The Songs Matter

We've begun our fourth year in the empty nest. I think we're navigating it pretty well. We love it when our kids are home. We love it when we're just two. It's all good.

Except in December. Here's the problem. In order for all the traditions to happen, it takes a whole month. All the songs that need to be heard (usually in my car on the way to everywhere), all the movies that need to be watched (have I mentioned my extensive Christmas DVD collection?), all the books to be read (not enough days in December for that even if they were home), etc. cannot be observed when they are only home a day or so around The Big Day. It makes me whiney.

I knew last year was the final of its kind when Ben and Ally would be home for at least three weeks. Now they've joined their older brother and family whose time is limited since he became a grownup.

It's just not as much fun watching all The Santa Clause movies without their commentary and laughter. How can I read aloud their childhood Christmas books without the eye rolling and sighing as I giggle or cry through them? I miss hearing them sing with gusto (or falsetto in Ben's case) Karen Carpenter's endless glorious riffs.

Last and most important, I miss our daily Advent traditions which evolved with their maturing. 

What's an overachieving, overzealous, overenthusiastic, overexcited, overdramatic, overeverything mother supposed to do with that? How do we keep it going now that they are in their 20's?

In an Advent reading this week, the subject was the importance of the songs. The sacred songs of old. The ones we only listen to this time of year. You know the ones. They reflect the glory of the story. 

One of my expectations (ok, rules) for December in our home was that we ONLY listened to Christmas music. Nothing else. I still try to enforce this, but am quite sure it's not happening to my liking. 

So the other night Scott and I were driving home from our small group, enjoying some favorites. Songs I'm pretty sure no other normal kids were subjected to. The ones, frankly, that I discovered after coming to faith in Jesus as an older teenager. New to me and enchanting as a new believer. (Think Sandi Patty, Michael W. Smith, 4Him, the Carpenters)

While we were belting The Form of Man by Bryan Duncan (look it up if you don't know it-you'll thank me) and killing it by the way, a thought came to me: I'll send the kids a song everyday that they've listened to all their lives but am certain won't be found on their own playlists. Ones that will provoke a family memory - remind of a part of the Greatest Story - bring a smile and/or maybe even cause a moment of thanks and worship. 

Yes, brilliant!

I floated the idea to them. Of course there was a little sass (expected), but as usual, they agreed to their mother's latest shenanigans. (Side parenting note - just because they roll their eyes, make fun of you or push back a little doesn't mean you shouldn't try (or insist). Sometimes a little Italian guilt helps too.)

As I'm choosing a song each day, naturally it's doing a work in my heart too. I do expect to add some silly to the sacred selections but I mostly hope that one of the outcomes is that we each sing the song to the Lord. That it would stand out from the culture's holiday noise and distraction.

"The angels, as they sang their glory song that night, began the singing of of a glory song that would never end. God's people have penned and sung glory songs ever since. Whenever and wherever they gather, they sing together of the birth, the life, the death, the resurrection, the promises, the presence, 
the power, and the grace of Jesus. Around the world, the precious truths of God's most wonderful gifts to us, the gift of His Son." Starting with the angels who sang over the manger.

Later in the Bible, the book of Revelation, we hear those who've passed to heaven singing their glory songs with the angels. "One day we will join that multitude, no longer looking forward in hope but looking back with the security of redemption accomplished, and with the angels and the saints of old we too will sing glory songs about Jesus forever and ever."

Friends, do you see it? The first Advent the angels were singing. The second Advent we will join the angels. Right now we are both looking back to celebrate the first Advent of Jesus' coming to earth AND looking forward to celebrating the second Advent of Jesus' future return to earth. It's going to happen.

And did you see that amazing line up there? "...no longer looking forward in hope but looking back with the security of redemption accomplished."

Aaaahhhh! Security of redemption accomplished. The day we no longer need hope! I can't wait for that day. Can you?

Sing the glory songs. Make them your song.

 P.S. If you want me to send you my daily choice, I will! 

If you think I'm nuts, disregard!

