"Jesus did not commit Himself to them because He knew all people and needed no one to bear witness about man, for He knew what was in a man." John 2:24-25
If that's true and I believe what He says, then why do I? I forever seem to put my trust in man and caring too much about what they think of me. Why does their opinion matter so much? Why am I trying to please or gain approval of anyone born here on Earth? Or on another track, why am I so easily disappointed in and frustrated with others? Even angry at times. Whoever said that people are supposed to act a certain way in order to get my approval?
Oswald Chambers writes, "Our Lord never put His trust in any person. Yet He was never suspicious, never bitter, and never lost hope for anyone, because He put His trust in God first. He trusted absolutely in what God's grace could do for others. If I put my trust in human beings first, the end result will be my despair and hopelessness toward everyone. I will become bitter because I have insisted that people be what no person can ever be - absolutely perfect and right. Never trust anything in yourself or in anyone else, except the grace of God."*
The truth is, like Jesus, I don't need anyone to bear witness as to who I am in Christ. No one. I am His and He is mine and He feels very strongly toward me, no matter what I do or don't do. (If you're shaky about this - go spend some time in the book of Ephesians. So good!) Nor do I have the right to judge another. A little further into John in chapter 3:18, I read "Whoever believes in Him is not condemned." This was an epiphany moment for me when I read this a year or so ago. I even wrote in my Bible with arrows in a circular shape the following three truths:
1. I am not condemned by God.
2. I don't allow others to condemn me.
(therefore,)
3. I condemn no one.
There it is, freedom from the vicious cycle of getting down on myself, believing everything said or perceived about me (whether it was true or not), and even worse, judging others.
Remember I mentioned recently that I'm reading the book of James. There it is, another sacred echo. Chapter 4, verses 11-12 speak to this issue of judging others. As in so many other areas, he pulls no punches. There's no room for flesh in these verses. James instructs that we are not to speak evil against one another - that's judging. There is only one lawgiver and judge. "Who are you to judge your neighbor?" v.12
I don't know where you land in this area. But my hope for you and for me is that we camp with the 3 points above. Let's cut each other some slack. If God doesn't condemn (I just have to stop a minute and praise Him for that), and we walk in the confidence that no one gets to condemn us, then let's bring it full circle and not condemn each other. Let's reject becoming suspicious of others, bitter against anyone or losing hope that God is doing a work in a life - theirs and yours, by the way. We can make a difference.
Jesus says that the number one way we are identified as disciples is how we love one another. (John 13:35) We only have so much time here on Earth to make an impact for Christ and if He says this is how to do it....I guess we'd better get to it! Let's be patient and kind toward one another. Let's show the love! I hope you feel loved today. By God, whose love is perfect and forever, and by me who is also crazy about you. Thanks for spending time here with me.
*My Utmost for His Highest
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Saturday, May 26, 2012
An Anniversary Road Trip.....and a Surprise Gift!
It's been a week since our actual anniversary. We waited to officially celebrate it until this weekend because our kids would be gone for three days. Why squeeze into one dinner out what you can do in two or three days? So we took off Friday at noon (because Scott always has to stop in at church for "no more than 10 minutes") on our road trip adventure. My husband has the best sense of direction of anyone I know - a gift I have yet to receive. So, naturally, the back roads is where we rode. I brought knitting and reading to do in the car because I have a hard time sitting still and not doing something. Interestingly, I found myself mesmerized by all I saw. Beautiful flowers, lush green trees, small towns with flag-lined streets, clotheslines draped with laundry blowing in the breeze, a horse and buggy, and so much more. It was delightful and I never got to any of my time-filling tasks. I wonder how many times I said, "This is glorious!" in two days?
We skipped lunch but stopped along the way for a cup of coffee and shared a piece of pie. We sat out in the sun and chatted. We talked all afternoon about all sorts of things - the serious to the silly. We listened to a few sermons from Scott's ipod and discussed them. It's such a blessing to enjoy each others company.
Eventually, we checked in to our hotel in and decided we'd have an early dinner to beat the crowds. Have you ever been to P.F.Changs? We have - once - but this dinner was outstanding! (I highly recommend the shrimp with candied walnuts and mixed fried rice. Unbelievable flavors!) We stuffed ourselves silly as we sat out on the patio and had our usual anniversary talk. I always ask the same question annually, "Knowing what you know now, would you still marry me?". He always says yes, sometimes with a longer pause than the year before :). Later he asks, "Where do you see us in five years?" My answer is usually the same, "I don't care as long as we're together.".
