The Enemy of Thanksgiving

I have a sign in my living room that a crafty friend made me a few years back at my request. I love it and don't ever take it off its shelf but I realize now it doesn't say the right thing. It should read, 'How Many Days Until Thanksgiving' since that's what I'm really counting down to. Because when we finally get there, I stop counting and simply savor each day as my favorite through the end of the year.

We are inching closer and closer. Just nine days until we feast. It's time to start planning menus and grocery lists. For me, these recent years also mean changing sheets and anticipating the return of a college kid or two. 

Oh you noticed I left out a certain newlywed couple? Well, I'm choosing denial as my coping mechanism because they will not be at our table next week. Sniff sniff. So I won't be talking about that today. 

 

Scott continues to preach gratitude every Sunday with a new action item each week. Having homework keeps the subject on our minds continually. 

I was thinking how nice it would be if saying thanks was my automatic first reaction to everything both wanted and unwanted. I mean, the natural knee jerk response like when I think about Christmas. I am immediately happy and excited and can't wait for all the traditions and festivities that come with it. Or when I think about my kids being all together with us. I am giddy and can't stop grinning.

 

Many of you know for years now I keep a daily list of what I'm grateful for, so that should mean I've mastered it, right? I'd like to tell you that's true, but let's be real here. I fail often. As I consider this, I realize there is an enemy to the practice of thanksgiving. It has a name and that name is entitlement.

Anyone raising teenagers is well aware of how this word presents itself.  For example, I imagine many of you have heard this, "But their parents let them fill in the blank so I should be able to."  Entitlement.

Or "I'm a senior and seniors deserve fill in the blank." Entitlement.

Or maybe you know someone who has reached a certain advanced age and says things like, "I have lived long enough now and deserve fill in the blank." Entitlement.

I think it's even starting much younger like when our kids come home comparing to their friends saying, "Mom, everyone has fill in the blank, I'll be an outcast if I'm the only one who doesn't." Entitlement.

It is so easy to see it in others, isn't it?  What if we looked in the mirror at our grown-up selves? The truth is, I'm just as susceptible to copping this attitude as anyone else. Looking back over my life I'm embarassed at how many times I not only felt entitled but actually spoke it out loud. Cringe with me:

Like when I was approaching graduation from high school and tried telling my parents, "I'm 18, you can't tell me what to do. I can do whatever I want." Entitlement.

Or when I grumbled at age 20 because there wasn't a suitable mate in sight. "Why can everyone else find a husband? I should have one too." Entitlement.

Or maybe when several years into marriage and childbearing we were still bouncing between apartments unable to afford our own house. I whined, "It's not fair. Everyone else has a house.  We work hard, we deserve one too." Entitlement.

Let's not forget the never ending comparison of our gifts and abilities to someone else's. "Why can't I write or speak or sing or play an instrument like her? I deserve to be good at any of those things." Entitlement.

Did you notice a second word that accompanies the self-infused entitlement?  Deserve. Yuck. Where do I get off thinking I deserve anything someone else has? 

I looked up entitlement in the dictionary and found this: "the right to be guaranteed benefits...."  Rights. Now there's a culturally signifcant term.

Who among us doesn't feel we have the right to expect something we believe we deserve?

The person whose heart is steeped in gratitude, that's who. 

Steeped in gratitude?  That is so counter-cultural when you consider our entitlement issues. That's the point! As with so many issues for us Christ-followers trying to be obedient to the Scriptures, entitlement falls into the category of "Do not conform to the world...." Romans 12:2

You see, the common denominator and breeding ground for rights, deserving something and entitlement come from fixing our gaze horizontally (conforming to the world) on what others have or can do or have accomplished. 

Comparison is a downward spiral, a losing game we dare not play, a trap we can't afford to fall into. Along with the others, it is also found at the root of entitlement.

It's what keeps us from being grateful.

When we compare with others, we give room for entitlement to grow in our hearts, which then gives birth to discontentment which will eventually take up every inch of space leaving no room for gratitude.

Jesus knew we might fall for this tactic of the enemy and gave us instruction through a conversation with Peter, whom He dearly loved. Jesus told Peter how he would live and how he would glorify God in his death. It wasn't very glamorous and certainly insinuated pain and suffering. Peter looked around.

He saw John nearby and asked Jesus what was going to happen to him. Jesus said to Peter, "If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!" John 21

I can so relate to Peter. God has pointed me to those verses many, many times when I'm given to whining, complaining and comparing.

"What is that to you, Angela? Follow me." In other words, "Mind your own business and keep your eyes on Me."

When I choose to follow Jesus, I am consciously trusting Him to lead me wherever He is going. Wherever He wants me. Because that place is where He will be too.

Yes, it may be tough. Yes, I may experience pain. Yes, I may be asked to go there alone. But, He will be there.

I don't know about you, but I don't want to be anywhere God isn't. 

Choosing to follow Him with full trust births thanksgiving. My thoughts are then steered in the direction of Who I know God to be, what I read recorded in the Bible about His character and faithfulness, and what I've witnessed in my own life (listed in my journal).  

And I give thanks. Come to think of it, I can't stop saying "Thank You" because He is not done. Not done with His kingdom agenda. Not done with me. There is so much more to come.

When I make room for all that, everything else dims.

Maybe as Thanksgiving approaches, we should pay closer attention to the words we speak or allow to be spoken in our homes. Have some of those nasty words above subtly crept into your heart and home? Do you see entitlement attitudes at work? Maybe you've never really noticed until now. 

Remember, entitlement is the enemy of thanksgiving which means we need a radar up, sensitive to spotting it and squashing it so that gratitude has room to grow and reside long after the turkey leftovers are eaten.

