Something unexpected happened to me this month. Not totally, I knew it was coming, but still, it snuck up on me. I became the mother of a 16-year-old. I have to confess it didn’t come without a truckload of emotions. On a shallow level, “How did I get so old?” Yet on a much deeper level, “Where did the time go?” Not to mention, “Yikes, we only have 2 years left!”
I remember that snowy morning, married almost 2 years, living in a small apartment across the street from the hospital in Hornell, NY when I awoke to popping sound and subsequent warm, fuzzy feeling. As I hopped out of bed in lightning speed, Scott said I hadn’t moved that fast in months. Within 10 hours, I was surrounded by family and friends and delivered a blond-haired, blue-eyed baby boy. Talk about a shock to my dark-haired, dark-eyed Italian family!
He was not just any baby, though. He was the one we would later and still today refer to as “perfect baby”. He came in perfect textbook fashion and has pretty much followed “the rules” all his life. He’s brought more smiles and joy than we could have expected. Family members often recount how we would just sit around and watch him. Like he was a dog doing tricks. In awe, we watched him roll over, we watched him crawl, we watched him walk, we watched him play. We are still watching him – now it’s when he plays basketball. There’s no prouder mama in the stands! (Well, maybe, but I doubt it.) He’s been a dream come true – except for the occasional teasing of his siblings! And we thank God for that important privilege of being his parents.
The other night he was preparing to attend a 2-day retreat with his school classmates. I asked him if he needed help packing. “No, I can do it.” Man, he’s getting grown up. I was up early the next morning praying for him. I was asking God to do a great work in his life while he’s away with his youth pastor, teachers and friends. I prayed that He would not just love God and do the right things because he’s a good rule follower and doesn’t want to cause trouble or suffer consequences. Rather, that he’d get a cool new look at God and love Him more than anything else in his world not because it’s expected of him, but because he can’t help it and wants to.
I thanked God for what a great kid Drew is. I told Him how much I love Drew. It sounded something like, “Lord, I love that kid so much!” Which was followed by “I know you love Him millions more.” Obviously, this was not new news to me, but it was staggering nonetheless. I recognized that if I, a sinful, selfish mother loves this boy this much, how amazing that God who is perfect, having created this boy in His own image and has a great plan for His life, loves him even more. Wow – that should eliminate any worry or controlfreakishness (my word) on my part, shouldn’t it?
Before I could digest the wonder of a God who loves His own like that, He blew me away with another one. In my heart I heard: “Angela, I love you like that too. You know how much you like to brag about Drew and the young man he’s becoming? I see that in you. You know how special you feel when he spots you in a crowd and smiles affectionately or unexpectedly throws his arm around you? That’s how I feel about you when you turn your attention to me. Every time you prefer me to something lesser, it is worship. Every time you deny yourself and put others first, it is worship. Every time you obey me or thank me or remember me, my heart swells like yours every time Drew does. I am your Father and I have my eye on you just the same way you have your loving, protective eye on these kids.”
Whew. You could have blown me over with a feather. How I crave that kind of love. For the most part, it’s easy for me to show love to all three of my kids even though it comes from this sinful, selfish heart of mine. How much more amazing to be loved completely, perfectly by One who is pure!
Perhaps this experience is an answer to a recent prayer pattern I’ve been in. Asking God to remind me of basic truths I’ve known for a long time. To allow me to see Him in the faces of others. Begging Him to not let me read well worn, often preached passages with a same old same old attitude. Instead, I want him to really blow me away and open my eyes so I read them like it’s the first time. So I can see our ever-present God everywhere.
I dare you to do the same. If you’re in a rut or feeling spiritually flat or maybe like God is distant – don’t stay there. Ask for fresh new eyes and insight. Ask Him to reveal more of Himself to you so that you can love Him more and honor Him with every part of your life.
It may be emotional and even cause some pain, but it will be worth it. He’s got His eye on you, girl. And He loves you. No matter what. Last week I wrote you and encouraged you to spend some time in Ephesians. Well, I did it too. You know that’s where all this came from, don’t you? There’s a lot of love in that book. For me and for you. And for those we love. Stay in there until you are settled comfortably in it. If you find this great love for you hard to imagine or fathom, that’s excellent! God expected you to feel that way and wrote some verses just for you.
“I pray…that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man; so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do exceeding abundantly beyond all that we ask or imagine, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.”
Eph. 3:14-21 Oh yeah!
