Watch Your Step

Last month Scott, Ally and I were invited to a very special outing. Ben's fiancee Kate and her mom Tammy included us in a family reunion of sorts up at Word of Life (my happy place). I like to refer to it as Meet The Wyrtzens Day.

I had to overcome some feelings of unworthiness to be in the presence of what I consider achieved Christian greatness. Not in an idol worship kind of way, rather as heroes of the faith. You may remember some of my thoughts about Kate's heritage in my last blogpost.

I felt nervous and excited, trusting God wouldn't let me say anything stupid or immature. I mean, this is my son's future family. Best not to embarrass him too much right out of the gate.

As we pulled onto the Lodge property and spotted Kate's great uncles, it looked like three little white haired Jack Wyrtzen's walking around and I chuckled.

The day consisted of us mingling through different conversations. To our great delight, we discovered skilled storytellers. We listened carefully to every word. We laughed at mischievous boys walking out to Word of Life Island on a freezing cold winter day, their mother not knowing where they were. We marveled at the significant impact each has made on their generation - pilot, professor, musician and more! It was fun to hear who their contemporaries are (more Christian greats) and how each life has been lived for the Gospel.
I came away learning more Word of Life history which was a thrill. Amazing how God has been at work for so many years through this ministry and continues to be.

No matter which circle we sat in, the truest discovery was that we were surrounded by wisdom. We hung on every word.

The most prominent takeaway for me was the collective conclusion, No matter what you're going through you don't have to worry. The Lord is in charge and everything will work out.

One said several times, "When you've walked with the Lord long enough, you know He works everything together and there was never any need to worry. Just wait and see."

I love that. I needed to hear it. I need to be reminded of it.


When was the last time you heard words spoken with such a confident matter-of-factness?

Or do we "comfort" one another with less faith-filled responses to another's pain like:
"I don't know what to say."
"This is so hard. I feel sorry for you."
"I don't know how I'd do it if I were in your shoes."
"I couldn't handle this kind of pain. I'll pray for you."
"If I could, I'd fix it for you."

Not very life-giving or encouraging or helpful. Yuck. If I haven't spoken them out loud, I certainly have thought all of those things. Those statements are not consistent with wisdom and don't come out of the mouth of one who knows the God of the bible.

How does one become wise? One way...

Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm. Prov. 13:20

What kind of harm? All kinds of harm. Every kind of harm. Not-worth-it kind of harm.

Take a look around you. Who are you walking with? Are you being drawn toward wisdom or toward foolishness? If you're not sure, ask someone you look up to.

This discovery will likely make or break your quest for a life marked by wisdom and/or how well you affect the lives of those around you.

I love walking next to wise people and take every opportunity. When I do, I feel challenged to step up to more and step away from less.

Scott and I were fortunate enough to spend our last day off of the summer with some other special friends a generation ahead of us. We sat for hours and listened to them talk. On our way home, we both agreed, "We need to hang out with older friends more. They are so calm and steady in their faith."

I don't know about you, but I could use more calm and steady to keep me calm and steady. More wisdom to rub off on me. Because the reality is I'm older now, gulp, and it's my responsibility to be that person for those coming behind. What a privilege. What an honor. A responsibility that requires me to make decisions to that end.

Wisdom is found on the lips of the discerning...Prov. 10:13

From the mouth of the righteous comes the fruit of wisdom...Prov. 10:31

More walking with wisdom, less engaging with foolishness. It really does matter who we walk with. That's a good word for today.

_____________________

PS. on a much shallower level...we even got to take a ride on Jack's boat all over Schroon Lake!

I pinched myself repeatedly. Are we really going to be a part of this family?
We, as in Ben, of course. But you know.

When Your Obedient Child Disobeys And You're Not Mad About It

The last thing I said to him before he got on the plane a year ago was "Don't fall in love in Utah".

It was the end of Ben's undergrad studies at Moody Bible Institute and he needed an internship.

Coincidentally, a few months prior, we had spent a vacation in Utah to visit a much-beloved couple, important friends whom we hadn't seen in the flesh in twenty years. We picked up right where we left off and enjoyed the Lord's kindness to us in preserving our long distance friendship. When talking about our kids, whom they hadn't seen since they were tiny, we mentioned the internship as the next thing in Ben's life. Terry offered to host him at his church.

