Do You Think I'm Ready?

It's Friday night and we're back to empty nesting it. Just the original two. Promise you won't tell our kids how much we love it. I couldn't be more surprised and delighted. Best kept secret in parenting. Well, it's not really a secret, we were told by many it would be more than good. I just didn't believe it. I'm a believer now.

Life here at camp has changed drastically since Labor Day. No guests here all week. It's so quiet. The phones don't ring much and I've cleaned just about everything in the office. The full time staffers love it. They are exhaling from a long, busy summer. I'm not quite sure how I feel about it yet.

One thing I know for sure is that  I'm beginning to think I was born to live here. Almost no humidity, cool mountain nights and mornings. And the winter yet to come makes me practically giddy! This is the view about 50 steps from our current housing. Not a bad place to start and finish the day.

And this is the view from where I'm sitting right now (just outside my office, the Front Desk). Why? Because the wifi doesn't reach the beachfront.

Have you ever seen such a beautiful, Adirondack room? I've loved it for many years but now get to look at it every day. What a gift!

While the sad news is that Summer Season is over, the good news is that Conference Season has begun. 400+ Spanish women have descended upon us this weekend. Word on the street is that most of them don't speak any English and they are tons of fun. Guess who's the (new) guy in charge of keeping them happy? They are sure keeping my husband busy. Good thing he's had lots of experience being Mr. Women's Ministry for many years. Nothing rattles him.

After

I finished up my last craft project of the summer. Crafts aren't offered in conference season. I miss it already. Want to see what I made?

Before

It will require these little lights, of course, but since I don't like to rush Christmas (ahem), I won't even put them on to demonstrate. It is too early. But I bet you can imagine the finished project.

Tuesday we took Ally to college. The drop off was so good and comforting. There's no place I'd rather her be. It was also painless. Not sad at all. Probably because we are only living 45 minutes away from her and we expect plenty of "Can you come up and bring me ______?" or "Can I borrow the van to take some friends somewhere?" calls. Still, she's flown out of the nest and will be exercising even more independence. We are all ready.

One of the nights before she left, we were enduring, I mean, enjoying her bedtime shenanigans when she rolled over, sat up, looked me in the eyes and said, "Do you think I'm ready, mom?"

"Yes. Do you?"
"I don't know. I need some of your confidence."

I keep going over that last sentence, wondering how many times in my life I could have said that. For as long as I can remember, even up to recent days, when a well-meaning friend says, "You can do this, why don't you try?", I'm not inclined to believe I can.

I am always attracted to someone else's confidence. Truth be told and no disrespect intended, I grew up hearing things like "Well, no one ever accused you of being a genius." and "You've never been the sharpest tool in the shed."  I'm sure those words were spoken in jest, but it didn't feel like it at the time. They still made a mark. You see how they are still with me?  That's the thing about our words.

No wonder the Bible addresses our speech so often. Words can hurt. They can steal life.  

 Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose. Prov. 18:21

Gracious speech is like clover honey— good taste to the soul, quick energy for the body. Prov. 16:24

 The speech of a good person clears the air; the words of the wicked pollute it. 

Prov. 10:32

The words of the wicked kill; the speech of the upright saves. Prov. 12:6

Words satisfy the mind as much as fruit does the stomach; good talk is as gratifying as a good harvest. Prov. 18:20  (I just love that!)

With the Spirit's help and a heart that beats for others' best interest, our words can also give life! And they always should.

You guessed it. We sent her off with a solid dose of our confidence (see it on her face?) but a little something else too. After my initial answer of yes to her question, I added, "But you still need to ______ and _____ and _____ to achieve success in college. I know you've got it in you." Realism. Not going too far in my giving of confidence that might set her up for failure.

Maybe you think it's not possible to do just that, but I disagree. Because we love, we want so much to encourage and sometimes we inadvertently say things that really aren't true. When I hear a parent say to a child, "You can do anything if you put your mind to it", I kind of shudder. That's not realistic. Think about it. Not everything is possible for everyone, no matter how badly you want it or how hard you work for it.

It's like when I watch American Idol. A contestant steps up to the microphone and clearly cannot carry a tune in a bucket (much like myself). Naturally, this hopeful person gets slaughtered by the judges. I often think at this point, "Who told him he could sing? Who encouraged her to go for it?", and "How's he feeling now?".

We really need to avoid the practice of false flattery. This is neither kind or helpful. There's so much room to be kind and generous with our words without crossing that line.

Can someone accomplish more than they think they can? Absolutely! And that's where our resounding confidence should be given generously.

Our words must be measured, well-placed, and delivered with grace and truth. One without the other doesn't work. All truth with no grace is harmful. All grace without truth is dishonest. Hearers need both. I need both. When I know a compliment is coming from a person committed to this type of speech, I will more readily believe it. I won't worry that they said it just because they love me.

Every word matters. I for one, know I need to be more careful with how I sling mine around. (Don't even get me started on the subject of sarcasm.) 

God's Words, graciously recorded for us in the Bible are the ones we should be giving to others in the correct context the most often, which means we need to be familiar with them ourselves. Below is my all-time favorite parenting verse, but it suits this conversation as well. I think it's as good a place as any if you need a fresh start with your words.

Place these words on your hearts. Get them deep inside you. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder. Teach them to your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning until you fall into bed at night. Inscribe them on the doorposts and gates of your cities so that you’ll live a long time, and your children with you, on the soil that God promised to give your ancestors for as long as there is a sky over the Earth. 
Deut. 11:18-21

That's what I'm talking about! I hope you have a special weekend filled with all the things you love and that many kind, life-giving words come your way.

All Bible references from The Message