Take It

A good friend/spiritual mentor of mine told me many years ago that he always has a book on prayer going because his prayer life can always be improved. I've never forgotten that and try to keep that practice myself as my prayer practices, too, can always be improved.

Earlier in the summer, as I wrapped up a slowly savored, wonderful book titled "Deeper" by Dane Ortlund, the author recommended his favorite book on prayer. I perked up. (Little known fact: I can. not. resist a book suggestion.) Naturally, I whipped out my phone, clicked on the Amazon app, and the next day it was on my front porch. I do not take this speed and ease for granted.

I devoured "A Praying Life" by Paul E. Miller and was both encouraged (I'm doing some of these things!) and challenged (girl, what about this?) by it. (Yes, you should grab a copy of both titles. You'll thank me.) Here's a smidge - "Prayer is all about relationship. It's intimate and hints at eternity. Jesus made extravagant promises about prayer. He encourages us to ask boldly and surrender completely. One easier than the other but both necessary together."

In tandem with highlighting page after page, I was living life, you know? And trying to put what I was learning into practice. Then, I attended two funerals in one week of women who loved Jesus and served Him wholeheartedly to the end of their 70-year-old and 91-year-old lives. You know I brought pen and paper to both memorial services. 

A pastor shared how one of these grandmas prayed for her grandchildren. It really stopped me in my tracks and caused me to question if I could pray such a bold prayer: "Lord, you know our hearts and you know the future. If any of my grandchildren are not going to accept Jesus' offer of salvation and live their lives for Him, take them young (before reaching an age of accountability) so they don't receive hell as their final destination." Whoa.

Such an unusual prayer stays with you. I'm not sure how I could tell my children I've chosen to pray this for theirs. It's huge. It's bold.

But it's also smart and eternity driven. It's long game thinking which is what we've always tried to have in front of us while parenting our three. 

This is the stuff of hard-core faith. Eternity is the long game. This lifespan on earth is a blip we're told in comparison. The good stuff, the reward, paradise - is yet to come and what every decision we make, every prayer we speak should point to.

I hear the Spirit whisper (not in actual words, but in my thoughts) that this isn't the only area for such a boss prayer.

A darling young woman I love is standing on the edge of a new relationship with a young man. She met him online and is about to test the waters with an in-person visit. I texted her on the big day. 

"I wrote a poem for you. 

Today's the day-

how shall we pray?"

She giggled. Then we teased it out. She said she was praying bold prayers, so I challenged her to kick it up a notch. "Let's ask God to raise any red flags right away." Check.

I dared plunge deeper. "What if you offered your Father permission to say no? 'Lord, if a relationship with this man will cause my heart to fall away from you, take it. Don't let me have this.'?"

Kind of tests what's in the heart, doesn't it? Don't you wish you had me for a friend?

As always, Holy Spirit doesn't let me get away with this kind of counsel without turning the mirror around. So I asked: What in my life can I offer God to take if it's going to cause my heart to distance myself from Him? What might lure me away from intimacy with God and into self-pleasure, sin even? An entitled expectation that I deserve something or someone perhaps?

Take it.

If I'm worried about living a large life, comfortable, stress-free dream life, worrying and controlling outcomes, working myself to exhaustion to make it happen and not looking to You to write my story, take it. 

If I'm going to stress over investment in my bank account, 401k retirement savings, and what's happening with the stock market, panicking like You won't take care of me, showing no faith in Your promised provision, take it.

If I'm living from pleasure to pleasure insisting on doing things my way failing to consult Your Word and obedience to it, refusing to deny self, disregarding Your boundaries while grabbing what You've not given, and these keep me from loving You with my whole heart, seeking more of You to share with others, take it.

If I'm clinging to another person(s) to validate me, value me, love me as only You can and I fail or forget to make my most important relationship with You, God, built on Your unfailing, covenant love, take it.

I could go on. 

Seems risky, no? Oh, to love Jesus more than any other thing or person. There are endless counterfeits - all hostile and powerful to keep us from devoting ourselves wholeheartedly to the only thing that matters. The Only One who matters.

What do I have to be afraid of? Psalm 84:11 tells me, "For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly."

And James 1:17 boasts "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights."

Which begs the question, do I believe the Father loves me? Where is THAT written?

If you wonder, I beg you to read the Bible. From cover to cover, you can't miss it. More times than I can count His love and desire for all of mankind to draw near to Him that we may become His people so that He can bless us forever is repeated. Paraphrased yes, but it's there.

The matter comes down to a few questions. Do we trust the love of our Father in heaven and the gifts He chooses to give us (lavish on us as the text reads) to be gratifying and fulfilling enough? More than what we want right now - what's in front of us? Or do we desperately (perhaps impatiently) take or demand what He hasn't given - even if it will cause us to love Him less?

God forbid. 

I am proud of my friend who accepted the challenge to give God control over her new relationship. She's learning that if Jesus can be trusted with her salvation and eternal life, He can be trusted with every area of her earthly life. She's inviting Him to do His will, not just hers (but hoping they are the same, which is totally cool).

The older I get the less I even trust my own prayers - especially the passionate ones where I beg for what I want when I want it the way I want it. I heard it said once that we can't pray for God's will in a situation until we don't care what it is.

Yes, I love that place. His will. Not mine. It's safe. It surrounds me with God's care which never fails. It surprises me with delight and abundance. Don't miss that.

It reminds me of the prayer I shared from the sister above and now add my voice to. Knowing Jesus and living our lives for His glory is the only way to live. If anything, or anyone threatens that level of devotion in my life (or that of those I love), take it. 

I believe our Father esteems and receives that prayer because He digs when His children trust Him. 

Lastly, it must be recorded that looking back and seeing the many things He has taken - some with my invitation and some not (because He protected me) - none of them are missed. Not one. Father knows best.

The Goodness of Summer

Living in the northeastern United States brings a treasure of natural and cultural delights. Four distinct seasons extreme from each other in many ways, most anticipated enthusiastically, arriving usually later than we wish while sometimes wearing out their welcome, staying too long. But, always perfectly executed year after year. I adore this.

