Sometimes You Just Need a Hug

I have a standing appointment on Wednesday mornings.  For a few hours each week, I get together with a group of ladies I've come to adore.  Yesterday while I was driving there, I wondered if I should even go.  You know how you just feel like you're not going to be good company?  Circumstances of life were overwhelming me and I feared the wrong question (How are you?) would reduce me to a puddle of tears.  I  never want to be the one who brings a party down or is so needy. Yet I know isolation can be even more deadly to the spirit.

I had a choice to make. Stay home and sulk or go be with these sweet friends and hope for a little pick-me-up just by being with them. Since we only meet once a week and I miss them in between, I went.

I figured I could slip in, avert eye contact for a little bit and then lightly join in with the rest. Guess what?  I was the first to arrive.  I'm never the first to arrive.  It would be risky to go in.  Maybe I should wait for someone else to show.  I sucked it up and went in.  Our hostess greeted me warmly as usual.  Then she offered me coffee. I went into the kitchen with her and she did it. She asked the question. I've come to learn that life's too short to fake it. We need one another. So, I croaked, "Not so good."

She reached over and hugged me. It wasn't one of those quick hugs like a pat on the back and release.  It was long embrace. She just held me and let me cry for a few minutes until I pulled myself together. During my mini meltdown she said the most heartfelt thing. "Oh Angela, I wish I could take this away from you and walk through it for you." That's what I call understanding.  It was so sweet and I knew she meant it.

Naturally, we usually can't do that for someone else but there's power and comfort in the offer. As a mom, I would feel the same way if one of my kids were going through something hard but a friend?  

The more I experience life's difficulties, the more I learn. In this instance, advice and problem solving were not only unhelpful, they weren't really possible. I wasn't looking for her to fix or remove my problem. I guess I just needed someone to understand the depth of it. She did. She carried my hurt for a little while that morning and lightened my load.

I absolutely love it when a Christ-follower lives God's Word out loud.  "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Gal. 6:2

So many friends have given me this same gift in the last year and I am grateful. Quite frankly, I wish I didn't need it so often, but I do. The lesson here is not to shy away from someone who is hurting because you don't think you can't help or make it go away. Just understand. There is comfort in simply acknowledging the hurt and validating it.

Do any of you need a hug today? It would be my privilege to carry your burden for a while.

On a much shallower note, the heat wave has lightened up around here. I think I may celebrate by actually styling my hair today. With a blow dryer. 

Hazy, Hot, Humid, Humbled and Happy

So I imagine you've noticed that it's been hot lately.  Unless you're living in the Antarctic.  Do people in the Antarctic get internet access?  Anyway, from a few slight comments here on the blog or facebook or from your history of knowing me, you may recall that I don't dig humidity. It brings out the worst in me.  I've been known to call it hell weather. (See?  excuse my language)  Hate isn't even too strong a word. It's days likes these past few weeks that are the reason I love winter. Sweater weather! Don't click out!  This post will not be about winter - I'm just saying.

Anyway, I became additcted to, I mean accustomed to, air conditioning many years ago when our kids were little.  Scott would come home from work and find me hot, sweaty and g.r.u.m.p.y.  I'd keep the kids in the basement family room all day for survival.  We were all bored. We didn't see the sun. I didn't cook. I hated summer. Finally Scott realized it would be a better investment to put central air in our home than continue to eat at the Great Northern Mall Food Court night after night through the summer.  (At least there was variety.)

So that you know how grateful I was for it, I don't think one hot, hazy, humid day went by that I didn't thank God for that air conditioning. Out loud. Usually when I was running from the air conditioned van to the front door of the house.

Well, have you heard the phrase, "You never know what you've got til it's gone?"  Yup.  When we moved to the Binghamton area about 18 months ago, we bought a house with NO air conditioning.  And it wasn't for my lack of trying. We looked at 14 houses.

