The years have a way of piling up on you when you barely notice. We're celebrating a birthday in our house today and for the first time in two years, the whole family is here to join in. Yay for 5!
As you likely know, Christmas is my favorite time of year, but birthdays run a close second. It's a time to remember, a time to evaluate and a time to adjust if necessary but also a time to open presents and eat cake!!
Let me tell you about our birthday boy.
I didn't come on the scene until Scott Burtis was 25 years old (and I was much younger). I was working at Sacred Melody Christian Bookstore in Syracuse, NY when my boss came to me one day and said all excited, "I've got just the guy for you. He's coming back to work today!" Scott had previously worked there and was clearly the boss's favorite. I replied, "Did you forget I'm dating Jim in Books?" He said, "I know, but nevermind that, Scott is the one for you."
How did he know? It would be more than a year until our first date, but things happened quickly from there. We spent one beautiful Labor Day at the Great New York State Fair and I was smitten. He moved out of town the next day to take a youth pastor position and I wondered how this would play out. By the end of the week he was standing in front of my desk ready for another date and by our fourth date I was meeting his Mom and Dad. Eight months later we were married. He tells it that we HAD to get married......because of our phone bills. Hey kids, back then you had to pay for long distance calls.
I think I would have married him that first night if he asked. A man builds a reputation over the long haul. Scott's preceded him. I promise I'm not exaggerating when I say there wasn't one person who knew Scott that didn't respect and like him. I noticed it right away. A godly young man. There weren't too many of them around and even at 21 I was worried there wouldn't be one for me. Still, I found this is a blessing and a curse for a girl who couldn't measure up to that. A girl who wasn't raised to love Jesus and had made too many mistakes at too young an age. Then one day Jesus came to my life and I gladly received Him, but some bad patterns are hard to break and when you're looking for love sometimes you settle for less, much less than what God has in mind.
So to stumble across one who is "pure as the driven snow" is thrilling, but in the depths of my heart I knew I wouldn't cut it for him, wasn't good enough. You can imagine my surprise when Scott decided to love me knowing all the shame and regret and ask me to spend my life by his side. It's a glorious thing when a man resembles Christ in showing unconditional love, grace and forgiveness to another. I'm that grateful recipient.
We've been together nearly 23 years now and today Scott is 50. Like every married couple who've lasted this length of time, we've been through the good, the bad and some ugly. Together. Our children are nearly grown and we have two in heaven yet to meet. We've been in ministry most of our time together and it's been a good life.
Sometimes we don't take the time to appreciate what we love about someone until they are gone. That will not do. So, since today is his birthday, I've written ten things I love about this man. Things you need to know. Well, maybe you don't need to know, but I want you to know!
1. He's fun and likes to have fun. His BIG laugh is one of my favorite things to hear, especially when it follows something I've said or done. He even laughs at the ridiculous, like movies such as The Princess Bride and Nacho Libre. I don't get that, but I do like his laugh. He can laugh at himself too, which is necessary when you live with a family who relentlessly makes fun of you.
2. He's a hard worker and provider. There have been times in our marriage when he's held down two jobs so that I can be home with our kids. He was even a paper boy in his 30's!
3. He has a lot of friends and loves people. We can't go anywhere in the world where he doesn't know someone. (not exaggerating - we've been to Kenya and Brazil and even on our honeymoon he ran into friends!) He's not one to say "no" to a gathering. He likes when we have company over. Often. And sometimes he helps clean up after they've left too.
4. He always puts others first. The word that comes to mind is defer. In marriage, he always defers to me whether it's a restaurant choice or vacation spot or what CD we listen to in the car. He never insists on his own way. Since our first baby appeared almost 21 years ago (oh my word, could that be true?) and with the addition of the other two, he's put another person ahead of himself. As I consider this, I wonder why more of that hasn't rubbed off on me. So much yet to learn.
5. He is a very good father. I'd like to tell you he was that Dad who got up in the middle of the night and changed the baby and then brought him or her to me for feeding, but that didn't exactly happen. And he didn't change a whole lot of diapers either. Oddly enough, he never once heard them cry after dark. Weird. (Just keeping it real here, folks, wouldn't want you to think he's totally perfect.) Still, he held and rocked and read and played with each one all the time. He's been there for our kids. He was the teacher's helper in preschool. He's gone to all band and choir concerts. Nearly every basketball, soccer, volleyball game and track meet he's been there too.
