The Time Of My Life

Ten days and counting until our oldest son gets married and leaves our nest forever.  Everything is pretty much done but the waiting.  Friends ask me how I'm doing, if I'm ready and what I'm feeling as the Big Day approaches.  In all honesty, I've answered that I'm excited and ready.

It's a beautiful and wonderful gift when your child chooses the kind of mate you envision him to have.  God didn't skimp on the details when He brought Brittany to Drew.  We couldn't have chosen better for him even if he would have let us!

We told our kids years ago that when they begin dating and seeking a mate that this person has to love Scott and me and we have to love that person.  Because if they don't love his family, our child will always have to choose between her/him and us.  Naturally, they will  choose their mate. How heartbreaking would that be? We are happy to report that there is a mutual love fest going on between Brittany and Scott and me.  It's so glorious and makes all the difference in this ultimate letting go.

Scott and I have been given a great gift these last six weeks.  Our boy has been living at home since he graduated from college back in May.  We've had gobs of time to spend together with all different combinations of our family members.  I think it's fair to say I've had the most one-on-one time with Drew (as the mama should!).  Don't feel sorry for Scott, he gets boy time every night watching sports on tv.

Drew and I have talked about everything from wedding details, their first home and ministry in Indiana and what we think it takes to grow a strong, lifelong marriage.  Sometimes we just sit quietly.  I've taught him how to cook some of his favorite meals.  He has relentlessly teased and made fun of me.  (I may or may not have given some of it right back.)

We've sorted all the shower gifts and repacked them to go on a moving truck.  Packing his room has proven challenging for one of us, so he does that alone. We've shopped for honeymoon clothes.  We've revisited all the silly family jokes that crack us up. We've worked out together (he slows his pace to stay with me).  We've selected all the wedding and reception music. 

I told one friend it's just like it was before Ben was born.  Me and my little buddy.  He hasn't let me read to him though.

At the end of each day and many times throughout, I've exhaled thanks to God.  The enormity of this gift of time is not lost on me.  God knows me.  He has generously given me weeks of time to spend with my boy before I hand him to his new and forever caregiver, companion and love.  He didn't have to.  It could have been a quick visit like what we've lived these past four years, but God is so good.

I see now that I needed this time to really see and appreciate that Drew has grown into a man (gulp).  He's capable of taking a wife and caring for her now.  He can hold down a job, earn a wage and love another selflessly.  The time is right.

Scott is going to marry Drew and Brittany.  I've overheard some details as the ceremony is planned.  My husband has been cool as a cucumber up until now but he has yet to write his charge to the bride and groom.  Says he just has too many words (a common Burtis problem).  I know he'll see that little blond mini-me of his standing before him at the altar next Saturday and wonder how we got here so quickly.  People, it's going to get emotional. 

And me, the mother of the groom? Well all I have to do is dance with the groom.  The Mother/Son dance.  Piece of cake.  Yeah right.  Choosing the song has proven to be a long process.  I've been thinking about this for months.  Is there just one song that can absorb 22 years of memories and emotion?  Probably not, but I think I've got it.  And no, I'm not going to reveal it here.  Check back for post-wedding recap in a few weeks.

So then there's yesterday and today.  I haven't felt quite right.  Not unhappy, not depressed, just a little off.  Albeit a slow learner, I am becoming better at checking my emotional temperature and recognize the familiar unsettled feeling that comes over me a few days before my kids go back to college.  Yuck.

You see, Monday Drew leaves us to head to Connecticut to spend the last few days before the wedding with Brittany's family, helping with whatever they need done.  Half of me thinks, "Yay!  We are getting closer!"  Then there's this other part.  Not to be a drama queen, but it will signify the end of his living here in our home as just a boy (not part of a couple).  So I figured that was it.  No problem, it will pass.

Remember how I said I've been doing fine?  Ya, about that.  I was out getting groceries and scanning through the radio stations barely listening.  It stopped on an old familiar song.  Before the first line was completely sung hot tears streamed down my face and my throat nearly closed.  What on earth? 

I guess I've never heard that song in this particular context before.  It won't be a song we dance to at the wedding, but I experienced something powerful in just seven words. I bet you've heard it before.

"I've....had......the time of my life"

Boom.  See what I mean?  Those are some loaded words and they sum up exactly how I feel.

I have had the time of my life raising this son and watching God grow him into a young man who I love deeply, enjoy tremendously, truly admire and am fiercely proud of.  I am going to miss him. He is the constant character in all the firsts of my experience as a mother.  He is the first piece of my heart to walk around this earth outside of my body. We share the same last name and we share history.

No wonder the tears appeared.  When it all comes down, they are happy tears.  I'm glad I got them out again today.  Will it be the last time?  Nobody knows.  But as for me, I feel all sorts of joy....it's time to get on with the wedding and the celebrating!