When Your Obedient Child Disobeys And You're Not Mad About It

The last thing I said to him before he got on the plane a year ago was "Don't fall in love in Utah".

It was the end of Ben's undergrad studies at Moody Bible Institute and he needed an internship.

Coincidentally, a few months prior, we had spent a vacation in Utah to visit a much-beloved couple, important friends whom we hadn't seen in the flesh in twenty years. We picked up right where we left off and enjoyed the Lord's kindness to us in preserving our long distance friendship. When talking about our kids, whom they hadn't seen since they were tiny, we mentioned the internship as the next thing in Ben's life. Terry offered to host him at his church.

"That's nice," I thought, but had no intention of sending my little guy so far away. Time passed, the opportunity presented itself again, and I was reminded by a wise brother-in-law that any time spent with this man would be most valuable for our up-and-coming pastor son. Of course, he was right. Heck, I would love to spend that kind of concentrated time learning ministry and life from him.

I doubt at 22 I would have flown to the other side of the country to live with a couple I've never met for six weeks. But Ben did. So Scott and I dropped him at the airport with my last instruction (see above if you missed it).


Before long, he reported that a family in the church sort of adopted him so he would have kids his own age to hang out with. That sounded good.

Then I saw pics of the two sisters. Whoa. I may or may not have gotten a little nervous. I mean, talk about cute. I regularly asked if there was anything I need to know. Nope, my Benny was focused on the internship.

A few weeks later, during a Facetime conversation, Mrs. East, the girls' mom, got on the screen and introduced herself to me. Equally as adorable as her daughters, she wondered if we might have mutual friends since she grew up in the Adirondacks. I doubted it, telling her I kind of live in a CAMP-of-the-WOODS bubble up here.

"I grew up in Schroon Lake."
Schroon Lake!
"What's your maiden name?"
"Oris"
I recognized it and gulped.
"Are you related to Jack Wyrtzen?" (the founder of Word of Life, my favorite place in the world, where the Lord stole my heart 30 years ago?!?!?!)
"Yes, he's my Grandpa." (Her grandpa is the man whose vision God used to change my life?!)
I may or may not have had a little heart attack.

It's not an exaggeration to say this blew me away. God is bigger than all geography.

The summer internship ended and Ben went back to Moody. The kids stayed in touch.
Fast forward to November.

"Mom, I'm starting to like Katelyn as more than just a friend."
"I don't see how you are going to date a girl in Utah from Chicago"
After bringing it up a few more times and getting my same response, he told me my influence was causing him to struggle and hesitate and that if I wasn't on board, he probably wouldn't pursue her.

I was horrified and immediately convicted of heart. "Don't listen to anything I say! You have to follow God and how you think He's leading. I promise to get in line with whatever He says."


Oh the scary influence of a mother.

Turns out Katelyn agreed with Ben. Soon it was Facebook official. Benny's got a girlfriend! We were excited to meet this girl who caught his attention like no other girl had. Scott and I promised to get them in the same room in the months to come to see if there was a future in this.


One winter weekend, Katelyn and her mom Tammy flew to Chicago, picked Ben up and then came to us for a long weekend in the mountains.

Getting to know them and retracing their family history and memories of our beloved Word of Life was a beautiful gift. We liked them both so much. Tammy and I marveled at how God could bring these two together from different sides of the country with this common bond. We agreed to continue praying to see what God would have in mind for them and try to stay out of it.

Watching this relationship begin has been a tremendous blessing. Slow and steady. Smart boundaries. Intentional goals. Self-control - physically and emotionally. Prayerful. Fun. Mutual desire to honor the Lord in every area. Welcoming parental input. (my favorite - not really - but kind of.)  A gift to both sets of parents.

 By the time he graduated from Seminary in May, we sensed something was shifting.

My Ben Ben had fallen in love! Once he makes up his mind and is sure of God's will, he's ready.

We went ring shopping. He planned a surprise trip to Utah for a proposal.

This last week, on a beautiful night in beautiful Utah, Ben got down on one knee, for the first time told Katelyn he loves her, and then asked her to spend the rest of her life serving the Lord alongside him. I hear she was quite expressive. She said yes!

Then, just like his brother five years ago after his girl said yes, Ben asked Kate for his first kiss.

Their excitement is intoxicating and contagious. We are so thrilled about this upcoming marriage. Admittedly, I may have been a little skeptical over the distance and if I'd be losing my boy to the miles, but not anymore.

It could have been enough, that our over-thinking, long-praying, wise-decision making son chose her.

It could have been enough that our most influential friend, her pastor, loves her and actually had a little hand in this matchmaking.

It could have been enough that she is Jack Wyrtzen's great-granddaughter (Seriously God, did you have to go that far to get me on board?) and that I became best buddies with her mom instantly upon meeting her.

It should have been enough that God obviously orchestrated bringing these two God's will-seeking young adults together from opposite sides of the U.S.

And all those things factor in, for sure, but that's not what did it.

It was Katelyn.

Simply put, she's irresistible. We fell in love with her. Godly, funny, cute - in that order (our family requirement) - in spades! A kind, sweet, innocent, unassuming, thoughtful, deep young lady who dreams of marrying a pastor and raising a family. She'd have to be pretty amazing to bring Ben from not talking to girls to engaged in less than a year.

She's every mother's dream and the answer to this one's specific prayers for her beloved second born.

When we first met back in February, I asked her at what point did she know she liked Ben as more than just a friend. In the most adorable way, she covered her face, looked at me, grinned and said, "The day I met him."

I dig how she digs him.

One of the things I love about Kate is her willingness to wait. To not get in the driver's seat. To not hover or hint. To not pursue him when he was clueless and slow. She told me she gave her desire to the Lord and let Him decide if Ben was the one for her. Girls can be aggressive in this culture of immediate gratification and easy access by phones and social media, but not this one. She waited for God to bring Ben to her if it was His will. Can I get an amen?

Another thing that endears me to Kate is that she is what I will call a one-piece girl in a bikini world. Her modesty and the way she manages her abundant outward beauty around men keeps this mom of sons completely at ease and very proud of her. This is huge and so Romans 12:1, 2 countercultural.

I could go on, but with all that said, it is with great joy and gratitude to the One who is writing the story of their lives (and ours), that I introduce you to Katelyn East, our boy's fiancee, our future daughter-in-law.

Funny story - I've always offered to select my kids' spouses as a continued service to them (ahem) and though I was not called upon in this instance (or any - let's be honest), I'm a big fan of how this played out.

So much so that I'm going to let this kid's disobedience slide without punishment. This time.

Marriage is serious business - the role of husband and wife are clearly described in the Bible as the reflection of Jesus' relationship to all those who've trusted Him for salvation. It's a big responsibility, one that should be entered into with much prayer and intention.   

Malachi 2:15: Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring...

The longer I live the more convinced I am that in order for a family to accomplish the mission of passing down God's faithfulness to the next generation (godly offspring), it starts here. It's going to be a lot harder to do if a couple isn't intentional about this chief priority, choosing a godly spouse.

Moms, pray for your children's future mate, set the bar high for the process in how they date and whom they choose (godly, funny cute - in that order!), and also train them to be the one that someone else is dreaming of.

The reward is staggering. We are so very grateful for how our family is growing. Thanks for rejoicing with us!