The first question out of my mouth to our realtor in every house was, "Does it have air conditioning?"  To which he would reply, "It has baseboard heat." I could not for the life of me understand what that was supposed to mean. Who cares about the heat?  I assume the house has heat.  So I'd ask again.  Same answer.  Scott would look at me and say with his eyes, "Stop bugging him!" Why wouldn't he answer my question?  So we'd go to another house and I'd ask again.  And he'd answer the same way.  So I'd say, "Thank you, but does it have air conditioning?"  Same response. Sometimes Scott would try to help poor Dave make me understand and he would say, "It doesn't have forced air." I'd stand there and think (out loud in my head), "YES, BUT DOES IT HAVE AIR CONDITIONING!?!?!"  Eventually, by house 14 the answer was, "This one has forced air so you can get air conditioning."  I still didn't understand the connection but realized this is the only house in our price range and desired school district that we could eventually put air conditioning into.  Beautiful.  Sold.

So you know I'm not a complete princess, I suggested that we tough it out the first summer to see if central air was really necessary (as if I thought the climate would be different 75 miles south of our pleasantly air conditioned home).  We were sure we could handle it and then we would put it in the following year if we had to.  Can you spell n-a-i-v-e? Our first summer in that house (2012) was brutal and now we are neck deep into our second summer.  Still no central air.

Did you ever notice that sometimes even the best plans don't always work out as you hope?  Nope. Not happening this year either. So instead, we sweat. We sleep in the basement on an air mattress. One of us complains. Certain ones of us are in danger of killing other ones of us.  Not mentioning any names.

At this point, I'd like to recognize our many friends who are concerned for our well-being.  They feel sorry for us. They check on us (maybe because we are elderly?), offer us reprieve and I'm sure, are praying for our summer survival.  One very generous and thoughtful couple offered to buy us an air conditioner.

Did I mention that ALL of our windows are vertical, so window units are OUT? Not an option. Just another blessing.  I wonder at times, why this strange turn of events in our lives.  But back to our friends...naturally, we said, "You may not buy us an air conditioner!  We'll be fine. We're tough. We can handle it.".  No one willingly lets their friends spend such a large amount of money on them simply for comfort.  I hate being a high maintenance friend. But boy did they get huge credit in our thanksgiving journals - what a sweet gesture and the love we felt from them was enough.

As I flit about from air conditioned businesses and friend's homes, I had lunch (out) with a girlfriend I love.  A few days later she told me she was having something delivered to my house.  We are crafting buddies, so I thought maybe it was a wreath or one of her own creations.

After a few days, she asked me if I got the shipping confirmation in the mail.  No.  And to be honest, I had forgotten all about it.  She then said, "Well, you're going to have to be home to receive it."  Oh.  Ok.  No problem.  She said, "It's not much but we did some research and hope it takes the edge off - it's a portable air conditioner."  "Excuse me?", I choked, "Not much?  You can't buy us an air conditioner.  They are so expensive!"  Well, as she put it, "It's too late. We already did."

I was so overwhelmed with the enormity of the gift that I fear I underreacted.  I was sort of paralyzed.  I immediately recalled my own desperate prayers (in the shower no less) days before when I begged God for some relief from this oppressive heat and miserable house.  Does God reward whining?  I'm not going to give that an answer, but I am going to say that I believe He hears the cries of His children and cares about each little thing that concerns us.

He doesn't answer every prayer the way we'd like or in our timeframe (I could write many a blog post on that), but I knew that day that Jesus loves me and that He has filled our lives with friends who love us.  I believe that Jesus puts ideas in the hearts of His people to meet the needs and/or simply the desires of others. Talk about BLOWN AWAY.  I started getting used to the idea and began checking email once or twice a day, or maybe it was every hour.

I didn't leave the house for the next 5 days awaiting it's arrival. (Not really, I went to church on Sunday.) We heard the weather report for this week (starting yesterday) and I was scared.  What if it doesn't come in time for this heat wave?  Would we survive?