*Quotes from O Come Let Us Adore Him by Paul David Tripp

Bringing Wonder Back

"What has captured the wonder of our hearts will control the way we live."

Wonder.

It's a Christmas word I think. You hardly hear or read it any other time of year. Some might consider it a fluffy, whimsical expression, but it always makes me stop and consider what fills me with wonder.

When I read the quote above this morning out of the Advent devotional I bought for the important men in my life, something stirred.

The author cautioned that the Grand Story of Jesus entering our world to rescue us can become familiar. Familiar enough to not find wonder it anymore. God forbid.

I looked up the word familiar. And by 'looking up', I mean I asked my phone what it means (I'm so techie).

Familiar - well known from a long or close association; a close friendship; intimate.
OR
- common.

Oh. A choice. The first definition is wonder-ful. I like it. I want it. The second makes me think complacent, unimpressed, unnoticed, or worse - bored.

Paul David Tripp writes, "You are familiar with the story of the gospel of Jesus Christ because the love of God has been lavished on you." Whoa. Let's just take that in a second. Feel free to re-read. I'll wait for you.

That's the good familiar. Read on.

"But familiarity often does bad things to us. Often when we become familiar with things, we begin to take them for granted. When we are familiar with things, we tend to quit examining them. Often when we are familiar with things, we quit noticing them. When we are familiar with things, we tend not to celebrate them as we once did. Familiarity tends to rob us of our wonder. And here's what's important about this; what has captured the wonder of our hearts will control the way we live."

Is it possible for the Greatest Story, familiar to most of us, become unwonder-ful? It certainly is. I shudder at the thought. We must make it our job to work hard to prevent it from becoming so. We mustn't let ourselves or our children and grandchildren miss the Wonder.

My prayer this first day of Advent:

"Father, may the Story I will trace every December day, Your Story, make me fall on my knees afresh in worship. Open my eyes to Your Love in ways I've not discovered yet or worse-forgotten. Help me to notice You in every seemingly ordinary, mundane, unimportant thing I see and experience. Make familiar things new - like the songs and movies and books annually revisited. Don't let me miss one detail. Grip my heart with the wonder of your character and plan and Biblical truths of the incarnation of Jesus. May the extravagance of your Gift overshadow every other delight of the season. Amen."

You can pray it too. I hope you do.

PS. Nerdy detail - Prayer verbs! Verbs are so good. Live the verbs.

Quotes from O Come Let Us Adore Him by Paul David Tripp

Take Me To Your Leader

Steamed. Ticked. Mad. Furious. Livid. Enraged. You name it, I was fuming.

Earlier that day, I was reading one of my favorite Christian bloggers. One of my favorite posts is when she suggests books and comments on the ones she's reading. This particular day, though, she was recommending shows and movies to watch.

As one who doesn't want to waste my time on trash, I really don't watch much tv. Not a fan of vulgarity, violence, nudity, dumb foolishness and excessive cursing. I mean, can't we be a little more creative in our word choices?

That said, I love a good movie. So I value recommendations by those I trust.

"This made my whole week when I saw it. I cannot wait for _________ to be back in my life. If you haven’t watched the first season on Amazon Prime, then you haven’t lived. It’s so good and so funny", she wrote. 

She had proposed good selections in the past, so I didn't hesitate. I looked it up and noticed it was approved for ages 12 and up. Excellent. Safe, I was sure.

So I told Scott and Ben, who happened to be home, that we had to watch it.

Within the first 10 minutes there was a full out sex scene. The two lovers were clothed but it was more than obvious what was happening. I bristled. Not cool. Then the language. Not impressed.

A few well-placed laughs kept me in my chair, giving a second chance, benefit of the doubt that something valuable would redeem this show.

Next thing I know, the main character dropped her top. Full frontal nudity from the waist up.
FULL FRONTAL NUDITY!

My wide eyes glanced around the room. My recently engaged 23-year-old son looked at me and then averted his eyes.

All these years we've shielded him and implored him to guard his eyes, avoid pornography at all cost, to honor women by refusing to watch this kind of degrading entertainment, and here I've brought it into our home and placed it squarely in front of his face.

