How Should We Age?

I finally had some extra time in the car this week to listen to a podcast I've been eager to hear. It was an interview with an author I dig, and the subject was aging; a Theology of Aging to be precise. That phrase grabbed my attention as, unless I'm going to live a decade into my hundreds, I'm well past the halfway point of my life and I am always looking for instruction on how to live wisely to the end.

Unfortunately, my poor husband - always a champ to listen to what I suggest - had to suffer with me through too much drivel about outward appearance and the myriad of ways women vainly try to drink from the fountain of youth at nearly any cost (botox, really?). Not a proud to be an American moment if you know what I mean.

Eventually, some gold nuggets were unearthed, like the possession of wisdom and experience among the mature as a gift and responsibility to share with those coming behind. 

There was talk about how older women struggle to know what their significance to the church is once they've "aged out" of certain ministries. Discussion continued regarding whether or not the younger generation values the wisdom of the older in this forever young culture. Perhaps some insecurity rises and the olders question their contribution thereby giving little; not putting themselves out there for fear of rejection. That's one consideration.

Scott and I lowered the volume and resumed the conversation, moving into the subject of retirement and subsequent shift of priority and commitment to church ministry once this crowning age has been achieved. 

My mind darted to the ever-popular bucket list. You know that list middle agers compile of must-do adventures to experience before their life is over (kick the bucket). Often the checklist is reserved for retirement. Delayed gratification, right? Wink wink to you longtime friends and readers.

The older I get the more exotic these lists seem to become in certain circles. Have you noticed? 

I, too, have been thinking about retirement in recent days more than I ever have but not eagerly; rather in uncertainty more than anticipation. Not only because my husband has reached a certain decade when retirement usually commences (ahem) and some of our friends have made their move, but also because I find it elusive. 

Sure, I look forward to a time when work doesn't dominate my weekdays and I can do whatever I want with my time. Traveling sounds fun and I am excited for the freedom to spend longer stretches of time with my children and grandchildren. There's no sin in that as far as I can tell, but still, I have some concerns.

I have no bucket list. It wouldn't take me long to compile one I'm sure, but I'm not there yet. I fear the nature of such a tally. I'm still wondering about the post-career day-to-day. I worry about myself - I am so self-centered by nature; something I fight daily. How can I be sure in retirement I won't flip an American culture switch and begin to live out the last of my years focused on my own agenda of enjoyment and pleasure dulled to a former passion to serve the Lord and the church with gusto? Who will I be living for?

Back to the discussion in the car, could detachment of the olders on a regular basis, who possess the wisdom and experience the youngers need, be a missing piece in the health and strength and growth of our churches? Are they aging as the Lord would have them in relation to their church family, constantly investing their knowledge and experience of Jesus? Or have they adopted the cultural norm of "you do you" even if it leaves gaps meant to be filled by them?

In my experience when I ask someone close to retirement what their future plans are, often dreams point to a hobby or activity they've longed for - usually of the self-gratifying sort. Something they haven't had the time to engage in while being driven by work and career demands.

You can imagine my delight and thrill when recently, a man in our church who is in his last months of full-time employment, told me he is looking forward to having more time to spend at church helping out and working on projects that need to be taken care of. Wow! What a breath of fresh air. Yes! So countercultural! I wanted to hi-five but was afraid I'd spook him.

Now, before you take offense, I'm not taking shots at anyone looking forward to much deserved rewards from a lifetime of hard work. You go for it! I am certainly not suggesting retirees shouldn't travel or go on long planned trips. You have earned rest and recreation. Send pictures!

But for how long? Is it a new lifestyle or could there be a way to scratch that itch and still stay connected in a meaningful, mentoring way to the younger generation in your church and community? Because here's the thing, your gifts don't stop being needed for the Body to function as Jesus intended for His glory to be displayed in the Church. 

The younger generation need you for so many things. Even if they don't ask. Even if it doesn't look like it. They are watching. They are learning. You are influencing. 

Paul in his letter to Titus makes God's will for older men and women crystal clear: 

"But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. Older men are to be sober minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. 

Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us. 