We talked and held hands and walked inside and outside for the rest of the evening. We enjoyed not having to be somewhere or have any reason to look at a watch. Rest is good. But it wasn't until Saturday afternoon that I was most blessed by our adventure. After breakfast outside at the hotel (we ate every single meal outside!), we drove to Canandaigua and found a double swing on the shore of the lake. There's something special about being near the water. I think I forgot to mention a quick trip to Walmart for some Benadryl because Scott's allergies kicked in and his eye swelled nearly shut. It was pretty creepy! The weather was perfect. We sat and we read, Scott napped and we were quiet. When he awoke, he was messing around on his phone and he told me what our son, Drew, posted on his facebook:
I smiled because I knew he was attending the Founder's Conference up at Word of Life - which means he was directly quoting the speaker for that hour. I thanked God that our son is a sermon junkie like his parents. Then I considered the quote. We don't hear God's voice audibly, but He speaks through His Word when we slow down and "listen". It's hard to notice all the ways God wants to enter our thoughts and world when we've filled it with noise and activity. If we're not used to silence, we rarely arrange our lives to experience it. Yet, as we sat by the lake, that's what it was. Quiet. For a few hours, Scott wasn't talking and I wasn't talking. After a while, we walked a half a mile or so by the shore, there still didn't seem to be anything to say. Keep in mind that Scott and I are both social - we love to be talking to others all the time. Remarkably, it didn't feel like anything was missing. There's a comfortable silence that produces peace. That's what today was like. And it was glorious!
I didn't realize how much I needed to stop moving and be still. Just to sit and look around and be thankful for all the beauty God has provided for our pleasure. The last few days had been kind of rough mentally. I'd been putting a lot of information in my mind and trying to make sense of it. I found it exhausting and overwhelming. Brain overload. Have you ever felt that way? I was very preoccupied and a little worried that it might ruin our weekend away. So, I asked God before we left to help me set it aside for a few days so I could focus on enjoying my husband and this rare treat to be alone together for a few days before the summer craziness sets in. Surely, the quiet all day today was God's gift to my overloaded mind. For what seemed like a long time, I just sat there and thought about all that God is doing in my life and how I've seen Him at work in the lives of others we have witnessed recently. It was so encouraging and I sensed God's close presence and pleasure. I gave thanks. There is no substitute for to taking time to rest and be quiet.
I think the gift was for Scott too or maybe he was just enjoying my not talking so much! When we made our last stop for dinner, eating outside again (he's such a trooper - allergies or not), we were back to chatting away. We enjoyed a sweet contentment for the rest of the ride home. After all, we had a new cd to listen to a few times...or more :)!
We're back home now and will jump into our regular routine tomorrow morning and have our kids back before we know it but we are better for having taken off for a little bit. As for you, who have read all the way to the end, there's still two days left in this holiday weekend and I hope that you can find some quiet moments in God's presence where you will find peace. Then do it as often as you can after that!
"Be still and know that I am God." Ps. 46:10
"He leads me beside still waters, He restores my soul." Ps. 23:2,3
We skipped lunch but stopped along the way for a cup of coffee and shared a piece of pie. We sat out in the sun and chatted. We talked all afternoon about all sorts of things - the serious to the silly. We listened to a few sermons from Scott's ipod and discussed them. It's such a blessing to enjoy each others company.
Eventually, we checked in to our hotel in and decided we'd have an early dinner to beat the crowds. Have you ever been to P.F.Changs? We have - once - but this dinner was outstanding! (I highly recommend the shrimp with candied walnuts and mixed fried rice. Unbelievable flavors!) We stuffed ourselves silly as we sat out on the patio and had our usual anniversary talk. I always ask the same question annually, "Knowing what you know now, would you still marry me?". He always says yes, sometimes with a longer pause than the year before :). Later he asks, "Where do you see us in five years?" My answer is usually the same, "I don't care as long as we're together.".
We talked and held hands and walked inside and outside for the rest of the evening. We enjoyed not having to be somewhere or have any reason to look at a watch. Rest is good. But it wasn't until Saturday afternoon that I was most blessed by our adventure. After breakfast outside at the hotel (we ate every single meal outside!), we drove to Canandaigua and found a double swing on the shore of the lake. There's something special about being near the water. I think I forgot to mention a quick trip to Walmart for some Benadryl because Scott's allergies kicked in and his eye swelled nearly shut. It was pretty creepy! The weather was perfect. We sat and we read, Scott napped and we were quiet. When he awoke, he was messing around on his phone and he told me what our son, Drew, posted on his facebook:
I smiled because I knew he was attending the Founder's Conference up at Word of Life - which means he was directly quoting the speaker for that hour. I thanked God that our son is a sermon junkie like his parents. Then I considered the quote. We don't hear God's voice audibly, but He speaks through His Word when we slow down and "listen". It's hard to notice all the ways God wants to enter our thoughts and world when we've filled it with noise and activity. If we're not used to silence, we rarely arrange our lives to experience it. Yet, as we sat by the lake, that's what it was. Quiet. For a few hours, Scott wasn't talking and I wasn't talking. After a while, we walked a half a mile or so by the shore, there still didn't seem to be anything to say. Keep in mind that Scott and I are both social - we love to be talking to others all the time. Remarkably, it didn't feel like anything was missing. There's a comfortable silence that produces peace. That's what today was like. And it was glorious!
