It Takes a Church To Raise a Boy

It's been quite a busy few weeks around here as summer approaches.  The month of June takes on a whole new identity when one of your kids is about to graduate from high school.  I mean look at that time warp!

From Little Lamb Preschool to High School

Of course, we've already launched one son out of the nest and that was excruciating to say the least, but getting the second one ready has also been emotional.  A little easier because we know what to expect.  But not so easy (tender) because we know what to expect.  Independence.  Ouch.

I'm hoping you'll indulge me today as I deal with my own processing/celebrating/grieving of this rite of passage for my son Ben.  Ben-Ben.  Benny Ben.  B Ben.  Ben-JAM-in.  Benny B.  A little hint for you at this point, you should know that we refer to our kids by many names.  One is boring.  Gotta keep 'em guessing.

As if graduation on Friday, June 21st wasn't enough - the whole weekend was filled with opportunities to let go.  The day after he left for the summer.  His birthday was the day after that.  We had lots to squeeze in.

You've heard the saying, "It takes a village to raise a child".  Our village is The Church. Not one church, mind you, but The Church, as in the compliation of many believers in Jesus Christ no matter where they choose to worship.  That's what is so cool about The Church.  When it comes to our village - I can't even count how many 'churches' are represented.  Surely this is what God intended.  Our village is very important to us and they deserve to be congratulated as well.

I'm overwhelmingly aware and grateful for the countless hours and memories each one has expended helping us raise our boy Ben.  For teaching him in school, church and youth group, for coaching him, for coming to his sporting events, for giving him opportunities to grow and serve, for praying for him, for believing in him.  We are so blessed by who he is and who he is becoming.   
 It takes A Church to turn out a kid like this.

Here's a little pictorial journey of these last weeks.

First, we needed to buy the boy a suit so he could 

go to the JR/SR at Faith Heritage

He doubledated with his best buddy, Josh.  Looks like they matched each other.  They didn't.  Well they did, but both of their dates wore pink.

This is Emily.  These two have been friends since they were little.  They looked great!

Next we had 2 parties in 6 days.  Phew.  I'm grateful to family and friends who have celebrated with us, helped me host and plan the parties (by baking, bringing goodies, setting up and cleaning up), and checked up on and praying for me as the big day approached.  The Church.

the first party was here in our backyard

nacho bar

Our backyard was filled with new friends who dig our boy

another great use for the hammock stand

Then we had a party up in Syracuse in hopes that more would come if they didn't have to travel far

It worked.  They came!  It was perfect.

This party had a theme "Ben is a Smart Cookie" (Thanks to pinterest for the idea!)

My sister Renee made this amazing cake.  Great artwork!  And it was delicious too

 

Not pictured would be final exams, a 2nd prom, Senior Trip to Hershey Park and an awards ceremony where Ben received the Gold Academic Award (given to students who have higher than a 95 average).  I told you he's a smart cookie!

Then we couldn't stop it.  Graduation night came.  Nothing can really prepare you for seeing your kid in this getup while listening to Pomp and Circumstance.  Happened with Drew.  Happened with Ben.  Waterworks.

The Maine Endwell Class of 2013

Ben seemed to be in the million dollar seat (front row) and got his picture in the paper several times. 

she's happy because soon she gets the house to herself!

We were so thankful to our family for making the trip down and watching him cross the stage.  It really is a big deal!  Drew was on hand as well, but had to go to work before the ceremony was over.  Otherwise he would be pictured here too.

Grandma Burtis

Grandma DeFrancis (That's one tall drink of water!)

Grandpa Burtis and Mrs. Nancy

Uncle Tim, Aunt Chris, Theo and Alex

and what better way to top off the evening but at Sweet Frog!

After a short sleep and no time to process the emotions piling up, we got in the van and drove up to Schroon Lake, NY where Ben will spend his summer here....on Word of Life Island...a Very Special Island...my happy place....

Ben will be driving these boats back and forth across the lake all summer

cabin life.  It was kind of icky.  Don't tell him I said that.

 

 Of course, we are sad to see him go, but what better place to be at?  I mean you've got to think of your options.  Would we rather he stay home to just hang out with friends, watch tv and play video games?  Or serve the Lord, meet interesting people and witness lives being changed for Christ?  Hopefully his too! Yes, there's no question this is God's will for all of us and we are grateful Ben can spend 8 weeks soaking it up.

We left him Saturday night.  Sunday he turned 18 which means now he can drive after 9pm.  We didn't get to have cake.  I hope he'll be alright.  Maybe we'll have some for him.  And then again in August when he comes home.  Yes, that will make all of us feel better. 