I was aghast and ashen, I'm sure. I quickly looked into the dining room where my daughter's 19-year-old boyfriend was playing a board game with her.

I breathed a quick thanks to the Lord that I had not exposed him to nudity in our home. How would I explain that to his mother?

I've been around the bend long enough to know that Hollywood ratings for minors are not even close to what I find appropriate for myself and those in my care, so my bad on regarding that. But a Christian woman who writes Bible studies and encourages women to live for the Lord is recommending this?

The rest of the night I seethed. Where was the warning? There's been many a movie that we have turned off in the first 10, 20, 30 minutes because the language was so filthy and excessive which makes me so careful when recommending any visual entertainment. Most of the time I just don't. Sometimes I even say things like, "This is a great movie, but they say the S word seven times." Or "I want you to know there's one scene that is inappropriate, so watch out for that."

Why didn't she feel like she needed to say, "Hey, if you're watching with your husband or young sons or adult sons or anyone for that matter - the main character will let it all hang out in the first episode? And you will see a couple having sex - so be aware." Just a warning. That's all I ask. We don't have to agree on the value or not.

Nope, she only mentioned the jokes, assuring, "you haven't lived if you haven't watched this" show.

Well I have lived better. I didn't need that nor did my husband and son.

It's forced me to ask some questions.

What's my limit of how much I consume from Hollywood?
When will I decide if it's ultimately not good for me, doesn't help me become who I want to?
At what point will I say "Enough! This isn't worth my time and brain space."?
How much immorality will I ingest for a laugh or two?

Now, you may think I'm overreacting. You may say, "Chill out, you're never going to find a movie without these kind of scenes." Or "You learn to ignore this stuff and don't even notice it."

Reminds me of something I accuse one of my children of. Whenever the tv is on, specifically golf or basketball games, you can have a full on conversation with this kid and he won't even know you're in the room. He only hears the tv. You don't exist. He's in the zone. I stretch out my arms in front of me, mocking a zombie, and say, "He's in the take me to your leader" zone.

Is that what this is? It's exactly my point. How desensitized have we become? Why aren't we shocked, embarrassed, ashamed? Why doesn't it bother us?  Or bother us enough to say, "Nah, I'll wait for something that's appropriate, in line with my Biblical worldview", dare I say..."wholesome"?

Why do we just let Hollywood dictate what we are going to fill our minds and homes with? Are we blindly following?

If we claim to live by a Biblical worldview, does that include and encompass our entertainment diet?

When I used to go away on various women's retreats and conferences and such when our kids were still in the nest, I would leave a note on the tv:

Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.
How about reading a book?

It was received as you can imagine. They rose up and called me blessed. Right.

The verse in its entirety: "Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible, but I will not be mastered by anything."* They heard that a lot along with "I will set no unclean thing before my eyes."**

I watched another Instagram exchange from yet a different author I esteem. She was recommending a tv series that we watched a few episodes of and laughed for a while, but soon it became uncomfortable, too edgy and the laughs lost in the end. We stopped watching. On the post, other commenters were pushing back, "I've heard that show is dark and sacrilegious." Then a string of back and forth from many others, some for it, some against. In the end, the author stuck to her guns and said, "I love it. It's so smart and funny." Do I have a problem with her watching that show? Of course not. But I did find myself uncomfortable with the persuasive conversation. And along with the other blogger quite honestly have shaken my confidence in their wisdom.

So here we are living in America. A very divided, argumentative, intolerant climate and culture. Do we have the right to watch what we want and have our own opinion about it? Absolutely. That is not my beef.

My 1st concern and self-talk today is how will I use my influence? In my last blog post, I mentioned the principle of walking with the wise and what we gain from finding those kind of people to hang out with and learn from.

When do I become the wise one and pay attention to what I'm encouraging others to do?

I read this quote the other day and knew it would fit here:

The Bible presents holiness as both given to us and asked of us. It says, 

"In Christ, you are made holy, now be holy."***

Holiness.
Given. Expected to be given away.
Christ sees me as holy because I have received the gift of salvation He purchased for me on his cross of suffering and subsequent resurrection from the dead.
Now, He expects me to live holy.