I still hadn't received an email saying it had shipped.  BUT, that didn't stop me from asking God for an Eph. 3:20 kind of answer, (immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine).  So yesterday, again, in the shower, I begged God for delivery.  I even said, "I know we haven't received the email but YOU are so much BIGGER than that!".  And I believed it.

Not only would I not leave the sweaty house, but I planted myself in our stifling living room with a fan on waiting, hoping, for that UPS truck.  Sometime in the afternoon, I fell asleep for a minute or two and awoke when I heard Scott coming in the door with this.

 YES!  God is not only bigger than the boogieman (for you Veggie Tale lovers), but He is bigger than the UPS man.  I knew He could do it!  I also know that He knows what's in the heart of man and woman and perhaps was concerned for the safety of my husband and children. 

 

100 pounds of glorious metal and plastic.  I was never so happy to get a package. It's blurry because I was shaking with anticipation. Or jumping up and down. I may or may not have indicated that we should open it (and plug it in) right.this.minute.

 Of course, it required some work to vent it out these ridiculous vertical windows.  Who decided to put these in every room of our house?!?  Sorry, was still cranky at that point. It's not very pretty, but I don't care.  Not one bit.

 

 But in less than an hour, Scott had it rigged up.  I love that man. He is no longer in harm's way. I think my hair sort of tells the story of the climate in our house.  Yikes!  Now I'd like to introduce you to my new best friend.  Isn't she gorgeous?  I expect this to be a long term friendship. I plan to spend the rest of the summer right by her side.  I love her.  I need her.

This is how much!  I am already considerably less grumpy and overwhelmingly grateful.  For our sweet and generous friends who care this much about us.  And for the way they tangibly seek and listen to God and live out their obedience.

I'm also thankful to the Lord for hearing my self-serving pleas for relief and sending it in a way I could never have imagined.  I love the way He loves us.  In a season of drought and desert in so many ways, He has provided refreshment. Truly, this gift has aided in strengthening us for the rest of this journey to the great unknown.

Not to mention illustrated how important it is to listen to God's promptings to look after each other and give generously.

God loves you too and He is perfectly capable to be your need meeter.  You can trust Him. Believe it! 

"You have been a refuge for the poor, a refuge for the needy in distress, a shelter from the storm and a shade from the heat."  Isa. 25:4  Amen.

Talkin' To Myself And Feelin'......Better

How many of you will admit you talk to yourself?  Come on, no shame here.  I've been doing it for years.  My kids and husband have caught me many times.  I talk to myself about the lists I've made and how the process of working down them is going.  I replay conversations with others, out loud or usually under my breath.  Or I'm practicing my part in an upcoming conversation. Sometimes I'm reminding myself of something important.  Sadly, other times I'm beating myself up.  Relentlessly pummeling my soul with "you know better's". You too?

Well, today I knew my soul needed some self-talk.  You see, not only do I talk to myself, but I also hear voices.  Not audible ones.  But I hear things in my head and in my heart that war for a prominent position in my life. You see, every person who names the Name of Christ as his or her Savior and Lord, automatically inherits an enemy.  Satan, God's enemy.  This dude can mess with me if I let him.  If I let him.  I hate to admit that lately, I think I've been letting his 'voice' which only speaks lies and hate to have close to equal time and access as God's voice, which is always true and for me.

 In fact, God warned us in His Word that this could happen and gave us the tools to fight against it. "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."  2 Cor. 10:5

How do we do that, you ask?  Indulge me a little of your time.  I love how Max Lucado illustrates the process in his book, "Just Like Jesus":

"(Let's imagine) Your heart is a fertile greenhouse ready to produce good fruit.  Your mind is the doorway to your heart - the strategic place where you determine which 

seeds are sown and which seeds are discarded.  The Holy Spirit is ready to help you manage 

and filter the thoughts that try to enter.  He can help you guard your heart.