Thanks for coming with me on this little memory trip.  If you made it all the way to the end, you're probably part of our village....and we love you!

What Are You Waiting For?

Months have passed.  We are still waiting.  Have you been waiting for something for a long time too?  If yes,  you know how I feel today.  Forgive me if this post turns out to be kind of raw, somewhat vulnerable, maybe a little too honest.  Instead of saving my thoughts until this season is over or resolved, I'm writing from the middle of it because I think that's when we need the most company on the journey.  Of course, we love hearing stories from the victory side, but what do we do when we simply can't see through the fog?

One of my favorite things about the Christian walk, my ongoing relationship with Jesus, is those moments when the Holy Spirit speaks to me.  It's never in a voice I can hear with my ears, but it is undoubtedly Him speaking in a way I can sense in my heart and mind.  I especially love when it happens at a time I'm not really expecting it. Take last Sunday for example.

I was sitting in church listening to the announcements and anticipating the quiet moments when the offering is taken.  Naturally, because I'm in the middle of a wait, I'm preoccupied with my need for God to show up, show Himself and what His plan for our family is.  It's never far from my mind.  I'm often praying at random times, continually surrendering to the One I've given my heart and life to, desperately seeking a glimpse of Him and what He's doing on our behalf behind the scenes.  This, I believe, is the perfect backdrop to 'hearing' Him when you might least expect.

It went kind of like this.

God: "You've walked through difficult seasons before and I've been with you."
Me: "I know."
God: "Have I ever left you?"
Me: "No."
God: "Did I meet all your needs during and after?"
Me: "Yes, of course."
God: "Good things came from each one."
Me: "Um."
God: "I know you like lists.  How about making a list of the times you've waited?"
I smiled, because He knows how He's made me and He's ok with it.  (Take that, you Type-A haters!  haha)
 Me: "A list!  Yes!  Great idea!"

I looked back in my memory, not for the good times I can be thankful for (though that is a good practice too).  Rather, I considered the hard times.  Those seasons that I thought would never end.  When I feared that what I lost (and perceived) was losing would never be restored. When I couldn't see through the clouds and fog.  Seasons of despair, desperation, even doubt.

I took out the bulletin and started my list backwards.  Here are a few:

• disappointing God, my parents and myself
• long-term consequence for sin during teenage wandering
• disillusionment when first let down by Christians in the workplace
• singleness
• multiple miscarriages
• church trauma
• financial lack/leaning on others
• Scott working 2 jobs including 3rd shift and a paper route while I was home with 3 kids under age 5
• raising a strong willed child

As I considered each of these seasons, I realized several things.

1. They were hard.  There was pain.  I cried a lot.
2.  During each one, I wondered if this was "the new normal", if I was doomed to live this way forever.
3. I had a choice.  Trust God was in the driver's seat even if I brought it on myself OR try to take matters in my own hands and fix it.

But that's not all.  God knew that when I made the list, I would not remember only the pain, but now that I'm on the other side, I would see the good that resulted.  Like this:

1. Each one did end.  Hallelujah! 
2. God was with me during all of them.
3. He always provided for our needs.
4. We matured through each. Our hearts healed.  Our faith deepened. 
5. There was something good waiting for us when it was over. 
6. We had a story about God's faithfulness to tell to anyone going through something similar. 

I began to feel encouraged and hopeful.  God is so good and cares when we are hurting.
For the next few days, my mind kept coming back to this list.  It was up close and personal evidence of God's presence and control over my life.  When I sense doubt creeping in and despair knocking on the door of my heart, I must look back on these past times of waiting and realize there is a much bigger picture that I can't see.  I take comfort in the fact that I'm not alone.  Not only did most of the heroes of the Bible wait on God, so do all my friends at one time or another.

Can you relate?  Is there something you are enduring that you fear will never end? Well, you aren't alone either.  I'm right with you.  It's in these times that we need to do what David did in Psalm 42.  He starts out telling God how much he needs Him. I feel the same. 

"As the deer pants for streams of water,

so my soul pants for you, O God.

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God."

He tells God all about his pain, the tears he's cried day and night.  I'm living there. He remembers the good old days when he was living in a season of blessing. I like remembering those too.

But then he changes direction and talks to himself.

"Why so downcast, O my soul?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope (expectation) in God,

for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.

My soul is downcast within me;

therefore I will remember You."

