?
H - Is it helpful?
I - Is it inspirational?
N - Is it necessary?
K - Is it kind?
Scott and I have been talking a lot lately about the Fruit of the Spirit. You might be familiar with this passage:
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." Gal. 5:21,22
These should be the outward traits of a person who claims to be a follower of Jesus Christ. Notice it's not the fruit(s) plural. It's one fruit. It's the whole package lived out in one person. You don't get to pick and choose the ones that come easiest or most natural to major on while excusing the others as your weakness. No, when we accept Jesus' love for us and return it back to Him by a life dedicated to living for His purposes and glory, this is what should be seen in our relationships. In every area of our lives.
Even our speech. So I encourage you today to join with me in being much more careful of what we say about others. Check your sources. Ask yourself the above questions.
Another question I have asked myself when tempted to gossip about someone is this, "Is this going to benefit the friend who is listening to me right now in any way?". Sometimes we are sharing things that are just going to infuriate or hurt or disappoint someone, but we tell it anyway. Is that necessary or kind or beneficial? Wisdom says maybe not. Wisdom comes from God's Word. Look at this:
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ, God forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children, and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."
Eph. 4:29-5:2"
There's a lot of meat to chew on there, don't you think? When I consider the idea of grieving the Holy Spirit, I shudder a little. We all should. It scares me and I don't want to do it. What would happen if we start each day with the proactive prayer, "Father, please don't let me do or say anything today that would grieve the Holy Spirit"? Instead, that we would imitate the heart of God, who loves and forgives each one of us. Couldn't we offer that instead of talking about someone else's choices/mistakes, etc.?
The other side of this is choosing to be very careful of what we are willing to listen to and engage our emotions in. Don't believe everything you hear, even from your most trusted friends. We all can be susceptible to a great story. Remember, most gossip is exaggerated and inaccurate. Oh, there may be a smidgeon of truth to it, but that doesn't make it authentic. I know for me I am most hurt when someone believes something said about me without asking me if it's really true. Insist on proof. Go to the source. Truly this is where the deep personal hurts come in.
As I've regularly had to say to my daughter in her world of teenage mean girl drama, "Don't let someone else's opinion or experience dictate yours".
One other question we were encouraged to ask someone who is wanting to talk to us about someone else - if we are really bold - is "Is it ok if I quote you?" Wowweee! That might please the Holy Spirit.
How about we just keep our minds pure and clean? Why don't we live the Scriptures we claim to know and love? Try these:
"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." Col. 3:12-14
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."
Phil. 4:8,9
And remember the next time you find yourself tempted to gossip or simply to listen to a juicy bit, ask yourself if love is at the root of it. Do you see the fruit of the Spirit exhibited in the life and behavior of the one you are listening to? Do you see it in yourself if you're the one doing the talking? If love isn't the goal - it's probably not noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy. So don't allow it into your head!
The bottom line is that life is hard. We all make mistakes. We all do things we'd like to wipe from our reputations. We all would like a little grace. Let's be grace givers. I truly believe if we do this, we will spread the sweet aroma of Christ much more effectively - and isn't that what we are here for?
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