He stands with you on the threshold.  A thought approaches, a questionable thought.  Do you throw open the door and let it enter?  Of course not.  You 'fight to capture every thought until it acknowledges the authority of Christ' (2 Cor. 10:5).  You don't leave the door unguarded.  You stand equipped with handcuffs and leg irons, ready to capture any thought not fit to enter.

For the sake of discussion, let's say a thought regarding your personal value approaches.  With all the cockiness of a neighborhood bully, the thought swaggers up to the door and says, "You're a loser.  All your life you've been a loser. You've blown relationships and jobs and ambitions. You might as well write the word bum on your resume, for that is what you are."

The ordinary person would throw open the door and let the thought in. Like a seed from a weed, it would find fertile soil and take root and bear thorns of inferiority.  

The average person would say, "You're right.  I'm a bum. Come on in."

But as a Christian, you aren't an average person. You are led by the Spirit. So rather than let the 

thought in, you take it captive. You handcuff it and march it down the street to the 

courthouse where you present the thought before the judgment seat of Christ.

"Jesus, this thought says I'm a bum and a loser and that I'll never amount to anything.  What do you think?"

See what you are doing?  You are submitting the thought to the authority of Jesus.  If Jesus agrees with the thought, then let it in.  If not, kick it out.  In this case, Jesus disagrees.

How do you know Jesus disagrees?  You open your Bible. What does God think about you?

 Ephesians 2:10 is a good place to check: "For we are God's workmanship, 

created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do".  

Or how about Romans 8:1: "There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

Obviously, any thought that says you are inferior or insignificant does not pass the test - and does not gain entrance.  You have the right to give the bully a firm kick in the pants and watch him run.

Let's take another example.  The first thought was a bully; this next thought is a groupie.  She comes not to tell you how bad you are but how good you are.  She rushes to the doorway and gushes, "You are so good.  You are so wonderful.  The world is lucky to have you," and on and on the groupie grovels.

Typically this is the type of thought you'd welcome.  But you don't do things the typical way.  You guard your heart.  You walk in the Spirit. And you take every thought captive. So once again you go to Jesus. You submit this thought to the authority of Christ. As you unsheathe the sword of the Spirit, His Word, you learn that pride doesn't please God.

"Don't cherish exaggerated ideas of yourself or your importance" (Rom 12:3)

"The cross of our Lord Jesus Christ is my only reason for bragging" (Gal 6:14)

As much as you'd like to welcome this thought of conceit into the greenhouse, you can't. You only allow what Christ allows.

The point is this. Guard the doorway of your heart. Submit your thoughts to the authority of Christ. The more selective you are about the seeds, the more delighted you will be with the crop."*

That settles it.  I needed a new crop.  With this model in mind, I went back to my trusty booth at Panera and camped myself for a few hours.  I had some thoughts that needed handcuffing. I got out my journal and by the time I finished, my heart was uplifted and my faith strengthened. God's Word was firmly in control.

Naturally, I wondered if it would be of value to anyone else. This is why I blog.  So here goes, my prayer is that you, too, will talk to yourself, some soul talk and hear God's Words of Truth toward you.

First, I listed what I was hearing. Then I wrote down what I was fearing. I will spare you the gory details.  I wonder if your honest list would look similar.

Then I wrote down the good things I see happening in my life right now, even while I'm feeling pain in other areas.  Lastly, I took those first two lists and marched them down the hallway to Jesus and asked Him what He thought.  Could they or should they stay?