Typically, we love some aspects and dislike (hate?) others - the extremes I suppose. Still, I find there is always something of each to enjoy. 

Every season shines in some way during its turn in the calendar year. This is a reflection of the wonderful, delightful diversity of our Creator God's fingerprints. What He's lavished out for our enjoyment and pleasure.

It's no secret that winter is my favorite season for so many reasons I won't get into today lest I dampen the summer lovers' current bliss. When summer humidity suffocates, burns the color out of the grass, and forces me indoors to the relief of air conditioning, this is only underscored. 

However, I have lived enough years to know loving one but not the other, doesn't diminish the value or the gifts to behold in the lesser-loved. These can be enjoyed without hypocrisy. And they should be - with gratitude even!

That's what's on my mind today - the stuff that's been bringing me much joy in my not favorite season. The things that aren't to be found any other time of the year - that scream "summer"! 

What better way for a Type A observer to pay attention and squeeze out the wonder than keeping a list? 

• a baseball game with fireworks at dusk on a warm (not muggy) night
• a small town Main Street lined with red, white and blue flags 
• aged veterans saluting 4th of July parades, kids scampering for candy 
• kindergarten graduations (even if your beloved firstborn granddaughter wants to be a rockstar - not a missionary)
• country drives boasting fields and hills lush with green grass and trees bursting with leaves (and the wonder of how they die, fall off and replenish every year)
• boat rides on an Adirondack lake
• flip flops and no coats
• neighbors with green thumb excellence - hello gorgeous color bursting zinnias!
• slow, evening marital walks
• cool pool or lake water on hot, brown shoulders
• a barbecue at a friend's pool; dinner eaten on a red gingham tablecloth covered picnic table
• meeting outside with the Lord early every morning for Bible reading and prayer
• marveling at how a robin builds a nest in my hanging fern, fills it with gorgeous blue eggs, sitting on them until babies are born soon thereafter (the thrill wearing off when Mommy and Daddy Bird chase me off MY porch for days until their littles are ready to fly. Not cool.)
• thunderstorms at dusk - or anytime
• garage sales
• the sounds of owls hooting high above, roosters announcing morning and birds singing their praise to God - all before 6am
• graduation parties 
• ice cream stands on every corner - endless soft serve flavors with sprinkles or a hot fudge/pb sundae splurge
• grandchildren with bubbles
• vegetable stands and farmer's markets - locally grown delicious produce
• summer foods - corn on the cob, strawberry rhubarb anything, hot dogs, burgers, deviled eggs, watermelon, salt potatoes
• campfires and s'mores
• grandbaby in cute hat experiencing a pool for the first time
• marshmallow fights with my grown-up kids, while their littles giggle at the spectacle and join in
• the hum and relief of a window air conditioner and fan on steamy nights
• 80's beach music (The Cars, Huey Lewis and the News, Beach Boys, anyone?)
• neighbors not seen in other seasons, walking by, saying, "Hello, how are you?"
• outdoor amphitheater concerts
• hikes and picnics in parks
• vacation time off work
• sunsets when the moon can't wait for dark to start shining
• women fanning themselves during a Sunday morning worship service
• skipping evening tv to read in rocking chairs on the porch with my husband
• bike rides, wind in my hair (summer novels - so fun!)
• any meal eaten outside - shouldn't they all be? 

And that's just a few. :) I bet you could add some too. 

When my kids were growing up (and still today) I've been known to say from April to October: "Get outside - winter's coming!" This not to rush the summer by, but rather to exhort, "let's enjoy what the glorious outdoors offers before we are driven inside by cooler (cold, frigid) temperatures and conditions (glorious snow!)".

It's easy to complain about the undesirables in each season, isn't it? They really get under our skin. Mosquitoes pestering and biting, walking through invisible spider webs, (have I mentioned humidity?), sunburns, road construction, etc. 

But to find the thrills? To squeal with delight at the wonder God has given to us in June, July and August? This belongs to the wise and curious who know this season will end, the next one right on its heels. Happens every year without fail. Why not squeeze all the good out of the one you're firmly planted in?

Sometimes I even welcome the notion that one can't fully enjoy the wonder of winter unless summer has sweat us ready. Same going the other way - how can one enjoy summer to the full if not having survived a frigid winter? Call me crazy.

You get the idea. The joy comes with being grateful for everything today brings. So much to notice and thank the Lord for!

Feel free to add some of your summer joys in the comments. We've still got about half way to go!

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For the Graduates and the Rest of Us

Last summer, we celebrated countless weddings. I was at HomeGoods every week it seems combing through the kitchen section. One for the couple (and one for me). Not really. Well, sometimes.

This summer seems to be the year of graduations. High school, college, grad school. So many smart people I know! As I write my congratulations and well-wishes in one card (or book!) after another I find myself wanting to pen a volume of counsel and maybe even a few warnings. You know, the "learn from my mistakes" type.

I think back a few decades (ahem) to the shaky end of my high school career and wonder what my party guests could have imparted by way of advice to guide me on my way to adulthood. Something more than just "Great job!", "You did it!" and "Have fun in college!" Wisdom, perhaps, that would have helped in every season. Nuggets I would remember and maybe still need when I got older - like now.

Once firmly planted in my twenties, I began seeking friendships with older women. I didn't have many friends my own age having left high school and its immature drama in the rearview mirror. I was craving something though I couldn't name it at the time.

I accepted every woman's invitation into homes and studies; even inviting myself from time to time. I loved sitting in their kitchens, watching them prepare meals, interact with their husbands, discipline their children, serve at church. I asked endless questions especially from the ones I deemed having "done something right." I wanted what they had.

I understand now I was looking for wisdom. I ached for the ability to make better decisions going forward than I had in the not-too-distant past of adolescence. I had been a teenage trainwreck and needed a new and better path for life going forward. I desired my new faith in and relationship with Jesus to be the focus of it. But how? 

I could answer that question in a myriad of ways. Pray. Read your bible. Love God. Go to church and serve in it. Cultivate authentic relationships with other Christ-followers. Try not to sin. Learn from those further down the road, be obedient to and led by the Spirit and so much more. But for graduates, consider this.

