My New Favorite Word (and a few others)

I have admitted recently that I'm a nerd.  Mostly it's because I've been accused. I love words.  I love reading.  Lots of words.  Lots of reading.  And it makes me giddy.  Guess that makes me a nerd.  No biggie.  I don't mind. I'm ok with it.  People who love reading and love words will understand this post.  Not that you are a nerd too....that's not what I mean...oh nevermind.  Read on.

The word that has captured my attention this morning is resilience.  Thought about that one in a while?  Me either.  Usually when I do it's in the context of something that started out shiny, has become dull, and ultimately shines again...resilient.  Like a kitchen floor or piece of jewelry.

Check out this definition from Merriam Webster Dictionary:  Resilience is an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.

That's a totally different ball game.  It speaks to me.  At times change is exciting and we eagerly embrace it.  Like when we graduate high school or college, start our first job, get married or have a baby. But other times it is an unwelcome intruder that interrupts the status quo we've come to expect. After losing her beloved husband of nearly 30 years, a special friend of mine put it this way, "My life reeks of change". Today, this very day, I can identify with misfortune and change. We all can at some level during certain times of our lives, can't we?

What do we do when change and/or misfortune rocks our world?  Well, I could take up your whole day attempting to answer that question because there are myriads of suggestions but right now I'm thinking about resilience.  Can I recover from or adjust easily to that which has interrupted my life?  A better understanding of God's character and sovereignty is certainly the place to start.

Here's the thing.  So many well-meaning friends and family give encouragement and advice based on their empathy and love for us.  We appreciate this and even seek it. I've got to admit though, some of what I've been given recently is tricky to receive.  The reason is because I'm trying to base all of my actions and reactions and thought processes on what the Scripture says about it, about me, and about God.  I'm sure when you've gone through something hard, a change or changes you didn't want, you may have heard some of these things too.  Check it out:

"God doesn't want you to suffer."
"God won't give you more than you can bear."
"God is preparing something better for you."
"Something awesome will come from this experience."

To be honest, these statements have not helped and quite frankly didn't bring the comfort intended. Not because they weren't given by people who love and care - heavens no! - it's just that I'm not sure they are true.

Here's what I mean.  First of all, if God doesn't want us to suffer then what do we do with verses like, "Count it all joy when you suffer trials of many kinds" (James 1:2) and "Now if we are children, then we are heirs - heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory." (Rom 8:17)?  I want to share in His glory, which means I must share in His sufferings.

As far as God not giving us more than we can bear, this is the verse we apply: "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.  God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." (1 Cor. 10:13)  I love that verse and have lived it over and over, but girlfriends, that promise is out of context.  If we have a heart that wants to obey, indeed He will not let us be tempted beyond what we can bear.  But we are talking about surviving a season of suffering, not being tempted to sin.

Still with me?

How about this one?  God is preparing something better for you.  Well, indeed in John 14:2 Jesus says, "...I am going there (to my Father's house) to prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I'm going."  This is awesome and I look forward to this more than I can say, but it's a future promise about heaven, eternal life. Not necessarily one that's going to help me through the next 24 hours.

Is it fair to say we would like to believe that the next stage of life, when the storm is over, is going to be better?  When I hear that, I wonder... how can we be sure?  Who said?  Where is that written in the Bible?   The truth is, it is not. Many of you know this from experience.  You've had one trial land on top of the other until you're buried underneath.  I have too.

Back some years ago, we entered a season of suffering/wondering where God was and what He was doing with us.  We were living in Michigan far from family when it began.  I discovered the 20 week old baby inside me was no longer alive and I had to deliver him.  Two days after that, Scott came under heavy persecution in his job.  A week later, Scott's parents split up.  Next, we didn't get to buy a house we had hoped for.  Soon after, Scott was unemployed.  Are you ready for more?  We moved in with my parents.  If you've had to do this, you know how fun that is! Finally, Scott got a job, but it wasn't we envisioned him doing and it didn't pay enough.  We moved into a tiny apartment with our then 2 year old son.  I had another miscarriage.  Scott took on a second job.  We rarely saw him during waking hours.  Blah blah blah...you get the picture.

