Perfectionism Ain't All It's Cracked Up To Be - 3 Statements That Set Me Free

Have you ever experienced an intense season of battling negative thoughts and emotions?  Self-criticism?  Self-loathing?  Unrest in your soul?  Doubt?  Had trouble seeing the sunshine through the clouds?  Times when you weren't sure which voice you hear is speaking the truth? Or simply just felt low in spirit for much too long?

Me too lately.  Sometimes all this inward fighting, which is exhausting, can tempt me to despair as if it will never end and I can't win because I'm too weak.  It's probably why I haven't written much.  Sometimes it's best to say nothing than speak that which would be of little value to others.  But, today is a new day and I hope I have something of value for you here.

Because I've been repeatedly taught, I know what to do when at war with myself and the truth according to God.  Spend as much time as possible in God's Word, the Book of Wisdom.  James tells us that "if any of you lack wisdom, let him ask God who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him." *  Needing wisdom - yup, that's me.  

You see, last month marked one year since we've belonged to a church.  We love church.  I can't overstate that.  We loooooooove church.  For all of our married life and years before, our church has always been our second home.

Let me interject at this point that we have not stopped attending church - or shall I say churches.  I mean that's what Sundays are for.  And our lives are full of friendships with God's other children but we don't have that second home right now.

As God continues to lovingly hold us in a time of waiting for our next ministry, we long for the community we've always been involved with at church.  To be really honest, this deficit, this giant hole in our world, has taken its toll on my spirit.

For too long now I have been fighting for peace.  I've been reading a lot and praying as if my life depended on it (which it does).  God has answered.  My friends, He always answers when we desperately seek Him.

In my reading, I was confronted with words like control and contentment. 

"Control is the seven-letter word that demolishes everything.  It is the inner disease of those who need stability in order to function.  If we desire to live sustainable, growing lives (and I do more than anything) we must get to the place where we understand that our effort, even what we perceive to be holy effort, cannot accomplish God's purposes.  'The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.' Proverbs 16:9.  He asks us to abandon our control so that He can reign in our lives and grow us." **

Control freak?  A perfectionist?  Me?  Yeah, you know it's true too, don't you?

Then there's contentment.

Can I say like Paul,

 "I have learned in whatever situation I am in to be content.  I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound.  In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."? ***

Those are such easy verses to read and say 'Amen!' to when we are abounding in plenty and the abundance of God's blessings.  Not so much when low and facing hunger and need.  I read those verses and I take myself to task.  I weep for who I want to be but quickly discover I am not.  I tell God I'm sorry and beg Him to help me be content.  But before He can do that work, I've already written myself off as a failure.  After all, I should know better, right?  I should have matured to here by now.  I cut myself no slack.  I don't even need Satan, the enemy of my soul to taunt and accuse me - I'll do it myself.

Are any of you like this, your own worst enemy?  Not a good place to be.  I don't recommend it, yet I'm there more than I care to admit.

Tuesday night we had the great privilege of seeing Steven Curtis Chapman, Jason Gray and Laura Story in concert.  We might be groupies.  We've seen Laura once before, Jason twice and Steven - oh my - many times in many cities.  We even got to meet him twice.  He's one of those artists who is all you hope him to be in person and so much more.

If you know me at all, you know I went expecting God to speak.  I knew this would be a great night and God would minister to the empty and needy spaces of my heart. 

Here's a little glimpse of what we saw and heard.

This is Jason Gray.  I like him.  He speaks deeply from the heart.  I hoped he would sing "Nothing is Wasted" which has been a bit of an anthem for Scott and me.  He sang it.  You may remember I wrote about how this song has ministered to me.  If not, you can read it if you click here.  He also wrote a little piece about parenting on a blog I love. It's another reason I like him so much.  If you have time, check it out here. 

I decided not to bother trying to hold back the tears when he sang this:

"It's from the deepest wounds
That beauty finds a place to bloom
And you will see before the end
That every broken piece is
Gathered in the heart of Jesus
And what's lost will be found again

Nothing is wasted
Nothing is wasted
In the hands of our Redeemer
Nothing is wasted."