"That's nice," I thought, but had no intention of sending my little guy so far away. Time passed, the opportunity presented itself again, and I was reminded by a wise brother-in-law that any time spent with this man would be most valuable for our up-and-coming pastor son. Of course, he was right. Heck, I would love to spend that kind of concentrated time learning ministry and life from him.

I doubt at 22 I would have flown to the other side of the country to live with a couple I've never met for six weeks. But Ben did. So Scott and I dropped him at the airport with my last instruction (see above if you missed it).


Before long, he reported that a family in the church sort of adopted him so he would have kids his own age to hang out with. That sounded good.

Then I saw pics of the two sisters. Whoa. I may or may not have gotten a little nervous. I mean, talk about cute. I regularly asked if there was anything I need to know. Nope, my Benny was focused on the internship.

A few weeks later, during a Facetime conversation, Mrs. East, the girls' mom, got on the screen and introduced herself to me. Equally as adorable as her daughters, she wondered if we might have mutual friends since she grew up in the Adirondacks. I doubted it, telling her I kind of live in a CAMP-of-the-WOODS bubble up here.

"I grew up in Schroon Lake."
Schroon Lake!
"What's your maiden name?"
"Oris"
I recognized it and gulped.
"Are you related to Jack Wyrtzen?" (the founder of Word of Life, my favorite place in the world, where the Lord stole my heart 30 years ago?!?!?!)
"Yes, he's my Grandpa." (Her grandpa is the man whose vision God used to change my life?!)
I may or may not have had a little heart attack.

It's not an exaggeration to say this blew me away. God is bigger than all geography.

The summer internship ended and Ben went back to Moody. The kids stayed in touch.
Fast forward to November.

"Mom, I'm starting to like Katelyn as more than just a friend."
"I don't see how you are going to date a girl in Utah from Chicago"
After bringing it up a few more times and getting my same response, he told me my influence was causing him to struggle and hesitate and that if I wasn't on board, he probably wouldn't pursue her.

I was horrified and immediately convicted of heart. "Don't listen to anything I say! You have to follow God and how you think He's leading. I promise to get in line with whatever He says."


Oh the scary influence of a mother.

Turns out Katelyn agreed with Ben. Soon it was Facebook official. Benny's got a girlfriend! We were excited to meet this girl who caught his attention like no other girl had. Scott and I promised to get them in the same room in the months to come to see if there was a future in this.


One winter weekend, Katelyn and her mom Tammy flew to Chicago, picked Ben up and then came to us for a long weekend in the mountains.

Getting to know them and retracing their family history and memories of our beloved Word of Life was a beautiful gift. We liked them both so much. Tammy and I marveled at how God could bring these two together from different sides of the country with this common bond. We agreed to continue praying to see what God would have in mind for them and try to stay out of it.

Watching this relationship begin has been a tremendous blessing. Slow and steady. Smart boundaries. Intentional goals. Self-control - physically and emotionally. Prayerful. Fun. Mutual desire to honor the Lord in every area. Welcoming parental input. (my favorite - not really - but kind of.)  A gift to both sets of parents.

 By the time he graduated from Seminary in May, we sensed something was shifting.

My Ben Ben had fallen in love! Once he makes up his mind and is sure of God's will, he's ready.

We went ring shopping. He planned a surprise trip to Utah for a proposal.

This last week, on a beautiful night in beautiful Utah, Ben got down on one knee, for the first time told Katelyn he loves her, and then asked her to spend the rest of her life serving the Lord alongside him. I hear she was quite expressive. She said yes!

Then, just like his brother five years ago after his girl said yes, Ben asked Kate for his first kiss.

Their excitement is intoxicating and contagious. We are so thrilled about this upcoming marriage. Admittedly, I may have been a little skeptical over the distance and if I'd be losing my boy to the miles, but not anymore.

It could have been enough, that our over-thinking, long-praying, wise-decision making son chose her.

It could have been enough that our most influential friend, her pastor, loves her and actually had a little hand in this matchmaking.

It could have been enough that she is Jack Wyrtzen's great-granddaughter (Seriously God, did you have to go that far to get me on board?) and that I became best buddies with her mom instantly upon meeting her.

It should have been enough that God obviously orchestrated bringing these two God's will-seeking young adults together from opposite sides of the U.S.

And all those things factor in, for sure, but that's not what did it.

It was Katelyn.