Be on the lookout – He may surprise you where He shows up. Like in the face of a not-so-little-anymore little boy. Yeah, he’s growing up (a little too fast) right along with his mom who still has some growing to do herself.
I remember that snowy morning, married almost 2 years, living in a small apartment across the street from the hospital in Hornell, NY when I awoke to popping sound and subsequent warm, fuzzy feeling. As I hopped out of bed in lightning speed, Scott said I hadn’t moved that fast in months. Within 10 hours, I was surrounded by family and friends and delivered a blond-haired, blue-eyed baby boy. Talk about a shock to my dark-haired, dark-eyed Italian family!
He was not just any baby, though. He was the one we would later and still today refer to as “perfect baby”. He came in perfect textbook fashion and has pretty much followed “the rules” all his life. He’s brought more smiles and joy than we could have expected. Family members often recount how we would just sit around and watch him. Like he was a dog doing tricks. In awe, we watched him roll over, we watched him crawl, we watched him walk, we watched him play. We are still watching him – now it’s when he plays basketball. There’s no prouder mama in the stands! (Well, maybe, but I doubt it.) He’s been a dream come true – except for the occasional teasing of his siblings! And we thank God for that important privilege of being his parents.
The other night he was preparing to attend a 2-day retreat with his school classmates. I asked him if he needed help packing. “No, I can do it.” Man, he’s getting grown up. I was up early the next morning praying for him. I was asking God to do a great work in his life while he’s away with his youth pastor, teachers and friends. I prayed that He would not just love God and do the right things because he’s a good rule follower and doesn’t want to cause trouble or suffer consequences. Rather, that he’d get a cool new look at God and love Him more than anything else in his world not because it’s expected of him, but because he can’t help it and wants to.
I thanked God for what a great kid Drew is. I told Him how much I love Drew. It sounded something like, “Lord, I love that kid so much!” Which was followed by “I know you love Him millions more.” Obviously, this was not new news to me, but it was staggering nonetheless. I recognized that if I, a sinful, selfish mother loves this boy this much, how amazing that God who is perfect, having created this boy in His own image and has a great plan for His life, loves him even more. Wow – that should eliminate any worry or controlfreakishness (my word) on my part, shouldn’t it?
Before I could digest the wonder of a God who loves His own like that, He blew me away with another one. In my heart I heard: “Angela, I love you like that too. You know how much you like to brag about Drew and the young man he’s becoming? I see that in you. You know how special you feel when he spots you in a crowd and smiles affectionately or unexpectedly throws his arm around you? That’s how I feel about you when you turn your attention to me. Every time you prefer me to something lesser, it is worship. Every time you deny yourself and put others first, it is worship. Every time you obey me or thank me or remember me, my heart swells like yours every time Drew does. I am your Father and I have my eye on you just the same way you have your loving, protective eye on these kids.”
Whew. You could have blown me over with a feather. How I crave that kind of love. For the most part, it’s easy for me to show love to all three of my kids even though it comes from this sinful, selfish heart of mine. How much more amazing to be loved completely, perfectly by One who is pure!
Perhaps this experience is an answer to a recent prayer pattern I’ve been in. Asking God to remind me of basic truths I’ve known for a long time. To allow me to see Him in the faces of others. Begging Him to not let me read well worn, often preached passages with a same old same old attitude. Instead, I want him to really blow me away and open my eyes so I read them like it’s the first time. So I can see our ever-present God everywhere.
I dare you to do the same. If you’re in a rut or feeling spiritually flat or maybe like God is distant – don’t stay there. Ask for fresh new eyes and insight. Ask Him to reveal more of Himself to you so that you can love Him more and honor Him with every part of your life.
It may be emotional and even cause some pain, but it will be worth it. He’s got His eye on you, girl. And He loves you. No matter what. Last week I wrote you and encouraged you to spend some time in Ephesians. Well, I did it too. You know that’s where all this came from, don’t you? There’s a lot of love in that book. For me and for you. And for those we love. Stay in there until you are settled comfortably in it. If you find this great love for you hard to imagine or fathom, that’s excellent! God expected you to feel that way and wrote some verses just for you.
“I pray…that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man; so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do exceeding abundantly beyond all that we ask or imagine, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.”
Eph. 3:14-21 Oh yeah!
Be on the lookout – He may surprise you where He shows up. Like in the face of a not-so-little-anymore little boy. Yeah, he’s growing up (a little too fast) right along with his mom who still has some growing to do herself.
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