I didn't realize how much I needed to stop moving and be still. Just to sit and look around and be thankful for all the beauty God has provided for our pleasure. The last few days had been kind of rough mentally. I'd been putting a lot of information in my mind and trying to make sense of it. I found it exhausting and overwhelming. Brain overload. Have you ever felt that way? I was very preoccupied and a little worried that it might ruin our weekend away. So, I asked God before we left to help me set it aside for a few days so I could focus on enjoying my husband and this rare treat to be alone together for a few days before the summer craziness sets in. Surely, the quiet all day today was God's gift to my overloaded mind. For what seemed like a long time, I just sat there and thought about all that God is doing in my life and how I've seen Him at work in the lives of others we have witnessed recently. It was so encouraging and I sensed God's close presence and pleasure. I gave thanks. There is no substitute for to taking time to rest and be quiet.
I think the gift was for Scott too or maybe he was just enjoying my not talking so much! When we made our last stop for dinner, eating outside again (he's such a trooper - allergies or not), we were back to chatting away. We enjoyed a sweet contentment for the rest of the ride home. After all, we had a new cd to listen to a few times...or more :)!
We're back home now and will jump into our regular routine tomorrow morning and have our kids back before we know it but we are better for having taken off for a little bit. As for you, who have read all the way to the end, there's still two days left in this holiday weekend and I hope that you can find some quiet moments in God's presence where you will find peace. Then do it as often as you can after that!
"Be still and know that I am God." Ps. 46:10
"He leads me beside still waters, He restores my soul." Ps. 23:2,3
Saturday, May 19, 2012
How To Stay in the Yolk For 22 Years
Days like these sadly remind me of marriages that have ended ended before death do two part. Broken vows. Shattered promises. A friend once told me that divorce is a violent act. One flesh, ripped in two. Violent, indeed. Tearing flesh off both - and many others included, leaving deep wounds and scars. Now that I've been around the block for a while, I accept that some marriages need to end - those taken over by abuse. But I also think many, many marriages can survive the pain and difficulties that often accompany the blending of two individual lives.
This won't be comprehensive and may seem simple, but I have a humble theory on how to make it to 22 years (and beyond). It's love. Love God. Love each other. Love each other the way God loves you. Scott and I often talk about how we've made it this far....and are still genuinely happy and still in love. What's the trick? Have we had our hard times? Of course. Have we gotten on each others nerves at times? Naturally. Have we argued to the point of tears? Occasionally. Have we felt misunderstood and not loved enough? Sometimes.
But here's what I know: the most despairing times in our marriage (from my side) have come when I expect my husband to provide for me what only God has promised to give. In other words, when I require Scott to read my mind (rarely are men good at this) and when I bring to the table all those entitlements I think I deserve simply because I'm his wife, I come up empty, and usually mad. God never meant it to be that way. I need to remember that Scott is not my Savior. He was never designed to be. Jesus is. And He is more than capable to read my mind, know what I need to fill my love tank, and fill me to overflow.....when I turn my attention to Him. That right there is the key. When we love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength and then love our spouse, marriage works. When we put our spouse's needs above our own (Scott is so much better at this than I am), we are fulfilled.
I realize some of you may be reading this with some very complex problems in your marriage - and it may be hanging by a thread. Maybe you've already quit in your heart or on paper, don't give up! God can redeem what's broken. It's His specialty. The Bible teaches all the wisdom and instruction sufficient to heal your broken hearts and your broken union. Believe it. When we live selflessly, not insisting that we get our needs met first, God blesses that. (disclaimer - if you are in an abusive relationship where you and possibly your kids are not safe - I am NOT talking to you. You need to get to a place of safety and come under the leadership of a Godly pastor.) But for the rest of us who sometimes are just sick of working so hard, feel like the other isn't doing enough and want to "be happy", we need to make a decision. Happiness doesn't come through another human. Not for long, anyway. True fulfillment comes directly from a daily, vibrant, loving, pursuing relationship with the Creator of your soul. He wants you so much. He wants your spouse. When you two love God with the kind of passion you had at the beginning of your marriage - and are daily pursuing obedience to His Word - you will have a happy marriage. Even when the storm clouds come, and the darkness seems to take over, God will help you draw together instead of apart.
We've had a few dark times in our marriage. We lost 2 babies between our boys, we've been wounded in ministry, we've endured financial leanness (that's an understatement) etc., but what we've found is that when each of us individually put our eggs in God's basket - not requiring the supernatural from another human, but God instead - we take the pressure off each other to perform and God brings peace and we become closer and can endure together, joyfully. This life is all about God, you know! Your marriage needs to be all about God! And when you conduct yourself with that focus, it's not so hard. Yes it can be a daily dying to self, but wouldn't you rather defer your desires in order to demonstrate love to the one who long ago stole your heart? I would. Do I always feel like it? No, but anything worth having is worth doing the hard work to achieve.