I love how David is trying to change his own attitude, talking himself out of being discouraged.  We have the power to do the same.  Surely, this is how God was leading me from the pew not even a week ago.  Remember.  Go back in history both from the Bible and your own experiences.  Even if you don't get a big kick out of making lists, I bet you were mentally forming your own when you read mine.  Admit it.  I dare you to write it down.  What are the difficult seasons you have made it through?  How did God show Himself faithful?  Recognize that He is the same and He will come through again.  

I take comfort in these words from Psalm 71:

What an amazing promise!  And to think, some people think the Bible is a book of ancient writings not relevant for today.  I don't think so.  Of course we are going to experience times of trouble, loss, pain. We aren't in heaven yet.  As we mature in our faith, we must learn to look at these times as having equal value to us as when life is smooth, uninterrupted and peaceful.   That's so hard, I know.  But just remember, we've been warned.  And we've been given promises from God as we go through them.  He will be with us.  He will take care of us.  He will bring good out of it for us and for His glory.  Can that be enough for us?

Easy to say, I realize, but sometimes hard to live out on the pavement of real life.  I'm with you.  This particular wait has been what seems like the hardest and longest.  Come to think of it, each one is just that at the time, isn't it?

As we continue in our wait, I admit to feeling like we are in the dark.  We don't know what God is doing beyond what our eyes can see.  We can't see the future, how this will end or what's next for us.  We are simply lovingly invited to trust Him.  You can imagine how welcome these verses are when I feel like the darkness may be hiding me from God.

"...even the darkness will not be dark to You;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to You."*

One year when I read through the Bible, I circled the word light every time I saw it.  I was quite overwhelmed with the result.  All through the Old and New Testaments we see that God is connected to light.  There is no darkness in Him.  Despite what I'm feeling, I can rest in the fact that He sees me and no matter how dark the situtation seems, it is in the light to Him.  Yes. That's something I can hold on to as we wait.  

Does that encourage you?  I hope so.  No matter what you're waiting for today, take all these promises as from God to you.  Let's talk ourselves right into a deeper faith.  We've seen Him work in the past, for others and for us.  We have no reason to believe He won't come through now and in our future.  We can trust, too, that it will end.  It.will.end.

Can I ask you a favor?  If you see me down and discouraged because our wait keeps lingering, would you remind me of these things? 

*Psalm 139:12

Really Thankful Today....

Today I'm thinking about prayer.  Prayer words. Not just the me and God alone kind of prayer - which I love - but this:  As I continue jotting items in my gifts journal, one seems to show up frequently...."________ is praying for me/us."

You see, I've heard the following phrases repeatedly lately from many, many different people. "I'm praying for you" and especially, "We haven't stopped praying for you". Sometimes I'm even surprised by who says it.  It's humbling and delightful.

They may rapidly be becoming my most favorite words. I've certainly heard them before, but I wonder if I've simply said thanks, failing to slow down and appreciate the depth therein.  As I find myself in this needy state for an extended period of time, they've come to mean so much more.

I've given this encouragement to others (many of you) both when asked to pray and when God has put it on my mind.  But if I'm honest, sometimes I pray once, maybe twice and then go right on about my life and may not necessarily continue in prayer  - until the answer comes.

This is probably why the words "We haven't stopped" are the ones that really stand out today.  Being on the receiving end for such a long period now, I will correct this. I see more now in living color how much it matters to know.

If I let my mind wander a bit and picture the face of each one who I know is regularly lifting our family before the Lord in prayer, I cry.  It's so beautiful.  An amazing gift of commitment and encouragement.

Is there any more wonderful way to show love and support to one another than bringing someone into your intimate conversations with the Father?

So I'd just like to thank those of you who have prayed for us once or for those of you who continue to pray.  We want you to know that God is answering your prayers.  We are encouraged.  He is near.  He is providing.  We aren't out yet, but we are blessed.

Thank you for going the distance with us, for us.  You are yet another reason why we love 'the church'.  I'm thanking God for you today!

Now how can I pray for you?  Message me.  I mean it.  :)

A Bittersweet Weekend - Reunions, Reconciliation and a Celebrated Life

It's Tuesday and I'm still preoccupied with thoughts of this past weekend.  It was an emotion-packed one as we travelled to Scott's hometown of Horseheads, NY to attend the funeral of a very special friend of the Burtis family.  I met him 23 years ago at my wedding.  He was like a 2nd Dad to my husband for all his childhood and beyond, and soon would work his way into my heart too.  His death was sudden and left us surprised and saddened.

Going into the weekend, I expected to spend time with family, reunite with friends we only see occasionally, comfort the grieving, learn some valuable lessons and of course, celebrate a life well-lived. All these expectations were realized,  but as usual, God had more in store.

