The Problem Is Me

Hey friends,

It's been a few weeks since I've been with you here.  I hope you've been finding God very active and loving in your lives. I also hope what follows encourages you.

I made a change a few months ago.  I've decided to take a different approach to Bible study this year.  Often I like to read through the Bible in a year.  Once you do it, and you realize you CAN do it, it gets addicting and for me, I like to do it again and again.  But for 2012 I sensed that it might be best for me to slow down a bit and meditate on a particular book or a few books for the year.  I also wanted to add in some memorizing.  I know there is so much value to that discipline, yet find myself often reluctant to just do it.

The approach I started with in January is that I'd just read the first chapter every day until I "get it".  So, I did.  Every day in January I read James 1.  In February, I read James 2 every day.  (I took a short break to be in the Gospels before Easter.) In April, James 3...you get the picture.  James 4 is where I find myself today.  Truthfully, I thought this approach might become too repetitive to keep me engaged - maybe even slightly boring.  I couldn't have been more wrong.  And I'm so glad. James is changing my life - in so many ways.

What I'm looking for is a closer walk with God, seeking to grow spiritually.  I read recently that the road to spiritual growth is paved with obedience.  If you don't obey, you don't grow.  So, naturally I asked God, "When was the last time I consciously obeyed you? Is there any area of my life I'm not obeying you?" 

Did you know God always answers those prayers?  Yes, He does. In this case, He answered through the book of James. So, if you're not sure if you are obeying God or just have a sincere desire to obey Him and want to be aware of your opportunities - why not pull up a chair and join me in James?

The slowed down pace of reading and rereading the same verses and chapters in a concentrated period of time have proved to be penetrating to my soul and stubbornly, relentlessly pursuing a response.  Difficult, for sure because obedience is not easy. But it's been a time when I feel like God and I are partnering to get me to the next step in my maturity.  I'm trying to become a willing participant in my own sanctification.

I decided the first verses I would memorize would be James 1:19, 20 "Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not bring about the righteousness of God."  The first few days were a rude awakening to how far away from that verse I truly live.  So, always looking for company on a spiritual quest, I presented Scott and the kids with the same challenge - to memorize this verse, as a family..  After all, I could clearly see we all needed it. :)

I've found it is impossible to memorize and obey this verse without a noticeable decrease in how much I really need to be talking. I mean, significantly less.  Likely the most profound eye opener to me is that when I actually live the opposite of the verse- responding quickly without listening and with even the slightest irritation (and probably no filter) - the real issue is that I'm not getting what I want when I want it!  Did you catch that?  I know I use too many words but here it is again.  What I said is that when I live the opposite of the verse it's because I want what I want when I want it - so don't get in my way!  Yuck. Gross. Could this be true of me?  Oh yes. A spiritual mirror can be soberingly revealing.

The bottom line is that the problem is me.  When I'm quick to fly off the handle, when I jump in and interrupt someone who is talking to me, failing to give them enough time to express what's really on their mind, I am only concerned with myself and getting my opinion out there or dominating the exchange.  In these situations, rarely do I choose life-giving words.

Occasionally I get a glimpse of how my words and attitude are received and it's not pretty.  I regret but can't revoke. I apologize, but the memory of what was said and/or how it was said lingers. Spirits are crushed, trust is compromised.  Maybe they won't bother next time.  My grandmother used to say, "I just say it like it is" no matter how hurtful her words were.  There is no spiritual virtue in that. It's an excuse. The Bible speaks to that too: "But put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision (excuses) for the flesh, to gratify it's desires." Rom 13:14  No excuses.

The beauty of this lesson (because God is always trying to bring beauty out of the ugly) is that I find when I am slow to speak letting the other person finish their sentence, I respond better.  Waiting gives me just a few more minutes to think about my response and gives the Holy Spirit a chance to restrain me and control my words and tone. I find I don't always have to have my way but consider the one talking to me of greater value.  Truly, I respond with more love, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control.  And both parties experience peace.*  Wait - those are fruits of the spirit, aren't they?  Amazing how the Scriptures tie together, isn't it?  It's so alive and real.

I've noticed some changes in our family dynamic since we became aware and intentional. Sometimes daily, I remind each one of "our verse".  I have one child who is prone to sarcasm and one who is quick to verbally retaliate.  (Pretend you don't know which one is which.)  To the teasing child, I remind "Don't be so quick with the sarcastic remarks.  Pause and look down the road 5 minutes.  How is that comment going to land?"  Then to the sensitive one I say, "Don't be so easily offended.  Wait 5 or 10 seconds before you respond and see if it's worth getting angry over or if it was meant in fun.  If you respond in anger, is it worth the whole family paying for it for the next hour?"  Change.  It's happening.  Transformation is one of God's specialties and I am so grateful to be the recipient of it.

James speaks much about the tongue, our words and how they land.  He warns of the destruction.  He encourages restraint, rethinking.   I must ask myself and I challenge you to consider this question: Do I have permission from the Holy Spirit to say this?  How will my words land on the heart of this one who doesn't know the Lord....or the one who does?  James 3 says, "with the tongue we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God.  Out of the same mouth, blessing and cursing, these things out not to be."  Again the question: Do I have permission from the Holy Spirit to say this to this one or to say it this way?

We only have one chance to live out our lives here on Earth and we are charged as God's children to live it for His glory not just in the areas we excel in, but also in the ones in which we prove weak.  I realize more than ever that I'm not going to get these years back with my kids living day after day with us.  I want them to live in the home of two parents who are striving to obey God's Word in every area - and are growing spiritually at every age and stage of life. This is going to cost us something.  If I want to see these qualities in  my kids' lives - they have to see us putting in the same effort.  When desperate times call for desperate measures (something ugly is about to escape), I have literally put my hand over my mouth in an effort to obey these verses.  They've seen it and laughed, and said, "Good job, Mom!". It's making an impression. 

More importantly, God is giving me an opportunity to live and do things His way.  The very growth and intimacy with Jesus that I desire so much is in my control.  I can be as close to Him as He wants me to be.  "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.  Cleanse your hands....purify your hearts."** 

I've decided I'm no longer going to be the obstacle that keeps me from what I want the most...more of God. Remember, the path to spiritual growth is paved with obedience. Living a life of obedience is surrendering to God's wisdom above our own. And that's when we sense His pleasure and know we are becoming who He wants us to become. I really want that.  Here's where the cool discipline of memorizing pays off - look at the three other verses I just happen to be committing to memory:

1. "If any of you lacks wisdom, let Him ask God who gives generously to all without reproach and it will be given him."
2.  "Be doers of the Word, not hearers only; deceiving yourselves."
3.  "But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets, but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in all his doing."

Hearing or reading is never enough - it's the doing!  Let's get on with it together...there's another generation at stake here who need us to pass down God's faithfulness to them in the form of changed, surrendered, obedient lives.  Not to mention our peers at work, our family and the church.  Let us spur one another on to good deeds! 

 *Gal. 5:22, 23
**James 4:8
1. James 1:5
2. James 1:22
3. James 1:25