Time

So the other night I was sitting in the auditorium at Maine Endwell high school watching the Pops concert. Some of you just rolled your eyes. I used to do that too, until we moved to this school district. They don't just take football seriously, but the music program is excellent too.

We were amazed at how many students are involved - over 250 - and this is one of the smallest districts in our area. Many of these musicians overlapped into several groups - Mixed Chorus, Women's Chorus, Orchestra, Wind Ensemble, Symphonic Band and more. Yes, I said more. They go hard.

Because we go to many school events, we know many of these kids are involved in multiple other activities at school. The crossover is worth noting. Some play an instrument, sing in chorus and participate in several sports too - year round. Not to mention taking a heavy academic load that requires much homework.  Did I mention travel teams, dance lessons, karate? The list goes on and on. Do they ever get tired?

I wondered when they have down time or if they ever take a season off to do...well nothing.

There has been much talk and many books published these days about margin, slowing down, and simplifying our lives. About not being too busy. I think when we hear it, we let out a loud exhale and think, "that would be nice", but how many actually put it into practice?

When our kids were younger I always knew we had become too busy when the moment we were home for more than one consecutive evening someone would ask, "What are we doing today? What are we doing tonight? What are we doing tomorrow? How about tomorrow night?".

My answer was often, "We are going to stay home and enjoy being together. And play with the toys you wanted for Christmas that you never have time to play with. We may even read books." They would smile and exclaim, "Thank you, Mother!" Right. In my dreams.

As the kids got older and were tempted to overload their free time full of social activities, I knew it was time to ask ourselves some hard questions. Would they become busy adults who fill every available minute and end up with no time to rest? Or God forbid, no time to hang out with their parents? What are we teaching them about how best to spend time? About what's important? Kids do tend to follow in their parents' footsteps.

The music kids reminded me about the well-intentioned notion that most parents have heard and some believe. Do you remember it - that kids need to be "well-rounded" a.k.a. good at everything, to get into college or be successful? Me too. Consequently, we move mountains to give them every available opportunity to succeed at many things.

But let's get real. How much time does it take to master so many things? Pretty much all of it, I think. Hence the addiction to busyness and endless activity. Running daily from event to event with little downtime at home can be a real family buster.

We are as guilty as our kids I think. As we are busy with many activities ourselves we might eventually find we've become a jack of all trades but master of none. At some point we should consider how much time is left over for the things that really matter. Like relationships. Like enjoying margin - room for the spontaneous. Like being preoccupied or just available to meet someone else's needs.

Are our kids watching us operate a break neck speed, saying yes to everything? What will they remember about their time living in our homes, the pace we kept and subjected them to?

Recently, a friend who I may or may not mention my upcoming empty nest (which is 4 short months away if you've lost track) to every time I see her gave me a book to read called "Just 18 Summers". Yeah, I know.

I still haven't gotten past the title. We have 18 summers with our kids. Me? I have none left. Kind of puts things in perspective though, doesn't it?

The time goes so fast. My head is spinning as I write. One day Scott and I decided we wanted to start a family and in a few months the in-our-home-everyday part of parenting will end and it will just be the two of us again.

May I give you younger parents some advice?

Guard your family time. Quality time does not trump quantity time. Every child needs both. Extracurricular activities have some benefit, but kids will learn even more about life, God and themselves from spending time with mom and dad.

Just because your kids want to do everything, doesn't mean that's what is best for them. Feel free to say no to some things without guilt. You get to decide that because you are the grownups. You see the big picture and you are for them.

Limit the time they are influenced by their friends. Make sure you are pouring more into them than the world is.

If you're too tired, stressed or busy to go to church on Sunday, give something up.

When they are teenagers, make youth group a priority. This will be easier if you lay the foundation of loving church when they are younger.

Don't let the culture (what everyone else is doing) dictate your family goals and priorities.

Eat more dinners together at the table each week than you don't.

Watch less tv and play more games.

Talk about everything. Ask millions of questions. Know their world.

Teach them that being bored is not the worst thing. Here we learn to be still and to listen - very important spiritual virtues that we all need in order to hear God and follow Him.

You probably noticed that all those things take time. Yes, they do. I promise it will be the best time you will spend in these child-rearing years. Be all in for all of these 18 years. This kind of parental involvement will produce well-rounded kids. And when the end of your daily influence arrives, you might just have fewer regrets.

Whatever stage you're at in parenting, take some time to evaluate.

Consider that you might be inadvertently teaching that the best life is about them excelling at many things. Things which will make them a better individual for sure, but may leave little if any time to serve others, which is the essence of the Gospel, the way we pass it down.

As Christ-following parents we have been given one main job - passing down God's faithfulness and the Gospel to the next generation - starting with our own kids. It's our responsibility to show our kids that there is nothing more fulfilling. NOTHING.

I like to envision handing each of our kids the baton and saying, "It's your turn now. You're ready. Go get your generation."

You guessed it - it takes time to get them there - we've got 18 years.

Two of my all time favorite go-to parenting verses are Romans 12:1-2

"So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you."

Best advice ever for us - and our kids.

Like God, I want to bring out the best in my kids too. I bet you do too.

Decide what you want your kids to look like when they leave your nest and with God's help, focus your time and energy getting them there.

You can do this!  The next generation will benefit from your effort.