Defer is the word I've chosen to focus on this year. Consciously NOT having to get my own way. When I became intentional about this, I quickly realize how rarely I do it! I always position myself to get my way. I choose what radio station we listen to, I choose what we're having for dinner, I choose what movie we watch and on and on it goes. So, it's been an eye opening first half of the year and I have painfully enjoyed (endured?) letting someone else choose first. It's good for the soul.
 |
| See how nicely he feeds me cake.. |
 |
| this should have been a sign to him... |
For the sake of your children, and all those who love you and have affirmed your marriage from the beginning, and for God who called you to use your marriage to model Christ's love for the church, change your thinking from "I want to be happy" to "I want him/her to be happy" and do what you can to get them there. And then watch the years stack up. Glorious!
 |
| 22 years....God's gift to us! |
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
The Problem Is Me
Hey friends,
It's been a few weeks since I've been with you here. I hope you've been finding God very active and loving in your lives. I also hope what follows encourages you.
I made a change a few months ago. I've decided to take a different approach to Bible study this year. Often I like to read through the Bible in a year. Once you do it, and you realize you CAN do it, it gets addicting and for me, I like to do it again and again. But for 2012 I sensed that it might be best for me to slow down a bit and meditate on a particular book or a few books for the year. I also wanted to add in some memorizing. I know there is so much value to that discipline, yet find myself often reluctant to just do it.
The approach I started with in January is that I'd just read the first chapter every day until I "get it". So, I did. Every day in January I read James 1. In February, I read James 2 every day. (I took a short break to be in the Gospels before Easter.) In April, James 3...you get the picture. James 4 is where I find myself today. Truthfully, I thought this approach might become too repetitive to keep me engaged - maybe even slightly boring. I couldn't have been more wrong. And I'm so glad. James is changing my life - in so many ways.
What I'm looking for is a closer walk with God, seeking to grow spiritually. I read recently that the road to spiritual growth is paved with obedience. If you don't obey, you don't grow. So, naturally I asked God, "When was the last time I consciously obeyed you? Is there any area of my life I'm not obeying you?"
Did you know God always answers those prayers? Yes, He does. In this case, He answered through the book of James. So, if you're not sure if you are obeying God or just have a sincere desire to obey Him and want to be aware of your opportunities - why not pull up a chair and join me in James?
The slowed down pace of reading and rereading the same verses and chapters in a concentrated period of time have proved to be penetrating to my soul and stubbornly, relentlessly pursuing a response. Difficult, for sure because obedience is not easy. But it's been a time when I feel like God and I are partnering to get me to the next step in my maturity. I'm trying to become a willing participant in my own sanctification.
I decided the first verses I would memorize would be James 1:19, 20 "Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not bring about the righteousness of God." The first few days were a rude awakening to how far away from that verse I truly live. So, always looking for company on a spiritual quest, I presented Scott and the kids with the same challenge - to memorize this verse, as a family.. After all, I could clearly see we all needed it. :)
I've found it is impossible to memorize and obey this verse without a noticeable decrease in how much I really need to be talking. I mean, significantly less. Likely the most profound eye opener to me is that when I actually live the opposite of the verse- responding quickly without listening and with even the slightest irritation (and probably no filter) - the real issue is that I'm not getting what I want when I want it! Did you catch that? I know I use too many words but here it is again. What I said is that when I live the opposite of the verse it's because I want what I want when I want it - so don't get in my way! Yuck. Gross. Could this be true of me? Oh yes. A spiritual mirror can be soberingly revealing.
The bottom line is that the problem is me. When I'm quick to fly off the handle, when I jump in and interrupt someone who is talking to me, failing to give them enough time to express what's really on their mind, I am only concerned with myself and getting my opinion out there or dominating the exchange. In these situations, rarely do I choose life-giving words.
Occasionally I get a glimpse of how my words and attitude are received and it's not pretty. I regret but can't revoke. I apologize, but the memory of what was said and/or how it was said lingers. Spirits are crushed, trust is compromised. Maybe they won't bother next time. My grandmother used to say, "I just say it like it is" no matter how hurtful her words were. There is no spiritual virtue in that. It's an excuse. The Bible speaks to that too: "But put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision (excuses) for the flesh, to gratify it's desires." Rom 13:14 No excuses.
The beauty of this lesson (because God is always trying to bring beauty out of the ugly) is that I find when I am slow to speak letting the other person finish their sentence, I respond better. Waiting gives me just a few more minutes to think about my response and gives the Holy Spirit a chance to restrain me and control my words and tone. I find I don't always have to have my way but consider the one talking to me of greater value. Truly, I respond with more love, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control. And both parties experience peace.* Wait - those are fruits of the spirit, aren't they? Amazing how the Scriptures tie together, isn't it? It's so alive and real.
I've noticed some changes in our family dynamic since we became aware and intentional. Sometimes daily, I remind each one of "our verse". I have one child who is prone to sarcasm and one who is quick to verbally retaliate. (Pretend you don't know which one is which.) To the teasing child, I remind "Don't be so quick with the sarcastic remarks. Pause and look down the road 5 minutes. How is that comment going to land?" Then to the sensitive one I say, "Don't be so easily offended. Wait 5 or 10 seconds before you respond and see if it's worth getting angry over or if it was meant in fun. If you respond in anger, is it worth the whole family paying for it for the next hour?" Change. It's happening. Transformation is one of God's specialties and I am so grateful to be the recipient of it.