Declare these things; exhort and rebuke with all authority. Let no one disregard you."*

Yes! Now these are the kind of influencers who are needed! Reminds me of several longtime friend couples who regularly schedule local ministry and mission trips into their calendars, who are investing in their local church when present and when away. I love how they are doing this, leading the way.

It seems like this is another area of life to be asking ourselves if we have subscribed to an American cultural worldview, or the opposite - a biblical worldview. (Hello, Romans 12:1,2, I see you looking at me.) So much is at stake. We older men and women, this isn't the time to check out, we have to take up our place and teach, train and model all that the above passage exhorts.

I've been studying Colossians this last month or so (I highly recommend, so much goodness here) and Paul, its author, also gives us something here to consider on the subject:

"Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth."**

He's teaching a continuous ongoing effort of regularly assessing whether our ambitions and lifestyle are consistent with the ultimate goal which God has called us to - where Christ is. We live for heaven.

I love how Eugene Peterson translates it in the Message version:

"Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up and be alert to what is going on around Christ - that's where the action is. See things from His perspective."**

A Biblical Theology of Aging. Has a cool ring to it. I feel motivated to get this right. No botox required.

*Titus 2:1-8, 15

**Colossians 3:2, ESV and The Message

What I Did This Summer

So, I have something to tell you.

In our (extended family) when one declares such an announcement, the first follow-up question one unnamed member (ahem), may or may not be known to ask is: "Will this be the long or short version?"

How rude.

You see, the thing about this family, we are long-winded. If you've been reading this blog for a while or know me at all, you are probably thinking, "no joke". That said, do you want the long version or the short?

I'll try to hug the middle line.

I've had a dream for years. Friends have encouraged me to chase it for even longer. But instead the dream has been safely tucked away in scores of journals - and my heart - for more than a decade and a half. 

You could say I've been stuck. In the comfort zone? Or the land of making excuses?

When questioned "why don't I pursue it?", a frequent reason I gave was, "I don't know how to begin."

I prayed and asked the Lord about it often, bargaining, "If you'll just send me someone who will take me by the hand and show me the way, I'll do it!"

Well, this summer He did.

But first, He taught me a little something about Himself. 

Believing my dream was given to me by God, I received some helpful instruction from Bruce Wilkinson's book The Dream Giver:

"Your dream is meant to be about more than itself or you. A God-given dream brings you together with what God wants to do in the world through you."

Oh.

So, all of the reasons I give (excuses) why I'm not pursuing my dream are actually about me (fear, comfort zone). And if God gave me the dream, it is because it's part of His bigger dream for His mission in the world and my part in it (mind blown emoji). And only I can fulfill my dream (purpose!). Grand conclusion: if I don't attempt and complete my dream, part of God's bigger dream won't be accomplished.

Whoa.

The only appropriate response was mine that day, "Yes, sir."

Soon, He gave me a lunch date with a longtime friend who has affirmed and tried to motivate me toward my dream for longer than I care to admit. She listened to my laundry list for the umpteenth time but brightened up when I read from my journal what the Lord recently revealed. Then she looked me in the eyes saying something like, "Are you telling me you're ready to move forward (finally)?" I nodded.

Effortlessly, she doled out a list of about five specific action items and a deadline. Boom.

--side note: type A wackos dig deadlines!--

Fast forward about eighty days (seemed much longer), the deadline arrived last month, and my dream came true. I finally accomplished what dozens of friends and some acquaintances have been telling (daring?) me to do for so many years....

I wrote a book!

And I'd like to share it with you.

This is Wonder in the Waiting: An Advent Devotional

If you don't know what an Advent devotional is, I'll write about it more here in the coming days. For now, just know it was written for you. It's a book meant to be read in the month of December, one chapter a day, to highlight the sacredness of the Christmas season.

You should also know my daughter-in-law, Brittany Burtis, offered her artistic gift in creating the cover and illustrations inside. Don't even get me started on the gloriousness of this older/younger woman project.

So, if you would like to have your own, please order it from my website at   angelaburtis.com. 

If you live local, you can contact me directly to avoid postage.