Jason said, "Your brokenness makes you a safe place for others."  My heart heard, "Your brokenness isn't failure.  It's ok for others to see you like this."

Next was Laura Story.  I'm sure you're familiar with her song "Blessings".  I had just heard it on the radio the night before and was in a puddle before it was over, so I was expecting the ugly cry.  What made it all the more powerful was that Steven Curtis sang it with her.

Looking at and hearing them sing this song knowing what difficulties and heartaches they have and continue to walk through ripped up my heart.  Yet at the same time, built up my faith.  She talked of how none of their lives have turned out as they'd planned.  At one point, in reference to how each of the three of them need God desperately to make it through every day, she said laughing, "We are all just a mess up here."

Later, Steven said, "We haven't got it all figured out and we never will."  If I can say this, God was speaking so loudly to me I could barely hear the singers.

 Three statements from three artists that are setting me free.

Lessons I continue to need to re-learn:  It's ok to be a mess.  I'm not going to figure this thing out.  Walking through this thing perfectly can only be done if I'm Jesus, who I obviously am not.  So take a load off (again).  He doesn't expect perfection.  Embrace my weakness (don't beat myself up for it) because it's at this point that God can sweep into that very weakness and show off His strength. (2 Cor. 12:9)  Oh yeah. I knew that.

But I'm so human and forgetful.  Are you too?  This is why we need to continually read His Word.  Over and over again.  Every day.  So that we can be reminded.  So our faith can be rebuilt.  So we can fight the enemy.  So we can stop beating ourselves up.
Exhale.

I was so thankful Steven gave us a few quiet moments to pray.  Once again, I had some things to lay down.  Perfectionism.  More pride.  Unrealistic expectations (of self). Worry.  Negative thoughts.  Then I got to embrace rest, God's great love for me and my own weaknesses.  I told Him I wanted to work on contentment, receiving all things (even the bad) from His hands with the strong confidence He is carrying me and He will bring good from all of it (Rom 8:28).

After that Steven sang his new song "Glorious Unfolding".

"Lay your head down tonight
Take a rest from the fight
Don’t try to figure it out
Just listen to what I’m whispering to your heart
‘Cause I know this is not
Anything like you thought
The story of your life was gonna be
And it feels like the end has started closing in on you
But it’s just not true
There’s so much of the story that’s still yet to unfold

And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding"

I mean, for real?  Do you think God had a message for me (and everyone else there)?  I do!

Another exhale.  It was a good night.  And unless you think it was all just a lot of listening, crying and praying, we rocked out too, to many of our favorite songs. We may have even danced in our seats.

It was a Spirit-filled night of worship (with special friends all around us) to the Only One who is worthy of glory.  We had fun!!

And one combat-weary, Spirit-hungry woman was set free from self-imposed punishment, soul-fed and heart-revived.

Today I read this...

"Set your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.  

For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God." ****

"If left to roam wild, those feelings and emotions will likely lead you to think and do things that are inconsistent with God's plan for your life.  They will persuade you to believe things about Him, about yourself, about your circumstances that run counter to the truth.  If you let them, those emotions will seek to distort your view of God and keep you from seeing Him as the faithful, loving, actively engaged God He reveals Himself to be.  That's why feelings, as fickle and unreliable as they are, cannot be allowed just to come in and take over.  They must be disciplined, managed and controlled." *****

Yes.  Yes. Yes.  Again reinforcing our need for megadoses of the Bible.  We must set our minds on things above. And I love that little phrase "your life is hidden with Christ in God."  Seems like there's no safer place.

This life really is all about Him.  I'm grateful for the reminder and redirection of focus.


*James 1:5
**Everything by Mary DeMuth
***Philippians 4:11-13
****Colossians 3:2-3
*****The Quiet Place by Nancy Leigh DeMoss