A Bittersweet Weekend - Reunions, Reconciliation and a Celebrated Life

It's Tuesday and I'm still preoccupied with thoughts of this past weekend.  It was an emotion-packed one as we travelled to Scott's hometown of Horseheads, NY to attend the funeral of a very special friend of the Burtis family.  I met him 23 years ago at my wedding.  He was like a 2nd Dad to my husband for all his childhood and beyond, and soon would work his way into my heart too.  His death was sudden and left us surprised and saddened.

Going into the weekend, I expected to spend time with family, reunite with friends we only see occasionally, comfort the grieving, learn some valuable lessons and of course, celebrate a life well-lived. All these expectations were realized,  but as usual, God had more in store.

I've been known to love a great funeral.  What I mean by that is, if the person who died lived a good, faithful-to-the-Lord life, I enjoy listening in on all that good stuff.  It motivates me to want to live better. I was not disappointed.

Since returning home Saturday night, I've been overwhelmed with so many thoughts from the funeral and time spent with the family the next day. I was having trouble processing.  Funerals are so bittersweet, aren't they?

The sweet part was truly sweet:

• hugging every family member and entering their grief with them
• being in a church packed full of people influenced by Bob and his wife, Carol
• watching my husband enjoy a childhood reunion (so fun to see him reconnect and retell time-worn stories)
• being silly with friends we don't see nearly enough who are so fun to be around (you know who you are!)
• laughter as we reminisced about Bob's life and funny things he was known to say
• my own memories of Bob - he always made me feel loved and included
• some relationships were mended
• new friendships were formed
• God was honored and praised
• concerned friends offered us encouragement 

Because I'm kind of a nerd, I was also looking forward to the important words I was going to hear.  You can imagine if I took notes at a MercyMe concert, I certainly planned on jotting a few things down Friday night.  Oh yes I did. I actually had all of you in mind, too.  You know I can hardly experience anything meaningful without wanting to share it here. 

Including the Pastor who officiated, nine eulogies were given. Nine! They were so good.  Here's some of it.

The legacy of Bob Miller

• He was generous with his Time, Talents (would do anything for you), Money, Smiles and Hugs
• He was HUGE in stature and as a husband, a dad and a friend
• There was not a person who met him who didn't go home with a warm, accepting feeling
• For as giving as he was, he never expected anything in return
• He was an anchor

Bob invested in the young men God put in his life and there were many.  I loved some of the things they said:

• "Bob was coaching us in the game of life often saying; 'Get in there!  You can do it!'"
• "He believed in us"
• "He cared about what kind of young men we would become"
• "My life was richer for having known him"
• "He spoke his mind when he was concerned about you"

This I really loved:  Mike Carl, friend of Scott's, another 'son' to Bob, spoke this memory. "When I was in high school, Bob asked me, "Do you have a life verse?"  Answer - no.  "Well, have you heard of 1 Cor. 15:58?  Make that your life verse."  Then Mike recited it from memory. 

  

"Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm.  Let nothing move you.  Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."

That was impressive.  What an amazing gift/challenge to pass down to the next generation.  I checked my Bible - yup, that verse is underlined, but it took on so much greater meaning in that moment.   And, because we know Mike and the life he now lives, it is even more powerful.

Bob's son, Rob (like a brother to Scott), spoke last.  He concurred with all the testimonies of what a great man his Dad was.  Then Rob reminded us, Bob would not want us to make a big deal about him, but rather, he would insist we follow Jesus and grow that relationship as the most important thing.  That this was the only way to really live. Yes. That's the right focus.

My heart and mind were full. I learned so many lessons.  I learned about being generous.  Don't hold back.  Give what you have with enthusiasm. I learned about acceptance.  Everyone created in God's image deserves to be treated as important as that.  I learned about joy.  I tell you this man was always so joyful!  You could not be in his presence without smiling and laughing.  He was contagious.  I learned about how important relationships need to be.  To not let people fade out of our lives.  Go after them, care enough to stay involved and engaged even when you don't agree.  I learned not to seek the riches and pleasures of this world when others have needs.  Put others before self.  Give.  Give.  Give.  When you do this, you have lived well a life pleasing to the Lord Jesus who first led in these examples. It impacts the lives of those who cross your path.

