We have been so profoundly touched by genuine gestures which scream 'we are committed to you' in the last year or so especially. Isn't there a popular saying something like "you don't know who your friends are until you really need them"? Yeah, that isn't it, but I think you can pick up what I'm putting down.
The real story here is not only why I am so thankful for our friends, but what I've learned from them.
Scott and I frequently discuss this and what it now means to us to show commitment and longevity in friendships.
I admit it's quite possible I didn't know as much about how to be a 'friend who sticks closer than a brother'* as I'd like to think I did.
At this point, I want to gush out tons of mushy words and feelings right here, but I'm going to refrain, exercise some measure of self-control (I know you don't believe I can) and try to simply make a list (Type A's unite!) that I hope will cause you to recognize your own friendliness and briefly tell yourself "good job".
Equally as important, that we would all (but mostly me) be encouraged to be a better friend.
Here goes. By the way, this is not even close to a conclusive list - it's just a few.
1. Tell them you are praying for them. Sometimes knowing this can be the strength they need for that day.
2. Check in frequently. A simple, "Just checking in to see how you're doing and let you know I'm thinking about you." via text, facebook, phone call or a stone-aged handwritten note goes a long way. It means so much to know they're on someone's mind.
3. Listen. They aren't always looking for advice because sometimes there is no earthly solution - and they know this. Letting them dump out their heart without interruption and saying, "I have no idea why this is happening, but I know we have a God you can trust and here's why __________________ (fill in the blank)." can be more comforting than trying to figure it out for them.
4. Remind them of God's promises stated in Scripture. Sometimes they can't find them because they can't see past their own tears and I personally believe the enemy tries to wipe minds clear of God's faithfulness.
5. Hug them. I don't mean a that's-close-enough-pat-on-the-back hug. Really hold on tight for as long as they'll let you. This communicates volumes.
6. Don't let them drift into isolation. They can fear becoming a burden to you and pull away - especially if their bad news keeps piling up.
7. Don't give up on them. It can be hard to carry someone else's burden when it takes too long to resolve. It's a blessing for them to know they haven't worn you out and you plan to go the distance with them.
This last one may not apply to everyone but has been HUUUUUUUGE to us. (I've learned spelling from my teenage daughter.)
8. Support their spouse and kids. Forgive me but I have to elaborate just a smidge here.
Example #1. I have a friend who has always said to me every single time we speak, "Please tell that wonderful, handsome husband of yours that we love him. He's such a good man and we think the world of him."
Example #2. What jolts my heart open wide right here is how friends have tangibly shown care for our kids.
Whether it's simply asking about them, telling them (and me) they are in their prayers, coming out to one of their games or going all out by giving from their own finances to help with school fees, youth group event costs or support mission trips, all of these gestures are simply put, gigantic in so many ways.
These last few weeks we have been preparing ourselves that Ben may not be able to go on the missions trip to Panama during his spring break that other Word of Life students are going on. He didn't raise enough support. He got over half, but that's not enough to buy a ticket. We prayed and told God, "We believe if you want Ben to go, you'll provide the money. If not, that's ok, we will accept it is not your will this time".
Not long after that prayer a sweet friend (who had already donated) asked me how the plans were going. I matter-of-factly stated we didn't think he would be going and told her why. She sighed and took on my disappointment.
Then a close relative (who also had already given) called and asked how close Ben was to the finish line because they had sold some furniture and wanted the money to go to missions. I said, "Don't send it. Maybe save it for another trip."
Soon another friend called and said, "We haven't given to Ben's trip - did we miss the deadline?" Knowing the bulk of how much he needed (too much for one person to cover) I replied, "I think it's too late now." She probed further and wanted to know the remaining balance. I reluctantly gave it. She told me what they felt God wanted them to give.
My jaw dropped. It was nearly half. That, along with the money from the sale of the furniture would put him definitely within reach.
They both gave. I cried. Scott praised God.
I felt I should give an update to the first friend who inquired. I wrote her, "Thank you for asking about Ben's trip the other day. God has provided two large gifts. He has almost enough now. I wanted you to know because you asked." She was just about to call WOL and give more. I told her that wasn't necessary because Scott and I planned to kick in the remaining amount.
Two days later I get this text with the accompanying message, "Mom, I got the last amount of money in one gift! Can you believe it?". I went to the page and saw who the giver was.
Scott and I wipe our eyes then scratch our heads and ask, "Why would they do that?".
The answer is (at least) two-fold.
1. It's the work of God in their lives. As one generous friend frequently says to me, "We are just doing what God told us to do." Obedience.
2. They have obviously committed themselves to us. That floors me.
It's not the dollar amount of these three gifts (and all the others that came in before) that blows us away, even though that certainly does blow us away. It's the message "we believe in (you)your family" that comes through.
Talk about a "Go away from me, I'm a sinful (wo)man"** moment.
You know, when these things happen I praise God for His people, His provision and for blessing us with friends like this, but I also turn the mirror on myself and wonder when was the last time I've demonstrated this kind of love and commitment to a friend. Have I ever? I don't like the answer very much.
New goal for 2014: BE THIS KIND OF FRIEND
Note to self: BE THIS KIND OF FRIEND
Amen.
Likely if you've read this far down, you have shown this kind of friendship to us and to you I say these things.
"You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, men will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the Gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and everyone else." 1 Cor. 9:11,13
---We praise God for your generosity.
AND
"It was good of you to share in my troubles.......you sent me aid again and again when I was in need.....not that I am looking for a gift, but I am looking for what may be credited to your account." Phil. 4:14,16,17
---We pray that God will credit your account.
AND
One last thing...I want to be just like you. I resolve to be a more Spirit-filled, other-centered, generous, attentive, Biblical friend.
*Prov. 18:24
**Luke 5:8
No comments:
Post a Comment