If you would rather buy them in quantities of 5 or 10 or more because you think like me and desire to give them as Thanksgiving Day favors, or pre-Christmas gifts, or for your Book Clubs, Bible Studies, Sunday School classes or friend/family groups (great idea!), please send me a message at amburtis@yahoo.com and I will be happy to give you a special discounted rate!

There's one important thing important to know about this book today - you'll need to have it by December 1st when the first chapter begins.

Lastly, if you are one of those lovely friends who has written or spoken to me, "you should write a book", I heard you, and I thank you for encouraging me.

A dream come true.

And if you read it, I hope you love it.

P.S. Believe it or not, this was the middle-length version of the story. Take me out for coffee or pie if you want ALLLLLL the glorious details.

One more thing, my book is available on Amazon too, but if you order it from   my website, I will sign your copy and add a personal touch.

To Pray Like This

Early while it's still dark, before anyone knows whether the sun will shine brightly or be hidden by clouds for the day, and a few minutes before the neighborhood rooster announces its morning, I find my way first to the coffee pot and then my favorite space to pray.

Last Christmas, two of my kids chose a book off my wish list and presented me with The Valley of Vision, a book of Puritan prayers and devotions. Often, I begin reading one of these prayers to the Lord as I warm up my own thoughts to say. 

Today was no different but the selection proved not merely a beautiful invocation to breeze through wishing I could dream up my own such prose. No, this one was not a prayer to offer without much thought; it required an honest probe inside with conviction and resolve. 

Look at this:

Holy Lord,

I thank thee that many of my prayers
have been refused -
I have asked amiss and do not have,
I have prayed from lusts and been rejected,
I have longed for Egypt and been given a wilderness.

Go on with thy patient work,
answering 'no' to my wrongful prayers,
and fitting me to accept it.
Purge me from every false desire,
every base aspiration,
everything contrary to thy rule.

I thank thee for thy wisdom and thy love,
for all the acts of discipline to which I am subject,
for sometimes putting me into the furnace 
to refine my gold and remove my dross.

Deliver me from every evil habit,
every accretion (increase) of former sins,
everything that dims the brightness
of thy grace in me,
everything that prevents me taking delight in thee.*

I stared at the words and read them again. These confessions are so God-centric; more about a humble understanding of God's character than a disappointed (fit-throwing?) child who hasn't gotten her way.

 When was the last time I prayed like this?

I mean, have I thanked the Lord for intervening and preventing me from marrying the boyfriends I thought were a sure thing? Absolutely! Many times, over the years, in fact.

But what about this week and last month? What about the things I want right now and am, in fact, begging God for? Do these requests reflect a desire for Christ's character to be developed in me or the person for whom I'm asking? Do I wish for God's kingdom to be built and advanced through the circumstance; for Him to be glorified in it? 

The proper response is to consider what's underneath these petitions. Might I be asking amiss or appealing from my own lusts or selfishness - not in harmony with God's will? If so, I must repent. Will I then thank Him if He refuses, trusting He always has my best interest at heart and also those I pray for? 

If not, I will wait. Waiting is good. Hard, yes, but it does deep work that is necessary for a genuine faith. Recently, I took up the challenge to pray this way: "Lord, I know you're never in a hurry. So, I'm just going to leave this here with you. You take your time. Do with it what you think is best when you want to. I trust you." 

Oh boy! That didn't come out quickly or easily, but the more I practice, the more comfortable it becomes. Our God is trustworthy with everything that concerns us. 

How do I know? Paul tells us in Romans 8:31, 32: 

If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son 

but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?

Make no mistake, when one has put their trust in Jesus and taken up a permanent place in God's family, you can ask for anything in prayer. Feel free. But as we grow to know Him, our prayers should reflect that understanding and ultimately, His heart for us as His children.

I think I'll just sit here awhile as I shape my own prayers today from this springboard, grateful for the challenge to remember to whom I'm speaking - a heavenly Father, full of steadfast love, wise in all His ways.

*Valley of Vision, p.138, 139

The Hugger

 Do you remember those old Pier 1 Imports commercials - usually popping up during the holidays - sporting the theme "find what speaks to you"? In each fifteen or thirty second spot, the selected products would "say something" charming and cute to the female shopper (why always a woman I wonder) and she would scoop up the irresistible item. One of my favorites was a stuffed owl I think that when making eye contact with the shopper, said, "Careful, I'm a hugger." and in the next frame, she was hugging it and taking it to the register. In our home, I would immediately side-eye to my husband with a silly grin, he would predictably roll his eyes, our kids giggle. Good marketing.