He has modeled for our children a life yielded to God. This last year and a half our kids got a front row seat watching their Dad follow God. They were there to hear him say an emotional goodbye to a comfortable, successful nearly twenty year ministry and yes to a new adventure God was calling us to. During a farewell reception, they witnessed appreciation and admiration that only a genuine man of God could receive. And they saw so much love coming their father's way. While it was exciting and unknown and a little scary, Scott led our family with both confidence and humility. Because of his leadership, the kids easily adapted even though it meant some hard change for them too.
Less than a year later, they watched their Dad be accused and misrepresented. Jesus says this will happen to us when we follow Him. With grace, Scott showed them how to honestly own and apologize for your own stuff, but draw the line when expected to assume what's not yours. He also demonstrated how to protect and care for his wife. He did it quietly, with humility. They learned that an upright life is a target for the enemy and even when the arrows fly and hit you, you don't give up on God. It can even mean that you're on the right track to God's will.
During this time they also watched our home and mailbox and God's inbox fill with support and concern and love from friends both old and new. Some life lessons are best learned by living them up close and personal.
6. He is a faithful husband. Just last night I caught him checking me out as I walked away from him in a parking lot. After all these years, he is still a one-woman man. I am that lucky woman. Could he be a little more romantic? Yes. Could he speak my gift receiving love language more often than my birthday and Christmas? Oh my yes. Could he try a little harder to read my mind and meet my every need before I speak it? Probably not but a girl can dream! Still he loves me. He loves all of me. He loves only me. And more importantly, he loves God more than he loves me. That's the stuff that really matters.
7. Did I mention patient? The man is never in a hurry. Blood pressure medicine is not in his future. He can wait and wait and wait which is great when it comes to waiting on God, but quite frankly drives me a little nuts when it comes my way! And I know deep down he likes making me wait. Sometimes he says that's why God brought him into my life - to teach me patience. Yeah, that goes over just like you think it would.
8. He's not a grudge holder and never gives a guilt trip. No matter how many times I've let him down or hurt him (intentionally or not), he always forgives. And somehow he seems to forget. How does he do that?
9. He's compassionate. He's held me through the loss of two babies and the loss of some friends over the years. He never requires one to "get over it" too soon.
10. He not only reads the Bible, but he lives it. Because of that, he's rock solid. He is rarely moved. Again, a blessing and a curse. A blessing when he leads our family with a trust in God that is unshaken. A curse when he is not moved by and ignores my plea to buy me an iPhone because he says I won't take care of it based on how many times I've dropped my free phone on hard cement. Stubborn a little. Kind of torks me if you must know.
Yet when I look over this list and recall these qualities, it is my sincere prayer that my sons will be the kind of man, husband and father that Scott is and that Ally will marry someone just like her Daddy - but who's really romantic and gives gifts for no reason.
A sweet friend said to me the other day when referring to the character and raising up of our kids, "You and that husband of yours have done well, my friend" and I stopped short and thanked God for that. I give God all the glory for whatever good anyone sees in our lives, not just because that's what we're supposed to do, but because I know me and I know us along with our imperfections, failures and shortcomings (ask our kids -they know them all too!). All good things come from God alone.
Now lest you think this man and marriage I've described is flawless, think again. Today's my husband's birthday - his 50th birthday - YIKES - so of course I'm going to stick to the good stuff! But even though I've painted the picture of the positive as seen by me, you know it's not all been rosy. No one is exempt from pain and hard times and a pesky sin nature.
I'm still working on that list of gifts that I started almost two years ago. I've named well over 8,000 things that I'm thankful to God for. Things that speak God's love to me. And my experience through this has become that when we insist on finding the gifts, all of life looks blessed to us. Even the excruciating hurt, the loss, the worst of life that we can experience. Start your own list, you'll see...I promise! Guess who's at the top of mine.....yup, our birthday boy!
To Scott: Happy Birthday my favorite! Now that you've reached half a century and might be considered an O.G. (Old Guy) to some and I continually ask myself, "How can I be married to a 50 year old man?", I know you're the best you've ever been and I love you. And even though it's your birthday and you should be getting the gifts - I feel like I'm the one receiving today!
Better go make your favorite breakfast - sausage gravy, biscuits and scrambled eggs! I'm not making any promises about a white cake with white frosting a.k.a "why bother" cake.
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| this is from a few birthdays ago when he settled for a chocolate cake w/peanut butter frosting |
Happy Happy Birthday
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