What does that mean? What does it look like?

Holiness by definition is not dressing in white with a halo perched atop our heads.
Holiness means to be set apart. To be different in a good, clean, pure, enthusiastic, contagious way that might cause others to ask, "What's going on with her? I'd like to know more."

Again, one of my parenting go-to verses applies here:

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed 
by the renewal of your mind, 

that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, 

what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2

Even in our entertainment choices? Yes, even there.
Christians, we need to get serious about how we live. Jesus is serious about it. He left a warning:

Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin,

 it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea. Mark 9:42

I am being followed. The only leader I want to follow is Jesus. I want to go where He's going and live like He wants me to live. I want to help others find and believe Him. I hope I will leave my grandchildren a path to wisdom. They watch what we do and often do what we do. I need to consider everything in my life to reach that goal.

You are being followed. To whom and what are you leading them?

There's a war going on for our souls, our holiness, our obedience to Jesus and for those we are trying to bring along with us. Let's not be absorbed in the culture. Draw some lines, reject foolishness and influence with wisdom.



*1 Corinthians 6:12
**Psalm 101:3
***In His Image by Jen Wilkin

Watch Your Step

Last month Scott, Ally and I were invited to a very special outing. Ben's fiancee Kate and her mom Tammy included us in a family reunion of sorts up at Word of Life (my happy place). I like to refer to it as Meet The Wyrtzens Day.

I had to overcome some feelings of unworthiness to be in the presence of what I consider achieved Christian greatness. Not in an idol worship kind of way, rather as heroes of the faith. You may remember some of my thoughts about Kate's heritage in my last blogpost.

I felt nervous and excited, trusting God wouldn't let me say anything stupid or immature. I mean, this is my son's future family. Best not to embarrass him too much right out of the gate.

As we pulled onto the Lodge property and spotted Kate's great uncles, it looked like three little white haired Jack Wyrtzen's walking around and I chuckled.

The day consisted of us mingling through different conversations. To our great delight, we discovered skilled storytellers. We listened carefully to every word. We laughed at mischievous boys walking out to Word of Life Island on a freezing cold winter day, their mother not knowing where they were. We marveled at the significant impact each has made on their generation - pilot, professor, musician and more! It was fun to hear who their contemporaries are (more Christian greats) and how each life has been lived for the Gospel.
I came away learning more Word of Life history which was a thrill. Amazing how God has been at work for so many years through this ministry and continues to be.

No matter which circle we sat in, the truest discovery was that we were surrounded by wisdom. We hung on every word.

The most prominent takeaway for me was the collective conclusion, No matter what you're going through you don't have to worry. The Lord is in charge and everything will work out.

One said several times, "When you've walked with the Lord long enough, you know He works everything together and there was never any need to worry. Just wait and see."

I love that. I needed to hear it. I need to be reminded of it.


When was the last time you heard words spoken with such a confident matter-of-factness?

Or do we "comfort" one another with less faith-filled responses to another's pain like:
"I don't know what to say."
"This is so hard. I feel sorry for you."
"I don't know how I'd do it if I were in your shoes."
"I couldn't handle this kind of pain. I'll pray for you."
"If I could, I'd fix it for you."

Not very life-giving or encouraging or helpful. Yuck. If I haven't spoken them out loud, I certainly have thought all of those things. Those statements are not consistent with wisdom and don't come out of the mouth of one who knows the God of the bible.

How does one become wise? One way...

Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm. Prov. 13:20

What kind of harm? All kinds of harm. Every kind of harm. Not-worth-it kind of harm.

Take a look around you. Who are you walking with? Are you being drawn toward wisdom or toward foolishness? If you're not sure, ask someone you look up to.

This discovery will likely make or break your quest for a life marked by wisdom and/or how well you affect the lives of those around you.

I love walking next to wise people and take every opportunity. When I do, I feel challenged to step up to more and step away from less.

Scott and I were fortunate enough to spend our last day off of the summer with some other special friends a generation ahead of us. We sat for hours and listened to them talk. On our way home, we both agreed, "We need to hang out with older friends more. They are so calm and steady in their faith."