That was the sweet, but there's also the bitter.  The bitter is that we will miss Bob and we feel compassion for his family who will miss him even more.  That's not all.  At least for me, when I attend a funeral like this, a time of self-examination usually ensues.  I looked over the life Bob lived, grateful for having known him and experienced some of what the others spoke of, reflected on the lessons above and then at my own life and frankly, came up wanting in some areas.  Regret is bitter.

Admittedly, the last few days, I've felt crushed under the weight of all this and my self-diagnosed failure to measure up.  Some of you are self-criticizers too so you know what I mean. But I also know God never means for us to stay in that state because it paralyzes.

You can imagine my delight this morning when I read this straight from His Word: 

"My dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love.  This is the only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality.  It's also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there's something to it.  For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves. 

And friends, once that's taken care of and we're no longer accusing or condemning ourselves, we're bold and free before God!  We're able to stretch our hands out and receive what we asked for because we are doing what he said, doing what pleases Him. 

Again, this is God's command:  to believe in his personally named Son, Jesus Christ.  He told us to love each other, in line with the original command.  As we keep His commands, we live deeply and surely in Him, and He lives in us.  And this is how we experience His deep and abiding presence in us: by the Spirit He gives us."  1 John 3:18-24

These verses are gallons of water for this parched soul that desperately wants to live in "His deep and abiding presence".  I've been accused of being too hard on myself.  High expectations.  Likely not God's.  I know it's true and I hate myself for it.  See what I mean?  

So I read these verses and find a perfect balance between a hearty challenge and God's grace.  He expects us to obey but doesn't condemn because "knows more about us than we do ourselves".  Based on all this, today I choose to practice real love.  Like Bob did. I never doubted that he would do anything for me (us) or come if we called.  I liked being loved by Bob. I like being loved by Jesus even more. And there might be some people out there who would like being loved by me. I want to follow God's commands and live bold and free before Him.

So while some experiences in life are bittersweet (and they are meant to be), let's let the work of both parts change us to grow as God intends for us to and live so that others who are looking in will be challenged to do the same.

I like the way Rob put it (on facebook), "I have asked a number of times the last couple of weeks "What do I do now? How do I go on without my Dad"? And then I hear my Dad's voice saying "Quit crying, you knucklehead and get back to work! You have things left unfinished." So with that tomorrow morning I will go back to work and go about finishing what is left undone so one day I will hear as I'm sure my Dad did on May 13, 2013 "well done faithful servant".

Thanks, Bob for touching my life profoundly, when you were with us and still now in your absence.

Hope is a Good Thing

So today I finished the very long book of Jeremiah and decided to read all of Lamentations in one sitting (there's that overacheiver rearing her ugly head).  To be honest, I wasn't really expecting to find a new favorite passage.  When am I going to learn to remember to approach this amazing Book with an attitude of expectancy every time I open it?

The introduction should have clued me in that I was in for a treat today.

"Lamentations is a concentrated and intense biblical witness to suffering. Suffering is a huge, unavoidable element in the human condition. To be human is to suffer. No one gets an exemption.

Lamentations provides the community of faith with a form and vocabulary for dealing with loss and pain....

and throughout the world the suffering continues, both in large-scale horrors and in personal agonies.....

Neither explaining suffering nor offering a program for the elimination of suffering, Lamentations keeps company with the extensive biblical witness that gives dignity to suffering by insisting that God enters our suffering and is companion to our suffering."*

When this passage was written, God's people were in exile (dragged out of their beloved Jerusalem to evil Babylon) and had reduced themselves to eating their own children and killing the religious leaders.  That is bad, yet it's not too far-fetched from some of what we are seeing in the news these days, is it?  How many of us haven't been disgusted as we watch what's going on in the world around us, our world?  We are either feeling it on behalf of others or we are experiencing our own personal suffering. Or both. God is not unaware.  And He has addressed it in His Word - like He always does.

So check out this gem from chapter 3:21-33

"But there's one thing I remember, 

and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:

God's loyal love couldn't have run out,

His merciful love couldn't have dried up.

They're created new every morning.

How great your faithfulness!

I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).

He's all I've got left.

