A Bittersweet Weekend - Reunions, Reconciliation and a Celebrated Life

It's Tuesday and I'm still preoccupied with thoughts of this past weekend.  It was an emotion-packed one as we travelled to Scott's hometown of Horseheads, NY to attend the funeral of a very special friend of the Burtis family.  I met him 23 years ago at my wedding.  He was like a 2nd Dad to my husband for all his childhood and beyond, and soon would work his way into my heart too.  His death was sudden and left us surprised and saddened.

Going into the weekend, I expected to spend time with family, reunite with friends we only see occasionally, comfort the grieving, learn some valuable lessons and of course, celebrate a life well-lived. All these expectations were realized,  but as usual, God had more in store.

I've been known to love a great funeral.  What I mean by that is, if the person who died lived a good, faithful-to-the-Lord life, I enjoy listening in on all that good stuff.  It motivates me to want to live better. I was not disappointed.

Since returning home Saturday night, I've been overwhelmed with so many thoughts from the funeral and time spent with the family the next day. I was having trouble processing.  Funerals are so bittersweet, aren't they?

The sweet part was truly sweet:

• hugging every family member and entering their grief with them
• being in a church packed full of people influenced by Bob and his wife, Carol
• watching my husband enjoy a childhood reunion (so fun to see him reconnect and retell time-worn stories)
• being silly with friends we don't see nearly enough who are so fun to be around (you know who you are!)
• laughter as we reminisced about Bob's life and funny things he was known to say
• my own memories of Bob - he always made me feel loved and included
• some relationships were mended
• new friendships were formed
• God was honored and praised
• concerned friends offered us encouragement 

Because I'm kind of a nerd, I was also looking forward to the important words I was going to hear.  You can imagine if I took notes at a MercyMe concert, I certainly planned on jotting a few things down Friday night.  Oh yes I did. I actually had all of you in mind, too.  You know I can hardly experience anything meaningful without wanting to share it here. 

Including the Pastor who officiated, nine eulogies were given. Nine! They were so good.  Here's some of it.

The legacy of Bob Miller

• He was generous with his Time, Talents (would do anything for you), Money, Smiles and Hugs
• He was HUGE in stature and as a husband, a dad and a friend
• There was not a person who met him who didn't go home with a warm, accepting feeling
• For as giving as he was, he never expected anything in return
• He was an anchor

Bob invested in the young men God put in his life and there were many.  I loved some of the things they said:

• "Bob was coaching us in the game of life often saying; 'Get in there!  You can do it!'"
• "He believed in us"
• "He cared about what kind of young men we would become"
• "My life was richer for having known him"
• "He spoke his mind when he was concerned about you"

This I really loved:  Mike Carl, friend of Scott's, another 'son' to Bob, spoke this memory. "When I was in high school, Bob asked me, "Do you have a life verse?"  Answer - no.  "Well, have you heard of 1 Cor. 15:58?  Make that your life verse."  Then Mike recited it from memory. 

  

"Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm.  Let nothing move you.  Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."

That was impressive.  What an amazing gift/challenge to pass down to the next generation.  I checked my Bible - yup, that verse is underlined, but it took on so much greater meaning in that moment.   And, because we know Mike and the life he now lives, it is even more powerful.

Bob's son, Rob (like a brother to Scott), spoke last.  He concurred with all the testimonies of what a great man his Dad was.  Then Rob reminded us, Bob would not want us to make a big deal about him, but rather, he would insist we follow Jesus and grow that relationship as the most important thing.  That this was the only way to really live. Yes. That's the right focus.

My heart and mind were full. I learned so many lessons.  I learned about being generous.  Don't hold back.  Give what you have with enthusiasm. I learned about acceptance.  Everyone created in God's image deserves to be treated as important as that.  I learned about joy.  I tell you this man was always so joyful!  You could not be in his presence without smiling and laughing.  He was contagious.  I learned about how important relationships need to be.  To not let people fade out of our lives.  Go after them, care enough to stay involved and engaged even when you don't agree.  I learned not to seek the riches and pleasures of this world when others have needs.  Put others before self.  Give.  Give.  Give.  When you do this, you have lived well a life pleasing to the Lord Jesus who first led in these examples. It impacts the lives of those who cross your path.

That was the sweet, but there's also the bitter.  The bitter is that we will miss Bob and we feel compassion for his family who will miss him even more.  That's not all.  At least for me, when I attend a funeral like this, a time of self-examination usually ensues.  I looked over the life Bob lived, grateful for having known him and experienced some of what the others spoke of, reflected on the lessons above and then at my own life and frankly, came up wanting in some areas.  Regret is bitter.

Admittedly, the last few days, I've felt crushed under the weight of all this and my self-diagnosed failure to measure up.  Some of you are self-criticizers too so you know what I mean. But I also know God never means for us to stay in that state because it paralyzes.

You can imagine my delight this morning when I read this straight from His Word: 

"My dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love.  This is the only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality.  It's also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there's something to it.  For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves. 

And friends, once that's taken care of and we're no longer accusing or condemning ourselves, we're bold and free before God!  We're able to stretch our hands out and receive what we asked for because we are doing what he said, doing what pleases Him. 

Again, this is God's command:  to believe in his personally named Son, Jesus Christ.  He told us to love each other, in line with the original command.  As we keep His commands, we live deeply and surely in Him, and He lives in us.  And this is how we experience His deep and abiding presence in us: by the Spirit He gives us."  1 John 3:18-24

These verses are gallons of water for this parched soul that desperately wants to live in "His deep and abiding presence".  I've been accused of being too hard on myself.  High expectations.  Likely not God's.  I know it's true and I hate myself for it.  See what I mean?  

So I read these verses and find a perfect balance between a hearty challenge and God's grace.  He expects us to obey but doesn't condemn because "knows more about us than we do ourselves".  Based on all this, today I choose to practice real love.  Like Bob did. I never doubted that he would do anything for me (us) or come if we called.  I liked being loved by Bob. I like being loved by Jesus even more. And there might be some people out there who would like being loved by me. I want to follow God's commands and live bold and free before Him.

So while some experiences in life are bittersweet (and they are meant to be), let's let the work of both parts change us to grow as God intends for us to and live so that others who are looking in will be challenged to do the same.

I like the way Rob put it (on facebook), "I have asked a number of times the last couple of weeks "What do I do now? How do I go on without my Dad"? And then I hear my Dad's voice saying "Quit crying, you knucklehead and get back to work! You have things left unfinished." So with that tomorrow morning I will go back to work and go about finishing what is left undone so one day I will hear as I'm sure my Dad did on May 13, 2013 "well done faithful servant".

Thanks, Bob for touching my life profoundly, when you were with us and still now in your absence.