Simply put, she's irresistible. We fell in love with her. Godly, funny, cute - in that order (our family requirement) - in spades! A kind, sweet, innocent, unassuming, thoughtful, deep young lady who dreams of marrying a pastor and raising a family. She'd have to be pretty amazing to bring Ben from not talking to girls to engaged in less than a year.

She's every mother's dream and the answer to this one's specific prayers for her beloved second born.

When we first met back in February, I asked her at what point did she know she liked Ben as more than just a friend. In the most adorable way, she covered her face, looked at me, grinned and said, "The day I met him."

I dig how she digs him.

One of the things I love about Kate is her willingness to wait. To not get in the driver's seat. To not hover or hint. To not pursue him when he was clueless and slow. She told me she gave her desire to the Lord and let Him decide if Ben was the one for her. Girls can be aggressive in this culture of immediate gratification and easy access by phones and social media, but not this one. She waited for God to bring Ben to her if it was His will. Can I get an amen?

Another thing that endears me to Kate is that she is what I will call a one-piece girl in a bikini world. Her modesty and the way she manages her abundant outward beauty around men keeps this mom of sons completely at ease and very proud of her. This is huge and so Romans 12:1, 2 countercultural.

I could go on, but with all that said, it is with great joy and gratitude to the One who is writing the story of their lives (and ours), that I introduce you to Katelyn East, our boy's fiancee, our future daughter-in-law.

Funny story - I've always offered to select my kids' spouses as a continued service to them (ahem) and though I was not called upon in this instance (or any - let's be honest), I'm a big fan of how this played out.

So much so that I'm going to let this kid's disobedience slide without punishment. This time.

Marriage is serious business - the role of husband and wife are clearly described in the Bible as the reflection of Jesus' relationship to all those who've trusted Him for salvation. It's a big responsibility, one that should be entered into with much prayer and intention.   

Malachi 2:15: Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring...

The longer I live the more convinced I am that in order for a family to accomplish the mission of passing down God's faithfulness to the next generation (godly offspring), it starts here. It's going to be a lot harder to do if a couple isn't intentional about this chief priority, choosing a godly spouse.

Moms, pray for your children's future mate, set the bar high for the process in how they date and whom they choose (godly, funny cute - in that order!), and also train them to be the one that someone else is dreaming of.

The reward is staggering. We are so very grateful for how our family is growing. Thanks for rejoicing with us!

Work Hard, Play Later

I've heard it said that anything worth having costs something - usually hard work.

We celebrated 28 years of marriage this last weekend. And by celebrated I mean we went to church with our son, out to dinner (Chinese buffet because we are fancy) with our pastor and his family and another couple we recently met, then walked around Target picking up some toilet paper and hair color. Then we took a nap and rounded out the day with the second viewing of The Greatest Showman from our amazon prime account so we could get our money's worth on that rental.

I know what you're thinking - we really know how to celebrate big. Don't be jealous of the romance.

The truth is, with Ben's recent graduation from Moody Seminary in Chicago and the road trip out there, a Sunday nap on a rainy day sounded like a perfectly romantic anniversary celebration.

Anniversaries always get me to thinking. And as the years rack up, I wonder how we made it but other couples don't. On this end, the years seemed to have passed quickly. One could even daydream that it's been a pretty easy go of it. But again, anything worthwhile takes work. I might even go so far as suggesting the harder the work, the better the end product.

As I consider our years together, the most challenging were in the not too distant past. I like to refer to it as the darkness, the wilderness, the winter, the storm. They all fit.

We had been beaten up. Chewed up and spit out. By a church no less. For the following three years money was tight and stress was high. Scott was unemployed or underemployed. For three years, people. Translation - he was  always at home. He was home more than he wanted to be and I was strangling in what I like to call 'unnatural togetherness'.

Don't get me wrong - I still loved him madly - but his presence in the house (my office) all.day.long. every.day. was a constant reminder that our situation wasn't changing. Is anyone else getting sweaty or is it just the memory recollection?

I'd like to report what a champ I was, welcoming, warm, hospitable to my innocent husband. Sometimes it was more like this.

"It's not that I don't want you here, honey. You are welcome always, just not Monday through Friday, 8-5."

"How about you go to Starbucks to study and send resumes and look for a job for a while? You know - change of scenery might do you good!"

I could feel my heart chilling. I was pulling away a little, justified in needing my own space.

I wish I was kidding.

