Women

I'm a little surprised to discover that we are ten days into November and I have not written a word about Thanksgiving. I am well aware that it is holiday time! Oh yes I am. If there was any doubt, keep reading. These friends made an appearance November 1st.

And the first tree went up too.  Now don't get offended.  There's nothing Christmasy about this tree (except that it is a tree with lights on it). You can clearly see that it is decorated in all brown (ornaments, ribbon and garland compliments of Hobby Lobby).  Not a Christmas color.  A Fall color.  It screams Thanksgiving!

Here's my favorite room in the house all set for November. Even though we are not eating the main meal here this year, I will still enjoy it for the month.

Scott has been preaching the last few weeks about gratitude. It's always good to put that in the front seat in November. I keep a daily list year-round of things I'm thankful for, what brings me joy each day, and even things I don't want that I'm trusting God will use for my good like many of you do. Doing this kind of feels like Thanksgiving everyday, without the turkey and pumpkin pie.

When I think about what I'm thankful for, women a little further down the road than me and their wisdom always rises to the top of my list.  I am very blessed to have many older women willing to take an interest in me and pour their experiences and advice into my life.

As a woman I have always been well acquainted with my inadequacies and insecurities.  Because of that, I have always been hungry for the advice of women I admire figuring if I want to turn out like them, I need to get close enough to ask how and listen.

I'll share a little secret with you - it always pays off. I have received more than this blog has the space to record.

I wonder if I would ever have opened my home to entertain without women showing me how to do it by teaching me in their homes.

I doubt I could be enjoying a 24 year long marriage without the stories of experienced women describing the sometimes too funny to get rattled over God-given differences between husbands and wives.

I'm sure I could not have raised these three kids if I didn't have older women to listen to my doubts, fears and sometimes panic reassuring me, "You can do this. Here's what worked for me. Here's what didn't." 

I never could have led women's ministries for all the years I have if they weren't there to notice me, affirm my gifts and abilities, and show me how best to use them.

Just the other day I met one of these irreplaceable ladies for lunch. Whenever I'm with her, I come away energized, ready to plunge deeper into the life I've been given with renewed resolve, and wanting to be like her when I grow up.

As always, she inquired about everything that pertains to me. Then she reviewed items discussed during our last visit and asked about progress (i.e. accountability). She promised her continued prayers for my family. She encouraged me to trust God with everything.  Then she said something she hasn't said before. "We all need a kick in the pants once in a while. I promise I'll give you one when you need it."

I didn't laugh, but I did smile because I felt the love behind it and appreciate this so much. She wouldn't be the first. I remember many a kick in the pants from my own mother. Unfortunately, for awhile I was not a very good student.

Then there's the older woman in our little church who watched an unbelieving boyfriend of mine walk the aisle and pledge faith. She warned me to wait for the fruit. I didn't and a number of consequences happened. Talk about regret.

Still another calmed down my overactive emotions when I wanted to let a leadership team member go who regularly got on my nerves. I listened and humbled myself. No regret.

It can be easy to come alongside and be a cheerleader. To encourage and affirm. They like us when we are always positive, but what if the young women in our lives are not making the best decisions? What if they are heading down roads we know they will later regret?  Do we have a responsibility to speak that?  Not everything they want to pursue is good for them or for the body of Christ that is looking on. (Don't forget as a Christian all of our decisions affect others.)

It's tricky because we are living in a culture of tolerance. Everything's good. Nothing is "wrong". If she's enthusiastic, we don't want to be the wet blanket. If there isn't a black and white directive in Scripture we back down even though our advice is consistent with what the Bible teaches.

Sometimes a little I-care-enough-about-you-to-interfere can stop or at least slow down a possible train wreck. Consider 1 Corinthians 6:12 "Everything is permissible for me - but not everything is beneficial..."

Maybe it's a sign of getting older, but I just can't do it. I'm not into false flattery and I can't give politically correct advice when asked.

Recently a sweet young woman I love asked how I thought she should handle a situation she was facing.  Having experience from the other side of it, I knew my response wasn't going to be what she was expecting but I wanted her to consider her perspective was not the only one. When I shared what I thought she should do, she said that she never in a million years imagined me saying that. She was expecting the opposite (me taking her side). And that she hadn't thought of it that way. And that it made sense.

Sensing I had her best interest at heart (this is key), she slowed down, deciding to wait it out and pray. (Bonus - it gave value to the pain of my experience.)

I think we older girls owe the young'ns the honesty of confidently saying, "Maybe that's not the best idea or have you considered the consequences?" Surely we have benefitted from that at some point or another whether we took the advice or ignored it. If we don't, who will?

If you are a young woman, I can't encourage you enough to find an older woman you respect, who has the fruit of godliness and wisdom displayed in her life, and ask her for input. Over and over again in the Bible, both Old and New Testaments, we are advised to live wisely and seek Godly counsel and warned about what results if we don't - foolishness.

Whenever I'm feeling particularly self-important or unwilling to listen  to someone who is for me, this verse comes to mind.

"Do not be like the horse or mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they (God's instructions) will not come to you."  Psalm 32:9

Isn't that the main thing anyway? That God's instructions will come to us. Another reason why we need each other. So grateful.