The Book of Proverbs is a good place to start. It's important to know this is not a book of promises, guarantees or formulas for success. Rather, it is a volume of teachings on how to live skillfully, honoring God and others with your one life. 

It was written by the wisest man in history for this purpose:

To know wisdom and instruction,

to understand words of insight,

to receive instruction in wise dealing,

in righteousness, justice and equity,

to give prudence to the simple,

knowledge and discretion to the youth - 

Let the wise hear and increase in learning,

and the one who understands obtain guidance.

Wisdom is not just being smart. It's skill, action and applied knowledge. Did you see all those glorious power words in verses 2-5 of chapter 1 up there? This is the stuff! This is what I wish I knew way back when.

One thing I can say with confidence is that these characteristics don't come by accident. You won't stumble upon them. They require intentionality. They must be pursued and sought out (verbs!)

Proverbs is not just a book of good advice. It's God's invitation to learn wisdom from previous generations; what the older know now that they wish they knew then. 

What have they discovered? The only thing that matters, that delivers joy and meaning is this; knowing God is the chief business of our lives. 

And that's my graduation advice - spend your life getting to know God. And I might add (because I can't just offer one thing), don't waste a minute of it on any lesser things. (Hint: Everything else is a lesser thing.)

Consider your life a house -

By wisdom a house is built,

and by understanding it is established,

by knowledge the rooms are filled

with all precious and pleasant riches.

Proverbs 24:3-4

Knowledge - having the facts.

Understanding - knowing how to discern what the facts mean and how things fit together in the big picture.

Wisdom - knowing how to apply knowledge and understanding into the everyday life of a Christ-follower.

But first, the foundation of the house must be laid, and it is found in 1:7...

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge,

Fear here is defined as reverence and awe of who God is in relation to who I am and accepting God's idea of right and wrong. It's a moral mindset of "I am not God and don't get to make up the rules."

But there is a second part to the verse,

                                                ...fools despise wisdom and instruction. 

The Bible has plenty to say about the opposite of wisdom - foolishness, folly and where that will take a person. Disappointment, discouragement, broken lives, destruction, disaster and more.

Any questions?

I, for one, want to stay as far away from foolishness and folly as I can get. Imagine arriving at the middle or end of your life and finding you have always been known as a fool? Fear of the Lord, living in awe of who He is and according to His ways is the hands-down better option. It leads to the very best life and benefits everyone around us.

I often repeat to myself and my children a teaching from Andy Stanley that has proven extremely helpful. "In all the decisions you face, ask yourself the following question. 'Based on what you've experienced in the past, your current situation and where you want to end up in the future, is there wisdom in this?'"

Here's the thing I didn't fully comprehend at eighteen years old; every decision I make effects my future and someone else. Heeding that piece of advice could have saved me a good amount of pain and regret.

Not convinced yet? Read the Book of Proverbs for yourself. I triple dog dare you.

Graduates and the rest of us, there are choices before you that require action (verbs!): 

• Wisdom or foolishness? 
• Live according to His word, the Bible, or do things your way? 
• A God-blessed life or a life filled with regrets?

You can't have it both ways. You'll never slide into wisdom by being indifferent, but into foolishness you surely will. I pray you choose well. I'm cheering for you.

P.S. My husband will be preaching through the Proverbs this summer as our church pursues wisdom for living. You can watch messages here or listen to them here.

What If It's Not Somebody's Fault

Along with the rest of you, I watched the news in horror this week - and not just once. A gunning down in a grocery store. Children and a few adults terrorized watching everyone in the room being shot and killed. It's unspeakable and unimaginable. We grieve to the gut over this for all the same reasons. Who can help us?

As I somewhat reluctantly throw my hat into the opinion ring today (which I admittedly mostly loathe), I wonder if we could take a minute to turn aside from all the voices - so many voices vying for our allegiance to a cause. Could we resist knee-jerk emotionally driven generalizations, solutions, and blame throwing?

Because here's the thing - some things are sure, but others are not. 

It seems we feel the need to hold someone or something accountable for a tragedy like this because maybe it gives us a sense of control or just some solid ground to try and make sense of it? We can't imagine anyone slaughtering a group of innocent vulnerable souls. But it happened. It's not the first time and likely won't be the last.

Who or what is responsible?

mental illness

guns

family upbringing/home

social media influence

government failure

security weakness

political responsibility

There's no sense to this. It is outrage-ous. It's not wrong to feel that. It moves us to take action (control?) to prevent it from happening again, to honor the lives lost and loved ones who remain inconsolable.

My opinion: I don't think blaming each other is the solution. Whether it's race or political party or religious affiliation or geographic location or moral choices. Blaming is divisive and possibly hateful. Why doesn't this work; only causing more angst and anxiety and anger?

Because we are fighting the wrong war. This isn't a war between men and women and ideals. This is a battle against evil which has been present since shortly after creation.

Evil. What other word could cover such unfeeling, cold, monstrosities of behavior? 

Turning on each other and our opinions will hardly generate peace, love or harmony which is what we crave.

May I suggest we come together - as humankind - created in God's image - and war against a real enemy, who is named Satan? Evil destructiveness started with him. He finds a weak prey, an opportunity, and exploits it to bring death. He is the one warring with everything good - which originates from God, who is exactly the opposite.

What we really need is a consideration of how we can together look beneath the surface or take a wide-angle view to see what's really going on here.

Down through all of time and the history of mankind evil has been present. Every generation has their shameful stories. We are aghast and try to forget the Holocaust, war crimes, genocide, American slavery, sexual abuses and coverups, and more. 

Even before that, evil slaughtered babies, raped and killed women, left the suffering on the side of the road. (Read more about this in the Bible. It's all there in gory detail.) Human beings - every man and woman - you and me - are capable of all manner of sin. We are born with it. We do it all the time and apart from God, we can't not do it. 

Hear this, evil and sin are not going anywhere. We don't have the power to stop what is happening in a spiritual world where dark forces are throwing around everything they have to try and thwart all of God's goodness toward men, women and children - His favorite.

