An Armful of Gifts for an Undeserving Woman

There's a passage in Luke 5 that speaks to my heart this morning.  Jesus was about to choose his first disciple.  His name is Peter.  Jesus found Peter in his boat with empty nets - no fish caught that day.  Jesus did a little teaching at the site and then told Peter to go ahead and put the nets in the water again.  Skeptical, Peter did what he was told.....obedience in spite of unbelief.  He didn't believe he'd get any fish, but he believed in the One who gave the order.  Of course, a miracle happened.  There were more fish than two boats could handle.

Here's my favorite part.  When Peter saw the fish, he turned to Jesus, fell on his knees and said, "depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord."

Ever felt that way?  When you look right into the face of God's goodness and recognize how much you don't deserve it?  I'm feeling like that today.  It's like I have an armful of gifts, given to me from the One who is over-the-top generous, the best giver of the most perfect gifts (James 1:17).

Has He given because I deserve it?  No.  Because I've believed or obeyed?  Maybe.  Because of who He is?  YES!  Because He wants to delight His children?  YES!  Because He is for me (us)? Definitely!

Take a look at what fills my arms today...

• Two of my kids are in the Dominican Republic on a mission trip they shouldn't have been eligible to go on.  They are fully financially funded.  I get to see pictures of them and their team at work everyday.
  
• My husband finds himself unemployed (for the 2nd time in 6 months) and we:  1. have received an overage check from our escrow account.  2. our mortgage payment is decreased a significant amount.  3. our kids are given spending money for their trip beyond what they need. 

• 2 days later, we are invited to join friends down south for a mini-vacation.  Scott drops everything to drive us 700 miles one way for 4 days. 

• Our hosts treat us like family.  We eat abundantly.  We laugh and enjoy friendship. 

• We spend a few days on the ocean, overwhelmed by God's vastness, reading His Word and listening for His voice. 

We are refreshed.

•  I get to put my pale winter skin in the warm sunshine in April. 

• Friends text me and make me laugh all the way home because I'm bored from sitting in the passenger seat for hours and hours.  

• On the way home we drop in on our college son (and 2 more cuties) and kiss that face we love so much. 

• I come home to an opportunity this weekend to minister with one of my heroes and share God's Word and my experiences with over 100 women.

As I look at all these gifts that have been heaped in my arms, I am like Peter, whirling around to acknowledge the giver of all these gifts.  I look into the eyes of Jesus.  I am immediately aware of how undeserving I too am.  I've disappointed Him (and myself) too many times.  And my response is also like Peter's, "Go away from me, I am a sinful (wo)man."  I don't deserve these gifts.  I can't handle His glory.  I don't deserve anything but punishment.  He's simply too good for me.

But I don't see condemnation in His eyes.  I see the warmest smile.  What I see there is love. Love for me.  How can He love me so much when He knows me so well?  I also see delight.  Like how I look at my kids on their birthdays or Christmas morning when I'm about to give them gifts that I took much time picking out because I know it will speak how great my love for them is. 

It's true I don't deserve any of God's gifts but I am no longer rejected or condemned by my sin past, present or future.  Because of Jesus' death, resurrection and sacrifice for me, I am now in His family. His daughter.  He loves me.  He is for me.

So I choose to accept the gifts, run to Him and say "thank you" over and over and over again.  I will never run out of praise.

"We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next.  In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged.  Quite the contrary - we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!"  Romans 5:3-5