God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,

to the woman who diligently seeks.

It's a good thing to quietly hope,

quietly hope for help from God.

It's a good thing when you're young

to stick it out through the hard times.

When life is heavy and hard to take,

go off by yourself.  Enter the silence.

Bow in prayer.  Don't ask questions:

Wait for hope to appear.

 Don't run from trouble.  Take it full-face.

The "worst" is never the worst.

Why?  Because the Master won't ever

walk out and fail to return.

If He works severely, He also works tenderly.

His stockpiles of loyal love are immense.

He takes no pleasure in making life hard,

in throwing roadblocks in the way."  

I did it again. Tried to highlight just the parts I liked the best, but they all are so spot on and speak the truth about God that my heart needs to know today.

I hope you find comfort in it as well.  Take all these promises seriously.  Whatever you're going through today, whatever you're waiting on God for, keep a grip on hope, quietly hope for help from God...it's a good thing.  God will prove to be good to you.  Stick it out.  Go off by yourself.  Enter silence.  Pray.  Don't ask questions.  Wait for hope.  Don't run from trouble.  God will come for you with immense loyal love.

Yes.  Yes.  Yes.

PS...isn't this another great reason to read through the Bible?  You never know what God has hidden there for you. Sorry, I couldn't resist :)

*E Peterson, The Message version

Fighting the Cloudy, Cold Monday-in-May Blues

Some of you will get this post and some of you might not.  Stick with it to the end and maybe there's something good here for all of us.

Recently I've written that life is hard.  Yes, we all know that.  But life can be confusing too.  There are things that concern us that may or may not ever be explained.  It is the life of faith that accepts this.  After all, faith is believing without necessarily seeing.

Lately I feel the temptation to fall into despair.  To doubt.  To worry.  To fret.  To care too much about what others might think.  I know this is the work of the enemy of my soul who is always knocking on the door of my heart and whispering trash talk about God. Have you ever been in the middle of this war?  Notice I wrote 'temptation' - to fall into all this. I have resolved to NOT. GO. THERE.  How?  I'm holding on to God's Word for dear life.

Each morning I get up and spend time with God reading the Bible, especially on the days I may not really feel like it.  You see, I know all the answers I'm looking for are in there.  Because yesterday was a hard day and I didn't want a repeat, I prayed today that God would speak specifically.  This is what I read:

"But blessed is the man who trusts me, God,

the woman who sticks with God.

They're like trees replanted in Eden,

putting down roots near the rivers - 

Never a worry through the hottest of summers,

never dropping a leaf,

Serene and calm through droughts,

bearing fresh fruit every season."  Jer. 17:7,8

Hold on a second, I need to read it again.  OK, I'm back.  Some of you will know just how amazingly applicable and perfect this is for me in this season.  Only God can do that. 

Here's how I know:  I made a goal in January to read through the Bible twice this year.  I love the reading plan I'm using and am basically just doubling up each day in order to finish the first time through by the end of June and be ready to start over in July.  

Sorry, I can't seem to turn this thing right side up.  You get the idea.

 If you've ever felt a nudge from God to do this, you should try it.  Totally doable.  So, here's the thing.....because I'm an overachiever/type a/always try-to-be-a-little-ahead type of person, I'm actually ahead by a few weeks.  Technically, I shouldn't have been reading the above verses until October 26 or because I'm doubling up, at the end of April. 

Which makes it all the more certain that God intentionally meant for me to read this treasure TODAY because He knows my heart, knows my needs and is the Chief #1 meeter of each one.  And He came through again.  He is very aware of what I'm reading and when.  Isn't that amazing?  It certainly started the day on a high note.

  Later, in an effort to finish a book, I read this:  

"When difficulties get in the way of us daring to do what God has called us to do, we must ask ourselves, "Who am I going to believe? The rational - ore the supernatural?  The factual or the true?"

The Bible tells us that Moses and the Israelites and Abraham before them, all got to the destination God had ordained for them by faith (Hebrews 11).  Their journey made no sense:  Leaving everything they had, the safe and familiar, for the unknown wasn't rational or explainable, definable or predictable.  But the exercising of faith requires the unknown, along with the unexpected and unpredictable and outrageous.