But there is something we can do. We could consider looking up, shifting our gaze from other created beings and look to God for help and comfort. "Lord, have mercy on us!"

We could also stop blaming each other - specifically those with different ideas than us. 

Evil is lurking around all of us, tempting each to pursue and demand our own way, take what we want for our personal fulfillment and agenda no matter what the cost to others. What if we refused malice, accusation, division, meanness, despair and blaming?  

Perhaps not post our jabs on social media, those snarky comments that fill readers with rage, angst or questionable solidarity (building a team)? Instead, we can come together, humble ourselves (is there any chance we could be wrong?), and recognize that none of us are immune. 

We could take a look in the mirror and maybe make some changes in how we are living, raising our children, making daily decisions, influencing others?

What if we sought out a Jesus follower full of faith, and asked questions, seeking understanding with an open mind? Even if we don't have all the answers (it's impossible to, we are not infinite), we could receive comfort and encouragement from the Only One who can give it first for ourselves and then to pass on to others.

What if we picked up His Word, the Bible, written generations ago, preserved (miracle) and authenticated for those who are open to believing what is recorded inside? It requires faith, of course, even as tiny as a mustard seed, to understand it. Open the pages and perhaps utter a prayer like, "God, if you're real, give me eyes to see and ears to hear. Show me what the truth about life is."

Warring with fellow men/women doesn't solve these types of issues. I even wonder if it makes it easier for the enemy to do more damage. No person or group of persons can "fix" this. 

No, what we face is bigger. The problem of evil is what we need to fight. Can we win you might ask? We can if we are on the winning team. There is one Warrior who will end this war on evil one day. His name is Jesus. And He loves everyone He has created. Everyone. Not all love Him, of course, but all are invited to know Him. You could consider this your invitation if this is new news to you.

You see, these victories come through faith in God, prayer, knowing God's heart and mind about things - learned through reading the Bible and becoming members in churches who teach it. 

It comes with reaching out a hand to someone hurting and trusting that one day, as God promised, Jesus will make all things new. He will conquer death. He will wipe away every tear. He will replace this world and the evil running rampant in it, and eventually usher us into His Kingdom. 

There will come a day when the type of evil we have observed and experienced will no longer happen. This is good news! We can look forward to that day with trust. 

In the meantime, what's the point of small mankind, ripping each other apart with pointed fingers, demanding solution (our solution) without even consulting the Only One who can do something about this? It won't touch the tip of the iceberg of the evil among us. In fact, what if it's adding more destructive damage to our society?

Let's do this - bring our lament and grief to a holy, loving God, ask Him for help, to show us how to fight spiritual evil. Lord, have mercy on us! 

He always knew these unexplainable tragedies would happen but, in His righteousness and fairness gave men (and women) a choice way back in the garden of Eden. Live according to His plan for mankind rife with beauty, delight and promise or do it their own way. 

We have that same choice. 

I think it's a good start.

The Lord is righteous in all His way and kind in all His works.
The Lord is near to all who call on Him to all who call on Him in truth.
He fulfills the desire of those who fear Him; He also hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord preserves all who love Him, but all the wicked He will destroy.

Psalm 145:17-20

In Honor of My Friend

Yesterday I was supposed to say a final goodbye to a friend. We've been needing this day for a long time. To have closure, they say. I've said it too. But with no casket and no body to actually say farewell to, I didn't really feel it.

Perhaps I said goodbye to her on that shocking day nine months ago - nine long months ago - when she left this world. She had been sick for about a week but expected to beat it. I talked to her on the phone one day by FaceTime. Thank God for FaceTime.

I remember it vividly. To help get their house in sell-ready condition, I was painting our son's bedroom while entertaining his daughter, my darling first granddaughter. This was no small feat to begin with. Ever painted a room with a five-year-old firing off nonstop questions such as, "Mimi, can't I help you paint? Mimi, when can I paint? Mimi, is it my turn?"

We were all in constant prayer and on high alert, waiting to hear any improved news from the hospital my friend was pretty well locked down in because of covid quarantine and restrictions; phone calls scattered and unpromised.

My beloved, worried, scared daughter-in-law finally was able to connect with her mom, my sick friend. After a brief conversation and before needing to hang up, Brittany gave me a gift. She put the phone in my hand, interrupting her own conversation with her mom, giving me a few minutes to see my friend's face and hear her voice. I didn't know it would be the last time. 

We had been eager for her to get well and drive to Syracuse from her home in Connecticut so we could celebrate our shared granddaughter's 5th birthday. We went in on a big girl bike for Addy and wanted to present it together. Would we learn today when she would be released and birthday party date set?

She was in bed and on oxygen. She (still) looked herself, smiley, even laughed a bit, albeit somewhat weary. Sick of being sick, I figured. I wasted no time on small talk. I looked her in the eye and told her I loved her. That's not normal for me. I tend to need to warm up and save that kind of declaration for just before saying goodbye. But it came out with urgency. Holding her gaze, I reminded her of all the friends and family who love her and were praying for healing. I told her Jesus was with her, even in this, and that He is good and trustworthy. She already knew that. I said I'd see her soon and couldn't wait to hug her.

Keeping close tabs every day, we hoped for the news we wanted. A few days later, Drew called and through tears, his wife sobbing beside him, said, "She didn't make it." 

I admit, I didn't know what he was saying. Who didn't? One of the zoo of dogs belonging to his in-laws? 

I pressed, "What did you say?" 

"She didn't make it." 

Wait, are we talking about Brenda? No, that can't be right. "What do you mean, 'she didn't make it'?"

"She died, Mom," he barely croaked out. I regretted making him say it three times while his wife openly wailed, but I was aghast. I don't think any of us expected this outcome. How could she be gone? She is younger than me! She's always been so, so, full of life. It can't be.

My turn to weep. I wasn't prepared. (Are we ever?) How could I comfort these two kids when I was suddenly stabbed with the pain of loss? I couldn't imagine a world without Brenda in it. She was a huge presence. 