I think I might have punched someone who said "God's got something great for you right around the corner".  It sure didn't look like it to me.  Every time I turned a corner it seemed like bad news was waiting for me.  Let's be honest, sometimes the next thing that comes is not our dream come true.  But our hope is that His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. (Isa. 55:8)  He disciplines.  Sometimes He calls us to suffer.  This world is not our home. We mustn't try to find all of our satisfaction here.

Now, I know some of you are thinking of Romans 8:28 and for sure it says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."  The 'good' is found in the next verse..."to be conformed to the likeness of His Son."  That is a wonderful promise.  God can work all things into my becoming conformed more to the image of Jesus. I'm counting ont hat!  But t does not mean, that good, according to our estimation of good, comes from all things. 

As I neared my breaking point nearly twenty years ago, a wise mentor lovingly confronted me with this: "I'm worried about you. That you may be becoming bitter."  Yikes, that stung.  My pride was hurt because I would've considered myself a good Christian girl at that point.  It was kind of harsh, but someone needed a wake up call...me (and I'm better for having received it).  Bitter was something I didn't want attached to my resume or reputation, so I knew I had to make some changes.

"We want to believe that the Christian life is all about our comfort and happiness; surely it's never about suffering or working hard or bearing up or being resilient.  It can't be about God's disciplining us or growing us."*  That's small thinking - we must adjust to God's thinking.  "Who are we to think that God should be in the business of relieving our pain, particularly when the pain has significant meaning to us?  He presses us, disciplines us for a season...."* but we would rather skip the lesson and prefer the pleasures of this world.

Get this...Hebrews 12:6 says, "The Lord disciplines the ones He loves."  The truth is "God puts us through more than we can bear.  He does.  Why?  Because after we journey through those places, we learn resilience. There's my favorite word again.  And that resilience brings the ability to joyfully live in the moment despite our circumstances - a holy paradox. He doesn't remove, He brings us through.  We may live ordinary lives, but we are indwelt by an extraordinary God who can bring light from darkness, joy from despair.  He desires that we develop resilience, such a simple, yet powerful trait."*

As I wrap this up, I want to address those of you who are smack dab in the middle of something hard.  I know how dark and difficult this can be to navigate.  I'm living it too but now isn't the time to cower back.  It's important to keep our focus on the One Who is in control of everything and remember His unrelenting love for us. That's where resilience settles onto a life.

Let's not overlook 1 Peter 4:12,13 "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed."  Don't be surprised....rejoice!

How?  By focusing on verses like this one:  "But those who suffer He delivers in their suffering; He speaks to them in their affliction." (Job 36:15)  Makes me think of a favorite quote I heard once, "God is better than He has to be."  Yes He is!  He will be with us all the way.

In the meantime, we are all going to suffer, no doubt about it.  The bad news is that we will not all be resilient.  A recent sermon from Andy Stanley comes to mind.  He said something like - whatever difficulty you're going through right now will end.  You will land on solid ground eventually.  When you do, this becomes just a story you will tell.  That's what we all do - tell stories from our lives.  The cool thing is that now we can decide how we want to tell it later and live it so it happens that way.  Can I get a "Wow, that's good."?

"God is our future and our hope.  He is the place we go when this heavy world presses in.  He enables us to grasp that elusive resilience.  He doesn't remove us from pain.  He uses the pain in our lives to discipline us, to make us ready to love Him more and bring more folks to His footstool."*

Now that gives me hope to make it through - not try and go around.  You too? Let's be resilient together. Request and reside in God's presence.  Read His Word (often) and understand the context of His promises.  Believe them.  Cast your cares and burdens on Him.  Trust Him with your heart and future.  Refuse to let your enemy win.

*Everything by MaryDeMuth