A Question If You Dare

Every year around our anniversary, I ask my husband a question. "Knowing what you know now, would you marry me again?"

I realize it's a little risky and takes some manner of guts to put myself out there as such, but I know me and that I need the assessment.

You can imagine the diverse answers I've heard over the 26 year span of our marriage, depending on his mood and my 'behavior'.

I think one reason I annually ask is because of a question my mother posed me when Scott and I were engaged. "When are you going to let him see what you're really like?" She meant it as a joke, I think, but you know there's usually a little truth in every joke.

Which is confirmed with my answer, "After the wedding".

As I attempt to read through the Bible in 2017, I've decided to start with the New Testament for a change. Since December is all about the birth of Jesus, why not jump right into the account of what happened next?

Quite often my anniversary question, with a twist, has popped into my head and I wonder what my answer to Jesus would be if He asked.

"Knowing what you know now, do you trust Me more than you did at the beginning of our relationship?"

I hope 32 years later my answer is a resounding yes. But is there evidence in my life that reflects it?

I mean, I've seen a lot. God has more than proven His faithfulness to me personally not to mention what I've seen in others' lives and in the world as a whole. And I'm just speaking of my lifetime, not centuries of past history.

But

What if He chooses to do something uncoventional and unpredictable? Will I still believe?
What if He asks me to walk another road of pain, disappointment, rejection, darkness? Will I follow in trust?

Does knowing what I know now play a part?

As I finished the Gospel of Mark this morning, I couldn't help but enter in to the disciples' response to Jesus' death and reported resurrection...

"When they heard that He was alive and had been seen...they would not believe it.

After these things, He appeared in another form to two of them, as they were walking in the country. And they went back and told the rest, but they did not believe them" 16:11-13

Sheesh! They were eyewitnesses. Hadn't they seen and heard enough to convince? Backing up for a second, in almost every chapter, Mark repeatedly tells us that the people (including the disciples) were amazed, marvelled and were exceedling astonished at what Jesus taught and did. Those are some pretty strong adjectives. Did they forget?

I feel the sting.

Good news and bad news for the disciples.

Bad news - "Afterward He appeared to the eleven themselves as they were reclining at the table, and He rebuked them for their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they had not believed those who saw Him after He had risen." v. 14

Good news - "And He said to them, 'Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation.'" v. 15

I will never stop marvelling at how Jesus always sees our potential over our failures. At such a crucial moment after completely missing and refusing to believe the greatest miracle they'd ever witness, Jesus did not disqualify them. Instead, He invited them to the Great Adventure.

Sitting in my red chair by the window in the early morning quiet, my response is two-fold.

1. Oh Father, how many times have I hardened my heart and chosen not to believe what you've done or what you can do? I wonder how much I've missed. I'm so sorry!

2. Knowing what I know now, I refuse to doubt anything you present from this day forward. Please give me a larger capacity to believe even the most outrageous (and glorious) possibilities.  

Enter Luke 1 - (this is why we must read the whole Bible through) - two women who dared to believe.

Elizabeth, Zechariah's wife, old, barren, way past the age of child-bearing, but upright before God, walking blamelessly in all the commandments (1:6,7):

"...Elizabeth conceived, and for five months she kept herself hidden, saying, 

'Thus the Lord has done for me in the days when He looked on me, to take away my reproach among people.'" v. 24,25 She believed.

So much so that when her niece Mary surprised her with a visit, this happened. 

"...the baby leaped in her womb. And Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit, (able to discern that Mary was pregnant and Who she was carrying), ...and declared, 
'Blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of 
what was spoken to her from the Lord.'" v.41-45 

Speaking of Mary, a young engaged virgin, when visited by an angel telling her she has been chosen by God to deliver the long-awaited Messiah through a supernatural pregnancy, believed 'nothing is impossible with God'.(1:26-38):

"Mary said, 'Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; 

let it be to me according to your word.'" v. 38 

Two women. Not rebuked. Blessed.

What's your impossible today?

Knowing what you know now, do you believe what God can do?

If you've walked with Him for some years and you take a little time to consider what you've seen, I bet you have enough to go on.

If you are new to faith or not quite ready to put your trust in God, read the Bible and ask older believers to tell their God-stories. 

Then choose to believe. And be blessed.

2017 - a blank slate for us to see amazing.