As was recalled at yesterday's Celebration of Life ceremony, which was standing room only, packed with those whose lives she touched, Brenda was one of a kind. She and I came together about ten years ago when my oldest son and her oldest daughter fell in love at Bible College. As they planned their future, we became fast friends. Her one-of-a-kindness was evident immediately.

As our friendship grew, we became prayer partners, often sharing prayer requests for our kids. She called on me more often than I did of her, but I remember the day I did reach out to her. I had said some things that I thought were to be the doom of a relationship, no future for trust to be built, I had blown it and didn't see it resolving well. I asked Brenda to pray. I'll never forget how loving and encouraging she was to help me see through my own insecurities and fears and find truth. She understood and propped me up, mom to mom. She was the one I needed in that moment, and I thanked God for her often. She was a faithful friend. But she was so much more. 

Have you heard of Brenda Burke-DeSantos hugs? Legendary. She didn't just lean in and pat you on the back with a quick release. You know, polite-like, actually caring if you wanted to hug? No tentative does she really want to hug me or is she just being polite embrace. She grabbed you and brought you in. Body to body, her warmth permeated you. 

And it wasn't quick. It lasted as long as she wanted it to! No personal space respected.  I realized some time later it wasn't just because she was a hugger. She wanted it and she wanted you to know it - to know you were valued, that you mattered to her. She didn't seem to care if she knew you well or it was a first-time introduction. I marveled at this.

Over time I came to love these hugs myself. Living in two different states, we mostly only saw each other on special family occasions. Because I spent more time with our grandchildren and their parents more often than she did for a season, I would not crash the scene when it was her time to visit them.

Except this once, I was missing her. I snuck over to Drew and Britt's house and came through the door. Addy shouted, "Mimi! What are you doing here?" I sheepishly, yet somehow confident it would be ok, replied, "I'm not here to stay, I just needed one of your Grammie's hugs." Brenda wasted no time embracing me. I can't remember what was bothering me that prompted this show of neediness (also not characteristic of me usually), but it calmed me and soothed me and I left feeling better.

Most importantly, she taught me how to live the Gospel. The thing about this exceptional woman that everyone who knows her testifies to (I have heard this countless times by dozens) is how her home and heart is always open to you. And I mean ALWAYS. Weekly family dinner far exceeded blood family. And all of her kids' friends, nieces and nephews, boyfriends, girlfriends, hairdressers, dog groomers (oy the dogs!), etc. knew it and came fully expecting to get that hug knowing they were wanted. I honestly don't think they came for the food, though there was always plenty. 

The real kicker in my observation was how she saw and loved each one the same. She listened to them. She was safe. No one was turned away no matter what they had done - even if they had hurt her. How she could treat everyone like they were her favorite, while excluding no one was as much a mystery to me then as it is today. How did she do it? It almost seemed, the messier the life, the more she insisted on showing love to that one(s).

Oftentimes, seeing this extravagant love and acceptance in action, I would compare myself to her and when I did, I would always come up wanting. I've been the quick, pat, lean in type of hugger myself. Not too close, not wanting anyone uncomfortable, overthinking big love (too much too soon?). Burtis family dinner meant dinner for five, pulling the leaves and extra chairs out for special occasions, not weekly. Healthy boundaries, right? Sometimes I would include their friends, the ones I liked. I may have said I had an 'open door policy' and 'you're always welcome here' but it was nothing like Brenda's - who had strays sleeping on her couches on a regular basis. I'd like to think I loved those most in need of love, but if I'm honest, I favored those who had it a little more together if you will. 

This is where I learned from Brenda how to be more like Jesus and how to live the Gospel. Jesus came to Earth to show who His Father is, to invite everyone to join His family, to give His life away by enduring hardship, rejection, betrayal, suffering, beatings and death for the ones in the most need - the ones He loved the most - the poor, the sick, the down and out, the sinners, the ashamed. Wherever those hung out, Jesus was in their midst. He loved them and they loved Him in return. 

This is the way to do it.

Brenda got it. 

Perhaps she remembered the shape she was in when Jesus called her to follow Him. Perhaps she was daily mindful of her gratitude for God's forgiveness of her own sins. Perhaps she realized she needed Him every day to help her live according to His ways. That's a good place to start because that's where we all live, am I right?

In her memory and honor, I aspire to take on more of my friend's lifestyle (she gave me a front row seat to Biblical hospitality), by becoming more like Jesus myself. Understanding the Gospel - that Jesus came to save sinners - those who've messed up the most or the most frequently, I will offer a safe place where there is no shame for how you got there, a listening ear and a warm meal. A place where Jesus' love is freely on display for one and all. No questions asked. No good behavior required. He brought salvation, eternal life and only requires one thing of us. It's here in one of my favorite quotes from Jesus himself in John 6:37: "whoever comes to me I will never cast out." One thing - come. 

In the meantime, I'll remember her fondly. I can only think of one thing about her I would change - her infernal love of dogs! I've never experienced so many pets in one house. I actually asked her once, "What is this new dog going to do for you that the other 7 doesn't do?" She just laughed and said, "I don't know!"

I'm so grateful I got to tell her I love her one last time (for now). I miss my friend. I miss her laugh. I miss her understanding and encouragement and prayers. I miss her hugs. I miss watching her loving relationship with her daughter, my daughter-in-law, always leaving room for me to be a part of them. I miss the way she loved my son. I miss the way she adored our shared grandchildren. 

I grieve the huge hole in all of their lives. That Brittany no longer has a mom to share her life with every day, feeling her love and encouragement in everything she does. That Addy and Judah will have little memory of the limited time they spent with their Grammie. A giant loss for them - she loved them so big. And I grieve my boy's loss of a champion and prayer warrior mother-in-law on his behalf.

My heart also breaks for Brenda's other three daughters, one son, one daughter-in-law, two sons-in-law, three grandchildren and dear husband. When the young (similar in age, she and I considered ourselves young!) leave the earth, it feels wrong, too soon. I feel that. Some days I still can't believe she's gone. I still can't imagine the world without her in it.