Last weekend I accompanied my husband to his high school reunion. He graduated from a very small private school, so we expected an intimate gathering. I didn't expect to know too many. I don't mind sitting on the periphery taking the opportunity to be more of a spectator at events such as these; a lot can be learned by observing.

One man in particular caught my attention and held it most of the night. One of my husband's childhood friends, a stocky, burly fellow I've seen at many get-togethers over the years. This particular night this friend with a big heart greeted each classmate as they arrived, or as he noticed them, with a hug. Not a half-felt side hug, but a full on, head down, bear hug. Everyone got one - including me - who he only knows as my husband's wife. I happily received it. He then, with steady eye contact, asked, "How are you?" taking all the time in the world to hear their answer.

As I watched each exchange, I was immediately convicted in my heart from a passage in the Bible I've been studying this summer in the book of Philippians. The Apostle Paul teaching:

"So, if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." Phil. 2:1-4

In my Bible I have written next to this passage: I should show love, compassion, and tenderness - that I've experienced from Christ - to others without reserve or discrimination. 

My husband's friend nailed it. He demonstrated love without reservation or discrimination. Everyone felt the love he had to give, and I think it's safe to say that his love originated from the love he, a longtime Christ follower, has experienced in Jesus.

Also, in my notes: This should mark all my relationships. **needs work**

Lesson learned, be a hugger.

Summer Splurge

We seem to have passed the half-way point of summer. It's funny how everyone has an opinion about the speed in which time goes. Those who dream of the heat all year long lament "it goes too fast." While those who can't stand the humidity and high temps are dreaming of a pumpkin spice latte and sweater weather right about now.

I don't like to rush any seasons because I love the beginning of each one and usually ready to see them go too. I know they'll be back. That's the beauty of living where I live, we get them all - with gusto. So I don't mind letting each one show off its glory and also do its work even if uncomfortable.

Which brings me to why I'm writing today. Just a quick post to recommend a book. I mean, we all need a great summer read, don't we?

One of my goals for 2023 is to revisit and reread the books that have marked my faith journey of three plus decades. Some are classics and some are newer publications. All have challenged and changed my life. In January, I scanned my bookshelves and easily grabbed about twelve titles and stacked them on a chair. Every month I read one or two and reminisce.

A few weeks ago, I laid eyes on one hardcover that makes me swoon whenever I see it always remarking, "I love this book so much." I knew I had read it at least twice, but when opening the cover was surprised to see in my handwriting 2017, 2018, and 2019. Wow, three times! 

I remembered an author I dig who claims to read several favorite books every year for reference and reminder. I'm usually skeptical of this kind of thing, worried I might get sick of reading one too much, kind of like overplaying a song, you know?

Still, I couldn't resist. I hadn't read this favorite author in a few years, so I decided to indulge. Even told a few people who think I'm weird, "I'm going to treat myself to Mark Buchanan. I haven't had his voice in my head in a while."

Spiritual Rhythm is about seasons. Both physical and spiritual. The brilliant author blends them both in a way that makes this seasonally obsessed soul well, obsessed! It's funny when you read a text repeatedly how it hits you a different way each time (different season maybe?). Also, hello Bible, I'm looking at you too.

Anyway, I could go on and on, but if you're looking for a descriptive, instructive, delightful, and deeply insightful volume on what each physical season of the year looks like - winter, spring, summer and fall - and what you should do (and not) during its turn on the calendar pages, I can't recommend this enough.

And, if you dig faith-based books, MB masterfully connects the spiritual seasons of the heart with beauty and in ways that are very helpful in understanding our lives especially as we grow older and want to get the important things in the right order.

A lot of words up there to basically say, for (maybe) your final summer splurge, treat yourself to this book. Read it slowly. Savor it. Put it into practice.

And by all means, message me and tell me all about it.

You may find yourself in need of this trusted companion over the years as you move from season to season in your spiritual life.