The Spiritual Discipline of Keeping Spiritual Disciplines

Addy Grace Burtis wishes you a Happy New Year!  I mean, have you ever? Yes, I bought her a tutu. I knew it was a good decision when my 22 year old co-worker saw her and responded, "Suddenly I feel like I need to wear a tutu." Yes.

Did you have as beautiful a December as we did here in Speculator, NY? Lots of white, piles of snow, frozen everything. Perfect. The exact opposite of December 2015. I couldn't be more thankful.

I hope you had a sweet, meaningful Christmas season as well.

All of our people were home with us and have since departed. But not before our annual after-Christmas family talk. It used to be centered around this box, given to us many years ago.

For at least a dozen Christmases, all five of us wrote down on a piece of paper a gift we planned to give Jesus that year and put it in the box. It's fun to read them years later.

I promise not to tease my sister anymore.

I promise not to freak out at my brothers.

I want to pray everyday.

I will read the Bible through this year.

I will try to obey my parents.

I want to share my faith more. 

And so many others....

Now that our littles are grown, we've modified this tradition a bit. Based on conversations with friends who inspire, Scott and I challenged ourselves and our kids on Thanksgiving to show up at Christmas ready to name and pursue specific spiritual disciplines in 2017. Our birthday gift to Jesus.  

To get us thinking, a few examples I'd heard from others:

The spiritual discipline of not having to have the last word.

The spiritual discipline of arriving early.

The spiritual discipline of a daily quiet time.

The spiritual discipline of underspending.

(I started one early and daily through Advent, just to get into the groove - the spiritual discipline of hand writing a note to someone who matters to me. Specifically, those whom I haven't been in contact with in a while.) 

I fully enjoyed remembering and telling each recipient what they've added to my life. Then I prayed and wrote what I was praying for each so they could know. Result? Fixed my mind on others through the entire month. Not to mention, I later learned, God would have many receive the note on a day when they particularly needed to know He was aware of them. He is so good! 

You may have noticed that almost none of the list above are spiritual at first glance, but I'm a firm believer that if we attempt anything with the intent to find God and display His reflection, it becomes spiritual.

All six kids agreed to participate. Fast forward to New Years night, our last together for awhile, the great reveal. 

We didn't want this to be a private thing, but rather a family gesture that we could pursue collectively, agreeing to check in on each other.  

The conversation started slowly, but ten minutes in and the kids were naming healthy behaviors faster than I could write them down. (We all know if we don't write down a resolution/goal, we'll forget it two weeks in. Am I right?)

I love what they want to work on, weaknesses they struggle with perhaps. I  marvelled at their honesty and vulnerability. I'm inspired by them.

Are you curious? Ok, you twisted my arm, here are a few:

The spiritual discipline of talking to Jesus before I talk to any other person when I'm hurt or upset.  

The spiritual discipline of giving everyone the benefit of the doubt.

The spiritual discipline of not judging or assuming the worst.

The spiritual discipline of offering grace to everyone, especially those closest.  

The spiritual discipline of reading books that will help my faith grow.

The spiritual discipline of not always putting my headphones in, but embracing the sounds or silence around me. 

The spiritual discipline of journaling thanks. 

Next, I read a little something that flowed from my pen into my journal earlier that morning as I considered the beginning of a new year.

Going into 2017, this I know for sure

Jesus loves me.

God is in control of everything that concerns me.

The Spirit is with me no matter what.

God's faithfulness and purpose will lead me.

Goodness and mercy will follow me.

In Him I already have everything I need.

I have nothing to fear.

I think it's good to write down what we know. To prepare our minds. Like every calendar year, many things happen to us - good, bad and ugly. I don't want to lose my footing in 2017. 

Before calling it a night, we prayed together, dedicating ourselves to serving Jesus through these initiatives as best we can in the new year, asking Him for help and success. What a tremendous blessing for these two parents to witness and be a part of.

A collective cracking up ended this holy moment as Addy Grace took to blowing raspberries while all our heads were still bowed and eyes still closed.

 A baby changes everything you know.

P.S. Naturally, because I'm an annoying type-A woman (don't you feel sorry for them?), this happened and found their way into the suitcases.

Parents of grown or almost grown children, don't stop guiding or including your kids in your own spiritual pursuits. Their participation might surprise and delight you.