I don't know about you, but I could use more calm and steady to keep me calm and steady. More wisdom to rub off on me. Because the reality is I'm older now, gulp, and it's my responsibility to be that person for those coming behind. What a privilege. What an honor. A responsibility that requires me to make decisions to that end.

Wisdom is found on the lips of the discerning...Prov. 10:13

From the mouth of the righteous comes the fruit of wisdom...Prov. 10:31

More walking with wisdom, less engaging with foolishness. It really does matter who we walk with. That's a good word for today.

_____________________

PS. on a much shallower level...we even got to take a ride on Jack's boat all over Schroon Lake!

I pinched myself repeatedly. Are we really going to be a part of this family?
We, as in Ben, of course. But you know.

When Your Obedient Child Disobeys And You're Not Mad About It

The last thing I said to him before he got on the plane a year ago was "Don't fall in love in Utah".

It was the end of Ben's undergrad studies at Moody Bible Institute and he needed an internship.

Coincidentally, a few months prior, we had spent a vacation in Utah to visit a much-beloved couple, important friends whom we hadn't seen in the flesh in twenty years. We picked up right where we left off and enjoyed the Lord's kindness to us in preserving our long distance friendship. When talking about our kids, whom they hadn't seen since they were tiny, we mentioned the internship as the next thing in Ben's life. Terry offered to host him at his church.

"That's nice," I thought, but had no intention of sending my little guy so far away. Time passed, the opportunity presented itself again, and I was reminded by a wise brother-in-law that any time spent with this man would be most valuable for our up-and-coming pastor son. Of course, he was right. Heck, I would love to spend that kind of concentrated time learning ministry and life from him.

I doubt at 22 I would have flown to the other side of the country to live with a couple I've never met for six weeks. But Ben did. So Scott and I dropped him at the airport with my last instruction (see above if you missed it).


Before long, he reported that a family in the church sort of adopted him so he would have kids his own age to hang out with. That sounded good.

Then I saw pics of the two sisters. Whoa. I may or may not have gotten a little nervous. I mean, talk about cute. I regularly asked if there was anything I need to know. Nope, my Benny was focused on the internship.

A few weeks later, during a Facetime conversation, Mrs. East, the girls' mom, got on the screen and introduced herself to me. Equally as adorable as her daughters, she wondered if we might have mutual friends since she grew up in the Adirondacks. I doubted it, telling her I kind of live in a CAMP-of-the-WOODS bubble up here.

"I grew up in Schroon Lake."
Schroon Lake!
"What's your maiden name?"
"Oris"
I recognized it and gulped.
"Are you related to Jack Wyrtzen?" (the founder of Word of Life, my favorite place in the world, where the Lord stole my heart 30 years ago?!?!?!)
"Yes, he's my Grandpa." (Her grandpa is the man whose vision God used to change my life?!)
I may or may not have had a little heart attack.

It's not an exaggeration to say this blew me away. God is bigger than all geography.

The summer internship ended and Ben went back to Moody. The kids stayed in touch.
Fast forward to November.

"Mom, I'm starting to like Katelyn as more than just a friend."
"I don't see how you are going to date a girl in Utah from Chicago"
After bringing it up a few more times and getting my same response, he told me my influence was causing him to struggle and hesitate and that if I wasn't on board, he probably wouldn't pursue her.

I was horrified and immediately convicted of heart. "Don't listen to anything I say! You have to follow God and how you think He's leading. I promise to get in line with whatever He says."


Oh the scary influence of a mother.

Turns out Katelyn agreed with Ben. Soon it was Facebook official. Benny's got a girlfriend! We were excited to meet this girl who caught his attention like no other girl had. Scott and I promised to get them in the same room in the months to come to see if there was a future in this.


One winter weekend, Katelyn and her mom Tammy flew to Chicago, picked Ben up and then came to us for a long weekend in the mountains.

Getting to know them and retracing their family history and memories of our beloved Word of Life was a beautiful gift. We liked them both so much. Tammy and I marveled at how God could bring these two together from different sides of the country with this common bond. We agreed to continue praying to see what God would have in mind for them and try to stay out of it.