 

Just a side note (let's call it a bonus!) - have you noticed that grateful people are much more pleasant to be around than Johnny Rainclouds? Me too and I know which one I'd rather be and be around.

It's certainly not too late to make some changes. I know I'll be working on this, requiring it of myself and urging it in the ones I'm raising.

Happy Thanksgiving friends. I'm grateful for you.

Women

I'm a little surprised to discover that we are ten days into November and I have not written a word about Thanksgiving. I am well aware that it is holiday time! Oh yes I am. If there was any doubt, keep reading. These friends made an appearance November 1st.

And the first tree went up too.  Now don't get offended.  There's nothing Christmasy about this tree (except that it is a tree with lights on it). You can clearly see that it is decorated in all brown (ornaments, ribbon and garland compliments of Hobby Lobby).  Not a Christmas color.  A Fall color.  It screams Thanksgiving!

Here's my favorite room in the house all set for November. Even though we are not eating the main meal here this year, I will still enjoy it for the month.

Scott has been preaching the last few weeks about gratitude. It's always good to put that in the front seat in November. I keep a daily list year-round of things I'm thankful for, what brings me joy each day, and even things I don't want that I'm trusting God will use for my good like many of you do. Doing this kind of feels like Thanksgiving everyday, without the turkey and pumpkin pie.

When I think about what I'm thankful for, women a little further down the road than me and their wisdom always rises to the top of my list.  I am very blessed to have many older women willing to take an interest in me and pour their experiences and advice into my life.

As a woman I have always been well acquainted with my inadequacies and insecurities.  Because of that, I have always been hungry for the advice of women I admire figuring if I want to turn out like them, I need to get close enough to ask how and listen.

I'll share a little secret with you - it always pays off. I have received more than this blog has the space to record.

I wonder if I would ever have opened my home to entertain without women showing me how to do it by teaching me in their homes.

I doubt I could be enjoying a 24 year long marriage without the stories of experienced women describing the sometimes too funny to get rattled over God-given differences between husbands and wives.

I'm sure I could not have raised these three kids if I didn't have older women to listen to my doubts, fears and sometimes panic reassuring me, "You can do this. Here's what worked for me. Here's what didn't." 

I never could have led women's ministries for all the years I have if they weren't there to notice me, affirm my gifts and abilities, and show me how best to use them.

Just the other day I met one of these irreplaceable ladies for lunch. Whenever I'm with her, I come away energized, ready to plunge deeper into the life I've been given with renewed resolve, and wanting to be like her when I grow up.

As always, she inquired about everything that pertains to me. Then she reviewed items discussed during our last visit and asked about progress (i.e. accountability). She promised her continued prayers for my family. She encouraged me to trust God with everything.  Then she said something she hasn't said before. "We all need a kick in the pants once in a while. I promise I'll give you one when you need it."

I didn't laugh, but I did smile because I felt the love behind it and appreciate this so much. She wouldn't be the first. I remember many a kick in the pants from my own mother. Unfortunately, for awhile I was not a very good student.

Then there's the older woman in our little church who watched an unbelieving boyfriend of mine walk the aisle and pledge faith. She warned me to wait for the fruit. I didn't and a number of consequences happened. Talk about regret.

Still another calmed down my overactive emotions when I wanted to let a leadership team member go who regularly got on my nerves. I listened and humbled myself. No regret.

It can be easy to come alongside and be a cheerleader. To encourage and affirm. They like us when we are always positive, but what if the young women in our lives are not making the best decisions? What if they are heading down roads we know they will later regret?  Do we have a responsibility to speak that?  Not everything they want to pursue is good for them or for the body of Christ that is looking on. (Don't forget as a Christian all of our decisions affect others.)

It's tricky because we are living in a culture of tolerance. Everything's good. Nothing is "wrong". If she's enthusiastic, we don't want to be the wet blanket. If there isn't a black and white directive in Scripture we back down even though our advice is consistent with what the Bible teaches.

Sometimes a little I-care-enough-about-you-to-interfere can stop or at least slow down a possible train wreck. Consider 1 Corinthians 6:12 "Everything is permissible for me - but not everything is beneficial..."

Maybe it's a sign of getting older, but I just can't do it. I'm not into false flattery and I can't give politically correct advice when asked.

Recently a sweet young woman I love asked how I thought she should handle a situation she was facing.  Having experience from the other side of it, I knew my response wasn't going to be what she was expecting but I wanted her to consider her perspective was not the only one. When I shared what I thought she should do, she said that she never in a million years imagined me saying that. She was expecting the opposite (me taking her side). And that she hadn't thought of it that way. And that it made sense.

Sensing I had her best interest at heart (this is key), she slowed down, deciding to wait it out and pray. (Bonus - it gave value to the pain of my experience.)

I think we older girls owe the young'ns the honesty of confidently saying, "Maybe that's not the best idea or have you considered the consequences?" Surely we have benefitted from that at some point or another whether we took the advice or ignored it. If we don't, who will?

If you are a young woman, I can't encourage you enough to find an older woman you respect, who has the fruit of godliness and wisdom displayed in her life, and ask her for input. Over and over again in the Bible, both Old and New Testaments, we are advised to live wisely and seek Godly counsel and warned about what results if we don't - foolishness.

Whenever I'm feeling particularly self-important or unwilling to listen  to someone who is for me, this verse comes to mind.

"Do not be like the horse or mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they (God's instructions) will not come to you."  Psalm 32:9

Isn't that the main thing anyway? That God's instructions will come to us. Another reason why we need each other. So grateful.