A Question If You Dare

Every year around our anniversary, I ask my husband a question. "Knowing what you know now, would you marry me again?"

I realize it's a little risky and takes some manner of guts to put myself out there as such, but I know me and that I need the assessment.

You can imagine the diverse answers I've heard over the 26 year span of our marriage, depending on his mood and my 'behavior'.

I think one reason I annually ask is because of a question my mother posed me when Scott and I were engaged. "When are you going to let him see what you're really like?" She meant it as a joke, I think, but you know there's usually a little truth in every joke.

Which is confirmed with my answer, "After the wedding".

As I attempt to read through the Bible in 2017, I've decided to start with the New Testament for a change. Since December is all about the birth of Jesus, why not jump right into the account of what happened next?

Quite often my anniversary question, with a twist, has popped into my head and I wonder what my answer to Jesus would be if He asked.

"Knowing what you know now, do you trust Me more than you did at the beginning of our relationship?"

I hope 32 years later my answer is a resounding yes. But is there evidence in my life that reflects it?

I mean, I've seen a lot. God has more than proven His faithfulness to me personally not to mention what I've seen in others' lives and in the world as a whole. And I'm just speaking of my lifetime, not centuries of past history.

But

What if He chooses to do something uncoventional and unpredictable? Will I still believe?
What if He asks me to walk another road of pain, disappointment, rejection, darkness? Will I follow in trust?

Does knowing what I know now play a part?

As I finished the Gospel of Mark this morning, I couldn't help but enter in to the disciples' response to Jesus' death and reported resurrection...

"When they heard that He was alive and had been seen...they would not believe it.

After these things, He appeared in another form to two of them, as they were walking in the country. And they went back and told the rest, but they did not believe them" 16:11-13

Sheesh! They were eyewitnesses. Hadn't they seen and heard enough to convince? Backing up for a second, in almost every chapter, Mark repeatedly tells us that the people (including the disciples) were amazed, marvelled and were exceedling astonished at what Jesus taught and did. Those are some pretty strong adjectives. Did they forget?

I feel the sting.

Good news and bad news for the disciples.

Bad news - "Afterward He appeared to the eleven themselves as they were reclining at the table, and He rebuked them for their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they had not believed those who saw Him after He had risen." v. 14

Good news - "And He said to them, 'Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation.'" v. 15

I will never stop marvelling at how Jesus always sees our potential over our failures. At such a crucial moment after completely missing and refusing to believe the greatest miracle they'd ever witness, Jesus did not disqualify them. Instead, He invited them to the Great Adventure.

Sitting in my red chair by the window in the early morning quiet, my response is two-fold.

1. Oh Father, how many times have I hardened my heart and chosen not to believe what you've done or what you can do? I wonder how much I've missed. I'm so sorry!

2. Knowing what I know now, I refuse to doubt anything you present from this day forward. Please give me a larger capacity to believe even the most outrageous (and glorious) possibilities.  

Enter Luke 1 - (this is why we must read the whole Bible through) - two women who dared to believe.

Elizabeth, Zechariah's wife, old, barren, way past the age of child-bearing, but upright before God, walking blamelessly in all the commandments (1:6,7):

"...Elizabeth conceived, and for five months she kept herself hidden, saying, 

'Thus the Lord has done for me in the days when He looked on me, to take away my reproach among people.'" v. 24,25 She believed.

So much so that when her niece Mary surprised her with a visit, this happened. 

"...the baby leaped in her womb. And Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit, (able to discern that Mary was pregnant and Who she was carrying), ...and declared, 
'Blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of 
what was spoken to her from the Lord.'" v.41-45 

Speaking of Mary, a young engaged virgin, when visited by an angel telling her she has been chosen by God to deliver the long-awaited Messiah through a supernatural pregnancy, believed 'nothing is impossible with God'.(1:26-38):

"Mary said, 'Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; 

let it be to me according to your word.'" v. 38 

Two women. Not rebuked. Blessed.

What's your impossible today?

Knowing what you know now, do you believe what God can do?

If you've walked with Him for some years and you take a little time to consider what you've seen, I bet you have enough to go on.

If you are new to faith or not quite ready to put your trust in God, read the Bible and ask older believers to tell their God-stories. 

Then choose to believe. And be blessed.

2017 - a blank slate for us to see amazing.