I've been known to love a great funeral.  What I mean by that is, if the person who died lived a good, faithful-to-the-Lord life, I enjoy listening in on all that good stuff.  It motivates me to want to live better. I was not disappointed.

Since returning home Saturday night, I've been overwhelmed with so many thoughts from the funeral and time spent with the family the next day. I was having trouble processing.  Funerals are so bittersweet, aren't they?

The sweet part was truly sweet:

• hugging every family member and entering their grief with them
• being in a church packed full of people influenced by Bob and his wife, Carol
• watching my husband enjoy a childhood reunion (so fun to see him reconnect and retell time-worn stories)
• being silly with friends we don't see nearly enough who are so fun to be around (you know who you are!)
• laughter as we reminisced about Bob's life and funny things he was known to say
• my own memories of Bob - he always made me feel loved and included
• some relationships were mended
• new friendships were formed
• God was honored and praised
• concerned friends offered us encouragement 

Because I'm kind of a nerd, I was also looking forward to the important words I was going to hear.  You can imagine if I took notes at a MercyMe concert, I certainly planned on jotting a few things down Friday night.  Oh yes I did. I actually had all of you in mind, too.  You know I can hardly experience anything meaningful without wanting to share it here. 

Including the Pastor who officiated, nine eulogies were given. Nine! They were so good.  Here's some of it.

The legacy of Bob Miller

• He was generous with his Time, Talents (would do anything for you), Money, Smiles and Hugs
• He was HUGE in stature and as a husband, a dad and a friend
• There was not a person who met him who didn't go home with a warm, accepting feeling
• For as giving as he was, he never expected anything in return
• He was an anchor

Bob invested in the young men God put in his life and there were many.  I loved some of the things they said:

• "Bob was coaching us in the game of life often saying; 'Get in there!  You can do it!'"
• "He believed in us"
• "He cared about what kind of young men we would become"
• "My life was richer for having known him"
• "He spoke his mind when he was concerned about you"

This I really loved:  Mike Carl, friend of Scott's, another 'son' to Bob, spoke this memory. "When I was in high school, Bob asked me, "Do you have a life verse?"  Answer - no.  "Well, have you heard of 1 Cor. 15:58?  Make that your life verse."  Then Mike recited it from memory. 

  

"Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm.  Let nothing move you.  Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."

That was impressive.  What an amazing gift/challenge to pass down to the next generation.  I checked my Bible - yup, that verse is underlined, but it took on so much greater meaning in that moment.   And, because we know Mike and the life he now lives, it is even more powerful.

Bob's son, Rob (like a brother to Scott), spoke last.  He concurred with all the testimonies of what a great man his Dad was.  Then Rob reminded us, Bob would not want us to make a big deal about him, but rather, he would insist we follow Jesus and grow that relationship as the most important thing.  That this was the only way to really live. Yes. That's the right focus.

My heart and mind were full. I learned so many lessons.  I learned about being generous.  Don't hold back.  Give what you have with enthusiasm. I learned about acceptance.  Everyone created in God's image deserves to be treated as important as that.  I learned about joy.  I tell you this man was always so joyful!  You could not be in his presence without smiling and laughing.  He was contagious.  I learned about how important relationships need to be.  To not let people fade out of our lives.  Go after them, care enough to stay involved and engaged even when you don't agree.  I learned not to seek the riches and pleasures of this world when others have needs.  Put others before self.  Give.  Give.  Give.  When you do this, you have lived well a life pleasing to the Lord Jesus who first led in these examples. It impacts the lives of those who cross your path.

That was the sweet, but there's also the bitter.  The bitter is that we will miss Bob and we feel compassion for his family who will miss him even more.  That's not all.  At least for me, when I attend a funeral like this, a time of self-examination usually ensues.  I looked over the life Bob lived, grateful for having known him and experienced some of what the others spoke of, reflected on the lessons above and then at my own life and frankly, came up wanting in some areas.  Regret is bitter.

Admittedly, the last few days, I've felt crushed under the weight of all this and my self-diagnosed failure to measure up.  Some of you are self-criticizers too so you know what I mean. But I also know God never means for us to stay in that state because it paralyzes.

You can imagine my delight this morning when I read this straight from His Word: 

"My dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love.  This is the only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality.  It's also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there's something to it.  For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves. 

And friends, once that's taken care of and we're no longer accusing or condemning ourselves, we're bold and free before God!  We're able to stretch our hands out and receive what we asked for because we are doing what he said, doing what pleases Him. 