But God makes no mistakes and none of our tears are wasted. The Bible clearly tells us that our days are numbered by Him. He's in control and He's good. He's trustworthy and still has good things for those of us still here on earth. 

And truthfully, we should be so happy for Brenda - she wins! She finished her race. Her Father welcomed her into glorious eternity - His very presence! Yup, she's a lot better off than us. We are the ones left still having to wait for our day of ecstasy that is planned for each of us who have trusted Jesus as Saviour. It will come. That day when He welcomes us to heaven with a giant, all-encompassing hug that will remind us of our girl who gave us a taste of what it will be like.

When Eavesdropping and Stealing are OK

Yesterday while spending time with God in my favorite chair (chaise), I went looking through some favorite books for new words to pray. Ever have that itch? Like wondering if God is sick of my same old same old asks? I certainly tire of my own repetitive prayers sometimes.

I want to be a mighty pray-er, speaking power prayers that will move heaven on earth. I don't believe God requires this or is even impressed by it, but still, overachiever much? 

Of course, God hears all prayers, and I think they even endear us to Him when they come from a place of weakness - as simple as "help". The point is to come to Him who is always eager to receive us.

Still, I have a side that longs to express myself to my Father in heaven with well thought out words that communicate how much I value His time, listening ear, and the intimacy of our relationship. I don't think it's a Type A drive, more like an eager child wanting Him to find the same kind of joy I dig in a gorgeous, well-crafted sentence I might read in a treasured book, you know? I want to delight Him with my words.

Naturally this means I have to take more time in prayer, imagining Him sitting in the chair beside me, attentive, smiling, waiting. I often consider the question Jesus posed to the blind men in Mark 10 and Luke 18: "What do you want me to do for you?" knowing He is posing it to me too. This is who He is.

Problem? I'm not often as creative and inventive as I'd like to be, so I resort to stealing ideas. I keep a collection of printed prayers to reference; to breathe new life into how I could answer Jesus' question. This is the one that jumped off the page to me in my recent search: 

"Lord, I have too long given the devil a foothold (Eph. 4:27). Please help me to stop offering him so many opportunities to bring defeat into my life. Your plan for me is victory."*

That's it! These words described both my current frustration and longing perfectly. Why do I keep getting tripped up by the same things? Why do I continually need to circle back to the same prayers for rescue and forgiveness? When will I stop doing this?

The short answer is I'm weak and sinful. We all are. It's the human condition. But the longer, better answer (truth revealed) is that this is not God's plan for me, and with His help, I can overcome it and leave this struggle in the rearview mirror. Jesus has the power and is willing to give it to me.

Further, the idea to "...stop offering the devil so many opportunities to bring defeat into my life" hurt a little if I'm honest. Looking in the mirror does that sometimes, doesn't it? Is some or all of this on me? Is it something I'm doing or not doing? I believe the hard reality is yes.

I declare I'm sick of feeling defeated - on a regular basis - and suddenly feel empowered to do my part of putting a stop to it. I know I won't be able to do it on my own. I don't have that kind of power in myself, but I can cooperate with the Holy Spirit who does have it in abundance. He is in me and available to help. Through prayer, I can strengthen up and say no, no more of this. Can I get an amen?

Naturally, it will take some work. Awareness of the same old same old choices (which honestly are simply selfish desires/entitlements), acknowledging where they will lead. Pleasure for a moment, regret for much longer. I can make a better decision. Do you see it? That prayer is empowering!

What a blessed reminder. What a help that someone else had a similar experience I can learn from, and I can borrow those prayers. 

Friend, I think this is pleasing to God. We need each other. To teach from our experiences. It's perfectly acceptable to eavesdrop on each other's prayers and make them our own.

I'm so thankful for those who write them down. I suppose I could too - as could you - and before we know it we will be encouraging a brother or sister. Learning from each other's defeats, confessed sin, and new patterns that stop offering the devil a foothold, opportunities to bring defeat into our lives. And our wins - the answers to our prayers! Presenting honest, real, and vulnerable requests to our God who wants to answer us with a resounding "yes, I'll help".

Don't look now, but in doing this, we are being the Church - this amazing gift God has given to His family for encouragement and strengthening. Let's not neglect this provision from God.

"Father, thank you for answering my prayer before I even prayed it - new, meaningful words I couldn't find myself that are already an answer yes from you because they come from your Word. Words that strengthen and empower me to do my part in growing closer to you and farther from the things I leave available for the enemy to attempt to use to defeat me. Defeat is not your way for me. Victory is. I choose your way today. Remind me of this when the opportunity for self-gratification presents itself next. I don't have to give in to it. You give me power to resist and choose better. Ah! You are always for me. And I love you even more today. 

In the mighty name of Jesus, Amen."

*Praying God's Word by Beth Moore

Other suggestions: Every Moment Holy Volume I and II

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An Invitation to Lament

What is happening in the world? It seems to be falling apart. Mankind killing mankind. Lies. Deceit. Harshness. Hypocrisy. Deception. Fear mongering. Judgment. Division. Selfish gain. Did I miss anything?

Like you, I'm sure, I keep an eye on the current events around the world each day. The powerful power- hungry preying on those trusting, believing, hoping their best interest is at stake. The senseless, brutal slaughter of the innocent in the wake of evil. 

None of it is new news. It's been happening since man was created. This doesn't comfort. The problem is that it's occurring on our watch, and we don't know what to do so far away. And if we're honest, we fear it will come near and disrupt our carefully crafted peaceful lives.

Growing up in a free country breeds entitlement. I've seen it rear its ugly head in my heart in living color in recent days. I confessed to my husband (and to God) just last week that I am a true American with all the prideful entitlements intact. 

When authority overreaches and tries to take away a freedom, my back arches and my neck cranes and I say, "Well, we're not going to put up with that." If another country tried to invade and take us captive, well, we can't imagine that here in America. We simply can't accept that as a possible reality.

While scrolling through Instagram yesterday, I happened upon a post that I could have written - but not nearly as well - so I'm going to share it in the author's words.

"I love the season of Lent. I think this is a relatively new development; in previous years, I wonder if I was distracted - perhaps in some way rightfully - by the fasting, the "giving up" of something; the sugar, the social media, the soda.