Worse thoughts were often on the tip of my tongue but I managed to swallow them before they escaped and did damage.

Daily I prayed my usual prayers for God to rescue us and give us purpose again. Begging. I received mostly silence.

On a particularly difficult day I really wanted to lash out and blame Scott. I sensed God was aware and issuing a warning to me. An image came to my mind of my bare toes peering over the slippery edge of a very deep, dark hole in the ground. I was looking down in there.

"Take a look. Many a foolish woman has stood in this very spot. Do you want to go down there where good marriages end up when a selfish young wife doesn't get everything her way?
It's your choice."

Me: "I still love him. I just can't take this any more."
I began to list my justifiable complaints.

"When this season is over, what will your kids remember about how you treated their father in his worst days, his lowest low?"

Low blow.

"Who is going to be this man's champion....for better or worse?"

Why so harsh, Lord?

"Will Scott be able to say when it's all over that "my wife was right by my side all the way"?

Well, when you put it that way.

Have you ever noticed that certain verses you are familiar with, just happen to come to mind when you least expect?

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, 2 complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 3 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,[a]6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant,[b] being born in the likeness of men. Phil. 2:1-7

A wise son (daughter) heeds his father’s instruction,

    but a mocker does not respond to rebukes. Prov. 13:1

Years ago when confronted with similar foolishness prevention on my part, I put into practice two other marriage building strategies.

1. When tempted to say something potentially hurtful, I would fast forward about five minutes and imagine how it was going to land on my target (in this case, my husband). How will he hear it? Will it change the harmony in our relationship or atmosphere of our home in a negative way? How will it affect the rest of the family? How long will the resulting tension and disharmony last? Consequently, is it really worth 'getting it off my chest'?

This next question I formed during our years of church ministry when fellow parishioners would say hurtful, discouraging, even hateful things to Scott.

2. Do I have the Holy Spirit's permission to say these things at this time to a person created in the image of God (which, of course, is everyone)?

Now God turned it back to me. Did I have His permission to unload the ugly? No, I don't believe I do.
I guess I did have a decision to make.

With the verses above in hand, my marriage vows dusted off and perched where I could see them, I repented. I changed direction.

 After I had a little talk with Jesus, I had a little talk with myself.

My chest puffed with resolve. I can do this. I want to be my man's champion. I don't want to kick him when he's down. I want to be a mom my kids can be proud of. More than those, I don't want to be a foolish woman. I refuse to damage or tear my marriage apart because my perceived needs weren't being met by my husband because, in reality, only God promises to accomplish that feat. I want to be Spirit-filled and led. I'm going the way He goes.

It changed the climate of the rest of our winter. In my mind, I linked arms with Scott and wouldn't allow the enemy to tempt me to turn on him. Team Burtis. 

Interestingly, in our new season of empty nest, living up in no man's land, we are together more than ever and it is so sweet. Who could have imagined? And how could I have ruined it?

Here's the thing. I'm going to say something bold, but I truly believe this. 

The root cause for most marriages* ending can be summed up in one word. Selfishness.

Somewhere along the way, one or both decide their needs aren't being met and those needs have risen above the needs of the other. It's not about how I serve you, but how you serve me.

Your response is your decision. Ask yourself a few questions before you act...or react. Choose well and reap the blessings God has in store for you.

 Blessed are all who fear the Lord, who walk in obedience to him. 
Psalm 128:1

And his affection for you is even greater, as he remembers the obedience 

of you all... 2 Cor. 7:15

And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love. 2 John 1:6

*I'm omitting abuse and unrepentant adultery here.

In Memory of a Woman Who's Legacy Needs to be Remembered

Recently I was informed by some who claim to love me that I am a "strong woman". It came in conjunction with an accusation of being somewhat "intimidating". Naturally, I bristled at these descriptions. Though encouraged to "take it as a compliment, it's not a bad thing", I beat myself up a bit and decided I probably need to work on my approachability, maybe back off some, get in the backseat, simmer down.

Then Barbara Bush's time on earth ended and I've been listening intently to different memories of her by many different voices. Strong Woman, Force of Nature, The Enforcer. Yes! She makes those titles look admirable and worth emulating especially when we see the fruit of her life. She was also gracious, lovely, and so funny. These traits can reside together.  Not every woman can pull this off and some give women a bad name, but Mrs. Bush was a woman of faith and I believe that was her real strength. The more I hear, the more I dig her. A good reminder for me that no one should back down from opportunities to influence because each one is God-appointed and weighty.

