I Said The Words I Never Thought I Would

Because we are alone together so much of the time now, Scott and I talk...a lot...about everything. When getting ready in the morning, walking to work, at work, eating lunch together, walking home from work, at dinner, and any time we don't have other plans. Talk Talk Talk. Or maybe I talk a lot and he listens. Either way.

A few weeks ago I was waxing on incessantly about who knows what when the words blurted out of my mouth, "I'm glad it happened to us." Whoa. I stopped long enough to look into his eyes. He didn't react. He didn't even counter with, "You sure about that?" He just listened. He's had years of practice.

I was referring to the difficult season God recently marvelously delivered us from.

Moving our teenage kids from our childhood home and church

New jobs at a different church

Slow disappearance of freedom to use our gifts for God's purposes

Unfounded accusations

Unbiblical leadership

Hostile working environment

Ungodliness

Which led to:

Abrupt surrender 

Unemployment

Partial employment

God's 'No'

God's 'Wait'

The silence of God

Darkness

Inability to provide for self, relying completely on God for daily bread
Learning the lessons of faith without sight and trusting God's promises

"I'm glad it happened to us." and I meant it.

Yep, eight months after the light shattered our darkness, I said it. I didn't expect to say it so soon, if ever, maybe a few years down the road, but I truly am grateful and for so many reasons that I'll save for another day.

The thing about that kind of a season is when you find yourself there, you are presented with a choice. 

1. Get mad, blame God and slowly (or quickly) move away from Him. Letting doubt win, no longer trusting what you believed so dogmatically in the light.

Or

2. Believe God is still with you. Even though you can't see Him. Even though He seems to be saying no to all your prayers. Even though you're in so much pain you can't imagine surviving another day. Go forward, press in and vigorously fight to not allow any space to come between you and the Lover of your soul.

Hard as it was some, no, many days, Scott and I chose number 2 over and over again for three years. Toward the end of the last year I remember saying to a friend that while I wanted it to end so badly and for God to show us what's next, I was afraid of what could happen in my heart when it was all over.

I was worried that once we were being used by God again in ministry, had money to freely earn and spend, and could see more than two feet in front of us, what if I wouldn't need Him as much? What if I wasn't as desperate for Him? I might lean back toward self-sufficiency. That scared me more than staying in the dark.

I'm happy to report to you it hasn't happened. God has abundantly restored all of what He had required of us and I'm still so hungry for His presence, for His will, for more knowledge and understanding of who He is. I can't get enough. It's a daily pursuit that I guard like a vicious dog guards the choicest meat.

Which brings me to tomorrow. The first day of Lent, the next (calendar) opportunity to seek and celebrate Jesus and to grow roots down deep in our faith. 

Not all evangelical Jesus followers observe Lent. I think many are afraid of it and what it could be. I was for a long time but am no longer. Some years ago I realized that Easter was only a one-day (or maybe two if you count a random Good Friday service) holiday and frankly it wasn't enough for my worship-hungry soul. I knew there had to be more to it that I was missing and that God deserved.

I see now that the practice of Lent is a gift and it can be life changing. 

To celebrate Christmas, we can barely wait until after Thanksgiving to begin the consumption of music, feasting, lavish gift exchanges and partying, abundance. Don't get me wrong - we should! We are ultimately celebrating God's greatest gift to humanity wrapped plainly in a tiny baby who would one day provide a way for us to spend eternity with God the Father, our Creator.

But what about Easter? What happened to the Resurrection? I know, I know, we go to church that glorious Sunday morning and sing "Up from the grave He arose" with vigor, meaning it, but have we forgotten about the cross? The suffering? The betrayal? The shame? Have we glossed over the grisly death before ultimate triumph?

I am not sure we spend enough time contemplating our role in that historic event. Lent is the missing piece in our yearly calendar of celebrations. Probably because at its core Lent is not pretty or sparkly or fun. No, it's forty days to fast, remember, lament over our sins and deny self. 

"He must become greater; I must become less."* John says. Yes, to decrease, that's it! Decreasing self and elevating Christ. 

Even Jesus fasted:

"We often think of Jesus' fast beginning when He stepped into the Judean wilderness. But the fast actually began three decades earlier when the Glory of heaven was wrapped in plain paper and given as a gift to mankind.

The Grand Reduction had begun.

Jesus fasted omnipresence and clothed Himself with flesh. He fasted being worshiped by angels and accepted the disregard of man. He fasted the Voice that birthed planets and submitted to the silence of thirty hidden years.

We are duly thankful, challenged and inspired by Jesus' forty-day fast from food in the Judean wilderness. Perhaps we should likewise be grateful, awed, and humbled by His thirty-year fast from praise, power and potential in Nazareth.

It takes a great deal of strength to choose weakness."**

I didn't choose our season of weakness. Didn't volunteer. But something happened to me in it that I'm so grateful for. I learned the value of less. Not always increasing and adding to my life, even spiritually speaking, but choosing to say no, to deny endless offers of self-gratification.

I think we miss something powerful if we hurdle over the 40 days to land on an exciting celebration of the Resurrected Savior.  I don't want to miss it, do you? It's not just a gift, it's a necessity if we want to deepen our faith and intimacy with God. "We thin our lives to thicken our communion with God."**

I hope something has been stirred inside you to consider a 40-day focus. Let's choose weakness. Decrease. Less. You can fast, you can read the teachings of Jesus as given us in the Bible, you can increase your prayer time. There are so many things you can do to fix your gaze on Him and what His life, suffering and death purchased for you that you so freely enjoy.

I challenge you to do so, starting tomorrow (or whenever you read this).  I guarantee you'll be glad you did. Your Easter Sunday mornings will never be more exciting - and they should be.

Because "if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins."
1 Cor. 15:17

That is not us.

*John 3:30

**40 Days of Decrease by Alicia Britt Chloe