These days, I am more grateful for the chance to lament, so relieved to be guaranteed a season in which I can sit and quietly grieve, in which I can acknowledge without reproach that things are not alright here. We are not okay.

What a relief it is to get to say that aloud, in a chorus alongside the rest of the global church. During our Ash Wednesday service last week, the priest looked at us gently, talking about his rended heart, about what he's witnessed the last two years. "We've behaved badly," he said, and oh, what a balm that truth was to my soul.

A quiet, somber, whispered alleluia for the acknowledgment that we have not handled things well. We are not okay. The world is not as it should be, and we continue to behave badly. But an alleluia, too, for the hope that there is Someone working diligently, powerfully to make things right, to turn our sins into seeds of something better.

Thanks be to God for lament, for repentance, for the chance to try again to make things right with each new day. Thanks be to God for Lent, which comes along right when I seem to need it the very most."*

I felt like crying after reading that honest assessment of the result of corporate sin. I think and talk enough about my personal individual sin, not daring to discuss yours - that's between you and God. But collective, communal, shared sin? Owning the togetherness of it? It's not really in our daily conversation.

Can any of us look back over the last few years and these current days and think we've nailed it? That we don't have something we got wrong to confess as sin? I admit I'm at the front of the line. These crises we've been assaulted with bring out the best and worst in us, for sure.

I have a saying I smirk out regularly that always draws a laugh: "It's not that I have to be right (all the time), it's just that I happen to be." What a joke indeed.

Every morning I sit in our little homemade library by an artificial fire and candle that provides the crackle. I read my Bible, I pray, I think, I practice stillness in God's presence. It's usually a comfortable, joyous time investing in my relationship with God. But since last week, I've purposefully paid more attention to the idea of lament. It's uncomfortable, unsettling, even painful.

Lament defined by the dictionary is: to feel or express grief, sorrow or regret; to mourn deeply for or over. That is what we need.

What a gift if you think about it. To feel and mourn deeply over the suffering and the sin far away from us as well as that in our own backyard. It really is a collective problem. We're all in this together. I do believe it's valuable to sit in it awhile and let lament do its work within.

Of course, we don't stay there for long because we have hope - the rest of the story of our lament and our Lent focus - Jesus and the Gospel of God - the historical event of Jesus, God's sinless, perfect Son, coming to earth as a man to pay the price with his life, suffering and death for our sins fulfilled and available.

Gospel means "good news". This was the good news of great joy the angels sang about in the shepherd fields. All that is needed for us to have a relationship with God is to confess and turn from our sin and put trust in Jesus.

This is what Lent and Easter are all about. Remembering Jesus' fulfilling God's eternal plan to include us in His family if we respond to Him in faith. Jesus' death isn't the whole story though, also His resurrection back to life - the life He is living today!

These days can be difficult to navigate, and the path seems to be getting darker as we gaze into the future. It is right to take the time to lament, to grieve, to feel sorrow and regret, to mourn deeply for our sins and the sins of others.

Lent gives us that annual invitation to lament. And while we do this, the days are marching toward a crescendo of wonder - the most exciting sacred holiday of them all - Easter morning. Look up, friend, it's coming and with it new life for all who believe.

*Annie B. Jones

One final thing, I have a little something for you today. Our family is endeavoring to compile an Easter playlist - each one contributing their faves. I started last week with this song by Andrew Peterson. I won't comment on it in too many words (even though I realllllly want to), just listen. He gets the process of awareness to lament to hope and we need this.

Remember Me

Never Miss A Good Party

Speaking of sacred holidays (ahem, last post), did you know God likes to party? Have you considered that He actually instructed His people to celebrate - including feasting? As in, a command if ignored by those living in Old Testament times, could lead to penalty of excommunication or death? 

It's true. Hold that thought.

A few years ago, during one of my annual trips through the Bible cover to cover, a noticeable theme emerged. (This usually happens, by the way, which is so much fun to discover! I highly recommend.) The pattern started with Abraham back in the first book, Genesis. 

As he endeavored to follow God's instruction to leave his people "and go to the land I'll show you", he made many stops along the journey. He would hold up the whole caravan, build an altar and worship. I mean, many, many times. 

It was so repetitive it seems like he halted every few miles and they were on a looooong journey. One (type A-let's-make-the-best-time kind of person) might think he was running a bit behind. 

In reality, Abraham paused every time God did something remarkable. He couldn't help himself! He had to drop everything and respond.

This theme continues throughout the narrative of the Bible.

Some say Numbers is a boring book, but I beg to differ. There is some good stuff in there - take this passage for example. We pick up in chapter 9 when God's people - the Israelites - were in the desert of Sinai preparing to celebrate their second Passover (the commemoration of God miraculously rescuing them from slavery in Egypt).

As they prepared, the Lord spoke to Moses with some instructions. What stood out to me was in verse 13:

But if anyone who is clean and is not on a journey fails to keep the Passover, that person shall be cut off from his people because he did not bring the Lord's offering at its appointed time; that man shall bear his sin.

We can easily surmise that celebrating big things God has done in the past for His people matters to Him. A skeptic might argue, "What kind of God demands worship? What an ego trip!"

I don't think that's what is happening here. These celebrations are not for Him, they are for us. He knows we are fickle and forgetful and need to be reminded of His goodness. Remembering His faithfulness, His mighty power and outstretched arm, His tireless forgiveness, His generous care and provision, His never-ending, unstoppable love for the people He longs to call His own. This strengthens us for the journey called our lives.

THAT's what the sacred holidays are for! They are God's gifts to us, a sometimes weary, embattled group of followers, caught up in the busyness of our daily responsibilities. Deliberately spaced throughout our calendar year meant to bolster our faith; to draw our eyes and hearts back to His greatness. Included are days of feasting together, singing together, shouting for joy that they get to be in relationship with the one true God. That sounds like fun!