Faith is required when you're in doubt, when you're in want, when things are difficult and unclear.  "Faith," the Bible tells us, is, "confidence in what we hope for and the assurance about what we do not see." (Hebrews 11:1).

You can't touch faith, but it can move mountains.  The Bible puts it this way:  You may not be able to hold faith or wrap it up in a box, but it is real and powerful and can conquer kingdoms, administer justice, gain what was promised.  It can shut the mouths of lions, quench the fury of flames, escape the edge of the sword, raise the long dead, end torture, and release the imprisoned (Heb 11:33-38).  Faith can take you right where God wants you.

At times, it's possible to see life as a conflict between faith and that old bully Difficulty.  And Difficulty loves to stand directly in the way, so that we see as little as possible ahead.

Which is just when we need faith.  How misleading our perspective is for the things God calls us to do.  We see problems.  He sees possibilities.  We see difficulty.  He sees destiny....

There is no promise too hard for God to fulfill."*

I needed to hear that too!  These paragraphs and the verses in Jeremiah made me stand to my feet and say "NO" to the temptation to despair that's been hovering. 

So my point in typing all this out for you (and for me) today?  God is very much alive, very present and very interested in everything that concerns you and me.  When we ask Him to speak and then go to His Word and look for it, He will speak.  And likely it will be exactly what we need to hear today and often, He will use other means to continue a similar theme He wants us to grasp (a sacred echo).

Well, what are you waiting for?  I dare you to try it.  Then let me know how God speaks because that's another thing -when we share these God stories with one another, we build up each other's faith....and who doesn't need that?

 

*From Undaunted by Christine Caine

italics all mine

Nothing is Wasted

Over the years I've learned there is no other way to start the day than in prayer.  After praying for my usuals, I consider who to add.  Lately several friends have been in the front of my mind and top of my list.  They all have something in common.  They have experienced pain.  They are not sure of their future.  They seek peace.  They need strength and healing.  They want God to show up.  Life is hard.

The enemy torments and tries to get us to second guess our situations.  Did I take a wrong turn?  Did we do something wrong?  Is God listening?  Has He forgotten me?  What do I need to do to get back into His good graces?  When will God reappear?

These are difficult seasons to navigate through.  I speak from experience and have asked all those questions.  God's Word is full of promises that turn our eyes back to the real truth which is that we are going to face difficulties.  Even suffer.  Jesus taught this repeatedly.  Sometimes we are going to get ourselves into trouble and sometimes it will find us through no fault of our own. And other times He lovingly allows us to go through trials with the purpose of growing us and showing that we can not only survive hard things, but thrive.

So remember this:
God will be with us. No matter what.
He will carry us.  No matter what.
He's always been faithful to His promises and His people. No matter what.
We need not fear. No matter what.
Peace is ours. No matter what.
He never leaves us. No matter what.
He welcomes us back when we stray.  No matter what.
He keeps no record of wrongs. No matter what.
He loves us.  No matter what.   
He. Loves. You. No matter what.

If He sent His one and only son to die on a cross for our sins (and He did), purchasing our freedom and eternity in His presence (and He did), He will never turn away from us. Not when we make a wrong turn or a poor choice and not when life simply caves in and we don't know what hit us.  He will always reach out for us.

It's possible to survive these draughts.  Here's a few sure-fire hints that have helped and are helping me.

1.  Get in God's presence and read His Word every day and/or as often as possible.
2.  Ask friends to pray for you.  Not that it will be over as quickly as possible, but that you can endure to reach the destiny/maturity/prize God has appointed you. (James 1:4, 12)
3.  Listen to Christian music.

These are in order of importance, but #3 is a biggie for me.  As one with little to no musical skill (my family will 'amen' that), music is a huge part of my life.  I need it.  Most every day I walk my neighborhood with a stacked ipod cranking in my earbuds.  Many days I marvel at which songs show up in the shuffle.  So often they are exactly what my hungry soul needs to hear.  How does God do that? The lyrics redirect my wandering heart and clear up my muddled mind.  The tunes energize me, make me sing out loud, even raise hands as I'm walking, and send my spirit soaring lifting me up out of the dumps.  Don't worry...I pretend no one can see or hear me.  These God-focused songs are always medicine and sometimes a cure.