Again, this is God's command:  to believe in his personally named Son, Jesus Christ.  He told us to love each other, in line with the original command.  As we keep His commands, we live deeply and surely in Him, and He lives in us.  And this is how we experience His deep and abiding presence in us: by the Spirit He gives us."  1 John 3:18-24

These verses are gallons of water for this parched soul that desperately wants to live in "His deep and abiding presence".  I've been accused of being too hard on myself.  High expectations.  Likely not God's.  I know it's true and I hate myself for it.  See what I mean?  

So I read these verses and find a perfect balance between a hearty challenge and God's grace.  He expects us to obey but doesn't condemn because "knows more about us than we do ourselves".  Based on all this, today I choose to practice real love.  Like Bob did. I never doubted that he would do anything for me (us) or come if we called.  I liked being loved by Bob. I like being loved by Jesus even more. And there might be some people out there who would like being loved by me. I want to follow God's commands and live bold and free before Him.

So while some experiences in life are bittersweet (and they are meant to be), let's let the work of both parts change us to grow as God intends for us to and live so that others who are looking in will be challenged to do the same.

I like the way Rob put it (on facebook), "I have asked a number of times the last couple of weeks "What do I do now? How do I go on without my Dad"? And then I hear my Dad's voice saying "Quit crying, you knucklehead and get back to work! You have things left unfinished." So with that tomorrow morning I will go back to work and go about finishing what is left undone so one day I will hear as I'm sure my Dad did on May 13, 2013 "well done faithful servant".

Thanks, Bob for touching my life profoundly, when you were with us and still now in your absence.

Hope is a Good Thing

So today I finished the very long book of Jeremiah and decided to read all of Lamentations in one sitting (there's that overacheiver rearing her ugly head).  To be honest, I wasn't really expecting to find a new favorite passage.  When am I going to learn to remember to approach this amazing Book with an attitude of expectancy every time I open it?

The introduction should have clued me in that I was in for a treat today.

"Lamentations is a concentrated and intense biblical witness to suffering. Suffering is a huge, unavoidable element in the human condition. To be human is to suffer. No one gets an exemption.

Lamentations provides the community of faith with a form and vocabulary for dealing with loss and pain....

and throughout the world the suffering continues, both in large-scale horrors and in personal agonies.....

Neither explaining suffering nor offering a program for the elimination of suffering, Lamentations keeps company with the extensive biblical witness that gives dignity to suffering by insisting that God enters our suffering and is companion to our suffering."*

When this passage was written, God's people were in exile (dragged out of their beloved Jerusalem to evil Babylon) and had reduced themselves to eating their own children and killing the religious leaders.  That is bad, yet it's not too far-fetched from some of what we are seeing in the news these days, is it?  How many of us haven't been disgusted as we watch what's going on in the world around us, our world?  We are either feeling it on behalf of others or we are experiencing our own personal suffering. Or both. God is not unaware.  And He has addressed it in His Word - like He always does.

So check out this gem from chapter 3:21-33

"But there's one thing I remember, 

and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:

God's loyal love couldn't have run out,

His merciful love couldn't have dried up.

They're created new every morning.

How great your faithfulness!

I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).

He's all I've got left.

God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,

to the woman who diligently seeks.

It's a good thing to quietly hope,

quietly hope for help from God.

It's a good thing when you're young

to stick it out through the hard times.

When life is heavy and hard to take,

go off by yourself.  Enter the silence.

Bow in prayer.  Don't ask questions:

Wait for hope to appear.

 Don't run from trouble.  Take it full-face.

The "worst" is never the worst.

Why?  Because the Master won't ever

walk out and fail to return.

If He works severely, He also works tenderly.

His stockpiles of loyal love are immense.

He takes no pleasure in making life hard,

in throwing roadblocks in the way."  

I did it again. Tried to highlight just the parts I liked the best, but they all are so spot on and speak the truth about God that my heart needs to know today.

I hope you find comfort in it as well.  Take all these promises seriously.  Whatever you're going through today, whatever you're waiting on God for, keep a grip on hope, quietly hope for help from God...it's a good thing.  God will prove to be good to you.  Stick it out.  Go off by yourself.  Enter silence.  Pray.  Don't ask questions.  Wait for hope.  Don't run from trouble.  God will come for you with immense loyal love.

Yes.  Yes.  Yes.

PS...isn't this another great reason to read through the Bible?  You never know what God has hidden there for you. Sorry, I couldn't resist :)

*E Peterson, The Message version