What resulted was this final list.  The list I will call "What I Need To Do"  Here's some of it:

• Embrace suffering.  It is an expected part of the adventure called the Christian life. Good things result from it.  (Rom 8:28)
• Choose to live a reckless faith where I know God is real because I need Him.
• Be willing to sacrifice to God my comfort, my selfish desires, my will.
• Remember better God's Word, His promises and His faithfulness.
• Don't allow Satan to rattle me.
• Fix my eyes on Jesus.  (A beautiful friend shared this verse with me after I dumped my tears and heart on the table before her a few weeks ago. "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross..." Heb 12:2 - note the highlighted words)  That's another whole blog post :)
• Distinguish God's economy vs. the world's economy regarding success, failure and purpose.
• Don't compare my life with anyone else's.
• Do not fear.
• Trust and obey and walk by faith.
•  
• Remember the following:

• How much God loves me. (John 3:16 and so many more!)
• Life is God's story and He's the Author.  I'm just a character.  On my worst day, I can't screw up God's plans.
• He is able to do immeasurably more than we could ask for or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us. (Eph. 3:20)
• He knows what He is doing.  He has not and will not drop me.
• God wants us to need Him for daily bread.  He doesn't want us to trust in ourselves. It's ok to be weak and needy.
• This world is not my home.  Forever with God is my real dream life.
• He has gone before me, thought this through, and prepared the way. 
• God chose this wilderness for us. It is according to His plan because it is for our good. 
•  
• Be more excited and hopeful than tentative and fearful.  This is a great adventure.  

I believe Jesus is saying, "Yes, these thoughts can stay."  Now I must go and print this list out, not just because I love lists, but because another thing I've regrettably learned about myself is that lately I tend to have a short memory and I do not want to forget all this truth. 

Do you feel better too?

*Just Like Jesus by Max Lucado p. 116,117

Kitchen Makeover On a Budget

Almost two weeks ago, I asked Scott if we could do a household project.  It was the my-two-youngest-kids-are-off-working-at-summer-camps-what-am-I-going-to-do-with-myself-survival idea.  You have to approach these things carefully, at just the right moment, when the stars are aligned and the phases of the moon are perfect.  Not to mention you must have all the details logically in place along with proof of how we are going to pay for it. A lesser woman would have been intimidated.  Not me.  Twenty three years with this man have proved to be helpful. I came prepared.  I had answers to every question and pretty much left him with only one option - to say yes.  I nailed it.

Here's the thing.  Since we have moved into this house, I have had ambivalent feelings about the kitchen.  I like the size, but hate the floors.  I like how many cupboards we have (23 to be precise) but can't stand how dark, scratched and old looking they are.  I love the pantry but can't handle the white countertops and white backsplash that is the same material as the countertop and covers the entire wall up to the cupboards.  Blech.  And do I need to mention how I feel about electrical outlets and switches?  These were disgusting, beige and grimy.  Eww.

Yes, I said were.  Scott and Drew got on board and in six days (I gave them a Sunday off) and for about $100 we gave our kitchen a whole new look.  Here's the before and after pics.  Please note the dark, dank nature of the kitchen and the white backsplash.  HATE.IT.  And then the transformation.

Eww....aren't those cabinets awful?  Depressing?

Kind of worn looking? Can you see why I didn't love it?

Even this yellow paint color suddenly doesn't look so good.

While Scott and I went to Home Depot, Drew took down all 23 cabinet doors and removed each one's hardware.  He's such a good boy.  We started with a cabinet transformation kit made by Rust-o-leum.  Color:  Quilter's White.  It's actually cream colored.

Good thing we have a ping pong table and many card tables to handle all those cupboard doors.  We followed all the instructions to a T including waiting for all the drying times....and wa-la!  Finished.

Aren't they fabulous?  So clean, crisp and bright!  It wasn't even difficult.  We highly recommend the kit. But you see the problem don't you?  The color of the cabinets is too similar to the color of the countertops/backsplash.  Too much white!  Bland.  Vanilla.  Boring.  I bet you're starting to feel sorry for Scott.

We thought about the Rustoleum countertop transformation kit, but it was a little pricey and quite scary to be honest.

I've always wanted to tear those backsplashes off the wall, but my reasonable husband didn't think that was prudent, "Who knows what's behind there and what bigger project it will become?"  In other words...$$$$.  Because I'm older and wiser, I decided not to whine and pout to get my way.  Instead, I would let him make the decision. I'm growing.