Here's my latest favorite song.  I stop everything when it comes on the radio and finally tonight talked my husband into buying it for me - so it's on the ipod for tomorrow's walk!  You may be surprised it's not by a certain favorite band I may have mentioned once or twice.

At a concert a few months ago, we heard the artist sing this song.  Scott wasn't sitting with me and as soon as the song ended, he texted me, "nothing is wasted".  We needed to hear that. It may become the Burtis theme song for this season.

If you have three minutes, why don't you settle into your chair and listen to it, reading the words as it plays?  It might be just what you need to hear today.

listen here 

Nothing Is Wasted by Jason Gray
I highlighted some of my favorite lines :)

The hurt that broke your heart
And left you trembling in the dark
Feeling lost and alone
Will tell you hope's a lie
But what if every tear you cry
Will seed the ground where joy will grow

And nothing is wasted
Nothing is wasted
In the hands of our Redeemer
Nothing is wasted

It's from the deepest wounds
That beauty finds a place to bloom
And you will see before the end
That every broken piece is
Gathered in the heart of Jesus
And what's lost will be found again

Nothing is wasted
Nothing is wasted
In the hands of our Redeemer
Nothing is wasted

From the ruins
From the ashes
Beauty will rise
From the wreckage
From the darkness
Glory will shine
Glory will shine

Looks like I've highlighted just about the whole song.  Can't you see why?

"He knows us far better than we know ourselves...and keeps us present before God.  That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."  Rom. 8:27,28  Nothing is wasted.

A Good Parenting Day

You've heard me say parenting isn't for wimps.  It is so true.  There are days when you want to throw in the towel, pull your hair out, or just hide in your bathroom.  There are days when you're frustrated, disappointed and embarassed.

In light of that reality, the purpose of this post is to remind you that good parenting days happen too.  Like when your child works hard to conquer a weakness, does something you encouraged them to do (but never checked on) and is recognized for wise choices causing your heart to swell up with pride (the good kind) and gratitude.  They really do happen!  And if you haven't had one in a while, I want to encourage you to hold on, don't quit, keep being the parent....your hard work and perseverance will be rewarded.

I must say that rarely does each child shine on the same day, but today was one of those days for the Burtis family.

 We got a letter in the mail two weeks ago from our firstborn's college inviting us to attend chapel today because he would be receiving a monetary award that he did not know about.


As Scott and I were trying to get Ben and Ally off to school and on the road on time, Ben came to me and announced, "Mom, you'll be glad to know I am approaching number 1,000 in my journal."  Some time ago I asked all three of my kids to adopt this discipline of daily recording gifts, something(s) that they are grateful for.

Occasionally, I ask each how they're doing in their journal and usually just get no eye contact and some sort of inaudible groaning.  So, this was amazing!  He will likely hit 1,000 tomorrow.  One of the reasons I've invited the kids to this practice is so that they will not be prone to complaining.  It is impossible to be give thanks to the greatest Gift Giver and complaints at the same time.  Gratitude changes hearts.  I see that it's working.

Then as we zoomed an hour south, I got two texts from Ally:  "Mom, I got a 95 on my Global test!" - 20 minutes later - "Mom, I got an 87 on my English project."  Without elaborating much, this is a BIG DEAL.  Clearly, she has put her nose to the grindstone and worked hard like we KNEW SHE COULD.

Did I mention some parental pressure (like removing electronics and some friend time) was applied? Tough times call for tough decisions.

We then snuck on campus hoping to stay hidden until Drew received the award.  No such luck.  He saw us in the parking lot and greeted us with a big smile and hugs.  I think he figured out then why we were there.  Still, we all pretended there was no particular reason.

There's something special about hearing your son's name and watching him cross the stage to receive a scholarship from the college president for choosing full-time ministry as his career path - just like his Dad.  Oh, this is pure joy.



Because I'm a gift giver at heart, there must be rewards, so.....since we were in Clarks Summit, PA....we made a stop here.

At the end of the day, picture us both with hands high in the air, "Yessssss!"  And our hearts are full of thanksgiving to God who gave us a most glorious day.  It was worth all the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days in the last 21 years.