Below is a repost of a blog I wrote in the Fall of 2016 after a very special day. Nothing like being in the same room with someone you would love to meet and then getting your opportunity. Now that she is in heaven and getting lots of media exposure, I'm reminded anew of her amazing legacy and inspirational wisdom. Every woman can benefit from her life and choices, her character and class, a gift to all of us.

Mrs. Barbara Bush, once First Lady of the United States of America, was in the audience of a play we attended, to watch her daughter-in-law perform. We had a heads up that she would be there but didn't think access would be so easy.

Oh how I hate to stalk, but well, there she was. So beautiful. I asked if we could talk to her. She said, "Of course" and motioned us closer.

It went like this:

"Your husband is the first President I voted for."
She smiled warmly and thanked me.

"I read your memoir. It is still the biggest book I've ever read." (I shared one of my favorite stories from it here.)

BB: She confirmed the story and said, "You're a reader."
  
"Yes ma'am. I also read your son's book about your husband and absolutely loved it."

BB: "It's a love story, you know."

"I know! I was hooked from the first page. I believe there is no one alive today who is more qualified to be President than your husband. He's an amazing man."

BB: "He is still a wonderful man. He couldn't be here today. But he is the most kind and gracious person I know - and that's after 60 years of marriage!" I think she slapped her knee and laughed. (She told a cute story about President Bush here.)

"I'm sorry he wasn't re-elected. He should have been."

BB: "Oh, don't cry over spilt milk. It wasn't meant to be. We've had a very good life."
Mrs. Bush deflected compliments humbly.  What a refreshing response. 

Eventually (because we may or may not have been monopolizing this dear lady), Scott and I thanked her for her family's service to our country and asked for a picture. She not only agreed, but her people got up from their seats for us and took our phones at her direction to take the shot.

What a gracious, beautiful soul. She was much tinier and frail than I expected, but absolutely stunning with her BIG white Texas hair. What a thrill for us.

Who could have imagined meeting a First Lady in a small theater in New Hampshire? Later when I had time to reflect on the exchange, I wish I had also said:

"I know for a man to achieve such greatness, his wife has a lot to do with it. Thank you for all the sacrifices and contributions you also made."

"Thank you for being an excellent, honorable role model for women. You're one of the best. These days, someone like you is hard to find."

"Who are you going to vote for in November?"

Ah, I kid. I wouldn't have.

Just a PS for my kids who may be reading....THIS is another reason why you must READ books. All kinds! Especially biographies of greats. Remember, how I told you reading makes you an interesting conversationalist? See how it comes in handy when you least expect it?

Listen to your Mama.

50 - Part 2 - 'S' Words

If you didn't read yesterday's post, bring yourself up to speed here.

A week or so before The Big Day, a friend who loves a good book as much as I do suggested a new title and author. I picked it up and knew immediately it was going to speak to some areas in my Christian life that needed attention. You see, I already knew something was off. I had a slight idea, but soon I would know fully.

I couldn't put the book down. I read it in a few days. The first few were brutal. The truth hurt.

What I found deep down as I read the author's story wasn't pretty. And it needed to be dealt with. I spent the next few days beating myself up because I've been down this road before. This stuff was not unfamiliar. I've battled it before. More on that later.

Have you experienced this? The Lord turned the mirror around and I saw sin that I am well acquainted with and despise, hoping it was a thing of the past but it crept back in somehow, unnoticed by my always probing eye. But that is part of the problem. That eye.

Do you remember when I wrote about my 2018 Lent experience? All the junk that surfaced from deep inside? Yeah, that. Self-absorption, self-preoccupation, self-consciousness, and the newest offender - self-evaluation. The one that fuels all the rest.

It stems from the stronghold of comparing with others. When I compare, I come up wanting. When I come up wanting, I do one of two things.
1. Self-soothe with shopping or naughty eating. Or 2. I plunge into any self-improvement strategy that comes my way or that I hungrily pursue. Did you notice more 'selfs' just arrived on the scene? The problem with this nasty 's' word is the one that accompanies it - consumed. Consumed with self-evaluation and self-improvement. Can we just stop and collectively say "ew"?

This is not good, friends. Ultimately, all these things point to the sin of pride, which is the thing I pray most against because I know my propensity toward it.