We were kind of out of ideas though. So we left it the way it was.  For a day.  Then, as we drove along running errands, a thought popped into my head.  Not so unlike me, I blurted it out before thinking about what he would say.  "How about contact paper?"  As soon as I said, it I sort of laughed. I expected immediate rejection and possible ridicule. Admittedly, it's a little redneck-ish. Much to my surprise, Scott said, "That's a great idea!".  Wow.  I smiled smugly.  I mean humbly, but proud of myself.  Yes, yes it is a great idea. We drove to Walmart. A few minutes later we came out with a subtle print of contact paper.  Just something to break up the white and bring a little texture.

Just before we began, Scott smiled and said, "This is really a brilliant idea." Did he say brilliant? What an upgrade from 'great'.  I basked in that for a while.  You'll notice I did not take pictures of the process of measuring, cutting, smoothing, smoothing, peeling back, smoothing, peeling back, and smoothing yet again that took us MANY hours to do.  It was a marriage building experience.  I didn't talk much.  See how I'm growing?  I did, perhaps foolishly ask him at one point if it was still a brilliant idea.   He said yes! Maybe he's growing too.

I am not sure if these pictures show just how great these backsplashes look now.

And can you see how beautiful and sparkly white that outlet is?  Wow. I'm so happy!

 Don't look at the floor.  That wasn't in the budget at this time.  It's next.

Clean.  New.  Sharp.  Except for one thing. Of course, the yellow wall paint had to go. Man did that clash!  Did I mention this taupe is now the third color for this kitchen in the 18 months we've lived here?  A girl can change her mind - no judging!  I didn't know how to bring it up.  So I sheepishly said once when we weren't making eye contact, "I have something to say and I don't know how to bring it up."  To which he replied, "Don't tell me....now you want to repaint the walls too?"  Mind readers.  This is why you must stick it out in marriage so you can get to this point.  It's rewarding.

 Maybe someday we can replace the white appliances too, but I'm content with these for now.

Here you can kind of see how well this contact paper gives texture.  Did I mention it only cost $10 to solve that problem?  What a bargain!

another white outlet - happiness

Yes, it's finished and we love it.  It's so warm and cozy.  Not to mention bright.  I want to be in there every minute.  Drew said, "It makes me want to keep it clean all the time."  Amen.

My friends who have seen it in person all say, "You have to pin this idea."  Of course, they mean the redneck contact paper.  I'm actually kind of surprised I didn't see it on there to begin with.  If you have loads of patience and don't give up easily, you can apply it with no bubbles.  I could never have done it without Scott's long suffering.

Come on over and see for yourself.   I'll make you a cup of coffee and we can hang out in there awhile.

Did you Hear?

Writing from Panera Bread today.  Desperate times call for desperate measures.  This body was not made for humidity.  I miss the air conditioning in our previous house.  This is the second summer we are enduring without it.  Which bring us to why we're here today (I brought Scott) to enjoy hot coffee without sweating while we drink it.  I know, I know, I'm whining and no one likes a whiner.  

So here's what's on my mind today:  Sunday's sermon.  I really enjoyed it.  Gave me a lot to think about and some principles to apply to daily life - always a great combination.  The pastor was talking about rumors and gossip.  He was preaching from Nehemiah, specifically when the Israelites were back in Jerusalem rebuilding the wall surrounding the city.  It was no easy task and they exprienced opposition.  Some of it came by way of gossip.  (See Neh. 6)

As a woman who certainly likes to communicate often, I know how easy it is to fall right into this habit and you probably do too.  Or maybe you and I can occasionally sidestep the temptation to engage in gossip, but we have been known to listen in on some...and even worse believe it without question.  Ouch.

Here's what's involved in a rumor:

1.  A source is never clearly declared.
2.  It's usually exaggerated and inaccurate even though it may start with limited truth.
3.  It leads to deep personal hurt.