James speaks much about the tongue, our words and how they land. He warns of the destruction. He encourages restraint, rethinking. I must ask myself and I challenge you to consider this question: Do I have permission from the Holy Spirit to say this? How will my words land on the heart of this one who doesn't know the Lord....or the one who does? James 3 says, "with the tongue we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. Out of the same mouth, blessing and cursing, these things out not to be." Again the question: Do I have permission from the Holy Spirit to say this to this one or to say it this way?
We only have one chance to live out our lives here on Earth and we are charged as God's children to live it for His glory not just in the areas we excel in, but also in the ones in which we prove weak. I realize more than ever that I'm not going to get these years back with my kids living day after day with us. I want them to live in the home of two parents who are striving to obey God's Word in every area - and are growing spiritually at every age and stage of life. This is going to cost us something. If I want to see these qualities in my kids' lives - they have to see us putting in the same effort. When desperate times call for desperate measures (something ugly is about to escape), I have literally put my hand over my mouth in an effort to obey these verses. They've seen it and laughed, and said, "Good job, Mom!". It's making an impression.
More importantly, God is giving me an opportunity to live and do things His way. The very growth and intimacy with Jesus that I desire so much is in my control. I can be as close to Him as He wants me to be. "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands....purify your hearts."**
I've decided I'm no longer going to be the obstacle that keeps me from what I want the most...more of God. Remember, the path to spiritual growth is paved with obedience. Living a life of obedience is surrendering to God's wisdom above our own. And that's when we sense His pleasure and know we are becoming who He wants us to become. I really want that. Here's where the cool discipline of memorizing pays off - look at the three other verses I just happen to be committing to memory:
1. "If any of you lacks wisdom, let Him ask God who gives generously to all without reproach and it will be given him."
2. "Be doers of the Word, not hearers only; deceiving yourselves."
3. "But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets, but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in all his doing."
Hearing or reading is never enough - it's the doing! Let's get on with it together...there's another generation at stake here who need us to pass down God's faithfulness to them in the form of changed, surrendered, obedient lives. Not to mention our peers at work, our family and the church. Let us spur one another on to good deeds!
*Gal. 5:22, 23
**James 4:8
1. James 1:5
2. James 1:22
3. James 1:25
It's been a few weeks since I've been with you here. I hope you've been finding God very active and loving in your lives. I also hope what follows encourages you.
I made a change a few months ago. I've decided to take a different approach to Bible study this year. Often I like to read through the Bible in a year. Once you do it, and you realize you CAN do it, it gets addicting and for me, I like to do it again and again. But for 2012 I sensed that it might be best for me to slow down a bit and meditate on a particular book or a few books for the year. I also wanted to add in some memorizing. I know there is so much value to that discipline, yet find myself often reluctant to just do it.
The approach I started with in January is that I'd just read the first chapter every day until I "get it". So, I did. Every day in January I read James 1. In February, I read James 2 every day. (I took a short break to be in the Gospels before Easter.) In April, James 3...you get the picture. James 4 is where I find myself today. Truthfully, I thought this approach might become too repetitive to keep me engaged - maybe even slightly boring. I couldn't have been more wrong. And I'm so glad. James is changing my life - in so many ways.
What I'm looking for is a closer walk with God, seeking to grow spiritually. I read recently that the road to spiritual growth is paved with obedience. If you don't obey, you don't grow. So, naturally I asked God, "When was the last time I consciously obeyed you? Is there any area of my life I'm not obeying you?"
Did you know God always answers those prayers? Yes, He does. In this case, He answered through the book of James. So, if you're not sure if you are obeying God or just have a sincere desire to obey Him and want to be aware of your opportunities - why not pull up a chair and join me in James?
The slowed down pace of reading and rereading the same verses and chapters in a concentrated period of time have proved to be penetrating to my soul and stubbornly, relentlessly pursuing a response. Difficult, for sure because obedience is not easy. But it's been a time when I feel like God and I are partnering to get me to the next step in my maturity. I'm trying to become a willing participant in my own sanctification.
I decided the first verses I would memorize would be James 1:19, 20 "Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not bring about the righteousness of God." The first few days were a rude awakening to how far away from that verse I truly live. So, always looking for company on a spiritual quest, I presented Scott and the kids with the same challenge - to memorize this verse, as a family.. After all, I could clearly see we all needed it. :)
I've found it is impossible to memorize and obey this verse without a noticeable decrease in how much I really need to be talking. I mean, significantly less. Likely the most profound eye opener to me is that when I actually live the opposite of the verse- responding quickly without listening and with even the slightest irritation (and probably no filter) - the real issue is that I'm not getting what I want when I want it! Did you catch that? I know I use too many words but here it is again. What I said is that when I live the opposite of the verse it's because I want what I want when I want it - so don't get in my way! Yuck. Gross. Could this be true of me? Oh yes. A spiritual mirror can be soberingly revealing.