Watching this relationship begin has been a tremendous blessing. Slow and steady. Smart boundaries. Intentional goals. Self-control - physically and emotionally. Prayerful. Fun. Mutual desire to honor the Lord in every area. Welcoming parental input. (my favorite - not really - but kind of.)  A gift to both sets of parents.

 By the time he graduated from Seminary in May, we sensed something was shifting.

My Ben Ben had fallen in love! Once he makes up his mind and is sure of God's will, he's ready.

We went ring shopping. He planned a surprise trip to Utah for a proposal.

This last week, on a beautiful night in beautiful Utah, Ben got down on one knee, for the first time told Katelyn he loves her, and then asked her to spend the rest of her life serving the Lord alongside him. I hear she was quite expressive. She said yes!

Then, just like his brother five years ago after his girl said yes, Ben asked Kate for his first kiss.

Their excitement is intoxicating and contagious. We are so thrilled about this upcoming marriage. Admittedly, I may have been a little skeptical over the distance and if I'd be losing my boy to the miles, but not anymore.

It could have been enough, that our over-thinking, long-praying, wise-decision making son chose her.

It could have been enough that our most influential friend, her pastor, loves her and actually had a little hand in this matchmaking.

It could have been enough that she is Jack Wyrtzen's great-granddaughter (Seriously God, did you have to go that far to get me on board?) and that I became best buddies with her mom instantly upon meeting her.

It should have been enough that God obviously orchestrated bringing these two God's will-seeking young adults together from opposite sides of the U.S.

And all those things factor in, for sure, but that's not what did it.

It was Katelyn.

Simply put, she's irresistible. We fell in love with her. Godly, funny, cute - in that order (our family requirement) - in spades! A kind, sweet, innocent, unassuming, thoughtful, deep young lady who dreams of marrying a pastor and raising a family. She'd have to be pretty amazing to bring Ben from not talking to girls to engaged in less than a year.

She's every mother's dream and the answer to this one's specific prayers for her beloved second born.

When we first met back in February, I asked her at what point did she know she liked Ben as more than just a friend. In the most adorable way, she covered her face, looked at me, grinned and said, "The day I met him."

I dig how she digs him.

One of the things I love about Kate is her willingness to wait. To not get in the driver's seat. To not hover or hint. To not pursue him when he was clueless and slow. She told me she gave her desire to the Lord and let Him decide if Ben was the one for her. Girls can be aggressive in this culture of immediate gratification and easy access by phones and social media, but not this one. She waited for God to bring Ben to her if it was His will. Can I get an amen?

Another thing that endears me to Kate is that she is what I will call a one-piece girl in a bikini world. Her modesty and the way she manages her abundant outward beauty around men keeps this mom of sons completely at ease and very proud of her. This is huge and so Romans 12:1, 2 countercultural.

I could go on, but with all that said, it is with great joy and gratitude to the One who is writing the story of their lives (and ours), that I introduce you to Katelyn East, our boy's fiancee, our future daughter-in-law.

Funny story - I've always offered to select my kids' spouses as a continued service to them (ahem) and though I was not called upon in this instance (or any - let's be honest), I'm a big fan of how this played out.

So much so that I'm going to let this kid's disobedience slide without punishment. This time.

Marriage is serious business - the role of husband and wife are clearly described in the Bible as the reflection of Jesus' relationship to all those who've trusted Him for salvation. It's a big responsibility, one that should be entered into with much prayer and intention.   

Malachi 2:15: Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring...

The longer I live the more convinced I am that in order for a family to accomplish the mission of passing down God's faithfulness to the next generation (godly offspring), it starts here. It's going to be a lot harder to do if a couple isn't intentional about this chief priority, choosing a godly spouse.

Moms, pray for your children's future mate, set the bar high for the process in how they date and whom they choose (godly, funny cute - in that order!), and also train them to be the one that someone else is dreaming of.

The reward is staggering. We are so very grateful for how our family is growing. Thanks for rejoicing with us!