Sound familiar?  If you've been gossiped about, you know how deep that hurt cuts. I know this is not rocket science, but it certainly made me sit up taller and listen.  Exaggerated and inaccurate though it may have started with limited truth.  Think about that for a minute.  How much of the truth do we require before sharing our bits of information on to others?  Did we check with the person we're speaking of to see if it's true - or are we just passing it along?

In this new age of social media and blogging, dangerous territory is being treaded upon.  We use our freedom of speech to say whatever we want about anyone we want and rarely check our sources.  Oh do be careful what you believe friends.

The pastor gave this advice on how to deal with rumors spoken to you.

Rumor Rules - questions to ask yourself or if you're really bold, ask the person who's speaking it to you.

T - Is it true?
H - Is it helpful?
I - Is it inspirational?
N - Is it necessary?
K - Is it kind?

Scott and I have been talking a lot lately about the Fruit of the Spirit.  You might be familiar with this passage: 

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, 

faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control."  Gal. 5:21,22

These should be the outward traits of a person who claims to be a follower of Jesus Christ.  Notice it's not the fruit(s) plural.  It's one fruit.  It's the whole package lived out in one person. You don't get to pick and choose the ones that come easiest or most natural to major on while excusing the others as your weakness.  No, when we accept Jesus' love for us and return it back to Him by a life dedicated to living for His purposes and glory, this is what should be seen in our relationships.  In every area of our lives.

Even our speech.  So I encourage you today to join with me in being much more careful of what we say about others.  Check your sources. Ask yourself the above questions.  

Another question I have asked myself when tempted to gossip about someone is this, "Is this going to benefit the friend who is listening to me right now in any way?".  Sometimes we are sharing things that are just going to infuriate or hurt or disappoint someone, but we tell it anyway.  Is that necessary or kind or beneficial?  Wisdom says maybe not.  Wisdom comes from God's Word.  Look at this:  

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.  And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.  Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ, God forgave you.  Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children, and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." 

 Eph. 4:29-5:2"

There's a lot of meat to chew on there, don't you think?  When I consider the idea of grieving the Holy Spirit, I shudder a little.  We all should.  It scares me and I don't want to do it.  What would happen if we start each day with the proactive prayer, "Father, please don't let me do or say anything today that would grieve the Holy Spirit"?  Instead, that we would imitate the heart of God, who loves and forgives each one of us.  Couldn't we offer that instead of talking about someone else's choices/mistakes, etc.? 

The other side of this is choosing to be very careful of what we are willing to listen to and engage our emotions in.  Don't believe everything you hear, even from your most trusted friends.  We all can be susceptible to a great story.  Remember, most gossip is exaggerated and inaccurate.  Oh, there may be a smidgeon of truth to it, but that doesn't make it authentic.  I know for me I am most hurt when someone believes something said about me without asking me if it's really true. Insist on proof.  Go to the source.  Truly this is where the deep personal hurts come in. 

As I've regularly had to say to my daughter in her world of teenage mean girl drama, "Don't let someone else's opinion or experience dictate yours".

One other question we were encouraged to ask someone who is wanting to talk to us about someone else - if we are really bold - is "Is it ok if I quote you?"  Wowweee!  That might please the Holy Spirit.

How about we just keep our minds pure and clean?  Why don't we live the Scriptures we claim to know and love?  Try these:

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.   And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."  Col. 3:12-14

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." 

 Phil. 4:8,9

And remember the next time you find yourself tempted to gossip or simply to listen to a juicy bit, ask yourself if love is at the root of it.  Do you see the fruit of the Spirit exhibited in the life and behavior of the one you are listening to?  Do you see it in yourself if you're the one doing the talking?   If love isn't the goal - it's probably not noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy.  So don't allow it into your head!

The bottom line is that life is hard.  We all make mistakes.  We all do things we'd like to wipe from our reputations.  We all would like a little grace.  Let's be grace givers.  I truly believe if we do this, we will spread the sweet aroma of Christ much more effectively - and isn't that what we are here for?