The bottom line is that the problem is me. When I'm quick to fly off the handle, when I jump in and interrupt someone who is talking to me, failing to give them enough time to express what's really on their mind, I am only concerned with myself and getting my opinion out there or dominating the exchange. In these situations, rarely do I choose life-giving words.
Occasionally I get a glimpse of how my words and attitude are received and it's not pretty. I regret but can't revoke. I apologize, but the memory of what was said and/or how it was said lingers. Spirits are crushed, trust is compromised. Maybe they won't bother next time. My grandmother used to say, "I just say it like it is" no matter how hurtful her words were. There is no spiritual virtue in that. It's an excuse. The Bible speaks to that too: "But put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision (excuses) for the flesh, to gratify it's desires." Rom 13:14 No excuses.
The beauty of this lesson (because God is always trying to bring beauty out of the ugly) is that I find when I am slow to speak letting the other person finish their sentence, I respond better. Waiting gives me just a few more minutes to think about my response and gives the Holy Spirit a chance to restrain me and control my words and tone. I find I don't always have to have my way but consider the one talking to me of greater value. Truly, I respond with more love, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control. And both parties experience peace.* Wait - those are fruits of the spirit, aren't they? Amazing how the Scriptures tie together, isn't it? It's so alive and real.
I've noticed some changes in our family dynamic since we became aware and intentional. Sometimes daily, I remind each one of "our verse". I have one child who is prone to sarcasm and one who is quick to verbally retaliate. (Pretend you don't know which one is which.) To the teasing child, I remind "Don't be so quick with the sarcastic remarks. Pause and look down the road 5 minutes. How is that comment going to land?" Then to the sensitive one I say, "Don't be so easily offended. Wait 5 or 10 seconds before you respond and see if it's worth getting angry over or if it was meant in fun. If you respond in anger, is it worth the whole family paying for it for the next hour?" Change. It's happening. Transformation is one of God's specialties and I am so grateful to be the recipient of it.
James speaks much about the tongue, our words and how they land. He warns of the destruction. He encourages restraint, rethinking. I must ask myself and I challenge you to consider this question: Do I have permission from the Holy Spirit to say this? How will my words land on the heart of this one who doesn't know the Lord....or the one who does? James 3 says, "with the tongue we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. Out of the same mouth, blessing and cursing, these things out not to be." Again the question: Do I have permission from the Holy Spirit to say this to this one or to say it this way?
We only have one chance to live out our lives here on Earth and we are charged as God's children to live it for His glory not just in the areas we excel in, but also in the ones in which we prove weak. I realize more than ever that I'm not going to get these years back with my kids living day after day with us. I want them to live in the home of two parents who are striving to obey God's Word in every area - and are growing spiritually at every age and stage of life. This is going to cost us something. If I want to see these qualities in my kids' lives - they have to see us putting in the same effort. When desperate times call for desperate measures (something ugly is about to escape), I have literally put my hand over my mouth in an effort to obey these verses. They've seen it and laughed, and said, "Good job, Mom!". It's making an impression.
More importantly, God is giving me an opportunity to live and do things His way. The very growth and intimacy with Jesus that I desire so much is in my control. I can be as close to Him as He wants me to be. "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands....purify your hearts."**
I've decided I'm no longer going to be the obstacle that keeps me from what I want the most...more of God. Remember, the path to spiritual growth is paved with obedience. Living a life of obedience is surrendering to God's wisdom above our own. And that's when we sense His pleasure and know we are becoming who He wants us to become. I really want that. Here's where the cool discipline of memorizing pays off - look at the three other verses I just happen to be committing to memory:
1. "If any of you lacks wisdom, let Him ask God who gives generously to all without reproach and it will be given him."
2. "Be doers of the Word, not hearers only; deceiving yourselves."
3. "But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets, but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in all his doing."
Hearing or reading is never enough - it's the doing! Let's get on with it together...there's another generation at stake here who need us to pass down God's faithfulness to them in the form of changed, surrendered, obedient lives. Not to mention our peers at work, our family and the church. Let us spur one another on to good deeds!
*Gal. 5:22, 23
**James 4:8
1. James 1:5
2. James 1:22
3. James 1:25
Thursday, May 3, 2012
How Should We Pray?
Today is the National Day of Prayer. It sounds kind of lofty and makes me wonder, "How do I pray today? What do I pray for today? What prayers does God want to hear from me today?"
A friend who I consider to have discipled me when I was a young wife once said, "You should always have a book on prayer going because it's an area we can always improve upon." I'd say it was nearly 20 years ago he uttered those words, but they are never far from the front of my mind. Prayer. A mystery in many ways. Hundreds of books have been written on the subject which confirms it is an inexhaustible topic.
I certainly am not going to tackle every aspect I know about it, but I've been hearing a sacred echo this week regarding intercessory prayer. I love praying for others and I love when others pray for me. What a tender gift from God that we could care for and encourage one another this way but is it possible our prayers might not be very effective because we let our feelings get in the way?