Now that it's all been identified and named, what do I do? Do business with God that's what.

The best way I know to do this is getting alone with my Bible and a journal. I wept as I wrote down all my confessions, hoping my children don't read it one day after I'm gone. It is embarrassing. I am 50 years old and still in this sticky trap. I came clean and told God how sorry I am. I was specific with each infraction because I know one can't repent if she doesn't deliberately turn away from the action.

Then I read some beautiful passages in the Bible that began to set me free. Ephesians 2 and Colossians 3 particularly. I learned that I am seated in and with Christ. A right now and future position. The right now is that I sit at a round table full of other Christ-followers. All equal. All gifted. No need for comparison because we are on the same team. Team Jesus!

My job is to fix my gaze on Jesus and adore Him. When I do that, I will have no time to obsess about my appearance, my financial situation or my achievements - all things I tend to use to measure my worth and identity. All I have to do is accomplish the works He has created in advance for me to do to bring Him glory during my time on Earth.

It's so much simpler than I've been making it. Sacred echoes (when God sends the same message through several different mediums) emerged all week as I worked through these passages.

It is finished - I don't have to keep trying to finish what's already done. I am enough for Jesus - I need to be enough for me and stop trying to improve.
Freedom - what Jesus secured for me on the cross. Free to roam around in the safe boundaries He has set for me, requiring no approval or affection from any person in my life.

I don't know how God does it, but truly He shows up in the middle of our confessions, accepts them and comforts with His presence.

In that area anyway, but there was still battle going on.

In my weakened state, the enemy took advantage. What I mean is that I got all the stuff right with God, but I was still at war within over other things. He convinced me that every compliment I might receive is false flattery. I didn't believe even one (which is likely why I fell into the self-evaluation and self-improvement mess). He pitched out the idea that because we've  moved away from our friend groups, up here in the isolated mountains, that I've been forgotten and most of them don't need or want me anymore - that I'd lost my place. When I looked at photos of my children when they were small I would cry, remembering only the ugly - was I too strict?; I didn't talk nice and yelled too much; why was I so impatient?; surely they don't remember their childhood with fondness. The regrets eclipsed any happy memories.

Gross, isn't it? Satan is mean. He wants to discourage us to the point of disbelief and paralysis. I confessed these fears to Scott and a friend. They rejected their validity and told me it was all lies.

Remember, this was happening during my 50th birthday week. Regardless of what I wrote in the previous post, I really was asking God to lower my expectations and shift my focus from self. That His love and approval would be enough.

I prayed, "God, help me see the truth. Don't let me swing into pride, but help me to see what you see."

Fast forward to Saturday night and a room full of women who affirmed lasting friendships that can withstand time and distance, my daughter who handed me the most beautiful letter she wrote about our relationship, and a special package of things I'd love from another darling young woman I've only seen twice in 25 years, which included a page she wrote '50 things about you that matter to me'. And that's just three of the meaningful sentiments given that night.


I was undone. This party was about so much more than my husband making a big deal about my birthday. It goes so infinitely deeper. God sees me. God knows me. God cares about what troubles me and He rescued me when I found myself in deep waters. He is patient when I struggle. He is loving and faithful to all His promises. And He used my attentive husband's planning to speak to me. I went to bed that night soul-filled, worshipful, eager for Sunday.

The next morning we were in church listening to our pastor's sermon and this is what I heard: "We will all struggle with sin. That's not the problem. That's part of the process. The problem comes when we surrender to the temptation to sin."

More freedom! You see, even once I realized what was happening as described above, I was still beating myself up, so mad for struggling with this junk (again). I knew better. I should be past this. But no, our struggle with sin isn't the problem - we're always going to have that. It doesn't make God mad or disappointed with us.

What needs to happen is that we wrestle the thing to the ground, show it who's boss (Jesus conquered sin on our behalf, we have power to say no), and then leave it there. Move on, girl. Don't give the devil time to send our minds into a whirlwind of lies.

Friends, this is why we need to go to church! God speaks when His Word is taught and we come eager to hear. There are few things I love more than when He brings all the sacred echoes together just like that.

I was hoping this would be a benchmark, line drawn in the sand, new direction for a new decade kind of birthday and it is. Nothing quite like a fresh start. I'm ready to go forward and leave all the 's' words back in my 40's.