God knows this and in His mercy (notice the absence of condemnation), He leaves no room for excuses. What if someone is out of town or unprepared? See verses 9 -11:

The Lord spoke to Moses, saying, "Speak to the people of Israel, saying, if any one of you or of your descendants is unclean...or is on a long journey he shall still keep the Passover to the Lord. In the second month on the fourteenth day at twilight they shall keep it."

Raincheck. He gave them a six-week window. 

I love this about our Father. He means to delight us. He doesn't want us to miss out. He knows this type of commemorating is actually something we need. It's a recognition for when we fall into the temptation of feeling like everything depends on us (as if we actually keep the world and all our people in it spinning). Consider this a respite, an acknowledgement, that oh yeah God, this is all on You. You made the promises to run the world and take care of your children. You keep the promises. It's not on us! Can I get an amen?

As each festivity approaches, I imagine Jesus in front of me, coaxing me to look back at the history of the Bible and the memories from my own personal experiences since He rescued me from my slavery to sin and self. I stop. (Why is that the hardest thing?) I smile. He smiles. I thank Him. I probably cry for the great mercy I've been shown. I rejoice. Now I, too, want to party!

Then He dares me to follow Him forward in expectation that there will be more. Yes - there will be more. God hasn't stopped working or revealing Himself or rescuing or delighting. We can be as sure of this as we are of what has happened thus far. Remember, worship, anticipate what's next. This is my kind of party!

A solid takeaway is to notice in my own life what God has done, is doing and stop everything to praise Him. And do it often. 

Confession. It always bothers me when I hear some of God's children say, "Yeah, I don't really get into Easter or Christmas."

Here's the thing. Opting out of God's sacred celebrations and remembrances - in group settings with other Jesus followers - says a lot about our heart.

Will God isolate us or strike us dead for not partaking? Probably not. Those Old Testament requirements were fulfilled with Jesus' death and resurrection. 

But make no mistake, if we ignore the party invitation, we will be the ones missing out on blessings He wants to give us. I, for one, am taking no chances on that. I need all the delight and persuasion I can get. Why wouldn't I draw near to the One who wants to give it? 

Our brother Abraham started this parade of celebrating decades before the Israelites joined in with their various feasts and festivals and now it's our turn to take up our place in the rhythm of important God-honoring holidays.

Pssst...did I mention Lent starts tomorrow (see previous post for more on that)? Don't opt out. Because Easter follows on April 17 - I'll have my party hat ready.

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Living Lent

The next best thing on the holiday calendar is on the horizon. For Christians, we are about to move from Ordinary Time to Lent. 

To skip Lent and jump right into Easter is missing depth and richness leading up to the Big Day.

Easter is too monumental to the Christian faith to only give it one day of the year. Impossible! Heart preparation is needed.

Like Advent (my 2nd favorite sacred holiday), Lent is a time to open the doors of our hearts a little wider and understand our Lord a little deeper, so that when Good Friday and eventually Sunday comes, it is not just another day at church, albeit an exciting one bursting with pastel colors and Spring flowers.

Unlike Advent, more characterized by excitement and abundance, this is a more solemn season, meant to be a lament. One can't appreciate the light and the miracle of resurrection without spending a significant amount of time remembering the dark side, the sin, the pain, the rejection, the suffering, the death.

Both holidays - the focus is Jesus.  During Advent, we anticipate His comings to earth (the first 2000 years ago, the 2nd date TBD). During Lent, we walk the footsteps of Jesus to the cross of suffering all the way to the empty tomb. He is risen, hallelujah!

I've heard practicing Lent called spiritual housekeeping: 

Praying (drawing close to God)
Fasting (denying self for a spiritual purpose)
Giving (to the poor what we no longer need)

If I want annual heart transformation and to present God with pure, meaningful worship, it has to cost me something. All spiritual growth does, by the way. 

I actually look forward to fasting (after the initial dread). I look forward to denying self on purpose. I've seen the results and I need this annual purge.

I guess you could consider this my annual invitation for you, too, to open your calendar and heart a little wider. To approach Easter - the holiday that sets Christians apart - and enter into a 40-day journey with Jesus on His path of suffering and death to purchase our salvation with an empty tomb. This is the stuff!

Lent starts next Wednesday, March 2nd. I write today so you have some time to think about it and pray. Make a plan (like a good Type-A personality would!)

Ask God what He has in mind for you, what would make it most meaningful to you and pleasing to Him. How to live Lent. The goal is always to grow closer in our relationship with Him.

This could look like so many things. 

• Focused Bible readings.  Start with any Gospel. That's where the story picks up. In addition, there is no shortage of printed and digital devotional guides that will lead you in awareness of sin, repentance and appreciation. 
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• Fasting from something you will truly miss daily (not something you hate, but something you love and think you can't live without - go big or go home!); denying of self (when you miss it, you trade that desire for prayer).
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• Giving to the poor. Purging our souls of sin and self, also emptying our home of excess. What can we give away to benefit another (both money and stuff)?
  
  

If you've never done anything like this, I'm excited for you. 

Explore some of the ideas above. 

Maybe it will become the (other) Most Wonderful Time of the Year for you too. Who doesn't want that?

Bible reading, prayer
Confession of sin
Fasting
Giving to the poor

We can do this. We need to do this. When we decrease, Jesus will increase and our focus become sharper. (any other 50-somethings out there need some clarity?)

Living Lent is not simply a religious ritual. It's better than that - this is about relationship, relationship, relationship. God wants more of us and the attention we give to sacred holidays is an outward sign of how much we give to Him. It matters. Our efforts will not be wasted.

When we hit the final stretch - Holy Week - we are going to have so much to share with those around us regarding what we've experienced. How real and present God is. How sinful and helpless we are without Him. How mighty and loving Jesus is. 

And that's part of the point - spiritual growth and celebrating sacred holidays is never just for us, it's meant to be shared. 

Finally, when Resurrection Day is upon us and we gather in our churches, we will sing "Up from the Grave He Arose", "He's Alive", and all the other Easter songs with gusto!

Did I mention it's so much more than just a holiday?

Good stuff pictured:

40 Days with Jesus | Lent Study – The Daily Grace Co.

There is a women's and a men's study.

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