Let me explain. In one of my favorite books, One Thousand Gifts, Ann VosKamp suggests that when we tell our hurting, suffering loved one that we would "write their story differently if we could", that we are in fact rebuking God. Could this be an unknowing, unintentional arrogance? Are we suggesting that we know what's best? What a more palatable outcome might bring? Or that we can see the big picture/spiritual purpose that The Author and Finisher of our Faith can only see? We don't and we can't. Ouch. I shudder to think about how many times I have taken this stance. Even just this week I told a friend that if I could do something to minimize or remove her pain, I would. What? Does that mean that deep down I'm suggesting that I love and care for her more than her Heavenly Father? Oh my. The only comfort is knowing that I've done it unintentionally driven by sheer sympathy.
We need to be so connected with God and His Word (His ways) that we pray for His best interest and concern in that person's life. Oswald Chambers writes, "It is impossible for us to have living and vital intercession unless we are perfectly and completely sure of God. And the greatest destroyer of that confident relationship to God, so necessary for intercession, is our own personal sympathy and preconceived bias. Identification with God is the key to intercession."*
When I read Jesus' prayer for His followers in John 17 and the many prayers Paul prayed for the churches in his letters, I see an interesting theme.
John 17:15 Jesus prayed, "My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one."
Phil. 1:9 Paul prayed, "And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ."
Col. 1:10-11 Paul prayed, "And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience and joyfully giving thanks to the Father.."
Eph. 1:17-19 Paul prayed, "I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints, and His incomparably great power for those of us who believe."
Wow! Those are power prayers. Spirit-filled prayers. I would like them prayed for me. It's what my prayers should be on behalf of those I love. Yet my prayers tend to look more like this: "Lord, please make this situation go away for my friend. Release her from her pain. Make everything right. Give her happiness. Get that one who is hurting her, make him pay., etc. etc." They sound more sympathy driven than power-of-God-on-your-behalf driven, don't they? I have some friends who are going through some really heart wrenching, where-is-God kind of hurts and I pray for them often. Life is hard. Now I wonder if my sympathy prayers are helping them very much. I think modeling the Scriptural prayers may bring about the will of God much more beautifully.
Well, I for one have been to the woodshed today. In sin? No. Have I upset God? No, I don't think so. But have I researched something in His Word and been taught something new? Yes and that makes me accountable to do something with it (like obey) lest I become like the deceived one described in James 1 who merely listens to the Word and does nothing with it.
I think I'd rather be in this camp: "But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it - he will be blessed in what he does." James 1:25
Let's pray prayers that reflect the heart of God toward the people we love and then watch in amazement as He does His thing - which is always perfect, always good, always higher than ours". I just love God, don't you?
*My Utmost for His Highest
A friend who I consider to have discipled me when I was a young wife once said, "You should always have a book on prayer going because it's an area we can always improve upon." I'd say it was nearly 20 years ago he uttered those words, but they are never far from the front of my mind. Prayer. A mystery in many ways. Hundreds of books have been written on the subject which confirms it is an inexhaustible topic.
I certainly am not going to tackle every aspect I know about it, but I've been hearing a sacred echo this week regarding intercessory prayer. I love praying for others and I love when others pray for me. What a tender gift from God that we could care for and encourage one another this way but is it possible our prayers might not be very effective because we let our feelings get in the way?
Let me explain. In one of my favorite books, One Thousand Gifts, Ann VosKamp suggests that when we tell our hurting, suffering loved one that we would "write their story differently if we could", that we are in fact rebuking God. Could this be an unknowing, unintentional arrogance? Are we suggesting that we know what's best? What a more palatable outcome might bring? Or that we can see the big picture/spiritual purpose that The Author and Finisher of our Faith can only see? We don't and we can't. Ouch. I shudder to think about how many times I have taken this stance. Even just this week I told a friend that if I could do something to minimize or remove her pain, I would. What? Does that mean that deep down I'm suggesting that I love and care for her more than her Heavenly Father? Oh my. The only comfort is knowing that I've done it unintentionally driven by sheer sympathy.
We need to be so connected with God and His Word (His ways) that we pray for His best interest and concern in that person's life. Oswald Chambers writes, "It is impossible for us to have living and vital intercession unless we are perfectly and completely sure of God. And the greatest destroyer of that confident relationship to God, so necessary for intercession, is our own personal sympathy and preconceived bias. Identification with God is the key to intercession."*
When I read Jesus' prayer for His followers in John 17 and the many prayers Paul prayed for the churches in his letters, I see an interesting theme.
John 17:15 Jesus prayed, "My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one."
Phil. 1:9 Paul prayed, "And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ."
Col. 1:10-11 Paul prayed, "And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience and joyfully giving thanks to the Father.."
Eph. 1:17-19 Paul prayed, "I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints, and His incomparably great power for those of us who believe."
