Outdo One Another

Yesterday my husband started a new sermon series based on Romans 12. He encouraged us to read the chapter often in the weeks ahead. Because I am an obedient wife and always do whatever he asks (cough, cough, if only), I read it this morning.

So many phrases stood out as highly applicable to my life but one especially.

"Love one another with brotherly affection. 

Outdo one another in showing honor." vs. 10

Immediately I thought about two men I know and love. Over the last few months they've exchanged birthday greetings with each other. Like a lot of men, they don't usually share 'mushy' feelings but hey, they're getting older and I'm starting to believe that with age can come a new tenderness. Don't tell them I used the word tenderness.

Here's some of the letter that came to our house.

In it, I see understanding (there have been disappointments), encouragement (you make faithfulness look easy), truth (God has a plan for you) and care (I hope He shows it to you sooner rather than later).

But it's the last line that is my favorite because it expresses humor and affection. Can you make it out? It says "Keep getting older. Hope you live forever..." I keep reading that last line over and over. It makes me smile everytime I picture the writer saying it.

Theologically speaking both of these men know full well that we all live forever (eternally) but what I read into it is that one hopes the other is always in his life. Kind of tender, don't you think?

At this point I imagine both of them saying, 'you think like a girl'. Probably.

Still I believe this is Romans 12:10 demonstrated in living color. Both men honored the other in their birthday cards and I'm pretty sure I can say with confidence that both of them stood up a little straighter when they read the other's words.

The beauty is that neither were forced and because I know both of them, neither stretched the truth about the other. This was genuine.

It's not to be confused with false flattery. Permit me to go on a rabbit trail here. I do not dig false flattery. You know, the kind where someone tells another something exaggerated to make them feel good about themselves.

For example, let's take American Idol. A contestant stands before the judges who ask why he is there. He replies, "Everyone tells me I am a gifted singer". Then he sings. Every listener cringes and he gets sent home wondering why he wasn't good enough. I often think, "Who told him he could sing?".

Bottom line, false flattery is not nice. We may think we are being kind and encouraging but the reality is that we are not being truthful and cerainly not helping the person.

We really need to be so careful here. Yes we need to encourage others, but we shouldn't lead them to believe something about themselves that isn't fully true or congratulate them for being something they are not.

As a parent, I've already warned my kids not to plan on me ever bragging about them if it's not accurate. This started back when they were younger. Often I would receive compliments in their earshot about their good behavior. Sometimes it was true but other times I knew full well that at home, not so much. They would often be unkind to each other in all sorts of ways. Drove me nuts! I would get on them about living the same character in public that they live at home. 

Spiritually speaking, I've been known to say as they approach adulthood, "If you choose to walk away from the Lord and not live according to principles He has lovingly given in His Word for a blessed life, it will break our hearts and we will still love you, but just own it.  Don't pretend to be something you are not. The church doesn't need that." 

Just like when they were younger, I promised (or was it a threat?) not to make them out to be something they are not. Why? Because I'm mean and unloving? No, it is because I love them and want what is best for them which is authenticity.

For the record, Scott and I also have this agreement toward each other.

If they aren't living it, why on earth would I back them up in their phoniness? It certainly won't precipitate a shift in their hearts. Instead, it would likely communicate to them that I'm willing to enter into a lie and paint an inaccurate picture for fear of what other's may think -of them and of me. Perhaps a tainted attempt at self-promotion? Gross. Not cool. Their well-being is more important to me than that.

A favorite author, Vicky Courtney, once gave a room full of moms the proper response should a child stray from the faith: "That's not how he/she was raised and we are praying he/she will come back to the Lord soon." Now that's honest and it's endearing, don't you think? Can't we all just be real?

False flattery is the opposite what the above passage is talking about.

I'm back from the rabbit trail.

Look at how The Message puts Romans 12:10:

"Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle."

and may I add Phillipians 2:1-4 for reinforcement?

"If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if His love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care - then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand."

I've highlighted the words that I think go along with outdoing one another in honor.

I hope you've received that kind of honor at some point. If you have, you know how good it feels and how contagious it can be, hopefully springing us into reciprocal action - wanting to outdo the one who did unto us so freely.

Back to my husband's birthday letter, do you know someone - that person you hope will live forever - you could express understanding, encouragment, truth, care and affection to? Don't let another day go by - just do it!

Let's be generous with our praise and honest affirmation to everyone who could use a pick-me-up (which is pretty much all of us). Don't make up something, stretching the truth, to make someone feel good temporarily. Instead, let's be deep-spirited friends who place another's best interest far above our own, helping someone else know their value with 100% truth behind our words.

Yes, that's Romans 12 living!