Wow! Those are power prayers. Spirit-filled prayers. I would like them prayed for me. It's what my prayers should be on behalf of those I love. Yet my prayers tend to look more like this: "Lord, please make this situation go away for my friend. Release her from her pain. Make everything right. Give her happiness. Get that one who is hurting her, make him pay., etc. etc." They sound more sympathy driven than power-of-God-on-your-behalf driven, don't they? I have some friends who are going through some really heart wrenching, where-is-God kind of hurts and I pray for them often. Life is hard. Now I wonder if my sympathy prayers are helping them very much. I think modeling the Scriptural prayers may bring about the will of God much more beautifully.
Well, I for one have been to the woodshed today. In sin? No. Have I upset God? No, I don't think so. But have I researched something in His Word and been taught something new? Yes and that makes me accountable to do something with it (like obey) lest I become like the deceived one described in James 1 who merely listens to the Word and does nothing with it.
I think I'd rather be in this camp: "But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it - he will be blessed in what he does." James 1:25
Let's pray prayers that reflect the heart of God toward the people we love and then watch in amazement as He does His thing - which is always perfect, always good, always higher than ours". I just love God, don't you?
*My Utmost for His Highest
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Looking for a Great Book? I've Got a Suggestion....
Hey all my reader friends,
I just read another great book and as usual, can't keep it to myself. My awesome gift-giving husband gave me this book for Christmas. I picked it up a week or so ago and finished it this morning. I loved it! Scott always knows how to make the perfect selection for me.
Kisses from Katie (by Katie Davis) is a modern-day missionary biography. Some of you know how I feel about a well-written missionary biography. I can't get enough! They challenge me to see the world and my world through God's eyes and probe to see if I'm truly living out the purpose He created me for. Sometimes we can get caught up in our own American (Western) lifestyles and forget that there is a world out there very different from our own. People living (or barely living) with needs much greater than our own. And there are devoted Christ-followers who have surrendered "the good life" to lead THE GOOD LIFE. I love reading their stories. I love their courage. I love how God uses them. I love how they love God.
In my humble opinion, we all need to pick up a missionary biography once or twice a year and experience someone else's purpose-driven life, which is often so very different from ours. I find these inspiring and attitude-adjusting when I feel like feeling sorry for myself or wishing for something else I don't currently have.
What makes this book so amazing is that Katie is a 22 year old girl from an affluent family in the U.S.A. who KNEW God's plan for her from when she was 17 and went after it - with little to no support from her family. She went to Uganda fresh out of high school and has only made brief visits back home since. She has totally surrendered her own desires for life to God. Amazing! She has/is adopting 13 young girls and takes care of hundreds more in a local school. She feeds them, reads to them, tells them about Jesus, performs minor surgeries, bathes them, cares for them and so much more with pure grace and humility. She is mature beyond her years yet unassuming. She, just one teenage girl, is making a difference!
What I especially want to suggest is that you moms read it - then give it to your pre-teen/teenage daughters. I wish I could lend you my copy, but Ally will be starting it tonight! :) In a world of confusion over how to "find God's will for my life" and being given so many choices for self-fulfillment, this just might tug their hearts toward a simpler decision of just listening to God and doing what He asks of them and making a difference in their generation!
Get this book!
I just read another great book and as usual, can't keep it to myself. My awesome gift-giving husband gave me this book for Christmas. I picked it up a week or so ago and finished it this morning. I loved it! Scott always knows how to make the perfect selection for me.
Kisses from Katie (by Katie Davis) is a modern-day missionary biography. Some of you know how I feel about a well-written missionary biography. I can't get enough! They challenge me to see the world and my world through God's eyes and probe to see if I'm truly living out the purpose He created me for. Sometimes we can get caught up in our own American (Western) lifestyles and forget that there is a world out there very different from our own. People living (or barely living) with needs much greater than our own. And there are devoted Christ-followers who have surrendered "the good life" to lead THE GOOD LIFE. I love reading their stories. I love their courage. I love how God uses them. I love how they love God.
In my humble opinion, we all need to pick up a missionary biography once or twice a year and experience someone else's purpose-driven life, which is often so very different from ours. I find these inspiring and attitude-adjusting when I feel like feeling sorry for myself or wishing for something else I don't currently have.
What makes this book so amazing is that Katie is a 22 year old girl from an affluent family in the U.S.A. who KNEW God's plan for her from when she was 17 and went after it - with little to no support from her family. She went to Uganda fresh out of high school and has only made brief visits back home since. She has totally surrendered her own desires for life to God. Amazing! She has/is adopting 13 young girls and takes care of hundreds more in a local school. She feeds them, reads to them, tells them about Jesus, performs minor surgeries, bathes them, cares for them and so much more with pure grace and humility. She is mature beyond her years yet unassuming. She, just one teenage girl, is making a difference!
What I especially want to suggest is that you moms read it - then give it to your pre-teen/teenage daughters. I wish I could lend you my copy, but Ally will be starting it tonight! :) In a world of confusion over how to "find God's will for my life" and being given so many choices for self-fulfillment, this just might tug their hearts toward a simpler decision of just listening to God and doing what He asks of them and making a difference in their generation!
Get this book!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)